From Griever to Hot-Widow

"Widow in a Veil"

Photo by Katsiaryna Endruszkiewicz on Unsplash

From Acceptance to Moving On With Intimacy

This is a slightly embellished telling of a recent real-life interaction. Names have been changed for the sake of the deceased and bereaved.

I first met Sami on a dating app. She is a mature widowed woman and me a septuagenarian. We got into lots of very sexy talking about what we would like to do with each other. It was her way of coming to terms with her needy feelings for intimacy, without actually committing to really doing it.

We got to the sensitive question of whether we would fuck ‘raw’, ie. uncovered. I explained that I normally played safe and it had been years since I had enjoyed the beautiful feeling of a naked pussy enveloping my cock. She returned that it had been two years since she had any sex at all with anyone, since her husband had died of cancer. She really wanted to have that intimate warmth again.

So our conversation moved out of the fantasy world, to the very real issue of grief after loss. Having done some counselling myself and experiencing a different sort of loss (a dead bedroom for 20 years because of my wife’s health issues), I was able to discuss the grieving process with her in depth.

Of the five stages of grief, the last is Acceptance. A big part of Acceptance, is coming to terms with ‘Moving On’. And the last and hardest part of Moving On after the loss of your loved one, is moving on with your intimate needs. Sami explained that it had been 2 years of ache. She had relied on her toys to satisfy herself, but she felt she was now ready for some real life hot man-meat. 

But she had this constant little guilty nagging in the back of her head of “What would Danny (my husband) think of me fucking another man?”.

Well we did finally get to meet in person. When she opened the door, it was like the flood gates opened. She flung her arms around my neck and was passionately kissing me as she dragged me inside. The silken robe that draped her body did nothing to cover her waiting nakedness underneath.

“I’m so glad you came” she weeped. “I want you so much. I need you”, she continued.

She pushed me back onto the lounge settee, spread her legs and sat on my lap. Her hands were rubbing all over my chest, starting to unbutton me. Her two years of aching waiting desire were unleashed. Her hands were all over me, running through my hair, pushing my shirt off my shoulders, whilst her passionate kissing plundered my mouth, sucked on ear lobes, kissing around my neck, every erogenous zone she could reach in this position.

I was just able to reach down and undo the flimsy cord around her waist and I pushed the loose robe aside so my hands could caress her beautiful breasts.

She leaned forward, pushing her orbs into my face. “Come on honey, suck on these babes. It has been so long. I’ve been touching and rubbing them every day for a year now. But I need a man’s hot mouth, NOW!!!”

As I relished licking and sucking around and across each breast in turn, my hands were on her arse and I slide the robe up off her hips so I could feel the warm smoothness of her buns, a good handful each.

With her arousal rising, she was now grinding her pussy against the growing hardness in my trousers. I think I even detected a small wet patch where her love juices were already flooding onto me. The heady scent of her sex filled the air. Our mutual desire was running red hot.

I couldn’t wait any longer. With my hands around her arse cheeks, I held her to me as I stood up. She instinctively put her legs around my waist and went back to deep passionate kissing — our tongues were now doing the Tongue Tango.

Without a word, she pointed toward the corridor and bedroom, so I carried her over the thresh-hold of her new sexually free life. Her grieving was now officially over.

I placed her on her feet and she immediately finished helping me strip. With a shrug of her shoulders her robe dropped off and she pushed me onto the bed on my back. She crawled over me until pussy was positioned right over my face, then she pushed down onto me grinding her clit against my nose and her love lips spread over mine, almost Deep French Kissing. This was all as she had described in her fantasy of what she wanted.

I could taste her arousal on our lips. But she was looking up, unable to look me in the eye, as if she still hadn’t quite come to terms with have sex with a new man.

Her arousal was reaching a plateau, when she suddenly turned around and lent down to take my semi-hard cock in her mouth. As she licked and sucked, round and round, up and down my man-hood, I could feel myself thickening and hardening and getting hotter and more sensitive under her ministrations.

Meanwhile, in my new position, I lifted her hips a little to give me good access to lick up and down her slit, sucking and twirling on her clit. As she came to her first orgasms, I said to her, “Can you hear Danny? He’s up there watching and cheering you on. Come on honey, you can do it, cum for me and Tom and for yourself. You are free now for your own pleasure!”.

Sami swung around planting a big kiss on me, saying, “Thank you Tom, for that message from Danny. It has really help me. I am ready now to go all the way. Please fuck me now. I need to feel you filling my cunt”. With smiling eyes, she looked deeply into mine. We had crossed the line.

With a wriggle of her hips, she had her labia spread across my hardness. She proceeded to slide up and down me stimulating her clit further against me. With her hands on me chest, she pushed herself up to maximise the pressure on her clit. I reached up and caressed her breasts, tweaking her engorged red nipples. 

Suddenly she went into another almighty convulsing orgasm and her torso lifted off me. Then as it subsided, she pushed back down on me and continued her wonderful pussy slide, faster and more vigorous grinding then before, until at the end of her stroke, my glans was court in the very opening of her love nest. With a further little twist, she slid right onto me. 

“Oh fuck yes! This is what I’ve been needing all these months. Cum with me darling!”.

So we fucked ourselves silly until she had another wild orgasm, a deep gripping vaginal orgasm this time. As her orgasms finally subsided, she collapsed on me, stilling hold her prize of my cock in her.

“God, I needed that. I’m well and truly fucked now”.

We rolled apart and cuddled back into each other kissing gently and lovingly.

I finally kneeled up and spread her legs. I bent in and proceeded to lick up her slit up to her clit, then across her clit in the sign of a cross. I explained to her, “This is the final message from Danny. God bless this cunt and all who fuck in her”.

“Oh you are a darling. You’re welcome to come back and fuck in her any time”.

As we slowly swung our legs around and started to get cleaned up, she said to me, “I would love to have you stay for dinner and give you round two for dessert. But I have to go and pick the kids up from basketball. I don’t think they are ready to meet Uncle Tom just yet”.

“Good bye my love. Thank you for helping me discover my new life as a Hot Widow! Do cum again and often”.

"To All The Girls I've Loved Before" Sing Along

I've been musical all my life, from boy soprano, through church choir, when my voice broke to bass-baratone. Then a folk music trio in high school, then later a gospel quartet, and some solo work.

So often a mathematical mind goes hand-in-hand with music, and I find music and songs going round in my head most times of the day.

Having written recently about Lust Lost and Found, Ten Out Of Ten  (year in review) and earlier about my Little Black Spreadsheet, and during this Covid voluntary self 'isolation', I've picked up on brushing up on some programming skills (HTML and CSS), I thought it was time to collect some statistics and put together a 'tag cloud', of sexual encounters over the last 15 years.

With Hal David's song "To All The Girls I've Loved Before" (performed variously by Willie Nelson, Julio Iglesias, et al) as my inspiration:-

To All The Girls I've Loved Before (2007-2021)

Notes: # of encounters is in brackets; Hover over a name to get the name of the establishment(s).
Click the ☝ next to a name to go to posts on The Cunning Linctus blog about the subject lady!

Amanda (1) Mai (1) ☝ Montana (1)
May (1) Britney (1) ☝ Amanda (1) Yumi (1) Yuri (1) Lilly (1) Kim (1) Anna (1) Windy (1) Mayar (1) Yuri (1) 'anon' (1) Gigi (1) Sakura (1) Niko (1)
Crystelle (1) Jordan (1) Josie (1) Tiffany (1) Trish (1) Jessica (1) Aysha (5) ☝ 'anon' (1) CoCo (1) Coco & Sophie (1) Hanni (1) Kay (1) Naomi (1)
Celina (1) Simone (1) Victoria (1) Jessie (1) Rebecca (4) Meghan (9) ☝ Crystal (3) Pattie (1) Angelique (1) Laura (1) Sonia (1) Roxy (1)
Kim (3) ☝ Jade (3) Sandy (4) Crystal (10) Daniella (19) ☝ Chanel (9) ☝ Alex (3) Jade (3) Jane (3)
Sam (3) ☝ Emma (2) ☝ April (15) ☝ Ruby (45) ☝ Kaz (14) ☝ Kaycee (3) Jane (3)
Angela (2) Brenda (2) Sienna (2) Amber (8) ☝ Grace (12) ☝ Veronica (6) ☝ Tori (2) Diane (2) Eva (2)
Anastasia (1) Ella (2) Jess (2) ☝ Linda (2) Zoya (2) May (2) Phoenix (2) Isabella (2) Candice (2) Marley (2) Jemma (1)
Belle (1) Cristal-Hot-Babe (1) ☝ Jenny (1) Sylvan (1) Vanessa (1) Nicki (2) Vanessa (1) ☝ Kelly (1) ☝ Roxy (1) Pako (1) Jennifer (1)
Nikita (1) Dior (1) Foxy (1) Michelle (1) Simone & Veronica (1) Cassie (1) Montana (1) Simone (1) Imogen (1) Kim (1) Mandy (1) Celeste (1)

Click the badge to see who else Sings Along
on Wicked Wednesday.

The State of the Onion

"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Weep and you weep alone"!

Ella Wheeler Wilcox (1850 – 1919)

My 'state' at this point, is a bit like an onion, crinkly dry skin, a white tossled top, the dark brown of youth now salt and pepper. As you peel the skin, there are multiple layers, enough to make you cry. Now I don't want to bore you with the problems of my union, I've touched on it enough in other posts, so lets have some fun.

(I did NOT have sexual relations with THAT woman)

Now a State of the Union address is like an Annual Report, with a Profit and Loss (Cost/Benefit) Statement listing all the Income and Expenditures to see if you've come out ahead or behind (Profit or Loss) for the year. The Balance Sheet lists all your Assets and Liabilities at the time of the report to see if you are sufficiently liquid to continue going forward.

Expenditure/Costs (March 2020 - February 2021)

• 6 packets of Viagra
• 2 cock rings and 1 novelty 'bunny' ring with vibrating bullet
• 1 'Pocket Pussy' and 2 bottles lube
• 1 printed copy of "The Best of The Cunning Linctus" (present for buddy)
• 1 clit sucking combination dildo (present for buddy)
• 1 pr 'Spoiler' printed nickers (present for buddy)
• 4 pr silky g-string pyjamas for self
• 1 box covid-safe face masks
• 1 bottle sanitizer
• 200 hours writing blog posts and comments
• 4 x 30min sessions of R&R (Rut'n Recreation @ std rate of $300/hr)
  Note: with Covid and lock-downs, opportunities have been very limited.
• 3,000 hours personal care for Lady T.

Income/Benefits

• 4 Rut'n Toot'n Clit Lick'n respite sessions with buddy
• 50 DIY orgasms with PP
• 100's of hours enjoyable reading of sex blogs, porn and enjoying the community
• Government funded 'aged care assistance' for Lady T, including fortnightly house keeping

Assets (as at 1st March 2021)

• 1 tongue in perfect clit-lick'n order
• Overall good health and the prostate cancer issues has been fully resolved
• Loving, supportive family and delightful grand-children
• Pre-approved government funding for aged/nursing home care when needed
• Sound pension investment portfolio
  Note: after a sharp drop in value at the start of the covid pandemic, a rebalancing of investments out of international property (airports, shopping centres, toll-roads, etc, all of which were badly affected by covid) into bio-tech and 'green' stock has seen a rebound to pre-covid levels.

Liabilities

• 1 aging penis in need of regular chemical assistance and sexercise
• Lady T's declining health and mobility

Auditors Report

Due to undocumented expenditures and the ephemeral nature of some of the 'income', assets and liabilities, I am unable to certify the veracity of the above operating statements of Sir Thomas TTE, although I am sure there is truth in every item reported. I also note that there is no provision for income tax liabilities.

Click to read other 'States of Unions'

Lust Through the Years

Dear Diary,

I know its been quite some time since we communicated, but with this pandemic virus and isolation, the possibilities for intimate socializing have been zero. Sure, I wrote last year, "Vale Sir Lust", but the demise of my lust is slightly exaggerated. Whilst my "get up and go" has not entirely "got up and gone", with chemical assistance and a lot of effort, I can "get it up" occasionally, but the "go" is only a trickle. But worse, the lustful urges are just a slightly sad, warm memory.

At least, one of the benefits of aging, is time and history for introspection and reminiscence. One of those observations, is the way lust changes through the years. Briget Delaney asked for Erotic Journals about being "Lustful" - I cover the range of lust here, but I don't think there's too much erotica in it.

Pubescent Lust - Learning, Dreaming, Wishing, Waiting, Discovery

As a pre-teen boy, from those earliest stirring in the loins, you knew that you were at the start of something wonderful, of manhood. There was the discovery that rubbing and friction produced a wonderful feeling, and then the magic of an erection - was "Jack and the beanstalk" really a youngster's erotic tale? 

Then came the obligatory "sex education" talk - what a waste of an hour - just medical talk about sperm, follopian tubes, eggs and the uterus; all about reproduction and absolutely nothing useful about "sex". Real sex-ed occurred in the school yard, especially from boys who had older brothers, where we learnt about sticking your 'willy' into something called a 'cunt'. But it was the secrecy of something illicit that stirred the excitement. Then occasionally there were the crumpled "dirty pictures" that surreptitiously got passed around.

This was the beginning of "lust". The stories, pictures and imaginings warmed the loins and triggered erections - oooh, the pleasure. From rubbing against playground equipment and shimmying up poles to get an erection, we graduated to masturbation and the wonder of ejaculation. Sexual thoughts and dreams seemed to consume the whole day. Sexual dreams were so intense, you could wake up with a very hard erection and pajamas wet with ejaculate, or more embarrassing, wets sheets and the worry that mum might find them.

Lust on the Doorstep of Adulthood

In the late teens, we discovered "lads mags" and saw the naked female form in all its voluptuous beauty, for the first time. For most guys, this was the time of dates, of dances, of sexual exploration, fumbling gropes in the back row of the picture theatre. Some even progressed "all the way".

But for me, growing up in a straight-laced religious family, where dancing was almost evil, and rock music the call of the devil, head-lined by that hip-swivelling  personification of evil, Elvis Presley, that was leading the youth of the world down the path to eternal damnation. The growth of my sexual life was stunted to say the least, though lust persisted. But how could something so natural for all men (I had still to learn about women's lust), be considered the source of temptation to sin?

Eventually, I left home in my tertiary years and my first serious female relationship developed. We progressed through snogging, to gropes, but never "down there".

Lust in Marriage - For Better or Worse

I quickly discovered that my marriage was not going to be "lust-full" - there were all sorts of emotional, medical and sexual baggage. But we stuck it out and 90% of the time I had to DIY. Lust was different now - it was an aching longing for what should be but I didn't have. Despite ongoing serious medical issues, a child was eventually planned and conceived, thanks to the Billings method and coitus once a month whether she wanted to or not - the most frequent sex we had in our entire married life.

With 18 years of further medical issues with our child, on top of aggravated medical problems for my wife, sex took a very distant back seat, from zero to once a year, a "sympathy" fuck at best. 

Work took me away interstate at times for up to a week, so there were many lonely nights with daily porn and masturbation for my unsated lust.

Post Middle Age Liberated Lust

With the mortgage paid off, the family left home and medical condition much settled, I thought we might have a second chance to develop a sex life. But it wasn't to be. She finally got up the courage to tell me that she didn't enjoy sex and never had and would rather not have any ever again.

Well that was a kick in the guts. I was a faithful husband, had a beautiful family, a good career, but my identity as a "man" was in doubt. My painful lust descended into depression. It was a woman at work, divorced and in a new relationship, that opened my eyes to understand that I had to take responsibility for my own happiness, in spite of circumstances. And so I decided to take the plunge into paying for sexual satisfaction.

Well that was probably the best thing I could have done. Depression lifted, I was coping at home as a carer better. There was so much I was learning about women's sexuality, pleasuring each other, and the whole package of close intimate 'relationships' (I guess I was very lucky in my selection of my ladies-of-pleasure way above the average sex-worker).

Lust was quite different now. After each encounter, the euphoria lasted over a week. Around the 3 week mark (I was in my late 50s after all), the wonderful lustful urge became almost all consuming, so I just slipped out for another "long lunch" or left work a little early for a stop-off on my way home, to catch up with one of my wonderful ladies. Lust was moving on from just wanting/needing to "get my rocks off", to desire for the the full intimate encounter.

Sexygenarian Lust as One Ages

One day I was seeing a new lady, that wasn't quite up to my usual level of excitement, when lo and behold, I lost my erection mid-coitus. Aging erectile dysfunction had arrived. My doctor prescribed Viagra and everything was wonderful again. Erections were harder and lasted longer. But as a few more years passed, despite a good hard erection, I found it harder to orgasm at all.

The lustful urges were becoming less frequent, and focused on the totality, and I was settling down to a handful of very special regular ladies rather than going on the prowl for a conquests.

Prostate Cancer, Radiotherapy, Declining Lust and the Future

I've covered this topic extensively in recent posts, which brings me back to my introduction at the top of the page. I'm at the point now where I'm wondering if, when I become widowed, whether there will be a last, if somewhat short chance at some intimate sexuality. There are at least two couples in our retirement village that have hooked up or married since coming here. I read about octogenarians fathering children, and one or two of my LOPs have told me of 80+ year old clients coming in for some relief comfort on the way home from visiting their dying wife in hospital. So you never know.

So dear diary, there is one constant throughout life, and that is sexual lust. I have posted some years ago, "I Lust, Therefore I am", our "ID" as defined by Sigmund Freud. We are human sexual beings after all. The most important thing in life, is how we harness our lust to fit in with all the other aspects of life.

"Lustful"

Sextreme Sport - The Ride

Sometimes or perhaps usually, memories of the ordinary, day-to-day things don't rise up to reminiscences. It's the unusual, out of the ordinary things that have some special 'trigger' that brings reminiscences to the fore.

Personally, sex wise, I am a vanilla, cuddly type. Cunnilingus is the closest I come to 'kink'. Whilst the encounter I describe below was extreme for me, for others you might think, "What's so unusual about that!". But as a sexygenarian at the time (8 years ago), I was starting to slow down to retirement, but still trying to explore experiences that I never got to experience in my up-tight younger years.

The Lady in Question

The lady in question working as 'Cristal', had been an average suburban sex worker, dissatisfied with her future prospects, decided to rebrand herself and move into the 'private' world. You notice that I didn't use the word 'escort'. With new breast implants, dyed pink hair and web-site and social media launch as 'Hot Babe', "the filthiest, dirtiest English slapper you will ever stick your cock in", "I am a wild, nasty, shameless, hardcore whore", "I specialize in XXX Pornstar Action, deep throat like you've never seen, all the way down your gullet, drenching your bedroom in fountains of squirt", she is not the sort of girl to take home to meet your mother or to take as an escort to a 5 star restaurant.

The Encounter

So I joined the long line of men waiting to take her on. I secured a week-day long-lunch booking, not too far from work.

At the agreed place and time, Cristal eventually comes in, cunningly disguised in an all-over tan and skimpy fluoro bikini that barely holds in her newly acquired FFs. After the obligatory preliminary shower, Cristal returns, and there is some "dancing" around each other, sizing each-other up - discovering each-other's delectations.  We move into a clinch and Cristal lifts her top and thrust her orbs into my face, saying "Wrap your tongue around these!".

There is writhing and squirming, jockeying for position till Cristal gains the upper hand and 'attacks' with tongue and mouth.  But despite being in the under-dog position, I pull her leg over and start giving that English pussy a good old Aussie licking.

She rolls off and pulls me up to a standing position in front of the mirror, then on her knees, I meet Deep Throat.  But I regain the upper hand, and push her back onto the bed, head over the edge for a face-fuck. I then pull her legs up over my shoulders for more lip-licking 69 whilst simultaneously 'pile-driving' deep down (up?) her throat.

But Cristal, showing her amazing flexibility, extricates herself, and standing, still in her 5" stillettos, with one leg shoulder high against the mirror in a vertical 'split', demands, "Well are you going to fuck this English pussy now?".  What follows, is a series of moves and positions that would do an Olympic gymnast justice. She throws pillows on the floor, pushes me down and proceeds to impale herself on me, both forward and reverse and a 'twister'.

But I regain control, and have Cristal spread-eagled on her back on the bed.  I crawl up the bed, pausing to apply more oral lubrication, before pinning her under me.  A DFK tongue battle ensures.  She lifts her legs high over my shoulders to achieve maximum penetration, and much pleading to The Almighty can be heard (definitely a 10 on my fuchter-scale).

As her shudders finally subside, I roll off, and she dives on my member to slake her thirst at my fountain of love.

Half exhausted, we both lie back for a cuddle and chat about love and marriage and internet BLOGS.

But its not long before she can feel a nudge in her crotch as Little Tom rises for more.  She swings round and licks and sucks some more, and I give her the two-finger salute.  Before long she is bucking again and reaches for another rubber and has barely got it on before the 'time up' buzzer sounds.  But do you think a buzzer is going to stop this Wicked Wench when she wants something ("its all about me!").  She is on board now and riding like a woman possessed, until in another body shuddering orgasm, she gets what she wants!  Her pussy has clamped tightly around me and I continue pumping as tremors continue to ripple through her body, till I explode too. (OMG, twice in an hour, its unheard of for the old fella).

Now, totally exhausted, we both fall back to catch our breath.  The buzzer goes a second time, and I slowly get up on wobbly legs.

The final score? A 2 all draw!

After Thoughts

Would I return? Probably not! But it is something that every man should try at least once. But with age and my latest issue of ED after prostate cancer treatment, I wouldn't be up to it.

Cristal has expanded her extreme repertoire. With up to 3 other like-minded 'sluts', she organizes "Wet & Wild" gang bangs, with sufficient men to ensure that all holes are constantly satisfied. She arrives with a wheelie case full of toys, plastic sheeting to protect floor and furniture, condoms by the gross, quart bottles of lube, and drinks and nibbles to sustain everyone's energy levels.

In writing a review at the time, I was inspired to write a parody verse from Banjo Paterson's "The Man From Snowy River". Then just last year, I was further inspired to update that with a full length parody, "The Ride - The Man From Yarra River". Whilst inspired by Cristal, it is a piece of fiction that does capture the feeling of "Sextreme Sport".

Reminiscences: Musings in Memoir — Prompt #3 "Ride"

D.E. - Dysfunctional Erections (#AtoZChallenge)

Erectile Dysfunction (ED) is one of those conditions that will effect all men as they age, but sexual performance is so deeply ingrained in the male psyche, that ED is often hidden, denied or just not spoken about.

LADIES: Please don't shut off here thinking this is a male topic. This affects couples, and men suffering this need the support, love and encouragement of their partners to work through it. You will probably have to learn together to modify your intimate relationships to allow for these changes.

I see I have covered this subject 10 times over the last 10 years, so I'll try not to cover too much old ground. Follow links for further reading.

I was in my late 50's when it first hit me, losing my erection mid-coitus. A quick visit to my doctor, and a Viagra prescription got me up and going again, but there are side effects. Over time, I started to realise there are multiple facets to this condition. First there is the lack of or loss of erection itself, then there is the decreased sensation/feeling, this in turn leads to inability to orgasm or ejaculate. 

But in this last year, post prostate cancer radiotherapy treatment, I hit rock bottom. Everything was gone, and I wrote "Paradise Lost, Vale Sir Lust".

In researching my ED, I discovered that erection comes in two stages, the initial achievement of erection and secondly maintaining an erection. These stages are driven by different bio-chemical processes, which is why in early cases, erection can be attained but not maintained. Further I found that orgasm and ejaculation are not necessarily correlated. Did you know there is a medical journal, the "International Journal of Impotence Research", dedicated to understanding the underlying processes, the pathologies that leads to dysfunction and the search for medications and methods to counteract such dysfunction?

As I started to read learned research articles (not easy since my doctorate is in computer science and data analysis, not biochemical processes, but my university organic chemistry studies 50 years ago have helped), I started to get a new perspective of the problem and some promising hints into how I might regain some function.

Let me try and describe the erection process in lay terms, stripped of too much biochemical detail. Medical thinking about the causes/processes of ED flipped back and forth over 20 years or more. The thinking was that there were psychological and physiological causes separately. In younger men, psychological causes were considered principle and treatment was around relationships. In older men, physiological causes were prominent, namely ageing of blood vessels causing thickening and decreased flexibility of blood vessels. 

From around 2005, understanding of the biochemical processes improved and the inter-relationship of psychological and physiological aspects were better understood. Working backward, the actual erection is caused by inflow of blood into the two 'corpus cavernosum'. This process is triggered by Nitric Oxide (NO), a signalling chemical sent from the nerve endings enwrapping the cavernosum. (NO is synthesized from L-arginine by NO synthase (NOS)). The NO causes the blood vessel walls to relax encouraging blood inflow.  PDe5 inhibitor drugs like Sildenafil (Viagra) work by increasing bio-availability of NO. It is the signalling from the brain, initiated by a range of all sorts of erotic stimuli, touch, sight, smell, sound, that trigger this process. Conversely, inhibitory brain processes like depression, can disable this triggering process.

The cavernosum run down either side of the penis. The corpus spongiosum runs down the under-side of the penis and is responsible for holding the urethra open and restricting the outflow veins so blood is retained, holding the erection. A different Nitric Oxide process (eNO) is involved in retaining an erection. This is also a signalling chemical from nerve endings, but these are triggered by physiological conditions of the erection, specifically 'hematologial shear', which is a function of the actual blood flow affected by the flexibility and smoothness of the blood vessel walls and the viscosity of the blood. So a good psychologically aroused state can initiate a good erection, but aging or damaged blood vessels can limit retention.

Nerves are involved in both stages and sensory nerves provide feeling/touch sensations back to the brain, so nerve damage (surgical or radiotherapy) or peripheral neuropathy (eg. from diabetes), can also affect various aspects of ED.

Finally, there is the issue of treatment. It is best to take a holistic view, psychologically as well as physiologically. Physiological conditions can be permanent or temporary (eg.alcohol) and the best you can hope for is to moderate underlying conditions eg. diabetes, arteriosclerosis, hypertension etc. As has been mentioned, PDe5 inhibitors have proved generally beneficial in the absence of any other underlying pathology. To improve 'hematologial shear', keep well hydrated. Low testosterone has been linked to lower libido (psychological), but there is no evidence that testosterone supplements improve ED. Similarly, L-arginine supplements are promoted in men's 'health supplements', but a placebo-controlled, crossover comparison found no difference in ED improvement between oral L-arginine and placebo.

In the specific case of ED due to radiotherapy, some general healing of damaged tissue, both cavernosum and nerves, has been achieved with daily low doses of PDe5 inhibitors. Extra high doses of PDe5 inhibitors can also improve erection response and retention, if side effects can be tolerated. EG. Viagra is normally only recommended up to 100mg, but controlled experiments with 150mg and 200mg doses have had some success. The author seems to be having success with 150mg and plans to go for another 'test drive' once his Lady Of Pleasure is out of COVID19 self isolation. The other factor in ED 'recovery' noted in some studies, is frequency of use, even if it is DIY ('Use It Or Lose It' will be addressed in a coming post). 

 
Click to see who else is taking the challenge. 

How Long is Enough?

No, I don't mean linear measure – my ladies and I are quite satisfied with my very average 15cm - rather, I mean elapsed time. Besides, 2cm of tongue seems to elicit more pleasure.

 

My question arises from age related changes. In 'normal' sexual relations, the length of time involved is essentially always determined by the male's time to ejaculation. In my earliest experience, with premature ejaculation issues, 2 minutes was about my mean. I have read research that suggests the average length of copulation is 5-7 minutes.

But for we senior citizens (I'm just a year away from my 'soixante neuf' year), with ED (pharmacological assistance required) and prostate issues, ejaculation at all is rare. So without ejaculation, how/when does an encounter end?

 

Now I admit that my personal situation limits my sexual 'relations' to financially constrained time limits. Some ladies seem to impose their own personal limit of around 10 minutes before the “Have you come yet?” question. Most are quite unfamiliar with men that don't cum, and feel professionally inadequate that they have not been able to 'satisfy' their client to 'completion'. And of course they have to 'keep' themselves ready for other clients during the day/night. And as a profession as a whole, they are not there for their own satisfaction – although I am blessed to have a few very special regular ladies that I see that tend toward the 'nympho' end of the market.

 

So between kissing and cuddling, two way oral and a variety of positions, we generally last 45-60 minutes before we have 'had enough', although it's generally my call. Further, I have very sensitive skin, so friction 'burn' is also a factor, irrespective of lubricant, or condom or not. Thank God for tongues.

 

So fair readers, back to my question, “How long is enough?” I would be very interested to hear your comments and of your 'measure'.

As Lust Fades

There are plenty of comments around about women losing their libido, usually following menopause (usually from their bewildered partners). But men are very reluctant to admit it of themselves.  This is sometimes called "andropause", although medically, this is an ill-defined term, medically implying a decrease in testosterone levels.

Its not that I'm not interested in sex any-more - far from it.  And I still enjoy sex very much.  Its just that there is no 'urge', no 'stirring in the loins', no 'automatic boners', no 'morning glory'.

Let me back up to the start of my 'problems'.  It must be five or six years ago now when I found my erections wilting mid-session (mind you, that particular lady wasn't exactly very encouraging).  I spoke to my doctor about ED and he prescribed Viagra. Wow! But the after effects are not nice, so I halved the dose, then halved again, still getting a good usable erection with some reduction in side effects.  In time, I switched to Cialis with slightly less side effects and improved erections for several days (see "4 o'clock in the morning").  But last year, the gastric reflux 'heart burn' was getting quite severe - the doctor ordered a gastroscopy and some acid-burn scarring was found in the lower oesophagus. So I've stopped Cialis and I'm now trying herbal 'Viagermax' which in combination with a good cock-ring is serving me well.

BUT.  Whilst medication has helped my ED and I am enjoying 'the journey' better, I have found I am reaching 'the destination' less often (ie. failure to cum).  Neither oral nor Mrs Palmer get me over the line much anymore.  Only a small number of ladies get me there because of their technique, which I wrote about as "DFF Deep French Fucking".

But fading lust is something more.  When I first liberated myself, I set myself a goal/limit of once a month (diarized as FOTM).  Now dear diary, you know how it is, once you are onto a good thing you naturally want more.  So 4-weekly crept back to 3-weekly, and on occasions the urge became an ache that just begged to be salved.  I remember talking with a wonderful regular at the time about which was better, more frequent 'quickies' or longer lingering encounters less often - we decided that there was a need for both. When I found a bordello close to work with particularly enticing ladies, I found myself slipping out for early, long 'lunches' more often - mind you their loyalty scheme of a free visit every 10 kept me regular.  I found that at about 10-12 days, the urge was stirring (I was in my late 50's, not early twenties where 10 hours would be closer to the mark).  So into the third week I was planning my calendar for a slow day for a 'long lunch'.

But now I'm a retired pensioner, with restricted discretionary disposable income, and more difficulty finding "me time" away from home, I only manage to catch up with my buddies once a month.  And I also find the "lust" has gone.  There is no physical 'need' to 'get my rocks off' any more - 'blow and go' is a thing of the past.  My sexual desires are much more volitional, a desire for intimacy, of companionship, etc. (still not available at home).  My issue now is finding suitably accommodating ladies.

On the physical side, my next concern is where is my prostate going - I've had BPH for 15 years and my PSA level has been slowly creeping up to now be at the top of the 'normal range', so I am at the monitor closely (6 monthly) stage before resorting to biopsy.  Is an enlarged prostate the cause of 'not cumming'?

So dear reader, you understand now why my blogging has fallen off - less source material.  But I trust the chronicles of my journey might be of some help to other men, perhaps struggling with some sexual issues and can't/won't discuss them with anyone.  Don't be shy - drop my a line/comment, even anonymously.

With lust unsatisfied or when lust fades,

I'm just not my 'nice' self anymore!

Lucky Tom Dedicates His Song

"To all the girls I've loved beforeWho travelled in and out my doorI'm glad they came alongI dedicate this songTo all the girls I've loved before."

My local bordello has a weekly Lucky Door Prize raffle draw and this week my number came up - first prize a free session with the lady of my choice.  It was only the previous Monday that I had seen my current regular, G, and here it was just 7 days later, I was having an awesome time with G again.  I got thinking about my "luck" and the great times I have with G, then of all the other great times with all my other great ladies, that made me think of the above song - thanks Willie Nelson for expressing so beautifully, my gratitude.

Sadly, it wasn't always so.  It wasn't until my late 50's that I came to my senses. I was getting quite depressed, but it was a lady at work that opened my mind. She was a single mother, coping with a teenage son, she had managed the construction of her own house - a real "go getter".  I learned from her that one has to take responsibility for your own happiness.  Sure, there were reasons for my wife's zero libido - abusive father, injury, illness, medication, etc.  But whether I let life's misfortune make me unhappy, or whether I made my own happiness, was my choice. As the old saying goes, "When life dishes up lemons, make lemonade".

And so it was that I took the plunge with the oldest professional help. There was a lot of misapprehension and soul searching, having all the misinformed view of prostitution promulgated by the do-gooder press. I was so lucky with my first Lady Of Pleasure - I could not have met a nicer lady that put all my misconceptions to rest.

And the rest is history, so to say. I have had good times, great times and some awesome times - "so this is what marriage was supposed to have been like?".  My ladies have taught me a lot.  The greatest driver of great sex is what goes on between the ears. Its about R.E.S.P.E.C.T.  Its about compatible senses of humour. Its about unselfishness, of wanting to please/pleasure each other. With ongoing times together comes communication and trust.

So here is to:- 

• G (Amazing Grace with the luscious labia to dream of), 
• D ("The Body" builder with an occasional bad habit and my first GILF),  
• V ("11"), C (the Maltese terrier), 
• A (too much of a nympho for my own good),   
• T/M (booty buddy),  
• C1 (the Wicked Wench - wild, but once was enough) and 
• K (Special Krazy).  

And to all the others - thank you.

-----

OMG  The news of the Boston bombing just flashed across my screen!  When will the world ever learn to "make love, not war"!

4 O'Clock in the Morning

(This is a refresh of a post from June 2012 for 'MMMMondays'.)

--xxxXxxx-- 

It’s 4 o’clock in the morning and I wake with the most wonderful hard-on. Its not the “aching to get my rocks off” sort of hard-on.  Rather, I am so warm and comfortable and totally relaxed.  It was just 2 evenings ago that I had an awesome time with “amazing Grace with the luscious labia”!  I am still floating on air and basking in the after-glow.  I read that for men over 60, Viagra is excreted much more slowly, with double the “half-life” of a 40 year-old.  Perhaps that’s helping this morning.

 

I tingle as my finger-tips caress the silky skin of my shaft, just as Grace did.  As I circle the rim of my glans it is just as Grace pleasured her labia and clit with my tip.  I am in total bliss, dreaming and replaying our time together.

I must have drifted off to sleep for a few minutes, because I wake again with a bit of a droop, but as I zone back into “that night”, my hardness is throbbing in no time.  I remember how Grace collapsed across my chest, having come for the umpteenth time, totally relaxed, holding my thickness inside her.  She said she wished she could take “it” home as her personal “toy”.

I can feel her sex engulfing me again. I am ready for more now, so I reach into me bedside drawers for a rubber and roll it on.  My hand and Grace’s pussy merge into one, round and round, up and down, till we come together in a glorious release.  I flop back, totally relaxed and warm in my cocoon.

I think Grace must be awake in her bed this morning as well.  She enjoys pleasuring herself of a morning.  I think we must be “channeling” each other today to our mutual pleasure.

I drift off again, till I am startled awake with the alarm.  Its time to get ready for a new week of work and get Lady Thomas up and dressed and settled for the day - thank goodness we don’t share the same bed anymore.

Click to see who else's Monday was "MMMMM"!