Peri-menopause meets Orgasm-Ejaculation-Dysfunction

As erotic fiction writers, we are obviously writing 'fiction', often from reminiscences of what is or once was or fantasizing about what we wish there was. But as we age, the reality of our personal sex lives can be very different. This is a real-life, warts and all story of such an encounter.

The Characters

CC (name changed even though I only know her working name) is a 50+ year old sex worker. I first met her 4 years ago and we immediately hit it off and we were able to share intimate details of our aging lives.  CC is now peri-menopausal, suffering night-sweats, dry vagina etc. starting to cause some issues for her work.

Now with CC being a mature age sex worker, she does tend to get a reasonable number of aged clients, including with erection implants (flexible rods and inflation devices). But she also has to put up with the young, immature wanna-be-studs with zero communication skills and zero understanding of female arousal. She gets rather tired and sore by such constant 'pounding' by these types. Such understanding is a big part of my own sexual maturing.

I am a septuagenarian now suffering OED. Regular ED (Erectile Dysfunction) hit about 10 years ago, then 3 years ago prostate cancer, treated with radiation therapy (that I have blogged about before). With a roasted prostate, ED and declining libido ensued. But with medication therapy, libido has improved somewhat and ED is addressed with sildenafil, compression ring, porn and arousal for usable erections. But actual orgasms are hard to come by and ejaculations not much more than a little pre-cum (no more 'cream pies', and vasectomy ensure no more babies) - thus OED.

As we shared our situations in a recent session, we agreed that our 'spirits are willing but our flesh is weak' (though I don't think this is quite how Matt.26:40-43 was meant to be interpreted).

Our Recent Session

I was fortunate that my personal situation was allowing me several days of uninterrupted respite time for myself for a change.  So there was no rush and CC and I relaxed in each other's arms, chatting, catching up, cuddling and kissing various erogenous zones.

As we discussed her dryness problems, I suggested that some oral lubrication was needed. CC jumped at the suggestion; cunnilingus is an activity that we have enjoyed since our first meeting. I am a great believer that 'she comes first'. I soon have her well lubricated and aroused. After several tremors and having become super-sensitive, I come up for more kissing, cuddling and chatting. We roll together for a little body-to-body arousal.

With my own OED issues, orgasm and ejaculation are no longer my goal. So when CC asks me what position I would like to go to next, I do not ask for a PIV position. Instead, I suggest she move on top and we can arouse each other by her rubbing her vulva along my erection (the 'pussy slide' or 'outercourse'). More lube has us slipping and sliding over each other. With CC in the 'driver's seat' she has full control about which parts of her body are being aroused, the moves and the timing. This is full on 'outercourse'. It brings to mind another lady I knew who used her labia in such an awesome way that I called it 'Deep French Fucking'.

CC is super aroused calling "Oh fuck. This is driving me crazy". It feels pretty good for me too. She slides up my shaft till her labia clasp my glans, then down again, then up and clasp again. A little shudder runs through her. Though my erection is full, I don't push the issue that I know will not have an ecstatic ending. Outercourse is sufficient for both of us at this age.

Hot and perspiring, we cuddle together for some finale kissing. I give her 'girls' one last lick and kiss before we head for the shower.

Image 'Gravity Sexual Health and Counseling';
original source of diagram unknown.

Little Black Spreadsheet

To be honest, before blogging, I was never one for writing in a journal or diary, other than dates of appointments and birthdays to remember. I am of the Baby Boomer generation, where "Little Black Book" was a literal paper book.

After a long dry spell in a lustless marriage, I decided to confirm how bad it was and put a pocket diary and pencil in my bedside drawer, into which I would log every time we had sex. Twelve months later I pulled it out and found it empty. That's when I found an unopened box of condoms that had passed their expiry date.

When I decided to address my unhappiness with some transactional sexual pleasure, I started a (Little Black) spreadsheet, my FOTM book, of who, where, when and quality of service. By having a written record, I had something to trigger memories, like ‘pinching’ oneself to remind yourself that this is real, that I was crawling out of that hole of depression, that I had to take responsibility for my own happiness.

But in time, it’s purpose changed to more of a management tool. It helped in selecting the type of Ladies Of Pleasure (LOP) I would see, which brothels had the best ladies (to my taste), frequency vs length of service. I remember discussing this point with one special lady, of shorter encounters (30 mins) more frequently, or longer 1 hour encounters less frequently. Of course, I was sucked (literally) into longer encounters more frequently! The diary also provided a form of budget monitoring.

Further, I was able to keep a record of which ladies were available on which days of the week.

It also helped me in discovering what aspects of sex I enjoyed best. Each encounter was rated (1-5) in 5 categories, ‘KODSQ’, Kissing, Oral (fellatio), DATY (cunnilingus), Sex (coitus), and overall Quality of service (personal connection, attitude, etc). In time, I found some exceptional ladies that qualified for a 6 or 7/5 on some points, then later I high-lighted the date of some encounters in red for “above and beyond the call of duty” (House rules). These exceptional ladies fell into the 'nympho' category where their pleasure was as important as mine. Buddy pleasure extends well beyond the purely physical.

(Note that there are no categories for looks or body type)!

(Wow! 30 times with 20 ladies in 12 months back in 2011. Sort of broke my 'monthly' rule. Sadly, 2019 totaled just 2).

When I started blogging ‘The Cunning Linctus’, it was initially a personal journal of specific encounters with my Ladies Of Pleasure, especially for very special or interesting times. I started a ‘Cunning Conversations’ series of some of my very interesting post coital pillow talks. In time, the blog became public and I started addressing broader issues like sex education, writing/blogging techniques, then later I added in erotic fiction.

Now some 13 years since it started, with Covid lock-downs and generally less time to sample who’s out there, I used it for forward planning. As I read reviews of ladies I found interesting, I made a note of name, place, availability and types of service (as reviewed), then as I found more reviews of a lady, I updated the details with the accuracy of the ratings. So when an opportunity arose, I had a list of possibilities to choose from and some expectation of the type of service I might get.

But come 2021, we are in this city's 6th Covid lock-down. My last 2 excursions have been more like 'buddy calls' than 'booty calls'. Post prostate ED recovery hasn't been quite as successful as I hoped. So it might be time for my LBS to be relegated to the book of memories beside the photo albums.

Click to see who else has been Wicked
especially when diarized!

Cunnilingus - Techniques, Do's, Don'ts and Attitude

When I saw the prompt for 'The Oral Sex Project' was "Oral Techniques", I thought it was time I collected and refreshed a group of posts from 2012 & 2013. They were written from a male perspective, in primarily transactional sex situations and were originally targeted at fellow 'punters'. Those posts started out with "Cunnilingus 101" which is by far my most frequently read post, passing 6000 views in 9 years, and still gets 1 or 2 views per day. In this compilation essay, I present them in a different order, starting with a question from a reader.

Co-incidentally, the current "4Thoughts" meme prompt is "Addiction" and I can't think of anything more addictive in sex than the visual, olfactory, tactile, aural and palatable delights of cunnilingus.

(Gender note: This was written 9 years ago where he/him and she/her had their traditional meanings. Any use of 'male' references should be read to include all 'givers' of cunnilingus, and she/her refers to persons with a vulva).

Why Doesn't She Respond to Cunnilingus?

The simple answer is - use your tongue - TALK TO HER!

Does she want you 'down there' at all?

Does she enjoy being touched and if so, where?

Does she enjoy self masturbation?  Some ladies just cannot bring themselves to have oral sex at all, either giving or receiving. Respect her.

Have you asked her how she likes it? Ask for directions!

Does she have any "turn offs"?  See "Cunnilingus Don'ts" below.

What responses were you expecting?  Every woman's response is different. (See "Cunnilingus Responses") If you go down with high expectations, then you are highly likely to be disappointed.  

Cunnilingus is NOT fore-play - there needs to be a lot of play before you go down. Below in "Cunnilingus 101", I cover a lot of basics around techniques.

There was a phrase used in old-fashioned marriage vows, "With my body I thee worship", that is worth revisiting.  Good "sex" is a 'whole of body and mind' experience by/for both partners.

Are you both enjoying yourselves?  Then enjoy the ride and be surprised at what might happen!

Cunnilingus 101

Don't get me wrong, I am not professing to be an expert, though many of my ladies have made very complimentary noises ("Oh my God, don't stop!"). In fact it was one of my lovely appreciative ladies that dubbed me "Thomas the Tongue Engine". I have learnt by trial and error (fortunately not too much of the later).  Also, I am writing as a male, but as I write below it is critical that you take guidance from your lady(s). Further many of the points raised come from my ladies themselves in our conversations

From the start, you need to understand that it is not just about technique, but like all good sex, is very much about attitude, mood and personal "connectedness".  So if you have come together with mutual 'joie de vivre' and desire for mutual pleasure, then you have started off on the right foot.  

Invitation to Dine At The “Y”?

Now it might seem trite and obvious, but ensure beforehand that the lady will be receptive, either by explicit or implicit Q&A in your introduction.  Remember, that in the commercial environment, not all ladies are willing to provide this level of service (see my "Respecting Personal Preferences and Space" post). Some ladies don't like it on a first visit - wait until you have got to know each other a bit. Also, time-of-day and time-of-month come into play. I have had some ladies turn down an offer because she has had “too many clients just trying to make me come”!  Personally, I find ladies most receptive in their first booking of the day/week, or last booking of the day when they are ready for some “me time”.

Preparation

Again, it might seem trite and obvious, but it still needs to be stated - make sure you have prepared yourself physically before your encounter - freshly smooth shaved, showered, deodorized, nails closely trimmed, teeth brushed and gargled, and of course you won't be 'going down there' if you have mouth ulcers, cracked lips or cold-sores (you don't want to be giving or receiving anything except pleasure)!

Warming Up

The "warm-up" and "get-to-know" phases are important.  Don't just dive straight in - there will be caressing, kissing, and discovering erogenous zones, neck, ear-lobes, breasts, nipples. Slowly work your way down her body with light kissing and licking, perhaps down one leg, up the inner thighs, across her pubes, then the other leg and back up, circling in on her sweet spot.

Anatomy 101

Lets pause at this point to ensure you have a working knowledge of the female genital anatomy - the outer and inner lips (labia), the location of the clitoris and urethra relative to the vaginal entrance (advanced Linguists will also need to know the location of the "G-spot").  Internet photos and video will help in understanding the enormous variety, but only with experience can you appreciate the variety of "innies", "outies" and "flaps", prominent and embedded clits, not to mention artificial adornments.

Technique - More Lips, Less Tongue

In terms of technique, I can't go much better than the phrase from fellow dearly departed blogger ‘The Barreness’ - "More lips, less tongue" (and definitely no teeth!).  Cunnilingus is much more akin to kissing than intercourse, and should not be seen as just an opportunity to fuck your lady with your tongue (or finger), though digital stimulation of her G-spot may be used by experienced practitioners once she is fully excited, if agreeable.

Its not a good idea to home straight in on her clit. Perhaps kiss your way up her inner thigh, circle the outer labia. Gently lick across the outer labia, very gently sucking each lip in turn. Lick up and down her slit, from her clit to gently parting her lips with your tongue. Well, you can work out the rest...

Be Sensitive to Feedback

Be guided by your lady’s responses. If in doubt ask her if she likes something. If she puts her hands on your head and pulls you hard into her or wraps her legs around you in a neck lock, then you know you are doing something right - just beware the orgasmic pelvic 'punch in the nose'.  Be aware that she will get super-sensitive and that you then need to pull back or stop (unless of course she screams “No! No! NO!!! DON’T STOP!!!”.

Also be aware of the variety or intensity and frequency of female orgasm. Some ladies will not come easily. Others only come once. There is a plateau state where a lady will shudder on the brink for some time. Mostly you will encounter clitoral orgasms, but deep vaginal orgasm typically from G-spot stimulation is something different. It wasn’t until I triggered one once that I now understand the difference - “My god.  I haven’t had one of those for months!” was her response.

Know When to Back Off

As part of your feedback, be sensitive about when it isn't working and when you need to back off. In your early attempts, don't be discouraged if you just can't make it work for your lady. Or it simply just might not be her day. Be respectful, and don't overstay your welcome.

Give Her Time To Recover

Be aware of her sensitivity afterwards. She might not be ready to progress straight into intercourse.

Post DATY Benefits

If you have pleasured your lady well, she will very likely be highly desirous to have her fill of you.

Cunnilingus Responses

Of the dozens and dozens of ladies I have had the pleasure and delight of "dining on", every one responded differently. I will try to roughly group them by similarity of response. I have a separate post dedicated exclusively to "O-O-O-OMG! The Female Orgasm".

The Unexpected

With many professional Ladies of Pleasure, orgasm can be a wearying drain on a day full of clients. Thus many refuse cunnilingus outright. I remember one lovely young thing agreeing, but saying that she probably wouldn't be able to cum - I was delighted to have her bucking in under 5 minutes. Another neophyte didn't even expect that she could or was "allowed" to cum in a commercial arrangement - she squealed with surprise and delight when she did.

One A Day

Not all ladies are able to be multi-orgasmic. One special buddy of mine, could only ever have one orgasm per day. So we timed our meetings so that that one was a mighty good one. (It's a bit like blogging - some people can write one or more times per day, but some of us struggle with a weekly post).

Vocality

Vocal response during orgasm varies from a small grunt and sigh, through "Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh God, Yes!", to the "screamer"s - one lady I saw was nicknamed "Firecracker" - she went off so loudly that everybody in the place knew it. Some others wanted to, but bite on their wrist to hold it back. But beware, her verbal response is easily exaggerated. (For myself, I'm afraid I'm a 'quiet achiever'!)

Encouragement

When a lady is really starting to appreciate your ministrations you will receive encouraging signs. She will be pushing back into you. I have had ladies who I could swear their vulva was kissing me back. Then there are those that give directions - take notice - she knows what she likes so let her guide you. Then there are ladies that grab my head and pull my face hard against their cunt, twisting and squirming their pelvis against my face  - just be careful she doesn't suffocate you.

The Linctus of Love

Probably the first obvious response is lubricating. Like all the responses listed here, the degree will vary enormously from lady to lady and time to time. But from my experience at least, gushing or squirting is highly unlikely from cunnilingus alone, though there are the exceptions.

The "Lichter" Scale

I have had enough ladies 'in my face' to know that the intensity of the female orgasm is very much an individual thing and that 'stronger' does not automatically imply 'better', so I won't put any numbers on the Lichter scale. I have ladies who's orgasms are a ripple through their body. And I've had ladies who's orgasms seize their body totally stiff - pity me if I have their legs around my neck. There are orgasms that are a single contraction with perhaps a single after-spasm. On the other hand, I have had ladies who contracted repeatedly, perhaps up to a dozen times.

Controlled Release

Occasionally I meet a lady who knows her own body very well, an obvious player of her fine instrument. Although technically on the receiving end, she controls and paces her response, not allowing herself to tip over the edge of full orgasm. She prefers to rumble along a plateau of continuous pleasure in pre-orgasm, then only letting herself go when she is good and ready for maximum effect.

Clitoral vs Vaginal Orgasm

This is one of those topics that is more meaningful to ladies than to we mere males. Some people still dispute whether different types of orgasm even occur. Mind you, I'm sure most ladies only experience one type of orgasm, whether or clitoral or vaginal stimulation - it's all about individual nerve and neuronal 'wiring'.

It took me 2 years of 'research' before I encountered a practical demonstration. This particular lady was quite multi-orgasmic. After her third or fourth (clitoral) orgasm, I added some digital stimulation of her G-spot to my cunnilingus. Suddenly there was a deep-down, almost rumbling sort of contractions that built up and up to a full body orgasm. Her response was "Oh God, I needed that. I haven't had one of those for months".

The Blossoming

One of the most beautiful sights for a cunnilinguist, is the blossoming of your ladies vulva. Again, the degree of response is highly individual and highly dependent on the lady's personal anatomy (go and read "Pussy Pride" if you are not fully aware of the wide diversity of vaginal anatomy). Like an erectile response, her labia engorge with blood, swelling until they spread and 'pop' out like a flower bud opening. By this time, her vagina is gaping open, calling to you, "Come and fuck me". (The particular lady I visualise with fond memories, was coincidentally a "one-a-day" lady.

Read up on "Sexual Arousal" at “https://www.wikiwand.com/en/Sexual_arousal”). 

All that's left to say, is "Bon appetit!".

Cunnilingus Don'ts

After discussing the above posts with my buddy, "Oh Gracious One", she shared with me some of her turn-offs.

No Means No!

Even in a "commercial" arrangement, this still applies - this is a negotiable option only. And it doesn't just mean a verbal "No"! If your lady pushes you away or expresses discomfort or dislike, that's still "No!". Proceeding with unwanted cunnilingus is "Rape" in some jurisdictions, or at least "Sexual assault".

Don't Bite

I could hardly believe OGO when she said that she had men bite her lady bits. Firm nibbling with your lips perhaps if she agrees, but biting - ouch. How would you like it if she sunk her teeth into the tip if your cock? Oh, you do? Its all about preferences - respect each other's.

Beware Stubble Rash

Facial hair, like public hair, is a choice and acquired taste. The two-day-old stubble might look "manly" but even 5-o'clock shadow can be quite irritating on a ladies sensitive bits. I always try and have a fresh shave before visiting my ladies. I did forget once and my lady told me it was rough - so I placed my hands on her inner thighs so my stubbly cheeks don't touch her skin and a wonderful time was had by all.

Don't be a Pussy

OGO told me that one of her pet peeves is the man that lightly flicks his tongue on her bits. She likes her cunnilingus full on, like Deep French Kissing on the mouth. Again, find out what each individual lady likes.

Oral Hygeine

No-one like kissing anyone with halitosis. But with cunnilingus, the risk of infection is higher. So gum disease, bleeding gums or cold sores on the lips means cunnilingus is off the menu, just like if she has her period. But kissing of her erogenous zones, ears, neck breasts, inner thighs or mons can be a real turn-on.

Long Nails are Not In

If you plan on searching for her "G" spot, your finger nails had better be clipped and filed.

Your "Visiting Kit"

When visiting my ladies, I have my own "visiting kit" - razor, tooth brush, mouth wash, deodorant, nail clippers, massage oil and condoms.  Be a good scout and Be Prepared, and you will be hearing "Don't stop!", instead of "DON'T!".

Foot Note

Colloquially, cunnilingus is also known as DATY (Dining At The 'Y'), and apparently also as "The Australian Kiss", mind you I've never heard this expression in Australia myself - perhaps it was a "foreigner's" description of an Ozzie's ministrations.

Click a badge to read other posts in the associated meme. Remember to support writers with a 'like' or comment.

The Australian Kiss

I was reading a past post of MrsFever's about "Home", that prompted me about other innocuous or pet names or phrases we use. There are some that have become so commonly used with sexual meanings, that they are no longer innocuous, like 'Pussy', 'Kitty' or 'Dining at the Y'. Then of course there are the thousands of euphemism used for sexual organs and acts, that don't have the 'pet name' feeling to them.

I was a little surprised when I found myself asking a LOP, "I think I should 'say hello to the girls'" (kissing her labia - this is known as the 'Australian Kiss' - I do live in the Land Down Under after all)!

 

(Photo from 'me.me', photographer unknown)

A Buddy to Remember

One of the beauties of aging, is that you have more memories to reminisce over.

The period I am writing about was 9 years ago and there are contemporaneous blog posts that I will refer to. Whilst this reminiscence might seem to be through rose coloured glasses, they are not artificially tinted.

I first met TM in a brothel. We hit it off immediately and over a number of regular visits and frequent pillow talks, got to know a bit about each other. She had married very young, with no career, but eventually the marriage went bad. She turned to sex work as a convenient, easy way to make sufficient money to survive. Now she enjoyed sex and had a good temperament for this work. Her philosophy was to make her clients feel that they were 'making love' with her, what is sometimes called a 'girl friend experience'.

We exchanged telephone numbers to keep in touch about our availability. Well one day, she rang to say that due to a change in circumstances, she was leaving the brothel work, but would I like to continue seeing her privately. She lived in a rental cottage at the sea-side, a good hour out of my normal travel, but I said I would love to continue seeing her.

It took some surreptitious juggling of times between home and work, but we did get to spend some wonderful times together. I was her only 'partner' over this time. It wasn't really a 'client' relationship, although I did assist her financially. It wasn't regular enough in visits or payments to make it a 'sugar daddy' relationship. Perhaps 'Booty Buddy' or 'Friends With Benefits' would better describe what we had. TM summed it up best, describing us as a 'couple of survivors comforting each other'.

Being out of work, the government dole payment required her to undertake some occupational training. She signed up for an Aged Care Attendant certificate, but didn't really find it suited her temperament. She was a good photographer, particularly seascapes, and we talked about how she might turn this into some sort of career option, say in framed photographs in a tourist spot.

A few months in, she mentioned that she had met someone that had asked her on a date. I told her that if it became serious, and our friendship was inappropriate, to tell me and I would step aside. I never saw her for a few months, what with her going overseas for a friend's funeral, then her own family issues.

It was in the December; I had received a large Christmas hamper bonus from work, so I packaged up some of my largess for a hamper for TM.  I slipped out of work early and headed on down to visit. TM was home and pleased to see me, but greeted me with a chaste kiss. I knew immediately that my time had come.

We settled on the front veranda with chai lattes to catch up. The sun was coming down in the west, a warm sea breeze wafted across the fragrant cottage garden, as our conversation covered the mundane (her purchase and restoration of some old furniture), to deeply personal (her struggles with a change in her contraceptive; her boyfriend leaving his wife and asking her to move in with him and the pros and cons of whether she should), to my home-life issues with my wife's health. She inquired whether the 'girls' back at the brothel were looking after me (I hadn't been back since seeing TM at home).

The sun was about to kiss the horizon and it was time for me to go. With a warm cuddle, wishing each other well and a peck on the cheek, I headed off into the twilight.

Nine years on, I still have warm, fond memories of those days. I did see her FB page once (I wouldn't contact her tho) and saw that that relationship back then had not survived. She went back to college in a course that tapped her creative side but in a very practical hospitality role, in which she now works. A new relationship with a biker seems to be going well, and suits the wild streak in her personality.

Bon voyage through the rest of your life buddy. We survived!

Q - Question (#AtoZChallenge)

This is by far the most difficult post of the A-to-Z challenge, not just because it is 'Q', the least used letter in English, the death knell for Scrabble players, but I felt I was getting stale. Everything that came to mind seemed to be just rehashing stuff I've written about before. Writing had become Quotidian. My mind was a Quagmire. I was in a Quandary, I felt a Queasy Qualm. Perhaps I was suffering Quarantine fever!

Marie Rebelle's post on 'Never blog for someone else' resonated with me about bloggers' block and had me thinking of Quitting the Challenge. I took Easter Monday off from writing and spent it reading again and got re-inspired.

So as I Quaffed down a mug of strong coffee to Quench my thirst, I turned to my Little Oxford Dictionary; just 4.5 pages of 'Q' words. Being an 'A' to 'Z' challenge, perhaps a Quire (+1 or 2) of Quarto paper was needed? As a sex blogger, I was tempted by Quivering, Quavering and Quakes! Quiff gave me a chuckle thinking of pubic hair. What is the Quintessence of my blog? Some ideas that crossed my mind were Quixotic; what was my Quarry? I don't want to resort to a Quirky Quip, and I don't want to seem Querulous or Quibbling about my Quest. So much Questioning. 

Image by Christian Dorn from Pixabay

What's this? A Quickening? The answer to my Question is staring me in the face, Question!

Questioning, that most human trait, the key to keeping conversation and communication going. I am reminded of the joke "Why do psychiatrists always answer a question with a question?" - the answer "Why not?" - that certainly keeps the conversation flowing. In the business world, the Change Management and Business Analysis specialties have a key mantra, the "Five Whys" (Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?) to help drill down to find the most basic underlying problems. Sounds like any toddler, doesn't it. But it's not a new phenomenon - it goes back at least 2 thousand years to ancient Persia where they had the "Three Whys Men".

The key to good personal and sexual relationships is communication. The way to grow, to expand your experience, to explore, is to ask questions. In the broadest sense, there is the question of consent. It's not just "Would you like some rumpy pumpy tonight?", but questions like "Would you like a neck or back massage?" convey so much more. Questions like "Do you like that there?" and "Can you rub me here?" provide guidance, even learning new things.

In my "Mindfulness" post, I wrote of being an 'observer' of life, but questioning is a critical adjunct to understand what you are observing and to guide you into new observations and insights.

(For the dictionary averse, hover your mouse over any 'Q' word for a definition)

 
Click to see who else is taking the challenge. 

H - Happy, Yay, Hilarious Endings (#AtoZChallenge)

If you have ever looked at a dating web-site, even if you weren't actually actively looking for a date, invariably participants' profiles include "a good sense of humour" as a requirement or as their own personality. There is a very old saying, "Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone".

Laughter releases endorphin, the "feel good" hormone, into the brain. And "feel good" is a major factor in attraction between people. From earliest school age, "acting the fool" or being the "joker", is used to improve one's popularity.

Between adults, humour is an important factor in development of sexual attraction. Functional MRI scans have shown that the areas of the brain responding to humour and sexual arousal, are adjacent and both are involved in the endorphin release. So there is in fact a physiological reason for the relationship between sexual arousal and humour.

Some time ago, I wrote about "Laughter, the Best Aphrodisiac", so I won't repeat most of that, but there is one story worth repeating.

I was visiting a Lady Of Pleasure who had the nick-name of "Fire cracker" among her colleagues, because she was a very loud orgasm-er - I guess in other countries she might be known as the 'Happy Hooker'. Well the Tongue Engine had just given her her first orgasm. As she slid onto me, a second orgasm was building and she started biting her wrist. 

I asked, "Are you OK?";

To which she replied, "I don't want to make a noise; there might be someone in the waiting room next door". 

I came back with, "Well we'll give them some encouragement".

She came back with "I'll have what she's having".

With that, we both cracked up, laughing very loudly and orgasming together.

As I was leaving, the receptionist had a very big grin and asked, "Did you have a good time? Do come again" (which I do, often).

There is an expression in Australia, usually reserved for Massage Parlours that offer illegal 'optional extra service' known as a 'Happy Ending'. Well ours was an 'Hilarious Ending' - highly recommended.

 
Click to see who else is taking the challenge. 

Cunning Conversations - "I'll Have What She's Having"

Continuing my occasional series of "Cunning Conversations"....

A couple of years ago, a lady-of-pleasure I was seeing, had earned the nickname from her co-workers, of "Firecracker" because when she orgasmed, she went "off like a fire-cracker" and she could be heard throughout the building.

Well, one day we were having a good time and she had had one squealing orgasm with my tongue. Once she had settled down a little, as she was sliding onto me, she had the back of her hand wedged in her mouth.  I asked if there was anything wrong.

"I don't want to make too much noise. There might be someone in the waiting room (next door to our bedroom" was her reply.

"Don't worry about it" I said, "You might give them some encouragement".

She giggled, and came back with "I'll have what she's having!".

Well we both cracked up laughing. As I laughed, my cock twitched inside her. This was the last straw for her and she started convulsing on me, laughing, squealing and crying all at the same time.  Needless to say, this tipped me over the edge too.  This wasn't just a 'happy ending', it was a 'hilarious ending'.

Aside: Viagra works by causing the production of Nitrous Oxide (laughing gas) in the blood stream which cause the peripheral (face, and penis) blood vessels to dilate, thus improving one's erection. So there is in fact a chemical basis for the relationship between good humour and good sex.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Bedroom

Whilst "Laughter is the Best Medicine" I think it squeezes in just ahead of "Sex" because Laughter can be practiced any where, any time, in public.  But laughter and sex have a lot in common in that they both release those 'feel good' hormones and endorphins. To be sure there are times, especially in a one-off encounter, where the sex is immediately hot and lustful, but in more regular sex situations, 'fun' and 'play' are key ingredients to good sex and allow the good feelings to continue after the 'come shot'. This is why role-playing and fantasies are so popular because they add to the 'fun' in exploring 'life' outside our hum-drum day-to-day situations.

I was reminded of the above recently when catching up with Miss A whom I haven't seen for over a year. She uses a game of 'punishing' little infractions. On the way up to the bedroom, she stumbled on the stairs, flashing her knickers, and then said, "Were you peeking up my dress? You will have to be punished for that". 

 

Similarly, there will be 'punishment' for 'touching myself' in the shower, and looking at her boobs as she undresses. Typical punishment might be to make me stand in the 'naughty corner' whilst she sucks me off. All just playful fun, no real bondage, although once she did tie my hands to the bed-head with her stockings and draped her fragrant knickers over my face so I couldn't see her 'punish' me by having her way with me.

Another lady, 'O Gracious One', when she found out I wrote a BLOG, admitted to having fun making up rhymes. So we created a game of 'dirty ditties' and 'fractured fairy tales', taking turns to create a new line starting from an old nursery rhyme, etc.  So "Goldie Locks", "Little Red Riding Hood" et al provided many fun rhymes. If a particular 'dirty ditty' had suitable actions, these were acted out as we went. I must say her rollicking laughs as she 'rode a cock horse' sent wonderful ripples right through our connection. Sadly, we have lost contact - I really miss those fun times. I wish I had had a recorder to capture some of those ditties.  One I remember, went:-

"Georgie Porgie full of fun,

Licked the girls and made them come.

With lady come on his chin,

He said with a grin,

Oh what a good boy am I"

Although I am a DOM now, I am still a kid at heart, and 'play time' is my favourite time. Which reminds me, we certainly gave "Girls and boys come out to play" a jolly rodgering!

So next time someone calls me a 'fuck wit', I will take it as a compliment.

Cunnilingus Don'ts

With the popularity of my "Cunnilingus 101" post, and after discussing it with my buddy, Oh Gracious One (OGO), and she telling me of some of her turn-offs, I thought it time I wrote about the "Don'ts" of cunnilingus.

No Means No!

Even in a "commercial" arrangement, this still applies - this is a negotiable option only.  And it doesn't just mean a verbal "No"!  If your lady pushes you away or expresses discomfort or dislike, that's still "No!".  Proceeding with unwanted cunnilingus is "Rape" in some jurisdictions, or at least "Sexual assault".  Reread my original post  and RESPECT your ladies wishes.

Don't Bite

I could hardly believe OGO when she said that she had men bite her lady bits. Firm nibbling with your lips perhaps if she agrees, but biting - ouch. How would you like it if she sunk her teeth into the tip if your cock? Oh, you do?  Its all about preferences - respect each others.

Beware Stubble Rash

Facial hair, like public hair, is a choice and acquired taste.  The two-day-old stubble might look "manly" but even 5-o'clock shadow can be quite irritating on a ladies sensitive bits. I always try and have a fresh shave before visiting my ladies. I did forget once and my lady told me it was rough - so I placed my hands on her inner thighs so my stubbly cheeks don't touch her skin and a wonderful time was had by all.

Don't be a Pussy

OGO told me that one of her pet peeves is the man that lightly flicks his tongue on her bits.  She likes her cunnilingus full on, like Deep French Kissing on the mouth.  Again, find out what each individual lady likes.

Oral Hygeine

No-one like kissing anyone with halitosis. But with cunnilingus, the risk of infection is higher. So gum disease, bleeding gums or cold sores on the lips means cunnilingus is off the menu, just like if she has her period. But kissing of her erogenous zones, ears, neck breasts, inner thighs or mons can be a real turn-on.

Long Nails are Not In

If you plan on searching for her "G" spot, your finger nails had better be clipped and filed.

Your "Visiting Kit"

When visiting my ladies, I have my own "visiting kit" - razor, tooth brush, mouth wash, deodorant, nail clippers, massage oil and condoms.  Be a good scout and Be Prepared, and you will be hearing "Don't stop!", instead of "DON'T!".

Lucky Tom Dedicates His Song

"To all the girls I've loved beforeWho travelled in and out my doorI'm glad they came alongI dedicate this songTo all the girls I've loved before."

My local bordello has a weekly Lucky Door Prize raffle draw and this week my number came up - first prize a free session with the lady of my choice.  It was only the previous Monday that I had seen my current regular, G, and here it was just 7 days later, I was having an awesome time with G again.  I got thinking about my "luck" and the great times I have with G, then of all the other great times with all my other great ladies, that made me think of the above song - thanks Willie Nelson for expressing so beautifully, my gratitude.

Sadly, it wasn't always so.  It wasn't until my late 50's that I came to my senses. I was getting quite depressed, but it was a lady at work that opened my mind. She was a single mother, coping with a teenage son, she had managed the construction of her own house - a real "go getter".  I learned from her that one has to take responsibility for your own happiness.  Sure, there were reasons for my wife's zero libido - abusive father, injury, illness, medication, etc.  But whether I let life's misfortune make me unhappy, or whether I made my own happiness, was my choice. As the old saying goes, "When life dishes up lemons, make lemonade".

And so it was that I took the plunge with the oldest professional help. There was a lot of misapprehension and soul searching, having all the misinformed view of prostitution promulgated by the do-gooder press. I was so lucky with my first Lady Of Pleasure - I could not have met a nicer lady that put all my misconceptions to rest.

And the rest is history, so to say. I have had good times, great times and some awesome times - "so this is what marriage was supposed to have been like?".  My ladies have taught me a lot.  The greatest driver of great sex is what goes on between the ears. Its about R.E.S.P.E.C.T.  Its about compatible senses of humour. Its about unselfishness, of wanting to please/pleasure each other. With ongoing times together comes communication and trust.

So here is to:- 

• G (Amazing Grace with the luscious labia to dream of), 
• D ("The Body" builder with an occasional bad habit and my first GILF),  
• V ("11"), C (the Maltese terrier), 
• A (too much of a nympho for my own good),   
• T/M (booty buddy),  
• C1 (the Wicked Wench - wild, but once was enough) and 
• K (Special Krazy).  

And to all the others - thank you.

-----

OMG  The news of the Boston bombing just flashed across my screen!  When will the world ever learn to "make love, not war"!

Cunning Conversations - Use It or Lose It

Continuing my occasional series on "Cunning Conversations"....

I first saw D almost 5 years ago (see Maid In Morocco) and I was a regular for a couple of years until she moved out west, so I see her only occasionally now (yes, this is the 'D' of the afore-mentioned "Bad Habits").

On my last catch-up, she was telling me about her latest alternative work venture - getting her Heavy Truck Driver's License!  In some ways it's hard to imagine this beautiful, trim, taut MILF driving a 10 tonne truck, but having known her a little, I'm not surprised.

Right through a number of second-jobs, has been her constant work as a "Lady Of Pleasure".  I asked her if the truck driving meant I wouldn't be seeing her any more. Her reply was, "It's a case of Use It or Lose It, and I don't intent to lose IT!".

I guess for a single mum of teenage kids, not wanting another man/relationship in her life, this line of work both supports her financially, and she also gets to keep her own sexual desires satisfied (at least with her 'best' clients - there are always the occasional dud roots).  Thank goodness for the legalized status of the profession in Australia that allows ladies to choose this career safely and without coercion (and thank goodness for we gents who delight in their company).