Yum! Cum!

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D.E. - Dysfunctional Erections (#AtoZChallenge)

Erectile Dysfunction (ED) is one of those conditions that will effect all men as they age, but sexual performance is so deeply ingrained in the male psyche, that ED is often hidden, denied or just not spoken about.

LADIES: Please don't shut off here thinking this is a male topic. This affects couples, and men suffering this need the support, love and encouragement of their partners to work through it. You will probably have to learn together to modify your intimate relationships to allow for these changes.

I see I have covered this subject 10 times over the last 10 years, so I'll try not to cover too much old ground. Follow links for further reading.

I was in my late 50's when it first hit me, losing my erection mid-coitus. A quick visit to my doctor, and a Viagra prescription got me up and going again, but there are side effects. Over time, I started to realise there are multiple facets to this condition. First there is the lack of or loss of erection itself, then there is the decreased sensation/feeling, this in turn leads to inability to orgasm or ejaculate. 

But in this last year, post prostate cancer radiotherapy treatment, I hit rock bottom. Everything was gone, and I wrote "Paradise Lost, Vale Sir Lust".

In researching my ED, I discovered that erection comes in two stages, the initial achievement of erection and secondly maintaining an erection. These stages are driven by different bio-chemical processes, which is why in early cases, erection can be attained but not maintained. Further I found that orgasm and ejaculation are not necessarily correlated. Did you know there is a medical journal, the "International Journal of Impotence Research", dedicated to understanding the underlying processes, the pathologies that leads to dysfunction and the search for medications and methods to counteract such dysfunction?

As I started to read learned research articles (not easy since my doctorate is in computer science and data analysis, not biochemical processes, but my university organic chemistry studies 50 years ago have helped), I started to get a new perspective of the problem and some promising hints into how I might regain some function.

Let me try and describe the erection process in lay terms, stripped of too much biochemical detail. Medical thinking about the causes/processes of ED flipped back and forth over 20 years or more. The thinking was that there were psychological and physiological causes separately. In younger men, psychological causes were considered principle and treatment was around relationships. In older men, physiological causes were prominent, namely ageing of blood vessels causing thickening and decreased flexibility of blood vessels. 

From around 2005, understanding of the biochemical processes improved and the inter-relationship of psychological and physiological aspects were better understood. Working backward, the actual erection is caused by inflow of blood into the two 'corpus cavernosum'. This process is triggered by Nitric Oxide (NO), a signalling chemical sent from the nerve endings enwrapping the cavernosum. (NO is synthesized from L-arginine by NO synthase (NOS)). The NO causes the blood vessel walls to relax encouraging blood inflow.  PDe5 inhibitor drugs like Sildenafil (Viagra) work by increasing bio-availability of NO. It is the signalling from the brain, initiated by a range of all sorts of erotic stimuli, touch, sight, smell, sound, that trigger this process. Conversely, inhibitory brain processes like depression, can disable this triggering process.

The cavernosum run down either side of the penis. The corpus spongiosum runs down the under-side of the penis and is responsible for holding the urethra open and restricting the outflow veins so blood is retained, holding the erection. A different Nitric Oxide process (eNO) is involved in retaining an erection. This is also a signalling chemical from nerve endings, but these are triggered by physiological conditions of the erection, specifically 'hematologial shear', which is a function of the actual blood flow affected by the flexibility and smoothness of the blood vessel walls and the viscosity of the blood. So a good psychologically aroused state can initiate a good erection, but aging or damaged blood vessels can limit retention.

Nerves are involved in both stages and sensory nerves provide feeling/touch sensations back to the brain, so nerve damage (surgical or radiotherapy) or peripheral neuropathy (eg. from diabetes), can also affect various aspects of ED.

Finally, there is the issue of treatment. It is best to take a holistic view, psychologically as well as physiologically. Physiological conditions can be permanent or temporary (eg.alcohol) and the best you can hope for is to moderate underlying conditions eg. diabetes, arteriosclerosis, hypertension etc. As has been mentioned, PDe5 inhibitors have proved generally beneficial in the absence of any other underlying pathology. To improve 'hematologial shear', keep well hydrated. Low testosterone has been linked to lower libido (psychological), but there is no evidence that testosterone supplements improve ED. Similarly, L-arginine supplements are promoted in men's 'health supplements', but a placebo-controlled, crossover comparison found no difference in ED improvement between oral L-arginine and placebo.

In the specific case of ED due to radiotherapy, some general healing of damaged tissue, both cavernosum and nerves, has been achieved with daily low doses of PDe5 inhibitors. Extra high doses of PDe5 inhibitors can also improve erection response and retention, if side effects can be tolerated. EG. Viagra is normally only recommended up to 100mg, but controlled experiments with 150mg and 200mg doses have had some success. The author seems to be having success with 150mg and plans to go for another 'test drive' once his Lady Of Pleasure is out of COVID19 self isolation. The other factor in ED 'recovery' noted in some studies, is frequency of use, even if it is DIY ('Use It Or Lose It' will be addressed in a coming post). 

 
Click to see who else is taking the challenge. 

ED Recovery? The Test Drive

 #F4TFriday

The time has come.

I've been trying a non-invasive method to treat my Erectile Dysfunction (2 year post prostate cancer radiotherapy treatment) for 3 months. As I wrote a couple of weeks ago, there has been a modicum of success with Viagra and cock-ring producing erections that just might be sufficient for coitus. So its time to try it out.

My lustless wife has had no desire for any form of intimacy for decades, so this is not for her. As for me, the days of aching urgent needs, dwindled over the years from daily, to weekly to monthly and the intensity subsided. But now there is no feeling of 'need' any more, just memories of 'that would be nice to have again'. As I face the possibility of widowhood in the next few years, it would be nice to know that I might have something to offer any future partner. Regrets? Sure, I've had a few!

But for now, all I have are some LOP 'buddies', that are understanding, willing and warm and intimate. My carer duties have become almost full time, so the best I can manage is to extend a shopping trip by an hour.

I finally manage to arrange a time. Miss C welcomes me warmly, despite it being 12 months since our last encounter. She reassures me that my situation is not uncommon. Being a middle aged SW, she has quite a number of older clients with post-prostate treatment conditions, including implanted pumps, rods, cock-rings and caverject injections.

As we snuggle up for a kiss and cuddle, a relaxing warmth enfolds me. How nice is that primal need for the intimate touch of another human body. C wriggles in closer, worming her cleft over my modest erection. She assures me that it is stiff enough and its hotness is as good as ever. I don't feel anything especially arousing, just part of the overall warmth of intimacy. I do however feel C's wetness and her own increasing need as she works her clit over me.

Its time I satisfied her needs. I slide down her body and let the old tongue-engine loose on her lady bits. Well at least my tongue is still in excellent working order and all the old sensations are still good.

After she had come down from her orgasm, she asks if I am ready to enter her. She tells me she needs to feel filled. I warn her that condoms decrease sensitivity even more and I'm not sure I can even penetrate. She suggests we try a super-thin non-latex condom and give it a go.

As I slide in, there is relief that my erection has passed the test. Even though there is no feeling of arousal, it is warm and nice to feel the ultimate of human intimacy. But orgasm for me just isn't on the radar.

Sadly our time all too soon comes to an end. As we chat, shower and dress, I tell C that I came expecting that this might be my last time. But I thank her that she has reassured me that there is some sort of future for limited intimacy.

Thank God for these wonderful Ladies Of Pleasure that give men like me, some warmth and intimacy in the autumn of our life.

PS. My visit to Miss C used my last Viagra script, and its still a month or so to the Dr's appointment. So its been a couple of weeks with no daily Viagra. Sadly, even with cock-ring, there is no hint of erection and zero sensation. So whilst my 'treatment' has enabled an erection sufficient for coitus as needed, there appears to have been no  'healing' for long-term improvement. However, I shall continue my 'treatment' for another 6 months and see.

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ED Recovery

#MasturbationMonday 

(plus Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday
- Sunday is my day of rest)

 

Well its 3 months since I started my ED Rehab. and I thought it was time to report in.

Just reiterating the background, following radiotherapy for prostate cancer, my libido dropped to zero, erections, sensation, orgasms and ejaculation also zero, in spite of using Viagra. Before pursuing the Urologist's options of implants, I did some research and decide to try DIY non-invasive rehab.

The plan involves daily half dose (50mg) of Viagra, cock ring (to impede blood outflow from any erection), pornographic stimulation, masturbation once or twice a day, aiming for ejaculation as often as possible. All of this is backed up with 'male enhancement' supplements. The aim is with increased blood flow and nutrients to stimulate healing of the prostate, penile, vascular and nerve tissues.

Well after 3 months, I can report a modicum of success. Prostate tissue is functioning again at about half previous volume of ejaculate. Erections are improving, though not 'hard' yet. With 100mg Viagra, erections are just full enough that penetration might be possible. But the main issue is still the lack of sensitivity, especially with a condom. But masturbation to ejaculation causes loss of any erection (duh)!

On rereading one of the ED Rehab. reference articles, I noticed a mention of vacuum devices. Now I've been having sex for 50 years, but have never tried a penis pump before. Time to try this option too. At a cost about the same as a month's supply of Viagra, it seemed like an economic option. I wasn't sure how it would work with a little limp member to start with. But wow, as I start to pump, my cock is sucked in, centimeter by centimeter, as good as some of my buddies. As I continue to pump, my cock expands and stretches almost the full length of the tube. OMG, its as hard and aching like the first time I tried Viagra 10 years ago. 

At maximum suction my cock is stinging - now I understand the warning on the package that persons with certain conditions should not use the pump at danger of injury to the penis. When I release the vacuum and pull my cock out, it drops limp - well it might give an erection in a 'bottle' but doesn't provide a continuing usable erection for ED sufferers. I try again with a cock ring, but even that doesn't help retain an erection. Oh well. At least it gives some nice sensations. If I leave it on for 10 minutes at medium suction, it should at least provide some needed increase in blood flow for the healing process.

It is nice though to wake in the morning with some sense of warmth and fullness, but not 'morning wood' yet, but enough to encourage me to undertake another round of 'therapy'.

I think I've reached the point where it is time to take a test drive, to suck it and see, you might say. Its time to look up one of my understanding, accommodating Ladies Of Pleasure.

Stay tuned for the next report... 

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ED Rehab. - The Journey Commences

I posted recently ("Paradise Lost - Vale Sir Lust") about my impotency issues, 2 years post radiotherapy for prostate cancer. In hind-sight, it was a rather depressing post, written in resignation. But I'm not the sort of person to give up without a fight.

I knew that impotence was a possibility with radical prostatectomy, but had had no warning of the likely-hood of similar effects from radiotherapy. Further, I was a bit disappointed with my urologists' response to my current condition, of only suggesting a penile implant. I wasn't ready to give up on sex completely. I wanted to know more about what medical experts had to say about ED after prostate cancer treatment. So I turned to Dr Google - a number of on-line papers on the subject are listed in the foot-notes, and sections quoted here-in.

Statistics

In summary, between 50% and 85% of patients will suffer ED after treatment within 3-5 years. "The major predictors of recovery are:-

1. age at the time of radiation: the younger the man is, the better erectile function at the time of treatment and the better the long-term function is going to be;
2. erectile function at or before the time of radiation;
3. type of radiotherapy causing less nerve damage of the prostate and the less amount of surrounding tissues exposed to radiation, the better the outcome;
4. the health of erectile tissues."

"Normal erections generally depend upon 3 processes: 

1. increased arterial blood flow into the penis by neurological initiation, 
2. cavernosal smooth muscle relaxation,
3. restriction of venous blood outflow from the penis.

Impairment of any of these processes can lead to ED". (Viagra works via the first two of these processes).

"If your sexual function's not what it used to be a year or two after prostate surgery, hang in there. Men who are having trouble achieving erections after prostatectomy for prostate cancer can achieve improvement in function that's sufficient for sexual intercourse more than two years later, researchers say.

"The message to patients who have erectile dysfunction -- even those who have failed to have erections after surgery -- is that improvement does occur in a substantial number of men," says researcher Jeffrey Schiff, MD, a resident in urology at the State University of New York Downstate Medical Center in Brooklyn, New York.

Overall, one-third of men with marginal erectile function and one-fourth of men with serious erectile dysfunction 24 months after surgery continue to have improvement in erectile function on follow-up visits, he tells WebMD.

The findings were reported here at the 105th annual meeting of the American Urological Association (AUA)".

Radiation Injury

Radiation affects the erectile processes via damage/injury of the nerves and erectile tissues. The ability to recover depends on the type and degree of damage. A key factor in the healing process is increased blood flow.

Recovery Factors

Major recovery factors include:-

1. condition of ED prior to treatment;
2. age of patient - the younger, the better recovery chance;
3. non-smoker;
4. non-drinker;
5. no diabetes or obesity;
6. controlled blood pressure and cholesterol;

Well, 5 out of 6 gives me hope.

Finally, the age of one's partner is a major factor. +1 for me - all my "buddies" are 20-30 years my junior and all with high sex-drive.

Proactive recovery recommends daily low-dose use of Sildenafil ('Viagra', a PDE5-inhibitor), use of a "cock-ring" to limit venous blood out-flow and regular ejaculations. Improvement will take from 6-24 months.

On to Rehab.

So here I am, starting rehab. I will report and track my progress on this blog conversation, monthly in 6 months. Is recovery more psychological or is physical healing the principal improvement? Let's find out. Please follow and comment if you have a similar situation or concerns.

Footnotes :-

Radiation-induced erectile dysfunction: Recent advances and future directions

ED Can Improve Years After Prostate Surgery

Treating erectile dysfunction after radical radiotherapy and androgen deprivation therapy for prostate cancer

Paradise Lost - Vale Sir Lust

Occasionally we read about those early teen years of discovery, perhaps of illicit liaisons. But we seldom read of the other end of life. Sure we hear of changes during menopause, and of course there is the perpetual whinging of married men saying their wives have lost their libido. Erectile Dis-function gets an occasional mention, but Viagra and Cialis take care of that.

Loss of male libido can have psychological or medicinal causes. But outright physical loss of sexual desire (lust) and function, just silently slides under the covers. 

My ED started at around 60 and I posted "Sex and Aging". But Viagra ushered in a new era for me, but orgasm/ejaculation was less, partly due to the Viagra effects. By age 65, I blogged "As Lust Fades". At 69, prostate cancer was detected -  I opted for radiotherapy, since prostatectomy was more likely to cause impotency. The treatment was a breeze and I celebrated every week of "The 39 Days".

In the 2 years since the radiotherapy, the cancer appears to have gone. But sexual function and libido have just about died. At first, it wasn't just inability to orgasm from sex, but sensitivity and feeling was declining. Add in condoms for transactional sex, the old adage of it being like taking a shower in a rain-coat, was all too true. With the prostate having been zapped, its functionality has declined so the volume of ejaculate is not much more than a dribble. Further, I have found the ED has worsened to the point where even a maximum dose of Viagra doesn't produce a workable erection. Neither porn nor masturbation can produce an erection.

The Urologist suggested that a mechanical implant could help (rod or inflatable balloon), but with no willing partner, no feeling sensations, and no orgasms, there is no point. Alas, Paradise has been lost.

Fortunately, the tongue is still in good working order. But I can't bring myself to pay $300/hr for a kiss and cuddle.

Vale, Sir Lust

Alas Sir Lust, I knew him well, a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. He has borne me on his bed a thousand times, and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! My ire rises at it. Here hang those balls that have been kissed I know not how oft. Where be thy thrusts now? Your gambols? Your songs? Your flashes of merriment that were wont to set the whores on a roar? No one now to mock your limp dangling?

(PS. So what happens to this blog now with the loss of inspiration? Well I still have lots of memories to draw on so I will probably defer to fictional erotic writing.)

(Click to see who else is posting Food For Though about Libido)

Lustless

Now I know this post doesn't naturally fit in the normal theme of "The Cunning Linctus", but it is a story that needs to be told. Sexual desire (lust, libido) is the basis for procreation, and is intricately tied to our self-image/identity. There are all sorts of reasons why lust can be stunted, so it is important for 'sex positive' writers to take a step back occasionally and gain some understanding of why some people are 'sex negative' - they are not all just evil religious spoilsports.

So, going back 50 years to the start of my relationship with my wife.

Courting

I guess you couldn’t have found two more neophytes when we started dating. First serious relationship for both of us. No sexual experience. I was from an up-tight religious background, and my girlfriend was from a broken home, living with a protective mother. Add to this her serious medical condition. Our courtship involved a lot of joint volunteering, caring and charity type activities. We were young, optimistic and idealistic. As far fetched as it sounds, we really were 25 year old virgins in the ‘age of Aquarius’ when we married.

Wedding and Honeymoon

A mistake we made with our wedding, was travelling a couple of hours to the honeymoon hotel. Due to a late start, no sex that night - not all that unusual I am told for  a wedding night. This ‘1st’ honeymoon was just a long weekend due to study commitments, so there was just one fumbling sexual encounter.

Back at our new apartment,  between settling in and study, our sexual start to married life was not exactly hot and steamy.

Five weeks later, we had planned a 2 week holiday as our formal ‘honeymoon’. But again we misjudged the situation, and daily travelling and a different bed every night, left our “honeymoon” sexless.

Now I know many men would have walked away from the ‘marriage’ at that point claiming non-consummation, but not us.

The Marital Bed

Our first six months was a very fumbling, intermittent sex life. Between women’s issues and her other health problems 2 or 3 times a month, sex was infrequent and mediocre. I think there was one very good encounter when I took the whole day off and we spent half the day in bed, mostly in fore-play, finally achieving successful coitus. Whilst my wife enjoyed extended foreplay, she was mostly not comfortable going below the waist. In month’s 7 to 12, despite moving into a house from the 1 bedroom apartment, sex virtually ceased, with my wife no longer able to relax enough to allow penetration - vaginismus, ‘frozen vagina’.

Over the next couple of years, the vaginismus subsided, but her health problem meant that we visited hospital ER more often than we had sex (4-5 times per year). As for quality, “Think of England”.

Starting a Family

We had discussed starting a family with a number of my wife’s medical specialists, but none were very supportive of the idea. A new specialist discussed the pros and cons with us and the risks involved - the risks to the pregnancy of her medication vs the risks of not being medicated. But he was encouraging and we set about slowly reducing her medication to about half. To achieve pregnancy as quickly as possible, we used the ‘Billings method’ of temperature monitoring to identify her ovulation days. So we were having the most frequent sex of our married life - once a month whether she liked it or not. Conception occurred soon after.

But the joy of the birth was short-lived on discovery of our baby’s own medical condition (Fallot's Tetralogy) that would require serious surgeries over the following several years. Any thoughts of further children were quickly put out our minds, and a vasectomy sealed it.

Post Natal Years

The postnatal hormonal changes and half strength medications caused my wife’s condition to flare up badly, so back onto full strength meds. But breastfeeding was thus out of the question. With the dangers of her medical condition, carrying or bathing baby alone were out of the question - a bit of a kick in the guts for motherhood.

Some new medications were coming onto the market, so we went through a series of attempts at new meds, but with numerous side effects, and mostly with no improvement in her condition. The one med that showed promise, caused anaemia and massive weight gain.

When your medical condition can throw your body into uncontrolled spasms or convulsions at a moments notice, then the merest hint of sexual arousal or possible orgasm, sets off alarm bells. So add body-image issues to her medical condition, married life wasn’t a bed of rose petals. The first couple of years post natal, were sexless. I guess conjugal relations were of such a low priority, that the years slipped by. In hindsight,  I estimate that over 20 years, we averaged between 0 and 2 times per year.

Empty Nest - Resuscitation or Expiration?

At around the 30 year mark, we were empty-nesters, mortgage paid and a comfortable career. My wife’s medical condition had settled a little. I started pressing/encouraging increased (resumed?) sexual activity, but with little success. It seemed to be a matter of “Well, if you really must. Hop on and get it over with” - hardly encouraging. I backed off somewhat and tried to get her interested in mutual masturbation, but there was no interest - touching ‘down there’ was off limits, and oral was abhorrent to her.

Eventually, I got her to talk about our situation, but all I got was “I just don’t enjoy sex and never have”. Well, after that smack in the face, I promised that I would never ‘bother’ her about it again, and I haven’t.

Long Overdue Explanations

It was 3-4 years later, that she started to open up a bit more about her childhood. It seems that her introduction to sex was as a pre-teen, hearing her drunken alcoholic father having his way with his wife and hearing her mother pleading to be left alone. Even in the 1960’s, a woman was still her husband’s chattel and conjugal rights were expected. "Rape in marriage" was inconceivable by definition of ‘marriage’.

After a few months, she asked her mother about it, and she had her first ‘lesson’ in sex-ed, including rape. The ancients described this as "The sins of the father will be visited on his children to the 3rd and 4th generation" (Ex.20:5, Num.14:18, Deu.5:9).

A modern brain scan surprised by showing the degree of brain trauma from a simple childhood accident. Mapping the area of trauma with areas of brain function, suggests the possibility of impaired pleasure centres.

Never a truer statement has been made, than "The must important sexual organ is the one between our ears"!

A Detour Through The Psychosomatic Wilderness

This twelve months of medical incompetence, perhaps even mal practice, was so traumatic it requires a post of its own - "Unmedicated". 

Who Cares For the Carer? Loving Oneself

So that just leaves me. When we vow “For better or worse, in sickness and health”, I guess we all assume that the worse and sickness will only be a small percentage of married life. Our relationship had virtually declined into ‘patient and carer’. I started going through bouts of depression. Who cares for the carer? It was through discussions with a friend at work, that I started to realise that there was no point in just blaming circumstances for one’s unhappiness. I had to take responsibility for my own happiness, thinking outside the square of societal conventions. The Good Book tells us to ‘Love your neighbour as yourself’ - I had been taught the first half all my childhood, but not really much about loving myself - that was always seen as being ‘selfish’.

And so I ‘bit the bullet’ and started taking some occasional ‘me time’ with some ‘ladies of pleasure’, but that’s another story too. When one’s home cooking is all DIY, it’s nice to dine out sometimes.

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The 39 Days

Celebrating the Road Often Traveled
But Seldom Spoken Of
(a 2017 post refreshed in 2021)

The road? Prostate Cancer treatment! The celebration? Eight roots in eight weeks and cancer clear!!! An Erotic Journal? With all the ups and downs of this bumpy road, perhaps it is an E-rocky Journal!

Doctor's Orders

I don't think anything can be more unsettling to a man's lusty sex-life, than the diagnosis of prostate cancer.

I guess it was on the cards - 60% of 70 year olds will have it. And I've always been health conscious and have had annual medical checkups for the last 20 years. So a slowly rising PSA level gave advance warning of possible issues. Early this year, my PSA passed a 2nd critical level, so it was off to the urologist for an MRI, a 10 needle biopsy and CT scan.  Fortunately, we caught it early, it is entirely contained and only about 1cm in diameter.  At my age and current good health, it was recommended that it should be treated (if left untreated, life expectancy could be 10-15 years - I'm aiming for another 25 years at least). I was offered either robotic surgery or radiotherapy. I opted for the later.

Radiotherapy lasts about 8 weeks for 5 days/week. The preliminary CT scan, size and location analysis, determined that I needed 78 RADs, at 2 RAD per treatment, meaning 39 days of treatment were needed.

Week 1, Day 1

After the 1st treatment, I go in to talk with the radiation oncologist doctor. I ask him the most important question of all, 

"Is Viagra and sex OK during radiotherapy?". 

"No problems" he replies. "You can continue your normal sex life".

Well, that's a relief. That was my main concern about radical prostatectomy surgery. Although modern robotic techniques are very good, there was still the possibility of nerve damage, with incontinence and/or impotence side-effects - NO THANKS.

Continue a 'normal' sex life? What is normal? My sex life has definitely not been regular nor 'normal'. 

8 Roots in 8 Weeks

A plan is formulating in my mind. I will set out to have a 'normal' sex life for the duration of my treatment. Doctor's 'orders' after all.

This is my planned 'treatment' of 'prostate exercises'. This will keep the plumbing clear, keep the good prostate tissue working in tip-top shape and boost my endorphine levels for a positive outlook.

Now the radiotherapy centre is a half hour drive from home, allowing for 30-90mins in the centre, it is easy to slip in an extra hour to visit one of my regular ladies-of pleasure.

To summarize, on explaining my condition and planned 'treatment', all my ladies were even more accommodating than ever, and eager to assist with my 'treatment'.  Thankyou ladies.

• Day 5 - Ruby.
• Day 9 - Crystal
• Day 13 - Amber
• Day 18 - Jess (Ruby was on holidays)
• Day 23 - Amber
• Day 28 - Ruby
• Day 26 - Amber
• Day 39 - Ruby - Celebration🙌😈💦💋👅👼👿

Its just a pity that my health insurance doesn't cover these extra 'treatments'.

The Wait

So now I have a 3 month wait before a PSA test and visit to the urologist, to confirm that the cancer has all gone.

And I guess my sex-life will return to its less-than-normal, irregular pre-treatment state. At least my ladies-of-pleasure remain in my life.

PS - Radiotherapy Side Effects

Fortunately, the side-effects of radiotherapy are usually minimal. Mind you, the bowel irritation gives me the shits, and bladder irritation really pisses me off. But that's it, no pain, no fatigue.

PPS - Radiotherapy Humour

One day, I was lying on the radiotherapy table with my pubes and mid-riff exposed.  The female operator was getting me aligned - I have had target marks tattooed on my mid-riff and thighs and a pair of laser beams show the correct alignment. Her cold hands on my thighs push and roll me a little to get alignment right. At which point she says "Beautiful!". I tell her that "Only special ladies are allowed to say that!". I get a little laugh.

A couple of days later, I have the same operator, and she says the same things. This time, I say "Well, thank you!". She says "Your welcome" and we both laugh.

PPPS - Six Months - Declining Side Effects

Doctor's report is that I am cancer clear and my PSA levels are back to a very low normal. One of the minor side-effects was reduction in the volume of ejaculate, and as a consequence reduced ability or time to cum. But here at the 6 month mark, I can see an improvement in volume due to prostate function returning to normal (for my age).

PPPPS - Three Years - Up For It, Just

Well my 6 month review was a bit optimistic. In fact at 2 years I wrote "Paradise Lost - Vale Sir Lust".

But I wasn't going to give up. After much research, I resorted to a 3 month course of daily low doses of Viagra, with very regular DIY sexercises, to the point where I was achieving usable erections, so a test drive was scheduled, with moderate success.

Then COVID hit so it was back to DIY for 12 months. But here we are in 2021, open for business, and time to dip my toes in the water (perhaps that should be dipping my willy in some pussies). Getting up is OK, but my issue is staying up, so I need to use cock rings - a vibrating rabbit ears novelty ring has added some fun, much to my buddy's delight.

And so dear Erotic Journal, my journey has been bumpy with lots of ups and downs. The key is to enjoy the 'ups'!

Click to see who else has been erotically challenged!

I Lust, Therefore I Am

This topic came up in relation to a forum discussion on prostate surgery.  Men are not the best at seeing their doctor for regular health checks, but the very thought of prostate surgery and possible (probable?) decline or loss of sexual function, sends shivers through any red-blooded male.  Not being able to get a 'rise' at the sight of a beautiful sexy woman, to not be able to get an erection ever again, or have no sexual feelings in your penis, to some, is like having the very core of your being cut out.

Mind you I read of ladies having similar feelings of loss of sexual identity after mastectomy.  For women, this is a double whammy of both body image as well as self identity.

I heard of a case of a young man in his late 20's, who developed testicular cancer. Despite treatment, it really messed with his mind and self worth.  He couldn't bring himself to touch his wife and the marriage eventually broke up.  Needless to say it had a profound effect on his wife too, who had a strong sex drive. Her whole persona of wife, lover, mother, in a happy, caring relationship, was down the toilet.  With two young children to raise, no career, no support and unmet 'needs', she talked to a girlfriend, who suggested she try 'sex work' (thank goodness in Australia this option is available, legal and safe).  It was here that I met her.  Apart from some rollicking good times, we also had some very deep conversations.  The work and her clients had opened her eyes to a whole new world, of the possibility of sexual enjoyment without having to commit to the unknown of a long-term relationship.  Having saved up a little nest egg, she has left the industry now, gone back to college to study for a new career, and maybe dip her toe into the dating scene again - but she has thrown off the shackles of thinking that a girl 'needs' a man in her life to feel complete.  I wish her all the best.

Lust in the sense of sexual feelings (as distinct from unrequited desire for someone) is at the core of our humanness. Menopause and age can be like thieves in the night that creep up on you and steal your natural lust away.  These are things we will all have to deal with at some point, both in ourselves and in our partners. But to have 'it' taken in traumatic circumstances can be mentally debilitating. It is so important to not put all your 'identity eggs' in the 'lust basket', but to have other charitable and creative outlets for self-worth.

PS. I have personally just had a prostate biopsy, and thank goodness, the results are all clear. So my declining post rate, in line with declining 'lust' and performance, is just old fashioned aging.  Thank goodness my tongue is still as strong and lusty as ever. There is nothing like a little dose of Cunning Linctus to perk one up.