The State of the Onion

"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Weep and you weep alone"!

Ella Wheeler Wilcox (1850 – 1919)

My 'state' at this point, is a bit like an onion, crinkly dry skin, a white tossled top, the dark brown of youth now salt and pepper. As you peel the skin, there are multiple layers, enough to make you cry. Now I don't want to bore you with the problems of my union, I've touched on it enough in other posts, so lets have some fun.

(I did NOT have sexual relations with THAT woman)

Now a State of the Union address is like an Annual Report, with a Profit and Loss (Cost/Benefit) Statement listing all the Income and Expenditures to see if you've come out ahead or behind (Profit or Loss) for the year. The Balance Sheet lists all your Assets and Liabilities at the time of the report to see if you are sufficiently liquid to continue going forward.

Expenditure/Costs (March 2020 - February 2021)

• 6 packets of Viagra
• 2 cock rings and 1 novelty 'bunny' ring with vibrating bullet
• 1 'Pocket Pussy' and 2 bottles lube
• 1 printed copy of "The Best of The Cunning Linctus" (present for buddy)
• 1 clit sucking combination dildo (present for buddy)
• 1 pr 'Spoiler' printed nickers (present for buddy)
• 4 pr silky g-string pyjamas for self
• 1 box covid-safe face masks
• 1 bottle sanitizer
• 200 hours writing blog posts and comments
• 4 x 30min sessions of R&R (Rut'n Recreation @ std rate of $300/hr)
  Note: with Covid and lock-downs, opportunities have been very limited.
• 3,000 hours personal care for Lady T.

Income/Benefits

• 4 Rut'n Toot'n Clit Lick'n respite sessions with buddy
• 50 DIY orgasms with PP
• 100's of hours enjoyable reading of sex blogs, porn and enjoying the community
• Government funded 'aged care assistance' for Lady T, including fortnightly house keeping

Assets (as at 1st March 2021)

• 1 tongue in perfect clit-lick'n order
• Overall good health and the prostate cancer issues has been fully resolved
• Loving, supportive family and delightful grand-children
• Pre-approved government funding for aged/nursing home care when needed
• Sound pension investment portfolio
  Note: after a sharp drop in value at the start of the covid pandemic, a rebalancing of investments out of international property (airports, shopping centres, toll-roads, etc, all of which were badly affected by covid) into bio-tech and 'green' stock has seen a rebound to pre-covid levels.

Liabilities

• 1 aging penis in need of regular chemical assistance and sexercise
• Lady T's declining health and mobility

Auditors Report

Due to undocumented expenditures and the ephemeral nature of some of the 'income', assets and liabilities, I am unable to certify the veracity of the above operating statements of Sir Thomas TTE, although I am sure there is truth in every item reported. I also note that there is no provision for income tax liabilities.

Click to read other 'States of Unions'