Saturday 23 August 2014

I Lust, Therefore I Am

This topic came up in relation to a forum discussion on prostate surgery.  Men are not the best at seeing their doctor for regular health checks, but the very thought of prostate surgery and possible (probable?) decline or loss of sexual function, sends shivers through any red-blooded male.  Not being able to get a 'rise' at the sight of a beautiful sexy woman, to not be able to get an erection ever again, or have no sexual feelings in your penis, to some, is like having the very core of your being cut out.

Mind you I read of ladies having similar feelings of loss of sexual identity after mastectomy.  For women, this is a double whammy of both body image as well as self identity.

I heard of a case of a young man in his late 20's, who developed testicular cancer. Despite treatment, it really messed with his mind and self worth.  He couldn't bring himself to touch his wife and the marriage eventually broke up.  Needless to say it had a profound effect on his wife too, who had a strong sex drive. Her whole persona of wife, lover, mother, in a happy, caring relationship, was down the toilet.  With two young children to raise, no career, no support and unmet 'needs', she talked to a girlfriend, who suggested she try 'sex work' (thank goodness in Australia this option is available, legal and safe).  It was here that I met her.  Apart from some rollicking good times, we also had some very deep conversations.  The work and her clients had opened her eyes to a whole new world, of the possibility of sexual enjoyment without having to commit to the unknown of a long-term relationship.  Having saved up a little nest egg, she has left the industry now, gone back to college to study for a new career, and maybe dip her toe into the dating scene again - but she has thrown off the shackles of thinking that a girl 'needs' a man in her life to feel complete.  I wish her all the best.

Lust in the sense of sexual feelings (as distinct from unrequited desire for someone) is at the core of our humanness. Menopause and age can be like thieves in the night that creep up on you and steal your natural lust away.  These are things we will all have to deal with at some point, both in ourselves and in our partners. But to have 'it' taken in traumatic circumstances can be mentally debilitating. It is so important to not put all your 'identity eggs' in the 'lust basket', but to have other charitable and creative outlets for self-worth.

PS. I have personally just had a prostate biopsy, and thank goodness, the results are all clear. So my declining post rate, in line with declining 'lust' and performance, is just old fashioned aging.  Thank goodness my tongue is still as strong and lusty as ever. There is nothing like a little dose of Cunning Linctus to perk one up.

1 comment:

  1. I struggle to go the doctor now; a phobia I have of medical matters. I know when I am more cantankerous it will be even worse.

    But I accept this. It's the dice I roll. My job in life is primarily to see my kids through to eighteen well-adjusted and healthy. I am a third of the way to doing that. After then, my natual purpose will have been fulfilled, and while I have no desire to perish, the fear of going to the doctor unless I know there is something wrong with me may just be the death of me.

    I know this. I wish it wasn't so, but it is.

    Great post; wish your friend well.

    And good news about your prostate test.


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