Cunnilingus - Techniques, Do's, Don'ts and Attitude

When I saw the prompt for 'The Oral Sex Project' was "Oral Techniques", I thought it was time I collected and refreshed a group of posts from 2012 & 2013. They were written from a male perspective, in primarily transactional sex situations and were originally targeted at fellow 'punters'. Those posts started out with "Cunnilingus 101" which is by far my most frequently read post, passing 6000 views in 9 years, and still gets 1 or 2 views per day. In this compilation essay, I present them in a different order, starting with a question from a reader.

Co-incidentally, the current "4Thoughts" meme prompt is "Addiction" and I can't think of anything more addictive in sex than the visual, olfactory, tactile, aural and palatable delights of cunnilingus.

(Gender note: This was written 9 years ago where he/him and she/her had their traditional meanings. Any use of 'male' references should be read to include all 'givers' of cunnilingus, and she/her refers to persons with a vulva).

Why Doesn't She Respond to Cunnilingus?

The simple answer is - use your tongue - TALK TO HER!

Does she want you 'down there' at all?

Does she enjoy being touched and if so, where?

Does she enjoy self masturbation?  Some ladies just cannot bring themselves to have oral sex at all, either giving or receiving. Respect her.

Have you asked her how she likes it? Ask for directions!

Does she have any "turn offs"?  See "Cunnilingus Don'ts" below.

What responses were you expecting?  Every woman's response is different. (See "Cunnilingus Responses") If you go down with high expectations, then you are highly likely to be disappointed.  

Cunnilingus is NOT fore-play - there needs to be a lot of play before you go down. Below in "Cunnilingus 101", I cover a lot of basics around techniques.

There was a phrase used in old-fashioned marriage vows, "With my body I thee worship", that is worth revisiting.  Good "sex" is a 'whole of body and mind' experience by/for both partners.

Are you both enjoying yourselves?  Then enjoy the ride and be surprised at what might happen!

Cunnilingus 101

Don't get me wrong, I am not professing to be an expert, though many of my ladies have made very complimentary noises ("Oh my God, don't stop!"). In fact it was one of my lovely appreciative ladies that dubbed me "Thomas the Tongue Engine". I have learnt by trial and error (fortunately not too much of the later).  Also, I am writing as a male, but as I write below it is critical that you take guidance from your lady(s). Further many of the points raised come from my ladies themselves in our conversations

From the start, you need to understand that it is not just about technique, but like all good sex, is very much about attitude, mood and personal "connectedness".  So if you have come together with mutual 'joie de vivre' and desire for mutual pleasure, then you have started off on the right foot.  

Invitation to Dine At The “Y”?

Now it might seem trite and obvious, but ensure beforehand that the lady will be receptive, either by explicit or implicit Q&A in your introduction.  Remember, that in the commercial environment, not all ladies are willing to provide this level of service (see my "Respecting Personal Preferences and Space" post). Some ladies don't like it on a first visit - wait until you have got to know each other a bit. Also, time-of-day and time-of-month come into play. I have had some ladies turn down an offer because she has had “too many clients just trying to make me come”!  Personally, I find ladies most receptive in their first booking of the day/week, or last booking of the day when they are ready for some “me time”.

Preparation

Again, it might seem trite and obvious, but it still needs to be stated - make sure you have prepared yourself physically before your encounter - freshly smooth shaved, showered, deodorized, nails closely trimmed, teeth brushed and gargled, and of course you won't be 'going down there' if you have mouth ulcers, cracked lips or cold-sores (you don't want to be giving or receiving anything except pleasure)!

Warming Up

The "warm-up" and "get-to-know" phases are important.  Don't just dive straight in - there will be caressing, kissing, and discovering erogenous zones, neck, ear-lobes, breasts, nipples. Slowly work your way down her body with light kissing and licking, perhaps down one leg, up the inner thighs, across her pubes, then the other leg and back up, circling in on her sweet spot.

Anatomy 101

Lets pause at this point to ensure you have a working knowledge of the female genital anatomy - the outer and inner lips (labia), the location of the clitoris and urethra relative to the vaginal entrance (advanced Linguists will also need to know the location of the "G-spot").  Internet photos and video will help in understanding the enormous variety, but only with experience can you appreciate the variety of "innies", "outies" and "flaps", prominent and embedded clits, not to mention artificial adornments.

Technique - More Lips, Less Tongue

In terms of technique, I can't go much better than the phrase from fellow dearly departed blogger ‘The Barreness’ - "More lips, less tongue" (and definitely no teeth!).  Cunnilingus is much more akin to kissing than intercourse, and should not be seen as just an opportunity to fuck your lady with your tongue (or finger), though digital stimulation of her G-spot may be used by experienced practitioners once she is fully excited, if agreeable.

Its not a good idea to home straight in on her clit. Perhaps kiss your way up her inner thigh, circle the outer labia. Gently lick across the outer labia, very gently sucking each lip in turn. Lick up and down her slit, from her clit to gently parting her lips with your tongue. Well, you can work out the rest...

Be Sensitive to Feedback

Be guided by your lady’s responses. If in doubt ask her if she likes something. If she puts her hands on your head and pulls you hard into her or wraps her legs around you in a neck lock, then you know you are doing something right - just beware the orgasmic pelvic 'punch in the nose'.  Be aware that she will get super-sensitive and that you then need to pull back or stop (unless of course she screams “No! No! NO!!! DON’T STOP!!!”.

Also be aware of the variety or intensity and frequency of female orgasm. Some ladies will not come easily. Others only come once. There is a plateau state where a lady will shudder on the brink for some time. Mostly you will encounter clitoral orgasms, but deep vaginal orgasm typically from G-spot stimulation is something different. It wasn’t until I triggered one once that I now understand the difference - “My god.  I haven’t had one of those for months!” was her response.

Know When to Back Off

As part of your feedback, be sensitive about when it isn't working and when you need to back off. In your early attempts, don't be discouraged if you just can't make it work for your lady. Or it simply just might not be her day. Be respectful, and don't overstay your welcome.

Give Her Time To Recover

Be aware of her sensitivity afterwards. She might not be ready to progress straight into intercourse.

Post DATY Benefits

If you have pleasured your lady well, she will very likely be highly desirous to have her fill of you.

Cunnilingus Responses

Of the dozens and dozens of ladies I have had the pleasure and delight of "dining on", every one responded differently. I will try to roughly group them by similarity of response. I have a separate post dedicated exclusively to "O-O-O-OMG! The Female Orgasm".

The Unexpected

With many professional Ladies of Pleasure, orgasm can be a wearying drain on a day full of clients. Thus many refuse cunnilingus outright. I remember one lovely young thing agreeing, but saying that she probably wouldn't be able to cum - I was delighted to have her bucking in under 5 minutes. Another neophyte didn't even expect that she could or was "allowed" to cum in a commercial arrangement - she squealed with surprise and delight when she did.

One A Day

Not all ladies are able to be multi-orgasmic. One special buddy of mine, could only ever have one orgasm per day. So we timed our meetings so that that one was a mighty good one. (It's a bit like blogging - some people can write one or more times per day, but some of us struggle with a weekly post).

Vocality

Vocal response during orgasm varies from a small grunt and sigh, through "Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh God, Yes!", to the "screamer"s - one lady I saw was nicknamed "Firecracker" - she went off so loudly that everybody in the place knew it. Some others wanted to, but bite on their wrist to hold it back. But beware, her verbal response is easily exaggerated. (For myself, I'm afraid I'm a 'quiet achiever'!)

Encouragement

When a lady is really starting to appreciate your ministrations you will receive encouraging signs. She will be pushing back into you. I have had ladies who I could swear their vulva was kissing me back. Then there are those that give directions - take notice - she knows what she likes so let her guide you. Then there are ladies that grab my head and pull my face hard against their cunt, twisting and squirming their pelvis against my face  - just be careful she doesn't suffocate you.

The Linctus of Love

Probably the first obvious response is lubricating. Like all the responses listed here, the degree will vary enormously from lady to lady and time to time. But from my experience at least, gushing or squirting is highly unlikely from cunnilingus alone, though there are the exceptions.

The "Lichter" Scale

I have had enough ladies 'in my face' to know that the intensity of the female orgasm is very much an individual thing and that 'stronger' does not automatically imply 'better', so I won't put any numbers on the Lichter scale. I have ladies who's orgasms are a ripple through their body. And I've had ladies who's orgasms seize their body totally stiff - pity me if I have their legs around my neck. There are orgasms that are a single contraction with perhaps a single after-spasm. On the other hand, I have had ladies who contracted repeatedly, perhaps up to a dozen times.

Controlled Release

Occasionally I meet a lady who knows her own body very well, an obvious player of her fine instrument. Although technically on the receiving end, she controls and paces her response, not allowing herself to tip over the edge of full orgasm. She prefers to rumble along a plateau of continuous pleasure in pre-orgasm, then only letting herself go when she is good and ready for maximum effect.

Clitoral vs Vaginal Orgasm

This is one of those topics that is more meaningful to ladies than to we mere males. Some people still dispute whether different types of orgasm even occur. Mind you, I'm sure most ladies only experience one type of orgasm, whether or clitoral or vaginal stimulation - it's all about individual nerve and neuronal 'wiring'.

It took me 2 years of 'research' before I encountered a practical demonstration. This particular lady was quite multi-orgasmic. After her third or fourth (clitoral) orgasm, I added some digital stimulation of her G-spot to my cunnilingus. Suddenly there was a deep-down, almost rumbling sort of contractions that built up and up to a full body orgasm. Her response was "Oh God, I needed that. I haven't had one of those for months".

The Blossoming

One of the most beautiful sights for a cunnilinguist, is the blossoming of your ladies vulva. Again, the degree of response is highly individual and highly dependent on the lady's personal anatomy (go and read "Pussy Pride" if you are not fully aware of the wide diversity of vaginal anatomy). Like an erectile response, her labia engorge with blood, swelling until they spread and 'pop' out like a flower bud opening. By this time, her vagina is gaping open, calling to you, "Come and fuck me". (The particular lady I visualise with fond memories, was coincidentally a "one-a-day" lady.

Read up on "Sexual Arousal" at “https://www.wikiwand.com/en/Sexual_arousal”). 

All that's left to say, is "Bon appetit!".

Cunnilingus Don'ts

After discussing the above posts with my buddy, "Oh Gracious One", she shared with me some of her turn-offs.

No Means No!

Even in a "commercial" arrangement, this still applies - this is a negotiable option only. And it doesn't just mean a verbal "No"! If your lady pushes you away or expresses discomfort or dislike, that's still "No!". Proceeding with unwanted cunnilingus is "Rape" in some jurisdictions, or at least "Sexual assault".

Don't Bite

I could hardly believe OGO when she said that she had men bite her lady bits. Firm nibbling with your lips perhaps if she agrees, but biting - ouch. How would you like it if she sunk her teeth into the tip if your cock? Oh, you do? Its all about preferences - respect each other's.

Beware Stubble Rash

Facial hair, like public hair, is a choice and acquired taste. The two-day-old stubble might look "manly" but even 5-o'clock shadow can be quite irritating on a ladies sensitive bits. I always try and have a fresh shave before visiting my ladies. I did forget once and my lady told me it was rough - so I placed my hands on her inner thighs so my stubbly cheeks don't touch her skin and a wonderful time was had by all.

Don't be a Pussy

OGO told me that one of her pet peeves is the man that lightly flicks his tongue on her bits. She likes her cunnilingus full on, like Deep French Kissing on the mouth. Again, find out what each individual lady likes.

Oral Hygeine

No-one like kissing anyone with halitosis. But with cunnilingus, the risk of infection is higher. So gum disease, bleeding gums or cold sores on the lips means cunnilingus is off the menu, just like if she has her period. But kissing of her erogenous zones, ears, neck breasts, inner thighs or mons can be a real turn-on.

Long Nails are Not In

If you plan on searching for her "G" spot, your finger nails had better be clipped and filed.

Your "Visiting Kit"

When visiting my ladies, I have my own "visiting kit" - razor, tooth brush, mouth wash, deodorant, nail clippers, massage oil and condoms.  Be a good scout and Be Prepared, and you will be hearing "Don't stop!", instead of "DON'T!".

Foot Note

Colloquially, cunnilingus is also known as DATY (Dining At The 'Y'), and apparently also as "The Australian Kiss", mind you I've never heard this expression in Australia myself - perhaps it was a "foreigner's" description of an Ozzie's ministrations.

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