The Female Orgasm
OMG, what am I letting myself in for, writing this post. Does she? Doesn't she? Can she? Wanting or not wanting to? Clitoral vs vaginal? Single or multiple? I was initially worried as a male, writing about female orgasms, but on reflection men have probably observed a greater variety of female orgasms than most women. I don't claim that this will be a scientific analysis, or a definitive thesis, and no attempt at statistics has been made. Rather it is just one man's observations. Further, my observations are almost entirely from 'paid-for-sex' encounters which has its own issues which I will touch on later.
The Good, The Fantastic and The Ecstatic
What an amazingly beautiful thing, the female orgasm is. Unlike we simple, mere males, the female orgasm is as varied, complex and mysterious as women's psyche and physiology.
One of the things I learnt from my ladies early on, is that strength of orgasm is related to whether she can come only once or multiple times. A big strong orgasm is usually a singleton, leaving her exhausted - eg. "That Smile". The French have a delightful phrase, "petit mort", the "little death" to describe that post-orgasmic exhaustion. Some ladies have even said that they can never orgasm more than once a day. But a less strong orgasm is no guarantee of multiples. But then again, singletons are not necessarily 'strong' - some one-a-day ladies only have gentle, quiet orgasms - every woman is wired differently and responds differently. When it comes to multiples, my golden-girl buddy, AX holds my record of 9 in a single session - ride'm cow-girl.
[Ed.17/6] Then there is the "cluster", a series of strong orgasms with a sub-second pause between. I was reminded of these by a recent rollicking great time with Miss A. With the first convulsion, she had my head in a scissor lock while her body bucked around (I thought I would need a chiropractor) - she was very apologetic once she came down - OMG.
Then there is the perennial question of "Clitoral vs Vaginal". On the surface, this describes the style of stimulation that a lady needs to orgasm. Some/many say they can only orgasm by clitoral stimulation. Vaginal stimulation is more difficult for a lady to control and direct toward achieving orgasm if her guy is just thrusting away - vaginal stimulation to orgasm needs to be focused on the G spot and the entrance of the vagina. With her on top and if he holds off from thrusting, she has a better chance of controlling the stimulation she needs. From my observations, there is also a Vaginal Orgasm that is rare and qualitatively different. Different muscles are involved and is probably related to a lady's ability to control her pelvic floor (kegel) muscles. This orgasm starts deep down, rumbling like an earthquake, building up to an explosion. In my first encounter of this, my lady had had several clitoral orgasms, but after the vaginal orgasm exploded, she exclaimed, "God I needed that. I haven't had one of those for months".
Speaking of 'earthquakes', there are sometimes 'after shocks', different from multiple orgasms from continued stimulation. These are smaller post orgasm 'twitches' that occur unexpectedly, that sometimes bring on the giggles. In "I'll Have What She's Having", I wrote of not just a 'Happy Ending', but a 'Hilarious Ending'.
Which brings me to the relationship between humour, orgasms and "The Screamer". I believe that women who have a good sense of humour and an ability to have a good laugh, have better orgasms. Both require the ability to be able to "let go" of those psychological constraints we place on ourselves. This also is related to how vocal we become during orgasm - I'm afraid yours truly is a 'quiet achiever' though my ladies have often said they enjoy my sense of humour.
Orgasmic squirting is another less common response, that I only first experienced after many years - see "Christmas Drinks at the Y". There seems to be no scientific consensus as to what it is. My observations are that it does come from the urethra and is thus not vaginal lubrication, and it doesn't taste like urine.
[Edit 21-Jun-2018]If squirting occurs during intercourse, then the convulsive force of the orgasm pushes the penis out.
Finally, there is the ultimate orgasm, the coming together, insemination orgasm. At peak arousal, the vagina is sensitive to each ridge and movement of intercourse. As the penis stiffens and twitches signalling impending ejaculation, her orgasm immediately clamps around the base of his penis, then starts to convulse in inward moving waves, pulling the penis deeper in, sucking the very last drop of cum out of him. As the ejaculation and waves of orgasm subside, her vagina continues to squeeze the cock tight, holding it in. In the wild, this ensues retention of the sperm and heightens the chance of insemination. (In animals, this is known as the 'tie'). Then as post-coital exhaustion envelopes, the captive is released.[/Edit]
To round out this discussion, we should touch on "non-orgasms".
Its a sad fact that a significant percentage of women have never had an orgasm. Its not exactly a condition one can 'observe' and write about, but I have been married to such a lady for 40 years. There seems to be three conditions - those that don't know how, those that can't, either physically or emotionally and it could be argued that this later group don't want to have orgasms - the 'loss of bodily control' is just too traumatic. At this point, spare a thought for the millions of girls and women for whom the centre of female pleasure has been cruelly cut out.
Yes Dorothy, such a thing is possible. And I have seen it in person. Some 20 years ago, Lady Thomas was undergoing a major change in her medications and an ignorant doctor took her off some important meds (Benzodiazapine tranquilizers) 'cold turkey'. The withdrawal symptoms were dreadful, hallucinations, phobias, palpitations and muscle spasms. One day we were sitting chatting about nothing when she started have spasms obviously coming from her pelvic area. It was quite frightening and un-nerving. It put the 'nail in the coffin' of her ever wanting sexual orgasms, ever.
Almost as sad as the women who are an-orgasmic, are those that feel they have to fake orgasms. Perhaps they are an-orgasmic and don't want their partner to know, but feel an obligation to please their partner.
In the paid-for-sex world, faking is relatively common, when the woman feels that orgasm is too personal and reserves that for their life partner. Sometimes it is put on when the client expects it even if she doesn't have any left in her that day. They aren't known as the "mattress actresses" for nothing.
Giving and Taking
When it comes to men "giving" women orgasms, I am reminded of the joke, "How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb" - A. "One, But the light bulb has to want to be changed!". It saddens me that so many men are only interested in their own orgasm, and so many women's orgasms are solitary affairs.
The great mystery of human sexuality, is that at its best, it is both totally selfish and totally unselfish, at the same time. It is both a journey and one or more climaxes (destinations?). But the reality of ageing, is that more and more, I have to be satisfied with enjoying the journey, irrespective of reaching any climax. I have as yet to hear the thoughts from any of my ladies on ageing for them - perhaps they just hide it and fake it.
To all the delightful ladies that have shared time with me over the years, "Thank you" just doesn't seem enough. Perhaps I should say "O-O-O-O-OMG!!! THANK YOU!".
PS. Please don't be shy with the Comments. Share your experiences and thoughts, whether male or female.