Laughter, the Best Aphrodisiac

It is a neuro-physiological fact that the pleasure centres in the brain, for humour and sex are adjacent, so there is a good reason why we find people with similar sense of humour, attractive.  In the bedroom, humorous banter can heighten sexual enjoyment.

The following stories, all true, have appeared in this blog at various times in the past, but I thought it might be good to bring them all together under the common theme. 

"I'll Have What She's Having"

A couple of years ago, a lady-of-pleasure I was seeing, had earned the nickname from her co-workers, of "Firecracker" because when she orgasmed, she went "off like a fire-cracker" and she could be heard throughout the building.

Well, one day Sam and I were having a good time and she had had one squealing orgasm with my tongue. Once she had settled down a little, as she was sliding onto me, she had the back of her hand wedged in her mouth.  I asked if there was anything wrong.

"I don't want to make too much noise.  There might be someone in the waiting room (next door to our bedroom" was her reply.

"Don't worry about it" I said, "You might give them some encouragement".

She giggled, and came back with "I'll have what she's having!".

Well we both cracked up laughing.  As I laughed, my cock twitched inside her. This was the last straw for her and she started convulsing on me, laughing, squealing and crying all at the same time.  Needless to say, this tipped me over the edge too.  This wasn't just a 'happy ending', it was a 'hilarious ending'.

Dirty Ditties

When FB Amazing Grace found out that I wrote a BLOG, she admitted to having fun making up rhymes.  So we created a game of 'dirty ditties' and 'fractured fairy tales', taking turns to create a new line starting from an old nursery rhyme, etc. So "Goldie Locks", "Little Red Riding Hood" et al provided many fun rhymes.  If a particular 'dirty ditty' had suitable actions, these were acted out as we went. I must say her rollicking laughs as she 'rode a cock horse' sent wonderful ripples right through our connection.  Sadly, we have lost contact - I really miss those fun times. I wish I had had a recorder to capture some of those ditties.  One I remember, went:-

"Georgie Porgie full of fun,

Licked the girls and made them come.

With lady come on his chin,

He said with a grin,

Oh what a good boy am I"

Although I am a DOM now, I am still a kid at heart, and 'play time' is my favourite time.  Which reminds me, we certainly gave "Girls and boys come out to play" a jolly rogering!

So next time someone calls me a 'fuck wit', I will take it as a compliment.

Punishment Play

This isn't humour in the direct laughing sense, but a light-humoured form of role-playing. Miss A uses a game of 'punishing' little infractions. On the way up to the bedroom, she stumbled on the stairs, flashing her knickers, and then said, "Were you peeking up my dress? You will have to be punished for that".   Similarly, there will be 'punishment' for 'touching myself' in the shower, and looking at her boobs as she undresses.  Typical punishment might be to make me stand in the 'naughty corner' whilst she sucks me off.  All just playful fun, no real bondage, although once she did tie my hands to the bed-head with her stockings and draped her fragrant knickers over my face so I couldn't see her 'punish' me by having her way with me.

Role-Play

Another fun-time role-play, although not strictly humour, was with Miss D in a Nun's Habit costume. Rather than reproduce the full story here, visit the post "A Bad Habit".

Unintended Humour

Sometimes, something's said quite innocently, but is quite humorous in the situation.

I was undergoing a period of radiotherapy treatment for prostate cancer. One day, I was lying on the radiotherapy table with my pubes and mid-riff exposed.  The female operator was getting me aligned - I have had target marks tattooed on my mid-riff and thighs and a pair of laser beams show the correct alignment. Her cold hands on my thighs push and roll me a little to get alignment right. At which point she says "Beautiful!". I tell her that "Only special ladies are allowed to say that!". I get a little laugh.

A couple of days later, I have the same operator, and she says the same things. This time, I say "Well, thank you!". She says "Your welcome" and we both laugh.

Pillow Banter

Post coital pillow talk is an obvious time for humorous banter when you are both fully relaxed and bodies flooded with feel-good hormones.

Complementary Employment

Often pillow talk with Ladies of Pleasure, turns to the sort of work we do. I asked one particular lady if she had a second job. She told me that she also worked as a receptionist at a Funeral Parlour. "You have a thing about stiffs, do you?" I answered, which brought loud laughter.

Longevity

In a conversation similar to the above, we were talking about marital status. When I told this lady how long I had been married, she asked, "What's your secret to a long marriage?". My answer, "Don't get caught!"

Guess My Age

On another occasion, we were playing the game of trying to guess each others age. I said to Crystal, "Would you believe 48?", to which she tactfully replied, "I would have put you as early 50's". I replied, "No. I mean 1948". (This was over 10 years ago). Shock flashed across her face, and she started counting on her fingers, working out just how much older than her I was. When she realised what she was doing, we laughed and cuddled.

Irony and Humour

In further chatting with the above Funeral Parlour receptionist, she told me of her new boy-friend of 3 months and her issue with the fact that he has yet to make a move to have sex with her (he doesn't know about her sex work). She asked my advice, "What can I do to get my boyfriend to have sex with me?". We had quite a serious conversation about courting, but I couldn't help but have an inward smile about the irony of a sex worker asking her client, how to get her boyfriend to have sex with her.

Kissed the Girls and Made Them Cry

I had the most unusual thing happen recently - two weeks running, I had my ladies crying! 

I had made plans to spend a private afternoon with fav. lady #1, but circumstances conspired against us. So on my next parlour visit to see her, I gave her a present of some perfume, and she burst into tears, hugging, kissing and thanking me. She finally composed herself to tell me that it is the first time in all her years in the industry that she has received a gift like this. Other girls in this parlour have received chocolates, fruit (WTF? Must have been Con the fruiterer from nearby Queen Vic. Market), sex toys or lingerie - "sex toys and lingerie"? Hey guys, how chauvinist - haven't you learnt anything about women?

[Ed. 2021 Oops! I've just given a current favourite an amazing 3 motor sex toy and hand printed knickers (designed and printed by moi), but I know she is a sex toy aficionado, so I guess it is OK if you know the lady will appreciate the gift.]

Then the next week, visiting fav. lady #2, late afternoon, last client of the day, and we had both had rather ordinary days, so booked an hour and said, "Lets finish this day with a bang!" - little did I realize! Now this lady is a DATY enthusiast - our average "cum score" is 4:1. I've "assumed the position" and she has come a couple of times. She has plateaued and has her legs around me, pulling me into her - god she has the most kissable 'outy'. Some digital application to her G spot finally, after long, most delightful dining, brings an enormous, shuddering orgasm. She collapses back, completely "petit mort", sobbing. I come up and wrap her in my arms, and she says "I can't remember when I last had one of those!".

I now know the difference between clitoral and deep, G-spot, vaginal orgasms.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Bedroom

Whilst "Laughter is the Best Medicine" I think it squeezes in just ahead of "Sex" because Laughter can be practiced any where, any time, in public.  But laughter and sex have a lot in common in that they both release those 'feel good' hormones and endorphins. To be sure there are times, especially in a one-off encounter, where the sex is immediately hot and lustful, but in more regular sex situations, 'fun' and 'play' are key ingredients to good sex and allow the good feelings to continue after the 'come shot'. This is why role-playing and fantasies are so popular because they add to the 'fun' in exploring 'life' outside our hum-drum day-to-day situations.

I was reminded of the above recently when catching up with Miss A whom I haven't seen for over a year. She uses a game of 'punishing' little infractions. On the way up to the bedroom, she stumbled on the stairs, flashing her knickers, and then said, "Were you peeking up my dress? You will have to be punished for that". 

 

Similarly, there will be 'punishment' for 'touching myself' in the shower, and looking at her boobs as she undresses. Typical punishment might be to make me stand in the 'naughty corner' whilst she sucks me off. All just playful fun, no real bondage, although once she did tie my hands to the bed-head with her stockings and draped her fragrant knickers over my face so I couldn't see her 'punish' me by having her way with me.

Another lady, 'O Gracious One', when she found out I wrote a BLOG, admitted to having fun making up rhymes. So we created a game of 'dirty ditties' and 'fractured fairy tales', taking turns to create a new line starting from an old nursery rhyme, etc.  So "Goldie Locks", "Little Red Riding Hood" et al provided many fun rhymes. If a particular 'dirty ditty' had suitable actions, these were acted out as we went. I must say her rollicking laughs as she 'rode a cock horse' sent wonderful ripples right through our connection. Sadly, we have lost contact - I really miss those fun times. I wish I had had a recorder to capture some of those ditties.  One I remember, went:-

"Georgie Porgie full of fun,

Licked the girls and made them come.

With lady come on his chin,

He said with a grin,

Oh what a good boy am I"

Although I am a DOM now, I am still a kid at heart, and 'play time' is my favourite time. Which reminds me, we certainly gave "Girls and boys come out to play" a jolly rodgering!

So next time someone calls me a 'fuck wit', I will take it as a compliment.

Lucky Tom Dedicates His Song

"To all the girls I've loved beforeWho travelled in and out my doorI'm glad they came alongI dedicate this songTo all the girls I've loved before."

My local bordello has a weekly Lucky Door Prize raffle draw and this week my number came up - first prize a free session with the lady of my choice.  It was only the previous Monday that I had seen my current regular, G, and here it was just 7 days later, I was having an awesome time with G again.  I got thinking about my "luck" and the great times I have with G, then of all the other great times with all my other great ladies, that made me think of the above song - thanks Willie Nelson for expressing so beautifully, my gratitude.

Sadly, it wasn't always so.  It wasn't until my late 50's that I came to my senses. I was getting quite depressed, but it was a lady at work that opened my mind. She was a single mother, coping with a teenage son, she had managed the construction of her own house - a real "go getter".  I learned from her that one has to take responsibility for your own happiness.  Sure, there were reasons for my wife's zero libido - abusive father, injury, illness, medication, etc.  But whether I let life's misfortune make me unhappy, or whether I made my own happiness, was my choice. As the old saying goes, "When life dishes up lemons, make lemonade".

And so it was that I took the plunge with the oldest professional help. There was a lot of misapprehension and soul searching, having all the misinformed view of prostitution promulgated by the do-gooder press. I was so lucky with my first Lady Of Pleasure - I could not have met a nicer lady that put all my misconceptions to rest.

And the rest is history, so to say. I have had good times, great times and some awesome times - "so this is what marriage was supposed to have been like?".  My ladies have taught me a lot.  The greatest driver of great sex is what goes on between the ears. Its about R.E.S.P.E.C.T.  Its about compatible senses of humour. Its about unselfishness, of wanting to please/pleasure each other. With ongoing times together comes communication and trust.

So here is to:- 

• G (Amazing Grace with the luscious labia to dream of), 
• D ("The Body" builder with an occasional bad habit and my first GILF),  
• V ("11"), C (the Maltese terrier), 
• A (too much of a nympho for my own good),   
• T/M (booty buddy),  
• C1 (the Wicked Wench - wild, but once was enough) and 
• K (Special Krazy).  

And to all the others - thank you.

-----

OMG  The news of the Boston bombing just flashed across my screen!  When will the world ever learn to "make love, not war"!

4 O'Clock in the Morning

(This is a refresh of a post from June 2012 for 'MMMMondays'.)

--xxxXxxx-- 

It’s 4 o’clock in the morning and I wake with the most wonderful hard-on. Its not the “aching to get my rocks off” sort of hard-on.  Rather, I am so warm and comfortable and totally relaxed.  It was just 2 evenings ago that I had an awesome time with “amazing Grace with the luscious labia”!  I am still floating on air and basking in the after-glow.  I read that for men over 60, Viagra is excreted much more slowly, with double the “half-life” of a 40 year-old.  Perhaps that’s helping this morning.

 

I tingle as my finger-tips caress the silky skin of my shaft, just as Grace did.  As I circle the rim of my glans it is just as Grace pleasured her labia and clit with my tip.  I am in total bliss, dreaming and replaying our time together.

I must have drifted off to sleep for a few minutes, because I wake again with a bit of a droop, but as I zone back into “that night”, my hardness is throbbing in no time.  I remember how Grace collapsed across my chest, having come for the umpteenth time, totally relaxed, holding my thickness inside her.  She said she wished she could take “it” home as her personal “toy”.

I can feel her sex engulfing me again. I am ready for more now, so I reach into me bedside drawers for a rubber and roll it on.  My hand and Grace’s pussy merge into one, round and round, up and down, till we come together in a glorious release.  I flop back, totally relaxed and warm in my cocoon.

I think Grace must be awake in her bed this morning as well.  She enjoys pleasuring herself of a morning.  I think we must be “channeling” each other today to our mutual pleasure.

I drift off again, till I am startled awake with the alarm.  Its time to get ready for a new week of work and get Lady Thomas up and dressed and settled for the day - thank goodness we don’t share the same bed anymore.

Click to see who else's Monday was "MMMMM"!

Sabbatical Back-Sliding

So much for my sabbatical abstinence. This 24/7 carer stuff is heavy going. The doctor now tells us that the leg cast must be non-load bearing for 8 weeks (ie. 5 more), then a load-bearing cast for another 4 weeks, taking us to mid. January. And my patient can’t manage crutches, so I am stuck as wheelchair pusher, bum wiper, cook, bottle-washer, etc, etc, etc. So the opportunity to go out shopping is a relief. Last Friday, I had to go to the pharmacist for meds. and was told there would be a 30 minute wait, so I popped down to my “local” to have my own aches ministered to.

Now week days in suburban parlours is a bit hit-or-miss with respect to the quality of ladies available. But this Friday lunch time was busy - three ladies in bookings and two available, including G who had been called in for an extra shift. Now G might not be poster-girl material and her escorting days might be past, but her winning smile, cheery attitude and lovely personality won me over.

Up in room #5, after the preliminaries, I formally introduced her to Thomas the Tongue Engine and her enthusiasm jumped up several notches. Before I knew it, she was on her back with legs splayed showing me her very large luscious lips and telling what she wanted me to do to her. Of course I was more than happy to oblige. And what lips - major, major majora.

When she finally came down, she rolled me over and started to lavish her tongue on my tackle. But with my continued digital attention, we never got past the cover-all to CBJ - she was too anxious to feel me inside herself (“Never mind the length, feel the thickness”).

The main course was very enthusiastic, cowgirl, reverse, arched back, squatting, grinding, maximizing stimulation of her clit at every opportunity to at least one more orgasm (hers) before mine.

G is a talker - sexy talk - and lets you know in no uncertain terms what she is going do to you and what she wants.  She is certainly a personality that hit it off with me and an hour on my next visit would be awesome.