Wednesday 24 March 2021

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" (from Chinese proverb)

I want to pick up on this week's Quote Quest quote from J.M.Storm, about "The Day I Changed". I posted Lustless three years ago that detailed my struggle with a lustless marriage and how I had to take responsibility for my own happiness and make a life style change to transactional sex. In this post, I want to expand on the process of change.

In the later part of my professional life, I was involved in business process change management. But it's one thing to be the external "expert" consultant, but when it's your own personal life that needs changing, it's a different story. But in reality, the same principles apply. You will have heard these principles in one form or another every day of your life, from diet programs to advertising enticing you to buy something you don't really need.

Change Process Principles

  • A mentor or guide is almost essential in all steps of the process. It might be a friend, a professional or a book. Your mentor is NOT a teacher - 50% is listening, being a sounding board. He/she may be a sojourner on your path. Empathy in what you are going through is essential.
  • Identify the need for change! There are two parts, understanding the problems with the current state/condition, where am I now, and secondly, identifying the goal of where/what you want to be. There might be a number of possible paths or outcomes that you might have to weigh-up, a cost/difficulty/benefit decision. As J.M.Storm wrote, sometimes it is a matter of deciding to take control and responsibility for your own life and happiness, and not trying to conform to other's expectations or being totally driven by the whims of life's circumstances. Sometimes it might be a matter of dealing with health issues (of yourself or your partner) or just ageing. Some things can't be changed and your goal may have to be to find a way to live with a creative work-around.
  • Decide and Commit! It is all too easy to get bogged down in your current situation or to be frightened into procrastination by the difficulty of the road ahead and the time required.
  • Identify the blockages and hurdles holding you back or impeding your growth. The hardest are inherent attitudes and life principles learned from your parents from an early age - sometimes they need to be challenged and re-evaluated. Be prepared to 'think outside the box' - some hurdles can't be jumped over or broken down, you might have to find a way 'around'.
  • Divide to conquer! Plan your journey. Big steps and changes need to be broken down into small manageable pieces. Manageable means that there is a measurable outcome and a time-frame that is not overwhelming. Plan the steps so that one leads to another. Start with small foundational steps, then build on them. Division takes away the fear of the enormity of the whole. Lose weight 1 kg at a time,
  • START - take that FIRST STEP, the first achievable, non-threatening small step.
  • Tackle one small step at a time. Monitor and record your progress. CELEBRATE your achievement of sub-goals.
  • Practice, practice, practice! Life-style changes are deep down a matter of changing/learning new habits, of your brain 'rewiring' circuits. It is a neurological fact that on average it takes around 3 months for something new you are learning, to become a habit. Thus weight loss plans often talk about a '12 week plan' - notice it is not a frightening long 90 days or an unrealistic 3 months, but 12 manageable steps.
  • Review your big-picture progress. Having monitored each small step completed, take time out to step back and review the big picture. What have your learned along your journey? Re-evaluate your plan and goals in the light of changing circumstances around you and what you have learned about yourself, your goals and the journey.

The Community

In the sex blogger community, it is sometimes difficult to read about all the wonderful sexy times others are having, whether IRL or fictitious, and have twinges of jealousy. But there are some brave bloggers out there that intermix posts about their struggles, whether it be menopause, low libido, relationship issues, illness of their own, spouse or family. At the top I mentioned my struggle with a spouse that through a brain injury lost all sexual desire or pleasurable feelings. I've posted about Erectile Dysfunction with age, then prostate cancer and difficulties after radiotherapy. I hope my writing can be of some encouragement to fellow travaillers.

Global Change

The same principles of managing change apply to global issues, like Climate Change and pandemic management. How often have we seen leaders being procrastinators or deniers because they won't listen to advice, to be mentored, because they are so convinced of their omnipotence. The desperate need is obvious to those who will see, but nationally we seem to be bogged down at decision making, of commitment.

Life IS Change

'Change' isn't just about dealing with 'bad' things or big issues. Life is Change, growing up is change, learning a new skill, getting a job, moving out of home, getting into a relationship, buying a house, starting a family, changing health, breaking up a relationship, growing old, preparing for 'The End', etc, etc, etc. So build the above processes into your modus operandi of life.

The one important point I haven't elaborated on yet, is CELEBRATION! Embrace change and the opportunities of new experiences, and celebrate your achievements.

"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates

"The unlived life is not worth examining" - Andrew Klavan

L'chaim!


QuoteQuest

Sunday 14 March 2021

The State of the Onion

"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Weep and you weep alone"!

Ella Wheeler Wilcox (1850 – 1919)

My 'state' at this point, is a bit like an onion, crinkly dry skin, a white tossled top, the dark brown of youth now salt and pepper. As you peel the skin, there are multiple layers, enough to make you cry. Now I don't want to bore you with the problems of my union, I've touched on it enough in other posts, so lets have some fun.

(I did NOT have sexual relations with THAT woman)

Now a State of the Union address is like an Annual Report, with a Profit and Loss (Cost/Benefit) Statement listing all the Income and Expenditures to see if you've come out ahead or behind (Profit or Loss) for the year. The Balance Sheet lists all your Assets and Liabilities at the time of the report to see if you are sufficiently liquid to continue going forward.

Expenditure/Costs (March 2020 - February 2021)

Income/Benefits

  • 4 Rut'n Toot'n Clit Lick'n respite sessions with buddy
  • 50 DIY orgasms with PP
  • 100's of hours enjoyable reading of sex blogs, porn and enjoying the community
  • Government funded 'aged care assistance' for Lady T, including fortnightly house keeping

Assets (as at 1st March 2021)

  • 1 tongue in perfect clit-lick'n order
  • Overall good health and the prostate cancer issues has been fully resolved
  • Loving, supportive family and delightful grand-children
  • Pre-approved government funding for aged/nursing home care when needed
  • Sound pension investment portfolio
    Note: after a sharp drop in value at the start of the covid pandemic, a rebalancing of investments out of international property (airports, shopping centres, toll-roads, etc, all of which were badly affected by covid) into bio-tech and 'green' stock has seen a rebound to pre-covid levels.

Liabilities

Auditors Report

Due to undocumented expenditures and the ephemeral nature of some of the 'income', assets and liabilities, I am unable to certify the veracity of the above operating statements of Sir Thomas TTE, although I am sure there is truth in every item reported. I also note that there is no provision for income tax liabilities.

Fucking Like A Whore?

Let me start with an apology to any readers that might find this subject matter confronting. As broad-minded sex bloggers, we must sometimes confront the bad, the ugly and sometimes simply different preferences to our own. But hang in to the end as I draw the threads together!

--------------------------------
Flirt like a girl,
Seduce like a woman,
Fuck like a whore!

I came across this quote recently on Twitter (@LostSoul2809). The thinking here seems to be that whores are MILFs that fuck with boundless, unbridled passion.

Fucking Like a MILF vs Fucking Like a Whore

Sure, a small percentage of whores are of MILF age. But the quality of sex is never dependent on the marital or parental status of a person or whether money has changed hands. Quality is always dependent on the connectedness and caring between a couple.

The types of whores and their services are as varied as the men that see them.

Whoredom - Who, Why, What!

To understand their services, one needs to understand the different reasons girls/women get into "whoredom".

  • Quick money, typically students, for a limited time, though sometimes looking for a 'husband' for a 'green-card'. Experience ranges from the neophyte to the libidinous dilettante. The key words are "quick" and "money".
  • A sub-set of the above, are the 'sex doll' types. They think their looks are all that is needed to hook a guy, but sex is a 'star fish' experience, a cum-dump receptical - easy money.
  • The partnered worker. Generally a bit older, 25 upwards, with a husband, partner or boyfriend, though typically not yet a MILF. Her service will be colder, reserving kissing, fingering, oral-on-her, orgasms etc., for her partner.
  • The divorced, separated or widowed. Perhaps with no career backup and sometimes raising children alone, sex work provides a comfortable income with flexible hours. They are generally more sexually experienced, the classic 'MILF', although a wide range of experience is found. Some are reserved, others never want a man in their personal life again, and use their sex work to satisfy their own sexual needs (with the right type of client). This is my play-ground.
  • The professionals have made sex work their career. They have trained in specialist/extreme techniques and the line between professional actress and personal enjoyment is blurred.

Orgasms, Enjoyment or Mattress Actresses

I would venture a guess that only 2% of 'whores' orgasm sometimes and perhaps 30% 'enjoy' the sex, from a lot to a little. They all tolerate it for the money. They are not called "mattress actresses" for nothing - "faking it till he makes it" is very much the norm. 

Then of course there is 'The Clock' - fucking stops when the money/time runs out. Do you really want to or expect your partner to 'fuck like a whore'?

Kink, Consent and Expectations

On the other hand, if you you have flirted and seduced with the sole purpose of a NSA one-night-stand to satisfy your own sexual kink, then by all means, 'fuck like a whore'. Just make sure you are both fucking from the same play-book and understand each other's expectations.

The Attraction of MILFs (and GILFs)

As a term, 'MILF' is rather derogatory, often used by young men with no idea about respect or maturity. It is especially disrespectful as a call-out to a person that you know nothing about, based purely on appearance.

But as a concept, I think it is something to be treasured and aspired to. As a self ascribed label,  a woman is asserting her sexual desirability irrespective of age - desire doesn't stop after children. Once the pressure of trying to find "the one", a life partner, is past, then the biological clock of having a family, a woman over forty can put all that behind her. Sex should now be for fun and pleasure alone. She is at her sexual prime. A lot of promotion is put into 'Work/Life' balance, but we really need to put more effort into our 'Life/Sex' balance.

But wait. Let's not be sexist. Ladies, do you dream of your FILTH (Father/husband I Love To Hump)?

Vive la MILF (and GILF, even GrGILF, and FILTH)! (Speaking as a self proclaimed DOM!)



Thursday 4 March 2021

The Knighting of Sir Thomas

In 4 THOUGHTS or FICTION this month, May has asked about the origins of our nom de plume (pen name).

Simple Beginnings

My story is rather simple. Before I started blogging, when I first started going to brothels, I used my middle name, Thomas, for my bookings. After about 12 months of finding my sexual freedom, I took the plunge and went down on a lady for the first time in my life (I feel embarrassed to confess to it being my first time in my late 50's). Needless to say, I was hooked, and imbibed at every opportunity, learning and growing in confidence.

An Inspiration

The first time I booked Daniella, an amazing French Moroccan lady, we clicked and enjoyed each other's company over some 8 years (Maid in Morocco, That Smile, A Bad Habit). After a hot steamy session in the early years, after a loud, body shuddering orgasm, once she had regained her breath, she said "Sir, you are a veritable Tongue Engine". I had just recently started journalling my exploits and Daniella immediately inspired me to start a blog under the nom de plume "Sir Thomas, The Tongue Engine".

Logos - Putting an Image to The Name

My initial logo was the face of a certain blue engine with a Mick Jagger like tongue. I never particularly like it, being a bit childish.


When I decided to launch my alternative blog of non-sexual material and considering my years, I went with a Latin title, "Argentum Vulpes" (Silver Fox). In searching for a blog visual theme, I settled on an Art Deco look. It also seemed an opportune time to upgrade my logo to something more befitting a be-knighted silver fox.



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Tags

#WBSW (2) #WriteBigSexyWords (2) A-to-Z Challenge (21) aging (23) Altar of Love (1) andropause (6) anger (1) Anniversary (1) arousal (10) au naturale (12) Australian kiss (4) average (1) bare-back (4) begging (2) benefits (5) bereaved (1) bloopers (1) blow job (2) bondage (1) BoobDay (1) breakfast (5) buddy (15) camel_toe (1) carer (6) changing (1) Cherry Lane (1) choices (8) Christmas (3) client (13) clothing (1) coitus (3) comforting (1) conversation (18) cosplay (2) cream-pie (1) cunnilingus (24) DATY (24) depression (8) Desire (3) DFF (1) DFK (1) e[lust] (39) ejaculation (7) embarrassment (4) erectile dysfunction (17) erections (3) erotic fiction (29) Exhibitionism (1) facesitting (2) fellatio (5) fiction (3) Food 4 Thought (3) french kiss (3) french-maid (2) friends-with-benefits (1) fuchter-scale (10) G-spot (1) goodbye (1) goodbyes (2) grieving (1) hair-trigger (3) happiness (1) happy-ending (14) health (2) health checks (7) help (1) holiday (7) hot-widow (1) humor (6) insemination (2) intimacy (1) Joie de Vivre (2) kink_of_the_week (1) KinkOfTheWeek (3) lady-of-pleasure (60) laughter (9) legality (2) lesbian sex (1) Libido (4) lichter-scale (6) lifestyle (1) linctus (15) Lingerie is for Everyone (2) listless (1) LOP-Amber (1) LOP-April (6) LOP-Aysha (3) LOP-Bianca (1) LOP-Britney (1) LOP-Chanel (4) LOP-Cristal (6) LOP-Crystal (3) LOP-Daniella (9) LOP-Emma (1) LOP-Firecracker (3) LOP-Grace (6) LOP-Jess (1) LOP-Kaz (5) LOP-Kelly (1) LOP-Kim (1) LOP-Mai (1) LOP-Meghan (12) LOP-Ruby (5) LOP-Samantha (3) LOP-Samma (1) LOP-Vanessa (1) LOP-Veronica (5) LOP-YummyMummy (1) lust (17) lustless (2) masturbation (13) matrimony (7) Medium (1) mindfulness (1) Money (1) monochromerotic (1) moroccan (5) multi-orgasmic (9) nipples (2) not cumming (13) observation (3) orgasmic (26) orgasms (22) paying (12) penetrative sex (7) Photography (5) poetry (5) preferences (9) professional (10) prostate cancer (9) PSE (4) radiotherapy (8) rape-in-marriage (5) raunchy (23) regular (34) reminiscence (11) respect (13) reunion (2) sabbatical (4) satisfaction (1) scissoring (1) scruples (2) seduction (7) senses (1) sex education (6) sex toys (1) Sexmas (1) sexual health (11) sexygenarian (11) spooning (1) squirting (10) starfish (5) STDs (2) stress (1) surrender (2) sympathy sex (5) taboo (1) tastes (10) TMI (1) tongue-engine (11) toon-sex (1) Top10 (1) uncovered (2) vaginal sex (3) viagra (15) Voyeurism (1) Wealth (1) wicked Wednesday (4) Wicked-Wednesday (6) Wisdom (1) Wishes (1) woman-on-woman (6)