Sexual Independence Day - Hot Rodding Mai (2007)

Content Warning! Contains graphic sexual descriptions, originally written as a personal journal for private use.

An Old (2007) FOTM Journal

I was going through some old archives on my computer recently in an 'iso' cleanup moment, and came across the following in my old FOTM Journal from 2007 (this was before my BLOG). OMG, 2007 - checking my diary, I see that Mai was only the 3rd LOP I had the pleasure of after finally giving up on a lustless marriage, and diving into the world of transactional sex. After Mai, I was well and truly hooked. Wow, is this what marital sex was supposed to be like? Woo; Hoo; Celebration!!! Sexual Independence Day! "Happy New Year Life"!

---xxxXxxx---

The Need For a Quickie

"It is a Wednesday evening in the middle of January (2007) and I really need a fuck. I think I'll try out 'Night Moves', a cheaper Asian 'jìyuàn' (brothel) in Melbourne's eastern suburbs. It is an old house in an industrial area. I park around the back and go and knock on the door. The "mamasan" is quite young and brusk. She takes me straight to a bedroom to meet the available girls. She quotes me the prices and I ask for a "quickie" 20 minute 'xìngjiāo'.

The room is very basic, really in need of tarting up.  A mirror across the bedhead has a crack. A curtain hangs off the end of the curtain rail.  No luxury here. The shower 'cubicle' in the corner is so small, that if I drop the soap, I will have to open the door to bend over to pick it up.

The Introduction

The girls file in and introduce themselves in very broken English that I can barely understand.  Mamasan comes back and asks who I would like.  I ask for Mai, a very small, slightly built Chinese girl.  I quickly shower in the corner cubicle.  I am drying off when Mai comes in.  Even small talk is very difficult with her poor English.

Before I can even get to her, she has slipped her clothes off.  Her head barely reaches the top of my chest. I pull her to me.  She apologies that she is so small, as I touch her breasts - just rather prominent erect nipples with no breast to speak of at all.  She starts to rub her body against me.  I can feel her public hair against my rising cock.  I run my hands down her back and over her bum.  After more rubbing, my erection is full and Mai steps back, unwraps a condom and kneels down to roll it on me (Ed. this was before I needed Viagra - oh the memories of a natural hard-on).  She then starts to give me head.  She is straight forward and fast, no real deep throat.

Impaled

After a couple of minutes of sucking, I don't want a blow job,  I help her stand up.  We are still standing beside the bed.  She is so small and light, I have an idea.  I place my hands under her arm pits and lift her up and impale her straight onto my waiting hot rod - she was already hot and wet and receptive.  Her legs wrap around my waist.  She lets out a little giggle and an "Oooh!". A new move for her?

"Ooooh, Yeah!" Hot Rodded (not Mai though)

She proceeds to lift her body up and down, quite fast, fucking me like a bitch on heat.  She is so light, it is no effort at all.  We fuck for a couple of minutes but I don't want to come this quickly, so I lift her off and lie her back on the bed.

I get a good look at her now, spreadeagled before me.  Her skin is china white.  Her erect nipples are dark brown with no discernible areola and virtually no swelling boobs.  Her pubes are unshaven with just a small black 'landing strip'.  Her labia petals are swelling open already. 

"Avante"

Mai lifts her arms to me, inviting me to enter her.  I reach me hand to her fanny, but she takes it away, drawing me down.  I slide up her tiny body until my cock is 'kissed' by her hot, wet, waiting labia, and I easily slip straight in.  I no sooner have my prick in her kitty, than she starts to fuck, fast.  Her cunt is tight and I feel her muscles wrapped around my rod as she thrusts, up and down, back and forth, fucking, fucking, fucking.  With each withdrawal, I feel her pussy lips sucking my cock back in.  I know this is going to be a quickie. 

I pull back, sliding out of her ravishingly hot depths and roll her onto her stomach.  I lift her thighs to my height and kneel behind her.  I feel for her fanny with my fingers, but Mai is already gaping in anticipation.  She wriggles her bum back until her slick cunt slides onto my aching, waiting rod.  We start to fuck again, she’s rocking her whole body, backward onto me, then forward, her tight twat gripping the tip of my cock with her lips, not letting me slip out, then she thrusts back onto me, her bum slapping into me lap.

Raw Lust - Hot Rodding Mai

Our pace quickens, fuck, slap; in, out; thrust, suck.  Boy she is a good fucker, like a rooting rabbit.  Her pussy is super hot now, even through my condom.  My rod is stiffening even harder and tingling.  I can feel my cum rising in my shaft.  I want to come.  I need a quickie tonight.  I fuck harder and faster till my prick can hold it no longer.  With a final thrust and slap, I ram my cock as far up Mai's cunt as I can and hold her, slamming against her cervix. Her kegel muscles clamp tightly around me trying to suck the cum out of me.  My hands are around her small chest tweaking her nipples.  My cock is throbbing, pulsing, then there is a flood of warmth as my cum fills my rubber.  I hold there for a minute as the last of my spasms subsides and her kegels finally relax their grip. Definitely an 8.5 on the 'fuchter' scale. No "Girl Friend Experience", no 'connection', no kissing, no oral on her, just pure, raw lustful fucking.

Mai quickly pulls off me and walks around the bed. I sit on the side as she quickly cleans me up with a handful of tissues.  I shower and dress. I don't think I got my full 20 minutes, but it was an awesome, quickie hot fuck.  Mai is a consummate professional prostitute.  Get the money, get him up quickly and fuck hard and fast."

---xxxXxxx---

My 'Number' - Measuring Up

I generally don't like to dwell on numbers, but less than 50 times in 35 years of marriage (and barely 10% of those enjoyable)? WTF? Why/how did I wait so long? I guess marriage can survive (just) on care and love alone. Compare that to 300+ times (they are $250/hr after all, not live-in arrangements) with about 100 different wonderful, hot ladies, some outright nymphomaniacs, in 13 years. 

What Does the Future Hold?

But here I am now at 72, with post prostate cancer radiotherapy ED. What will 2021 hold? I will continue my trial 'treatment' of regular low-dose Viagra tablets, with a high dose boost when needed. I have some very understanding regular LOPs, with whom I can go for a 'test drive'. Perhaps the memories of Mai might give me a little extra stimulation. I do have 13 years of wonderful memories to reminisce over, even if I can't get a 'hot rod' anymore just reading them!

Click to see who else has been wicked this Wednesday!

Lust Through the Years

Dear Diary,

I know its been quite some time since we communicated, but with this pandemic virus and isolation, the possibilities for intimate socializing have been zero. Sure, I wrote last year, "Vale Sir Lust", but the demise of my lust is slightly exaggerated. Whilst my "get up and go" has not entirely "got up and gone", with chemical assistance and a lot of effort, I can "get it up" occasionally, but the "go" is only a trickle. But worse, the lustful urges are just a slightly sad, warm memory.

At least, one of the benefits of aging, is time and history for introspection and reminiscence. One of those observations, is the way lust changes through the years. Briget Delaney asked for Erotic Journals about being "Lustful" - I cover the range of lust here, but I don't think there's too much erotica in it.

Pubescent Lust - Learning, Dreaming, Wishing, Waiting, Discovery

As a pre-teen boy, from those earliest stirring in the loins, you knew that you were at the start of something wonderful, of manhood. There was the discovery that rubbing and friction produced a wonderful feeling, and then the magic of an erection - was "Jack and the beanstalk" really a youngster's erotic tale? 

Then came the obligatory "sex education" talk - what a waste of an hour - just medical talk about sperm, follopian tubes, eggs and the uterus; all about reproduction and absolutely nothing useful about "sex". Real sex-ed occurred in the school yard, especially from boys who had older brothers, where we learnt about sticking your 'willy' into something called a 'cunt'. But it was the secrecy of something illicit that stirred the excitement. Then occasionally there were the crumpled "dirty pictures" that surreptitiously got passed around.

This was the beginning of "lust". The stories, pictures and imaginings warmed the loins and triggered erections - oooh, the pleasure. From rubbing against playground equipment and shimmying up poles to get an erection, we graduated to masturbation and the wonder of ejaculation. Sexual thoughts and dreams seemed to consume the whole day. Sexual dreams were so intense, you could wake up with a very hard erection and pajamas wet with ejaculate, or more embarrassing, wets sheets and the worry that mum might find them.

Lust on the Doorstep of Adulthood

In the late teens, we discovered "lads mags" and saw the naked female form in all its voluptuous beauty, for the first time. For most guys, this was the time of dates, of dances, of sexual exploration, fumbling gropes in the back row of the picture theatre. Some even progressed "all the way".

But for me, growing up in a straight-laced religious family, where dancing was almost evil, and rock music the call of the devil, head-lined by that hip-swivelling  personification of evil, Elvis Presley, that was leading the youth of the world down the path to eternal damnation. The growth of my sexual life was stunted to say the least, though lust persisted. But how could something so natural for all men (I had still to learn about women's lust), be considered the source of temptation to sin?

Eventually, I left home in my tertiary years and my first serious female relationship developed. We progressed through snogging, to gropes, but never "down there".

Lust in Marriage - For Better or Worse

I quickly discovered that my marriage was not going to be "lust-full" - there were all sorts of emotional, medical and sexual baggage. But we stuck it out and 90% of the time I had to DIY. Lust was different now - it was an aching longing for what should be but I didn't have. Despite ongoing serious medical issues, a child was eventually planned and conceived, thanks to the Billings method and coitus once a month whether she wanted to or not - the most frequent sex we had in our entire married life.

With 18 years of further medical issues with our child, on top of aggravated medical problems for my wife, sex took a very distant back seat, from zero to once a year, a "sympathy" fuck at best. 

Work took me away interstate at times for up to a week, so there were many lonely nights with daily porn and masturbation for my unsated lust.

Post Middle Age Liberated Lust

With the mortgage paid off, the family left home and medical condition much settled, I thought we might have a second chance to develop a sex life. But it wasn't to be. She finally got up the courage to tell me that she didn't enjoy sex and never had and would rather not have any ever again.

Well that was a kick in the guts. I was a faithful husband, had a beautiful family, a good career, but my identity as a "man" was in doubt. My painful lust descended into depression. It was a woman at work, divorced and in a new relationship, that opened my eyes to understand that I had to take responsibility for my own happiness, in spite of circumstances. And so I decided to take the plunge into paying for sexual satisfaction.

Well that was probably the best thing I could have done. Depression lifted, I was coping at home as a carer better. There was so much I was learning about women's sexuality, pleasuring each other, and the whole package of close intimate 'relationships' (I guess I was very lucky in my selection of my ladies-of-pleasure way above the average sex-worker).

Lust was quite different now. After each encounter, the euphoria lasted over a week. Around the 3 week mark (I was in my late 50s after all), the wonderful lustful urge became almost all consuming, so I just slipped out for another "long lunch" or left work a little early for a stop-off on my way home, to catch up with one of my wonderful ladies. Lust was moving on from just wanting/needing to "get my rocks off", to desire for the the full intimate encounter.

Sexygenarian Lust as One Ages

One day I was seeing a new lady, that wasn't quite up to my usual level of excitement, when lo and behold, I lost my erection mid-coitus. Aging erectile dysfunction had arrived. My doctor prescribed Viagra and everything was wonderful again. Erections were harder and lasted longer. But as a few more years passed, despite a good hard erection, I found it harder to orgasm at all.

The lustful urges were becoming less frequent, and focused on the totality, and I was settling down to a handful of very special regular ladies rather than going on the prowl for a conquests.

Prostate Cancer, Radiotherapy, Declining Lust and the Future

I've covered this topic extensively in recent posts, which brings me back to my introduction at the top of the page. I'm at the point now where I'm wondering if, when I become widowed, whether there will be a last, if somewhat short chance at some intimate sexuality. There are at least two couples in our retirement village that have hooked up or married since coming here. I read about octogenarians fathering children, and one or two of my LOPs have told me of 80+ year old clients coming in for some relief comfort on the way home from visiting their dying wife in hospital. So you never know.

So dear diary, there is one constant throughout life, and that is sexual lust. I have posted some years ago, "I Lust, Therefore I am", our "ID" as defined by Sigmund Freud. We are human sexual beings after all. The most important thing in life, is how we harness our lust to fit in with all the other aspects of life.

"Lustful"

D.E. - Dysfunctional Erections (#AtoZChallenge)

Erectile Dysfunction (ED) is one of those conditions that will effect all men as they age, but sexual performance is so deeply ingrained in the male psyche, that ED is often hidden, denied or just not spoken about.

LADIES: Please don't shut off here thinking this is a male topic. This affects couples, and men suffering this need the support, love and encouragement of their partners to work through it. You will probably have to learn together to modify your intimate relationships to allow for these changes.

I see I have covered this subject 10 times over the last 10 years, so I'll try not to cover too much old ground. Follow links for further reading.

I was in my late 50's when it first hit me, losing my erection mid-coitus. A quick visit to my doctor, and a Viagra prescription got me up and going again, but there are side effects. Over time, I started to realise there are multiple facets to this condition. First there is the lack of or loss of erection itself, then there is the decreased sensation/feeling, this in turn leads to inability to orgasm or ejaculate. 

But in this last year, post prostate cancer radiotherapy treatment, I hit rock bottom. Everything was gone, and I wrote "Paradise Lost, Vale Sir Lust".

In researching my ED, I discovered that erection comes in two stages, the initial achievement of erection and secondly maintaining an erection. These stages are driven by different bio-chemical processes, which is why in early cases, erection can be attained but not maintained. Further I found that orgasm and ejaculation are not necessarily correlated. Did you know there is a medical journal, the "International Journal of Impotence Research", dedicated to understanding the underlying processes, the pathologies that leads to dysfunction and the search for medications and methods to counteract such dysfunction?

As I started to read learned research articles (not easy since my doctorate is in computer science and data analysis, not biochemical processes, but my university organic chemistry studies 50 years ago have helped), I started to get a new perspective of the problem and some promising hints into how I might regain some function.

Let me try and describe the erection process in lay terms, stripped of too much biochemical detail. Medical thinking about the causes/processes of ED flipped back and forth over 20 years or more. The thinking was that there were psychological and physiological causes separately. In younger men, psychological causes were considered principle and treatment was around relationships. In older men, physiological causes were prominent, namely ageing of blood vessels causing thickening and decreased flexibility of blood vessels. 

From around 2005, understanding of the biochemical processes improved and the inter-relationship of psychological and physiological aspects were better understood. Working backward, the actual erection is caused by inflow of blood into the two 'corpus cavernosum'. This process is triggered by Nitric Oxide (NO), a signalling chemical sent from the nerve endings enwrapping the cavernosum. (NO is synthesized from L-arginine by NO synthase (NOS)). The NO causes the blood vessel walls to relax encouraging blood inflow.  PDe5 inhibitor drugs like Sildenafil (Viagra) work by increasing bio-availability of NO. It is the signalling from the brain, initiated by a range of all sorts of erotic stimuli, touch, sight, smell, sound, that trigger this process. Conversely, inhibitory brain processes like depression, can disable this triggering process.

The cavernosum run down either side of the penis. The corpus spongiosum runs down the under-side of the penis and is responsible for holding the urethra open and restricting the outflow veins so blood is retained, holding the erection. A different Nitric Oxide process (eNO) is involved in retaining an erection. This is also a signalling chemical from nerve endings, but these are triggered by physiological conditions of the erection, specifically 'hematologial shear', which is a function of the actual blood flow affected by the flexibility and smoothness of the blood vessel walls and the viscosity of the blood. So a good psychologically aroused state can initiate a good erection, but aging or damaged blood vessels can limit retention.

Nerves are involved in both stages and sensory nerves provide feeling/touch sensations back to the brain, so nerve damage (surgical or radiotherapy) or peripheral neuropathy (eg. from diabetes), can also affect various aspects of ED.

Finally, there is the issue of treatment. It is best to take a holistic view, psychologically as well as physiologically. Physiological conditions can be permanent or temporary (eg.alcohol) and the best you can hope for is to moderate underlying conditions eg. diabetes, arteriosclerosis, hypertension etc. As has been mentioned, PDe5 inhibitors have proved generally beneficial in the absence of any other underlying pathology. To improve 'hematologial shear', keep well hydrated. Low testosterone has been linked to lower libido (psychological), but there is no evidence that testosterone supplements improve ED. Similarly, L-arginine supplements are promoted in men's 'health supplements', but a placebo-controlled, crossover comparison found no difference in ED improvement between oral L-arginine and placebo.

In the specific case of ED due to radiotherapy, some general healing of damaged tissue, both cavernosum and nerves, has been achieved with daily low doses of PDe5 inhibitors. Extra high doses of PDe5 inhibitors can also improve erection response and retention, if side effects can be tolerated. EG. Viagra is normally only recommended up to 100mg, but controlled experiments with 150mg and 200mg doses have had some success. The author seems to be having success with 150mg and plans to go for another 'test drive' once his Lady Of Pleasure is out of COVID19 self isolation. The other factor in ED 'recovery' noted in some studies, is frequency of use, even if it is DIY ('Use It Or Lose It' will be addressed in a coming post). 

 
Click to see who else is taking the challenge. 

A, B, C - (new) beginnings (#AtoZChallenge)

Let's start at the very beginning,

A very good place to start,

When you read you begin with A-B-C,

When you sing you begin with Doe-Ray-Me.

"Sound of Music"

It was over 30 years into a 'lustless' marriage, that my wife finally dropped the bombshell that "she didn't enjoy sex, and never had and didn't want it". But marriage is not just about the sex - there were lots of reasons to stay together, not the least being my increasing role as her carer with her medical condition. Needless to say though, it messed with my psyche with bouts of depression.

It was a lady at work that finally inspired me. She was a real go-getter, divorced, raising a teenage boy, building her own house, looking to start a new relationship. I learned to NOT let circumstances control my life and feelings, but to take responsibility for my own happiness. I realised that it wasn't just my wife's condition, but that I had all sorts issues from my own upbringing as well as societal mores that I had to re-evaluate.

So I finally took the plunge into transactional sex. Fortunately, here in Melbourne, Australia, the sex-work industry is legalized and regulated. It was an enormous learning experience for me. From simply getting used to various procedures and protocols of how brothels operate, to introducing and selecting ladies, negotiating the whole range of service offerings, learning about sexual techniques and positions that I had never experienced before, to finding, understanding and negotiating the whole client-lady 'relationship' issues. It was almost as bad as negotiating the whole dating scene.

But sexually, I was like a kid let loose in a lolly shop. So many ladies, so many experiences, so little time. OMG, is this what married life should have been like?

Health wise, my chronic depression lifted, though home-life was still heavy going. My 'outings' provided periodic boosts to get me through the following couple of weeks. It provided much needed respite. Who cares for the carer? What I've learnt is that the most important thing is to learn to care for yourself. To be a better lover/carer of someone else, love yourself as well.

Well I finally found a parlour, "The Main Course", a short tram ride from work, with a range of more mature ladies that I hit it off with. With a flexible work-place, I was able to get out for long 'lunches' once or twice a month. I ended up with about a dozen ladies whose company I enjoyed and would visit semi-regularly. My 'problem' became deciding who I should see next, to spread myself evenly amongst them. I came up with my "A-B-C" system - April, Bianca, Cristal, etc... My visits were now alphabetical, so I got to visit each of my dozen 'regulars' once or twice a year.

Another major learning experience, was about relationships. During numerous pillow talks, I got to learn a lot about and appreciate all the different experiences and relationships that got these ladies to this point. Most importantly, relationships must be equally two-way. There is no place for 'ownership' or 'possessiveness'. Years earlier, in our marriage vows, we did not 'take' each other, but 'gave' ourselves to each other. I had a short booty-buddy 'relationship' with one lady when she left the brothel. But when the time came that she found a proper boy-friend, I was happy to step aside and happy for her happiness.

"Vive ut vivas" (Live life to the fullest). "Ancora Imparo" (Still Learning).

 

Click to see who else is taking the challenge. 

Lustless

Now I know this post doesn't naturally fit in the normal theme of "The Cunning Linctus", but it is a story that needs to be told. Sexual desire (lust, libido) is the basis for procreation, and is intricately tied to our self-image/identity. There are all sorts of reasons why lust can be stunted, so it is important for 'sex positive' writers to take a step back occasionally and gain some understanding of why some people are 'sex negative' - they are not all just evil religious spoilsports.

So, going back 50 years to the start of my relationship with my wife.

Courting

I guess you couldn’t have found two more neophytes when we started dating. First serious relationship for both of us. No sexual experience. I was from an up-tight religious background, and my girlfriend was from a broken home, living with a protective mother. Add to this her serious medical condition. Our courtship involved a lot of joint volunteering, caring and charity type activities. We were young, optimistic and idealistic. As far fetched as it sounds, we really were 25 year old virgins in the ‘age of Aquarius’ when we married.

Wedding and Honeymoon

A mistake we made with our wedding, was travelling a couple of hours to the honeymoon hotel. Due to a late start, no sex that night - not all that unusual I am told for  a wedding night. This ‘1st’ honeymoon was just a long weekend due to study commitments, so there was just one fumbling sexual encounter.

Back at our new apartment,  between settling in and study, our sexual start to married life was not exactly hot and steamy.

Five weeks later, we had planned a 2 week holiday as our formal ‘honeymoon’. But again we misjudged the situation, and daily travelling and a different bed every night, left our “honeymoon” sexless.

Now I know many men would have walked away from the ‘marriage’ at that point claiming non-consummation, but not us.

The Marital Bed

Our first six months was a very fumbling, intermittent sex life. Between women’s issues and her other health problems 2 or 3 times a month, sex was infrequent and mediocre. I think there was one very good encounter when I took the whole day off and we spent half the day in bed, mostly in fore-play, finally achieving successful coitus. Whilst my wife enjoyed extended foreplay, she was mostly not comfortable going below the waist. In month’s 7 to 12, despite moving into a house from the 1 bedroom apartment, sex virtually ceased, with my wife no longer able to relax enough to allow penetration - vaginismus, ‘frozen vagina’.

Over the next couple of years, the vaginismus subsided, but her health problem meant that we visited hospital ER more often than we had sex (4-5 times per year). As for quality, “Think of England”.

Starting a Family

We had discussed starting a family with a number of my wife’s medical specialists, but none were very supportive of the idea. A new specialist discussed the pros and cons with us and the risks involved - the risks to the pregnancy of her medication vs the risks of not being medicated. But he was encouraging and we set about slowly reducing her medication to about half. To achieve pregnancy as quickly as possible, we used the ‘Billings method’ of temperature monitoring to identify her ovulation days. So we were having the most frequent sex of our married life - once a month whether she liked it or not. Conception occurred soon after.

But the joy of the birth was short-lived on discovery of our baby’s own medical condition (Fallot's Tetralogy) that would require serious surgeries over the following several years. Any thoughts of further children were quickly put out our minds, and a vasectomy sealed it.

Post Natal Years

The postnatal hormonal changes and half strength medications caused my wife’s condition to flare up badly, so back onto full strength meds. But breastfeeding was thus out of the question. With the dangers of her medical condition, carrying or bathing baby alone were out of the question - a bit of a kick in the guts for motherhood.

Some new medications were coming onto the market, so we went through a series of attempts at new meds, but with numerous side effects, and mostly with no improvement in her condition. The one med that showed promise, caused anaemia and massive weight gain.

When your medical condition can throw your body into uncontrolled spasms or convulsions at a moments notice, then the merest hint of sexual arousal or possible orgasm, sets off alarm bells. So add body-image issues to her medical condition, married life wasn’t a bed of rose petals. The first couple of years post natal, were sexless. I guess conjugal relations were of such a low priority, that the years slipped by. In hindsight,  I estimate that over 20 years, we averaged between 0 and 2 times per year.

Empty Nest - Resuscitation or Expiration?

At around the 30 year mark, we were empty-nesters, mortgage paid and a comfortable career. My wife’s medical condition had settled a little. I started pressing/encouraging increased (resumed?) sexual activity, but with little success. It seemed to be a matter of “Well, if you really must. Hop on and get it over with” - hardly encouraging. I backed off somewhat and tried to get her interested in mutual masturbation, but there was no interest - touching ‘down there’ was off limits, and oral was abhorrent to her.

Eventually, I got her to talk about our situation, but all I got was “I just don’t enjoy sex and never have”. Well, after that smack in the face, I promised that I would never ‘bother’ her about it again, and I haven’t.

Long Overdue Explanations

It was 3-4 years later, that she started to open up a bit more about her childhood. It seems that her introduction to sex was as a pre-teen, hearing her drunken alcoholic father having his way with his wife and hearing her mother pleading to be left alone. Even in the 1960’s, a woman was still her husband’s chattel and conjugal rights were expected. "Rape in marriage" was inconceivable by definition of ‘marriage’.

After a few months, she asked her mother about it, and she had her first ‘lesson’ in sex-ed, including rape. The ancients described this as "The sins of the father will be visited on his children to the 3rd and 4th generation" (Ex.20:5, Num.14:18, Deu.5:9).

A modern brain scan surprised by showing the degree of brain trauma from a simple childhood accident. Mapping the area of trauma with areas of brain function, suggests the possibility of impaired pleasure centres.

Never a truer statement has been made, than "The must important sexual organ is the one between our ears"!

A Detour Through The Psychosomatic Wilderness

This twelve months of medical incompetence, perhaps even mal practice, was so traumatic it requires a post of its own - "Unmedicated". 

Who Cares For the Carer? Loving Oneself

So that just leaves me. When we vow “For better or worse, in sickness and health”, I guess we all assume that the worse and sickness will only be a small percentage of married life. Our relationship had virtually declined into ‘patient and carer’. I started going through bouts of depression. Who cares for the carer? It was through discussions with a friend at work, that I started to realise that there was no point in just blaming circumstances for one’s unhappiness. I had to take responsibility for my own happiness, thinking outside the square of societal conventions. The Good Book tells us to ‘Love your neighbour as yourself’ - I had been taught the first half all my childhood, but not really much about loving myself - that was always seen as being ‘selfish’.

And so I ‘bit the bullet’ and started taking some occasional ‘me time’ with some ‘ladies of pleasure’, but that’s another story too. When one’s home cooking is all DIY, it’s nice to dine out sometimes.

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I Lust, Therefore I Am

This topic came up in relation to a forum discussion on prostate surgery.  Men are not the best at seeing their doctor for regular health checks, but the very thought of prostate surgery and possible (probable?) decline or loss of sexual function, sends shivers through any red-blooded male.  Not being able to get a 'rise' at the sight of a beautiful sexy woman, to not be able to get an erection ever again, or have no sexual feelings in your penis, to some, is like having the very core of your being cut out.

Mind you I read of ladies having similar feelings of loss of sexual identity after mastectomy.  For women, this is a double whammy of both body image as well as self identity.

I heard of a case of a young man in his late 20's, who developed testicular cancer. Despite treatment, it really messed with his mind and self worth.  He couldn't bring himself to touch his wife and the marriage eventually broke up.  Needless to say it had a profound effect on his wife too, who had a strong sex drive. Her whole persona of wife, lover, mother, in a happy, caring relationship, was down the toilet.  With two young children to raise, no career, no support and unmet 'needs', she talked to a girlfriend, who suggested she try 'sex work' (thank goodness in Australia this option is available, legal and safe).  It was here that I met her.  Apart from some rollicking good times, we also had some very deep conversations.  The work and her clients had opened her eyes to a whole new world, of the possibility of sexual enjoyment without having to commit to the unknown of a long-term relationship.  Having saved up a little nest egg, she has left the industry now, gone back to college to study for a new career, and maybe dip her toe into the dating scene again - but she has thrown off the shackles of thinking that a girl 'needs' a man in her life to feel complete.  I wish her all the best.

Lust in the sense of sexual feelings (as distinct from unrequited desire for someone) is at the core of our humanness. Menopause and age can be like thieves in the night that creep up on you and steal your natural lust away.  These are things we will all have to deal with at some point, both in ourselves and in our partners. But to have 'it' taken in traumatic circumstances can be mentally debilitating. It is so important to not put all your 'identity eggs' in the 'lust basket', but to have other charitable and creative outlets for self-worth.

PS. I have personally just had a prostate biopsy, and thank goodness, the results are all clear. So my declining post rate, in line with declining 'lust' and performance, is just old fashioned aging.  Thank goodness my tongue is still as strong and lusty as ever. There is nothing like a little dose of Cunning Linctus to perk one up.

Sex and Aging

I guess its easy to write-off our wife’s loss of libido to aging and menopause, but there is also an impact of aging on our (men’s) sex life too (if not quite as severe as total loss of libido) that needs to be discussed more.  I am writing this from experience, being in the middle of it, so YMMV.

I come from a history of “hair-trigger” and learnt early on to prolong and enjoy foreplay before “the event”.  And so it was on my first punt some 25 years ago.  It was an overnight business trip away, I was sick of porn and needed the “real thing”.  Now this was before showers in bedrooms so I was washed by the lady from a bowl of warm water (does that give my age away?  It was all of $20 (which I claimed as a business meal allowance)).  Into bed, a little foreplay, then into “it” and, “bam”, it was over in 30 seconds.  So my feeling about my first experience of punting, was “Is that all there is?  What a waste of time and money”.

Fast forward to my middle fifties.  Home “life” had got so bad I was getting quite depressed and so tried punting again.  Fortunately, the first lady I saw was extremely helpful, took command, calmed my nerves, the main event lasted longer than 30 seconds and a most enjoyable time was had all round.  But over the following 3-4 years, I noticed significant changes.

Now of course, condoms reduce sensitivity which help subdue the “hair trigger”, but I then found myself losing my erection mid-stream.  Fortunately, I have a very understanding GP doctor who prescribed Viagra. Wow!  (The pros and cons of Viagra deserve a separate posting).  Not only was I enjoying “the ride” much more, but in combination with my new skills in DATY, my ladies seemed to find more enjoyment in riding a thick, rock-hard cock.  From 30 seconds, I could now last 20-30 MINUTES!  The journey was now more important (and pleasant?) than the “destination”.

But my prolonged fucking sessions masked something else that crept up on me.  I suddenly realised that more and more, I wouldn’t cum at all.  To some degree, it was in fact due to prolonged sessions that in fact decreased my sensitivity.  I discussed this with my understanding doctor, who advised that it was simply due to declining testosterone levels with age, and to just enjoy the ride.

I also noticed something else changing.  When I started punting again, I promised myself a FOTM (after abysmal annual or biennial attempts at home).  Needless to say, I soon found I had an “ache” after a fortnight, and by three weeks, I just had to go and “get my rocks off”. (Yes my young readers, I do remember my youth when the “urge” hit a couple times a day, but I never got the chance back then to “scratch that itch”).  But in the last year or so, I have found that that physical urgency just doesn’t come much any more.  There is a psychological “need” for the warmth and intimacy, but the physical “need” has declined markedly.

In the early stages, I think there was a sense of anger over my past situation, and I set out to visit as many parlours and ladies as I could financially and physically manage.  But I seem to have worked that out of my system and have found a parlour where I have a half a dozen or so lovely ladies that tick all my boxes, and I find much more pleasure in seeing my regulars.

With respect to not cumming very often, I have settled into several different patterns.

1. There are times when I really do need to cum, so I avoid masturbation for at least a week, then in our session, enjoy all the delights and varieties of foreplay, then in the main course, not try and prolong it but with my lady’s assistance with various squeezing and pressure techniques, achieve a happy ending.  I am very lucky in having a couple of favourite ladies who at times, to bring our session across the line, have removed the offending desensitizer for a natural or OWO (BBBJ) finish.
2. Then there are other times when “cumming” just isn’t important to me and my lady and I just enjoy the whole gammut of sexual pleasures including a wide variety of positions of the old fashioned....
3. Finally, with some ladies, the specialty is all oral, and one particular favourite has acquired a taste and provides that most explosive CIM finish ever.

As for the future, that remains to be seen.  I read of men having a fulfilling sex life into their 80’s - if I could be that lucky.

My next age related hurdle will be retirement and the loss of that regular income that has made my punting hobby possible.  Perhaps I will have to become acquainted with a circle of divorcees and widows that need some “comfort”!

Was the last time "The Last" time?

I guess it was 6-7 years ago that this new stage of my life germinated.

 

The Mother In Law had moved out, our daughter had finished college, was working and living with her boy-friend, and the mortgage was paid off, so we had the house to ourselves at long last.  Now our conjugal relations had never been good, well actually quite pitiful, but my wife's medical condition was more under control and less of an excuse, so I thought it was finally time to see if I could strike a spark again.

 

Well after almost weekly attempts at intimacy, romancing (?), cajoling, badgering, begging, my average "strike" rate had lifted from biennially to 6 monthly, but the quality and enthusiasm was less than zero.  I guess you know its over when you have to throw out a box of condoms that have passed their "use-by" date!  In fact I was beginning to feel that if I pushed any harder it would be bordering on "rape-in-marriage".  It was time to "have it out"!

 

I was finally able to bring the topic up in a non-hostile environment and was told that not only did she not have any desire (anymore?), but in fact had always (?) actually "disliked" the act.  There was no point in arguing about it.  I just had to accept it and acknowledge her feelings and advised that I would never "bother" her again.

 

I guess that was when it suddenly hit me, that the last time might actually have been "The Last" time!  Here I was in my mid 50's after 35 years of eventful, unfulfilling marriage - I guess I had been too busy being "The Carer" and had not looked after my own happiness.

 

What followed was a period of growing depression - its not something you actually recognize at the time - it just sort of creeps up on you.  In hind-sight, it was worst on my daily commute to and from work as I transitioned between my two totally different "lives".  It was a friendship with a particular lady at work that helped me recognise my condition and inspired me to do something about it.  She was a single mother about 10 years younger then me, coping with a teenage son, that had project-managed the construction of her new home and she had a real go-get-'em, take-no-prisoners attitude to life.

 

And so I came to realize that I had to take responsibility for my own happiness, physically and emotionally.  Now I am not in the position nor of the disposition to divorce and walk away from my role as "carer", besides I wouldn't know where or how to "date" at my age.  The simplest solution seemed to be to seek "professional" help (and I don't mean psychological counselling).

 

I confess that I had been to see a "Lady of Pleasure" 20-30 years ago on a business trip away, but I was young and nervous and it didn't last a minute.  All in all I found that experience quite cold and unfulfilling.

 

So I must say it was with a degree of trepidation that I dipped my toe into the "seamy world" of cash-for-pleasure.  Fortunately, the first lady I selected was very pleasant and helpful, putting me at complete ease whilst she pleasured me.

 

And so started a journey of discovery, of complete over-turning of preconceived prejudices, of discovery of new areas of pleasure (at least for me) and of getting to know some wonderful people.  I am now a "sexygenarian" (with a little assistance) and loving it!

 

And thus is the story of this blog...