A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" (from Chinese proverb)

I want to pick up on this week's Quote Quest quote from J.M.Storm, about "The Day I Changed". I posted Lustless three years ago that detailed my struggle with a lustless marriage and how I had to take responsibility for my own happiness and make a life style change to transactional sex. In this post, I want to expand on the process of change.

In the later part of my professional life, I was involved in business process change management. But it's one thing to be the external "expert" consultant, but when it's your own personal life that needs changing, it's a different story. But in reality, the same principles apply. You will have heard these principles in one form or another every day of your life, from diet programs to advertising enticing you to buy something you don't really need.

Change Process Principles

• A mentor or guide is almost essential in all steps of the process. It might be a friend, a professional or a book. Your mentor is NOT a teacher - 50% is listening, being a sounding board. He/she may be a sojourner on your path. Empathy in what you are going through is essential.
• Identify the need for change! There are two parts, understanding the problems with the current state/condition, where am I now, and secondly, identifying the goal of where/what you want to be. There might be a number of possible paths or outcomes that you might have to weigh-up, a cost/difficulty/benefit decision. As J.M.Storm wrote, sometimes it is a matter of deciding to take control and responsibility for your own life and happiness, and not trying to conform to other's expectations or being totally driven by the whims of life's circumstances. Sometimes it might be a matter of dealing with health issues (of yourself or your partner) or just ageing. Some things can't be changed and your goal may have to be to find a way to live with a creative work-around.
• Decide and Commit! It is all too easy to get bogged down in your current situation or to be frightened into procrastination by the difficulty of the road ahead and the time required.
• Identify the blockages and hurdles holding you back or impeding your growth. The hardest are inherent attitudes and life principles learned from your parents from an early age - sometimes they need to be challenged and re-evaluated. Be prepared to 'think outside the box' - some hurdles can't be jumped over or broken down, you might have to find a way 'around'.
• Divide to conquer! Plan your journey. Big steps and changes need to be broken down into small manageable pieces. Manageable means that there is a measurable outcome and a time-frame that is not overwhelming. Plan the steps so that one leads to another. Start with small foundational steps, then build on them. Division takes away the fear of the enormity of the whole. Lose weight 1 kg at a time,
• START - take that FIRST STEP, the first achievable, non-threatening small step.
• Tackle one small step at a time. Monitor and record your progress. CELEBRATE your achievement of sub-goals.
• Practice, practice, practice! Life-style changes are deep down a matter of changing/learning new habits, of your brain 'rewiring' circuits. It is a neurological fact that on average it takes around 3 months for something new you are learning, to become a habit. Thus weight loss plans often talk about a '12 week plan' - notice it is not a frightening long 90 days or an unrealistic 3 months, but 12 manageable steps.
• Review your big-picture progress. Having monitored each small step completed, take time out to step back and review the big picture. What have your learned along your journey? Re-evaluate your plan and goals in the light of changing circumstances around you and what you have learned about yourself, your goals and the journey.

The Community

In the sex blogger community, it is sometimes difficult to read about all the wonderful sexy times others are having, whether IRL or fictitious, and have twinges of jealousy. But there are some brave bloggers out there that intermix posts about their struggles, whether it be menopause, low libido, relationship issues, illness of their own, spouse or family. At the top I mentioned my struggle with a spouse that through a brain injury lost all sexual desire or pleasurable feelings. I've posted about Erectile Dysfunction with age, then prostate cancer and difficulties after radiotherapy. I hope my writing can be of some encouragement to fellow travaillers.

Global Change

The same principles of managing change apply to global issues, like Climate Change and pandemic management. How often have we seen leaders being procrastinators or deniers because they won't listen to advice, to be mentored, because they are so convinced of their omnipotence. The desperate need is obvious to those who will see, but nationally we seem to be bogged down at decision making, of commitment.

Life IS Change

'Change' isn't just about dealing with 'bad' things or big issues. Life is Change, growing up is change, learning a new skill, getting a job, moving out of home, getting into a relationship, buying a house, starting a family, changing health, breaking up a relationship, growing old, preparing for 'The End', etc, etc, etc. So build the above processes into your modus operandi of life.

The one important point I haven't elaborated on yet, is CELEBRATION! Embrace change and the opportunities of new experiences, and celebrate your achievements.

"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates

"The unlived life is not worth examining" - Andrew Klavan

L'chaim!

Lust Through the Years

Dear Diary,

I know its been quite some time since we communicated, but with this pandemic virus and isolation, the possibilities for intimate socializing have been zero. Sure, I wrote last year, "Vale Sir Lust", but the demise of my lust is slightly exaggerated. Whilst my "get up and go" has not entirely "got up and gone", with chemical assistance and a lot of effort, I can "get it up" occasionally, but the "go" is only a trickle. But worse, the lustful urges are just a slightly sad, warm memory.

At least, one of the benefits of aging, is time and history for introspection and reminiscence. One of those observations, is the way lust changes through the years. Briget Delaney asked for Erotic Journals about being "Lustful" - I cover the range of lust here, but I don't think there's too much erotica in it.

Pubescent Lust - Learning, Dreaming, Wishing, Waiting, Discovery

As a pre-teen boy, from those earliest stirring in the loins, you knew that you were at the start of something wonderful, of manhood. There was the discovery that rubbing and friction produced a wonderful feeling, and then the magic of an erection - was "Jack and the beanstalk" really a youngster's erotic tale? 

Then came the obligatory "sex education" talk - what a waste of an hour - just medical talk about sperm, follopian tubes, eggs and the uterus; all about reproduction and absolutely nothing useful about "sex". Real sex-ed occurred in the school yard, especially from boys who had older brothers, where we learnt about sticking your 'willy' into something called a 'cunt'. But it was the secrecy of something illicit that stirred the excitement. Then occasionally there were the crumpled "dirty pictures" that surreptitiously got passed around.

This was the beginning of "lust". The stories, pictures and imaginings warmed the loins and triggered erections - oooh, the pleasure. From rubbing against playground equipment and shimmying up poles to get an erection, we graduated to masturbation and the wonder of ejaculation. Sexual thoughts and dreams seemed to consume the whole day. Sexual dreams were so intense, you could wake up with a very hard erection and pajamas wet with ejaculate, or more embarrassing, wets sheets and the worry that mum might find them.

Lust on the Doorstep of Adulthood

In the late teens, we discovered "lads mags" and saw the naked female form in all its voluptuous beauty, for the first time. For most guys, this was the time of dates, of dances, of sexual exploration, fumbling gropes in the back row of the picture theatre. Some even progressed "all the way".

But for me, growing up in a straight-laced religious family, where dancing was almost evil, and rock music the call of the devil, head-lined by that hip-swivelling  personification of evil, Elvis Presley, that was leading the youth of the world down the path to eternal damnation. The growth of my sexual life was stunted to say the least, though lust persisted. But how could something so natural for all men (I had still to learn about women's lust), be considered the source of temptation to sin?

Eventually, I left home in my tertiary years and my first serious female relationship developed. We progressed through snogging, to gropes, but never "down there".

Lust in Marriage - For Better or Worse

I quickly discovered that my marriage was not going to be "lust-full" - there were all sorts of emotional, medical and sexual baggage. But we stuck it out and 90% of the time I had to DIY. Lust was different now - it was an aching longing for what should be but I didn't have. Despite ongoing serious medical issues, a child was eventually planned and conceived, thanks to the Billings method and coitus once a month whether she wanted to or not - the most frequent sex we had in our entire married life.

With 18 years of further medical issues with our child, on top of aggravated medical problems for my wife, sex took a very distant back seat, from zero to once a year, a "sympathy" fuck at best. 

Work took me away interstate at times for up to a week, so there were many lonely nights with daily porn and masturbation for my unsated lust.

Post Middle Age Liberated Lust

With the mortgage paid off, the family left home and medical condition much settled, I thought we might have a second chance to develop a sex life. But it wasn't to be. She finally got up the courage to tell me that she didn't enjoy sex and never had and would rather not have any ever again.

Well that was a kick in the guts. I was a faithful husband, had a beautiful family, a good career, but my identity as a "man" was in doubt. My painful lust descended into depression. It was a woman at work, divorced and in a new relationship, that opened my eyes to understand that I had to take responsibility for my own happiness, in spite of circumstances. And so I decided to take the plunge into paying for sexual satisfaction.

Well that was probably the best thing I could have done. Depression lifted, I was coping at home as a carer better. There was so much I was learning about women's sexuality, pleasuring each other, and the whole package of close intimate 'relationships' (I guess I was very lucky in my selection of my ladies-of-pleasure way above the average sex-worker).

Lust was quite different now. After each encounter, the euphoria lasted over a week. Around the 3 week mark (I was in my late 50s after all), the wonderful lustful urge became almost all consuming, so I just slipped out for another "long lunch" or left work a little early for a stop-off on my way home, to catch up with one of my wonderful ladies. Lust was moving on from just wanting/needing to "get my rocks off", to desire for the the full intimate encounter.

Sexygenarian Lust as One Ages

One day I was seeing a new lady, that wasn't quite up to my usual level of excitement, when lo and behold, I lost my erection mid-coitus. Aging erectile dysfunction had arrived. My doctor prescribed Viagra and everything was wonderful again. Erections were harder and lasted longer. But as a few more years passed, despite a good hard erection, I found it harder to orgasm at all.

The lustful urges were becoming less frequent, and focused on the totality, and I was settling down to a handful of very special regular ladies rather than going on the prowl for a conquests.

Prostate Cancer, Radiotherapy, Declining Lust and the Future

I've covered this topic extensively in recent posts, which brings me back to my introduction at the top of the page. I'm at the point now where I'm wondering if, when I become widowed, whether there will be a last, if somewhat short chance at some intimate sexuality. There are at least two couples in our retirement village that have hooked up or married since coming here. I read about octogenarians fathering children, and one or two of my LOPs have told me of 80+ year old clients coming in for some relief comfort on the way home from visiting their dying wife in hospital. So you never know.

So dear diary, there is one constant throughout life, and that is sexual lust. I have posted some years ago, "I Lust, Therefore I am", our "ID" as defined by Sigmund Freud. We are human sexual beings after all. The most important thing in life, is how we harness our lust to fit in with all the other aspects of life.

"Lustful"

N.O. - No!!! (#AtoZChallenge)

As sex bloggers, we celebrate "Yes! Yes! Yeeeees!!!!"

In the sub-genre of Kink and BDSM though, "No!" or a 'safe word' is equally important, primarily to avoid injury, but also to communicate a boundary of comfort.

Image from pixabay.com

But in all human relationships, respecting each others boundaries is important. In this time of Corona Virus quarantine and isolation, sadly there has been a rise in family violence. In marriage and committed relationships, there must always be 'give and take', or recognition and respect of each others differing boundaries. Sadly, there are still some men that think "she must give" and "I will take". In my own marriage, I wanted the traditional wording of "taking" each other, to be reversed to "giving" of ourselves to the other.

Unfortunately, the fantasy of romantic love often includes the concepts of being swept off your feet by your knight in shining armour and being taken away to his castle to live happily every after. At the heights of sexual ecstasy, utterances of wanting to be 'taken' or 'possessed' are common. But these are just enjoyable, emotional fantasies of the moment and are not constructive in mundane, day to day life.

In marriage IRL, "No!" means "No!". Sadly, it's only been in the last 30-40 years that "rape in marriage" has finally been recognized and a wife is no longer her husband's chattel, well at least here in Oz and some other countries. Sadly, there are still places and cultures where the male has all the power - please remember to pray for these oppressed women. 

As I moved into the world of transactional sex, enforcement of boundaries is even more important and has a contractual type basis. Sadly, there are still too many men that treat these Ladies of Pleasure as objects for their use and constantly try to push those boundaries. Worse are the creeps that traffic young women into their service where they aren't even permitted to utter the word "No!".

As sex bloggers, we must always remember the fine line we walk between being sex positive and remembering and respecting those who do not have such freedom.

 
Click to see who else is taking the challenge. 

Why Doesn't She Respond to Cunnilingus?

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Cunnilingus Don'ts

With the popularity of my "Cunnilingus 101" post, and after discussing it with my buddy, Oh Gracious One (OGO), and she telling me of some of her turn-offs, I thought it time I wrote about the "Don'ts" of cunnilingus.

No Means No!

Even in a "commercial" arrangement, this still applies - this is a negotiable option only.  And it doesn't just mean a verbal "No"!  If your lady pushes you away or expresses discomfort or dislike, that's still "No!".  Proceeding with unwanted cunnilingus is "Rape" in some jurisdictions, or at least "Sexual assault".  Reread my original post  and RESPECT your ladies wishes.

Don't Bite

I could hardly believe OGO when she said that she had men bite her lady bits. Firm nibbling with your lips perhaps if she agrees, but biting - ouch. How would you like it if she sunk her teeth into the tip if your cock? Oh, you do?  Its all about preferences - respect each others.

Beware Stubble Rash

Facial hair, like public hair, is a choice and acquired taste.  The two-day-old stubble might look "manly" but even 5-o'clock shadow can be quite irritating on a ladies sensitive bits. I always try and have a fresh shave before visiting my ladies. I did forget once and my lady told me it was rough - so I placed my hands on her inner thighs so my stubbly cheeks don't touch her skin and a wonderful time was had by all.

Don't be a Pussy

OGO told me that one of her pet peeves is the man that lightly flicks his tongue on her bits.  She likes her cunnilingus full on, like Deep French Kissing on the mouth.  Again, find out what each individual lady likes.

Oral Hygeine

No-one like kissing anyone with halitosis. But with cunnilingus, the risk of infection is higher. So gum disease, bleeding gums or cold sores on the lips means cunnilingus is off the menu, just like if she has her period. But kissing of her erogenous zones, ears, neck breasts, inner thighs or mons can be a real turn-on.

Long Nails are Not In

If you plan on searching for her "G" spot, your finger nails had better be clipped and filed.

Your "Visiting Kit"

When visiting my ladies, I have my own "visiting kit" - razor, tooth brush, mouth wash, deodorant, nail clippers, massage oil and condoms.  Be a good scout and Be Prepared, and you will be hearing "Don't stop!", instead of "DON'T!".

Au Naturale? Oui? Non?

Let me say right up front, that this post is not meant to be "preachy".  Whilst I normally practice "safe sex", there have been the occasional times with one or two of my very special regular ladies, when we have got a bit "carried away" in the passion of the moment, and I have no regrets about that.

But I do want to high-light the realities of STDs, but in a balanced "risk" based assessment.

An Historical Perspective

First up, STD are not a new thing (though the deadly HIV virus is relatively new). During the two world-wars, military hospitals treated more VD (as it was known then) cases than battle injuries.  In OZ immediately after WW-I there was an epidemic of syphilis.  Returned servicemen picked up the "clap" in the brothels of Egypt, Palestine and France, returned home and infected their wives and subsequently their new-born children.  It is estimated that around 1920, 10% of Australian babies were born with syphilitic conditions.  This STD epidemic did not get publicity because, (a) such things were not discussed, and (b) it was over-shadowed by the influenza pandemic.

WW-II brought penicillin and other antibiotics and VD became a "mild", treatable annoyance.

Now I won't pursue the historical line, but rather I want to focus on the epidemiology of the situation.  We are talking about contagious diseases spread through inter-personal (sexual) contact.

WHO - The Risk Network

Epidemiologists talk about the "Risk Network" of who has had contact with who. In this case, who have your partners had sex with and who have your partner's partners had sex with, etc.  It is the "six degrees of separation" scenario.  The following diagram from the California Department of Health Services maps the sexual inter-relationship network at a college in Colorado Springs where an outbreak of gonorrhea occurred in the 1980s'.

The majority of students only had 1 or 2 partners, but you can clearly see that there are about 5 individuals who were highly sexually active and most students were only 2 or 3 couplings away from these focii of infection.

HOW - Mechanisms of Contagion

The next aspect of epidemiology is the mechanism of infection.  With STDs, we are talking about blood-born viruses so infection is essentially through blood-blood contact.  Thus shared syringes and open wounds are the highest risks.  But the lining of the vagina, penis and urethra have millions of blood capillaries very close to the surface of the skin and trans-cutaneous (through the skin) infection is highly likely.  The viral load in saliva is effectively non-existent - the chief risk of oral infection is via cold-sores, ulcers, etc.

RISK MITIGATION

Barriers to the "How"

The condom is still the most effective method of avoiding contagion.  With the range of thicknesses and sizes (girth), with some experimentation, you should be able to minimise any discomfort and loss of sensitivity.  But correct use is still essential (fitting it on and withdrawal immediately on completion to avoid slipping off).

The question of barriers for oral (condoms for fellatio and dams for cunnilingus) is open to debate.  The medics at my STD clinic tell me the risks from uncovered oral are minimal when there are no skin lesions on either partner.

Minimise Contagion "Entry Points"

In mentioning lesions, remember that contagious transfer can still occur in the uncovered pubic areas if there are warts, pimples, cuts, etc.  Similarly with lip and mouth ulcers, cold sours etc.  At home, we avoid kissing if either of us have a cold.  Show the same respect to your sexual partners.  In sport we now have the "blood rule".  Apply the same rule to your sexual activity - if you (or your partner) have any open sores, then avoid intimate contact.

This is probably a good place to recommend you discover, explore and enjoy the full gamut of intimate interactions.  A guy is much more likely to "get into trouble" if he is only focused on the one outcome, of "getting his rocks off" as quickly as possible.  Also, having sex when drunk is also dangerous.  A little liquor might help relax you, but with too much you quickly loose inhibition required for rational choice and risk minimization.

Choice of Partner - the "Who"

This very much falls into the risk minimization category rather than prevention.  Historically, prostitutes have been the principal source of infection.  But in recent decades, especially in countries like Australia with regulated prostitution, this situation has completely reversed.  Recent surveys (in OZ) have shown that regulated prostitutes have the lowest incident of STD of any sexually active demographic.  In STD clinics, infected men are 5 times more likely to have caught it from a casual encounter (pickup at the pub/club?) than from a prostitute.  Since regulation, there have been zero cases in HIV identified among regulated/tested prostitutes.  As one wag put it, professional electricians rarely get electrocuted - it is the weekend amateur that is in greatest risk.  As I have written elsewhere, under Australian regulations, prostitutes are required to always practice "safe sex" (I would guess that we have better than 95% compliance) and must have monthly STD health checks (as good as 100% compliance with brothels records checked at random).  Most perform a visual check of potential clients and any suspect conditions will have you turned away.

In whatever sort of "relationship", the key is communication and trust.  And that is two way.  Its not just "Can I trust her?", but "Can she trust me?".  I mentioned health checks above - you do have checkups yourself I hope. Take your share of the responsibility.

Early Detection and Treatment

Generally, men are not good at caring about their own health. Surely your sexual health is as important or more-so than your general health. Get to know your own body - yes self examination applies to men too. In OZ we have free, anonymous sexual health clinics - use them. If we expect our Ladies of Pleasure to have monthly check-ups, we should show them the courtesy of having ourselves checked as well, say 6 or 12 monthly.

Like most diseases, the earlier anything is detected, the sooner treatment can start and the quicker you will recover.

The Bottom Line - Risk, the Numbers "Game"

Now I'm no professional in this area and I can't put numeric probabilities on various aspects of risk and mitigation. All of life is risky. Just keep things in proportion in your mind. There is no point in being paranoid about contracting HIV from a drop of semen on the skin when the risk of being run-over by a car when crossing the road outside is a ten thousand times higher.

Outside of a monogamous or closed polygamous relationship, I don't advocate 'au naturale' as your normal 'modus operandi'. But having followed all the above risk mitigations, I am comfortable in taking the risk of an occasional "in flagrante delicto".

Be Informed

A short post like this can't possibly cover all aspects of this topic. So read up further. If in any doubt, talk to a medical practitioner (use one of the free anonymous services). And feel free to add your informative comments, though I do have the power of moderation.

Cunnilingus 101

Since "Cunning Linctus" is the result of good cunnilingus, I thought the time was long overdue for a "Cunnilingus 101" post.  Now don't get me wrong, I am not professing to be an expert, though many of my ladies have made very complimentary noises ("Oh my God, don't stop!").  I have learnt by trial and error (fortunately not too much of the later).  And I am writing as a male, so you should also get some female perspectives.

From the start, you need to understand that it is not just about technique, but like all good sex, is very much about attitude, mood and personal "connectedness".  So if you have come together with mutual 'joie de vivre' and desire for mutual pleasure, then you have started off on the right foot.  

Invitation to Dine At The “Y”?

Now it might seem trite and obvious, but ensure beforehand that the lady will be receptive, either by explicit or implicit Q&A in the introduction (whether face-to-face, by phone or e-mail).  Remember, that in the commercial environment, not all ladies are willing to provide this level of service (see my "Respecting Personal Preferences and Space" post). Some ladies don't like it on a first visit - wait until you have got to know each other a bit.  Also, time-of-day and time-of-month come into play.  I have had some ladies turn down an offer because she has had “too many clients just trying to make me come”!  Personally, I find ladies most receptive in their first booking of the day/week, or last booking of the day when they are ready for some “me time”.

Preparation

Again, it might seem trite and obvious, but it still needs to be stated - make sure you have prepared yourself physically before your encounter - freshly smooth shaved, showered, deodorized, nails closely trimmed, teeth brushed and gargled, and of course you won't be punting if you have mouth ulcers, cracked lips or cold-sores (you don't want to be giving or receiving anything except pleasure)!

Warming Up

So, now you're in the bedroom.  Sure, the punting situation is time-constrained, but the "warm-up" and "get-to-know" phases are still important.  Don't just dive straight in - there will be carressing, kissing, and discovering erogenous zones, neck, ear-lobes, breasts, nipples.  Slowly work your way down her body with light kissing and licking, perhaps down one leg, up the inner thighs, across her pubes, then the other leg and back up, circling in on her sweet spot.

Anatomy 101

Lets pause at this point to ensure you have a working knowledge of the female genital anatomy - the outer and inner lips (labia), the location of the clitoris and urethra (advanced Linguists will also need to know the location of the "G-spot").  Internet photos and video will help in understanding the enormous variety, but only with experience can you appreciate the variety of "innies", "outies" and "flaps", prominent and embedded clits, not to mention artificial adornments.

Technique - More Lips, Less Tongue

In terms of technique, I can't go much better than the phrase from fellow dearly departed blogger ‘The Barreness’ - "More lips, less tongue" (and definitely no teeth!).  Cunnilingus is much more akin to kissing than intercourse, and should not be seen as an opportunity to fuck your lady with your tongue (or finger), though digital stimulation of her G-spot may be used by experience practitioners once she is fully excited, if agreeable.

Its not a good idea to home straight in on her clit. Perhaps kiss your way up her inner thigh, circle the outer labia. Gently lick across the inner labia, very gently sucking each lip in turn. Lick up and down her slit, from her clit to gently parting her lips with your tongue. Well, you can work out the rest...

Be Sensitive to Feedback

Be guided by your lady’s responses.  If in doubt ask her if she likes something.  If she puts her hands on your head and pulls you hard into her or wraps her legs around you in a neck lock, then you know you are doing something right - just beware the orgasmic pelvic 'punch in the nose'.  Be aware that she will get super-sensitive and that you then need to pull back or stop (unless of course she screams “No! No! NO!!! DON’T STOP!!!”.

Also be aware of the variety or intensity and frequency of female orgasm.  Some ladies will not come easily.  Others only come once.  There is a plateau state where a lady will shudder on the brink for some time.  Mostly you will encounter clitoral orgasms, but deep vaginal orgasm typically from G-spot stimulation is something different.  It wasn’t until I triggered one once that I now understand the difference - “My god.  I haven’t had one of those for months!” was her response.

Know When to Back Off

As part of your feedback, be sensitive about when it isn't working and when you need to back off. In your early attempts, don't be discouraged if you just can't make it work for your lady. Or it simply just might not be her day. Be respectful, and don't overstay your welcome.

Give Her Time To Recover

Be aware of her sensitivity afterwards.  She might not be ready to progress straight into intercourse.

Post DATY Benefits

If you have pleasured your lady well, she will very likely be highly desirous to have her fill of you.  There is just nothing as good as a very horny lady grinding her pubes against you till you both come together.

Feedback Your Experiences

I would love to hear of your experiences (and I’m sure other readers would too).  Do you have any tips to add or question to put out there?  I know this post had only skimmed to topic, so perhaps there might be an “Advanced Cunnilingus” somewhere in the future.

Respecting Personal Preferences & Space

The big lie of the anti-prostitution lobby (and Hollywood) is the "straw-man" argument that generalizes all "working" ladies as down-and-out drug addicts controlled and abused by their "pimps".  Of course, nothing could be further from the truth.

However, as punters it is also easy for us to fall into the trap of expecting all "services" to be the same just because we are paying for them.  But these ladies are individuals with their own preferences and prejudices, feelings and foibles, from the same gamut of backgrounds and relationships as we of the punter population, and deserve to be shown the same respect as anyone else.

Because the service she is selling is such a personal service, unlike any other service or goods for sale, it is imperative that the buyer and the seller should come to an understand at the very beginning of what the ground-rules, preferences and boundaries are. (However, what I am not particularly happy with are the artificial boundaries some ladies put up simply to extract extra cash).

For example, anyone who has 'known' a number of ladies quickly discovers that there is a wide range of natural kissing styles, just as I am sure the ladies will say the same about the gentlemen they see.  But what we are discussing here is when a lady finds passionate kissing too "personal" for her liking - perhaps she has a special friend or partner for whom she wants to reserve that right.  Respect her choice.

If a lady is not comfortable with something you are asking for, then don't make the booking.  If she is offering services beyond your comfort zone, then draw your line - if its in the middle of service just say "I'm not comfortable with that, lets not go there".  Respect each others choices.

I have encountered a wide range or ladies' preferences, from the "star fish" that wanted no personal interaction at all and saw her role purely as a "receptical" for her client (never booked her again), to the almost sex-crazed nymphomaniac (a regular I see as often as I can cope with her).

So lets look at some of these personal preferences:-

Kissing restriction on certain erogenous zones (ear lobes, neck, nipples, toes, etc)? Respect her preferences.

Oral on you, yes, no, with or without? (Note in some Australian states, this is now a legal issue though how it can be policed beats me). Respect her preferences.

Blow-job - COF, Spanish, CIM, swallow? Respect her tastes.

Oral on her, yes or no? Respect her preferences.

Fingering - clitoral stimulation only or internal G-spot? Respect her preferences.

Use of toys? On her? On you? Food as toys? Respect each others preferences.

Fantasies and dress-up? Type? 'French Maid' might be OK, but 'baby diaper' might be too far.  Respect her preferences.

'Dirty' talk? Respect her preferences.

Sexual intercourse itself is a given for 'escort' and brothel services, but recognize that ladies that opt for stripper and exotic dancing services are NOT offering full sex.  So don't embarrass yourself and ask or pressure a lady.  Respect her choice.

Then there are services beyond the 'normal' which are more likely to attract an extra charge and are more usually special offerings advertised.

Anal (Greek)?

B&D

Dom/Sub? Pain?

Sex is meant to be an enjoyable activity, so don't spoil it for yourself or your lady by pushing beyond a person's comfort zone.

x