S - Sounds of Sex (#AtoZChallenge)

Image - sexandpsychology.com

Squelching

Squealing

Slapping

Slamming

Slurping

Sliding

Sploshing

Slipping

Sighing

Oh  Shit YESSSSSSS!!!!!!!

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Whilst I am not participating in the A-Z Challenge per se this year,
after a wonderfully noisy session last night,
I was inspired and couldn't let the 'S' challenge pass.

XYZZY - It's Magic (#AtoZChallenge)

Over 50 years ago, long before Personal Computers and Graphical User Interfaces (GUIs), there were two principle computer programming languages, COBOL for business and FORTRAN for technical. 

One of the earliest computer games going around universities at the time, was  'Adventure' (later also known as "Colossal Cave Adventure") written in 1975/6 in FORTRAN. It was the grand-father of all the 'Dungeons and Dragons' type games that have come since with grand graphics, videos and sound-effects. The game's universe comprised a network of caves/rooms and tunnels, sometimes doors, obstacles, challenges and puzzles to solve. 'Adventure' was text based, typing out a description of each location when reached and the 'adventurer' typed in the initial letter of the direction to be taken (East, West, North, South, Up, Down) into a tunnel to the next location. If there was a challenge in the room, the description included the puzzle, and like cryptic cross-words, smart users could usually figure it out - sometimes there was a clue in a previous room. Sometimes you had to pickup an object and take it to another room.

Towards the end of the game, there was a door that required a 'secret/magic password' to be typed in to open the door, but there was no clue in the room or previous rooms as to what the password was. You either relied on word-of-mouth getting the password from someone who knew someone etc. Unless of course, you were a computer geek like your's truly, and printed out the 100 or so pages of the data file used by the game 'engine', that described the maze, actions and puzzle, with answers. And lo-and-behold, there was the secret password, "XYZZY". I believe, even to this day, it appears on those lists that come out every so often, of commonly used passwords.

Throughout the history of mankind, there has always been beliefs and myths about some form of ultimate solution or end goal. From the "Holy Grail" to the "Elixir of Life".

And so, as I reach the 'Holy Grail' of the end of this 'A to Z Challenge', from 'alpha' to omega', it seems appropriate to sign off with "XYZZY".

 

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W - Waiting - Delayed Gratification (#AtoZChallenge)

Delayed gratification is a psychological technique for training impulse control. Two fundamental drives in humans are pain aversion and pleasure seeking.

Delayed gratification can have a number of uses in real life. As children, we were told to eat our vegetables first and we didn't get dessert until we had. In planning your day (at work) its often best to do the 'painful' and mundane things first, so the pleasant things can be seen as a 'reward'. One of the best methods to address procrastination (delaying or avoiding something) is to plan a 'reward' for yourself, after the things being avoided, are completed.

Delayed gratification is necessary to live with the cycles and time-lines of nature. We have to dig manure and prune thorns before we get to enjoy the fruits of our labour, whether edible or the beauty of flowers. I taught my 3 year-old grandson to garden by planting lettuce seeds and tomatoe seedlings. On each weekly visit, he would rush out to see how his 'marties' were growing. The pleasure and excitement he got when he finally picked a bag of cherry tomatoes to take home to his mum, was a sight to behold.

It is a fundamental lesson one must learn if we are to grow through life, whether emotionally, academically or physically. Growth requires work and effort, and the higher the goal one strives for, the harder the work and preparation. Consequently, it is probably the most important life skill you can teach your children. Learning the skill to grow and learn, is more important then academic knowledge itself.

There is also a situation where delay builds up anticipation, and repeated until the final gratification is much better then if taken at the beginning. This is the basis of sexual foreplay. At the extreme is Tantric techniques, where it is entirely focused, by meditative methods, on the continuous build-up, aiming at avoidance of the ultimate climax all together.

 
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V - Verisimilitude - Believable Writing (#AtoZChallenge)

Verisimilitude is the "lifelikeness" or believability of a work of fiction. The concept goes back to Plato and Aristotle, and the dramatic theory of mimesis, the imitation or representation of nature. For a piece of art to hold significance or persuasion for an audience, it must have grounding in reality. But it is the appearance or likeness to the truth, even if it is a far-fetched one.

 

In film, personally, I find English films usually more realistic than that from Hollywood. Hollywood is too obsessed with 'beautiful' people, whereas English film-makers more often use ordinary looking people, warts and all. Good characterization is 'relatable', whereas 'believability ' or realism comes from the script, direction and set.

For us as BLOG writers, believability and relatability will persuade a reader to continue to the end, and hopeful come back to read other posts. This is especially so for erotica writers although typically seeking a viseral response which has its own sense of believability.

In my own work, I have the opposite problem of couching a factual encounter description with some literary license and perhaps some fictionalized wrapping to make it more entertaining to the reader whilst preserving its truthfulness and believability. In "A Bad Habit" I relate an actual cosplay encounter (Nun's costume) and tell it within the fictional scenario of a priest reprimanding a nun. In "The Wicked Wench of Wupert Street", I fictionalize the characters a little bit, Sir Thomas becomes "ST - Super Tongue" and the lady become "The Wicked Wench". But sometimes there is a true story related unembellished ("There's Man A Slip Twixt...") that some think couldn't possibly be true.

Poetry has a different set of issues. It relies mainly on meter and rhyme to convey the emotion of the story. In "The Man From Yarra River - The Ride", I try to convey the rising excitement and adrenaline of a fictional gang bang by parodying the famous Australian poem, "The Man From Snowy River" by Banjo Paterson (as used in the movie of the same name - it tells the story of rounding up the brumbies in the high country). Even if the reader hasn't actually been in a gang bang, I hope the excitement elicited by this poem might make it feel as if it might be realistic, in a literary sense at least.

So aim for some verisimilitude in your BLOG and/or erotica writing. Ask yourself, "Can I actually hear a real person speaking like this?"

 

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U - Use It or Lose It (#AtoZChallenge)

This is a very common advertising slogan to buy soon and not put off a purchase. But like all good slogans, there is an element of truth in it in many walks of life, from physical fitness, to mental acuity to sexual fitness.

Image, from e-book by Violet Karma
at GoodReads

I was reminded of it again recently in researching ED recovery programs - I'll get back to this later. This in turn reminded me of a conversation with one of my favourite Ladies of Pleasure. I had been seeing her on and off for almost ten years. During some of our pillow talks, we discussed her outside alternative work and relationships. It seems her husband had left her, which left her hard up financially and relatively unskilled. So she turned to sex work to support her family. For alternative work, she had tried directing traffic at road construction, packing boxes in a distribution centre, a little bit of personal training in her body building hobby/sport. At our last meeting, she told me she had just obtained her heavy duty truck driving license. I asked if this meant she would be giving up her sex work. She told me she couldn't because she loved the sex too much - it was a matter of 'use it or lose it'. Because of the way her marriage broke up, she had no desire to have a man back in her life, but didn't want to lose the enjoyment of sex.

As I studied medical journal articles about recovering from Erectile Dysfunction after prostate cancer radiotherapy, the common theme coming through, was the need for prolonged, ongoing therapy to support the healing and regeneration of prostate tissue, cavernosum blood vessels and nerves. Daily low dose Viagra helped blood flow, vacuum pump and masturbation forced stretching if not full-on erection. But over time there has been improvement, so once this COVID-19 lockdown is over, I will be ready to get back in the saddle for a 2nd 'test drive'.

So not only does 'use it or lose it' apply, but in rehabilitation, 'use it to recover it' is key. I see this frequently in medical rehabilitation, eg. regaining use of limbs, walking, writing or speech after a stroke.

 

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T - Tautologies - Writing vs Editing (#AtoZChallenge)

Back at secondary school (1960s), I was never very good at English composition. I hated it partly because it all had to be written long hand so revision or rewriting was almost never done. It wasn't til I got into the business world that I had to come to grips with writing professionally. Even though I was a computer techie, I had to write proposals, specifications, management reports, user guides and training manuals, then later, web-site content. Fortunately, word processors were just becoming available. As my experience and professional standing grew, I moved into quality assurance and in particular, reviewing and editing the written work of others.

In the editing process especially, I learned a lot of basic writing techniques and taboos that were never mentioned at school. Thus the title mention of 'tautology', the use of superfluous additional words that mean similar things (did you notice my deliberate tautology in that sentence?). In poetry and song, repetition (of the same word) can be a useful tool in the rhythm of a piece. But in prose, and especially in technical writing, succinctness is key - never use two words when one will be enough suffice.

In my own writing, I found it better to keep the creative and editing processes separate, like switching hats. I realized that my writing issues had been in trying to get it right on the first pass. This is one of the key causes of "writer's block". Sometimes it's better to let the words pour out in free association, perhaps twice as much as is needed. Some people with a more visual style of thinking, prefer to use mind-maps or a story board to collect and organize their thoughts (see also sections and outlining below) before putting it into a document. Then read it over several times, so you know you have reached the culmination of your thoughts somewhere in there. 

Then look at getting some structure into your work. As a preacher friend told me the key to a good sermon, "First you tell them what your going to tell them, then tell them, then tell them what you've told them!" - its the old "introduction, body and summary" structure. Then think about who your audience will be - should "Introduction" become "Management Overview"? You will find you might want to move sentences or paragraphs around to collect related thoughts into the same sections. This is when you might find you have similar thoughts from different places that might best be merged and condensed, or superfluous fragments that add nothing to the core theme, that should be deleted. This is where I discovered the power of 'out-lining', either within MS-Word or a dedicated 'Outliner' tool. Organizing your work into paragraphs, sections and chapters helps clarify your thinking. Section headings become mini summaries of their content. Use the outline view to hide the content to just view the overall structure of your document with just the section headings.

Now you come to the nitty gritty of editing, of consistent tense and voice, alternate word choice (Flaubert's 'le mot juste'), sentence constructs, phraseology, grammar, punctuation and of course spelling.

Then put your work aside for a day or two and come back to review it with fresh eyes. Try reading it our loud to see if it 'flows' through the subject. Some people suggest reading it backwards, sentence by sentence.  This is not the proof-reading stage - you should be reviewing the semantic content - is there anything missing from the theme and goal, and is there anything that just doesn't fit or belong. When writing on a word-processor or on-line blogging editor, I sometime like to print my work off - seeing it in print with different font, page width, pagination etc, helps you see your work in a different light.

Depending on the size of your piece and its purpose, it is very useful to get someone else to proof-read it. I used to use my mother-in-law who had no knowledge of the subject matter but had an eagle eye for grammar and spelling.

I'm not going to recommend any specific book or web-site on editing, but a basic Google search on "editing and writing techniques" will provide an extensive list of sources of tips and strategies.

If you are a gardener, think of it like early pruning to give the core branches of a shrub a good structure, then once the foliage has become a bit overgrown, then pruning and shaping creates the specimen plant.

Select the types of techniques to use according to the type and size of your document. A User Manual or novel for limited or general publication should involve all these stages. A BLOG post might not have section headings, but organization into semantically related paragraphs is still important. Often a shorter piece like a '100 word' structure, or a poem (from 'free', to rhyming, to strongly structured like haiku or tanka), requires even stronger editing, where editing moves from being a technical stage to an art in its own right.

A mention should be included of attribution, though not quite editing, it is part of the completeness of a piece. All creation builds on the shoulders of those who have gone before, and proper attribution of significant or obscure external sources is polite and at times a copyright requirement. In printed work, foot-notes and bibliographies are the norm. In online work, like BLOG posts, hyperlinks to on-line resources or pop-up 'hover over' explanations (HTML "abbr" construct) serve the purpose. A hyper-link or pop-up can also be used to provide addition background information or explanation, best not put into the body of your writing.

Finally, accept that your work will never be perfect. You can never please all of the people all of the time. Receive criticism openly, evaluate alternate opinions dispassionately. In on-line work, be prepared to make corrections, amendments or addenda.

 
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S - STIs (#AtoZChallenge)

With all the current worries about the Corona Virus, we most not drop the ball on all the other sorts of infectious diseases around. For everybody in any sort on non-monogamous relationships, STIs/STDs must always be considered. Since the whole AIDS/HIV scare peaked, concern and safe-sex practice has dropped off a bit in some demographics, principally the 50 plus, mostly post-divorce. In particular there has been significant increase in gonorrhea in that age group.

Unlike viruses, STIs are bacterial and cannot be vaccinated against. So repeated infection is quite possible. Fortunately, STIs are (mostly) treatable with antibiotics, though some, such as gonorrhea are developing antibiotic resistant strains.

Image from Avert.org

With any communicable disease, it's important to understand the Risk Network, of who has had contact with who (I blogged about this 8 years ago).  In this case, who have your partners had sex with and who have your partner's partners had sex with, etc.  It is the "six degrees of separation" scenario. The following diagram from the California Department of Health Services maps the sexual inter-relationship network at a college in Colorado Springs where an outbreak of gonorrhea occurred in the 1980s'.

The majority of students only had 1 or 2 partners, but there are about 5 individuals who were highly sexually active with 2 having 20 or more partners. Most students were only 2 or 3 couplings away from these focii of infection.

In this corona virus pandemic, the key procedures are early detection with wide testing (especially at point of entry to a country), then contact tracing, both backwards to find out who you got it from, and forward to identify your Risk Network of who you might have passed it on to. 

Epidemiologists talk about the Reproduction Number, or R Factor. This a statistical average of the number of people an infected person will transmit the infection to. For Corona Virus, this is around 2.6. But being an average means that for some people there is no transmission (they identified in time and quarantined). At the other extreme, in Australia, one infected guest (an overseas family visitor) at a wedding reception, infected 39 other guests.
From the above cases, you can see why communicable diseases tend to break out in clusters, a school, a party, a nursing home, even swingers clubs.

So have fun, but play safe. If it's not on, it's not on.

 
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R - Raison d'être (#AtoZChallenge)

This would be the fundamental existential question that every person asks themselves sooner or later, "what am I here for?", "why do I exist?", etc. Even Shakespeare had a bit to say on the subject, "To be or not to be, that is the question", though I think "not to be" is rather pessimistic; I would rather ask "What to be?". The Japanese have a structured concept built around this question, "Ikigai" that helps one zoom in on your Ikigai, your fundamental purpose.

At our most primal level, our raison d'être is reproduction, continuation of the species. Our bodies are built to crave, to seek out and to have sex. I have posted previously "I Lust Therefore I Am" discussing how those urges are integrally tied to our self identity, our 'ID' as Freud called it. In Ikigai, this is our Passion.

But reproduction of course, is not uniquely human. The reason for our human being is humanity. What does the world need? What can I contribute to make the world a better place? Will I leave this world a little better for me having lived in it? In Ikigai, this is our Mission in life. There are a host of ways we can do this, perhaps in art, music or literature (even blogging), healing, charitable work, advocacy, and with a bit of luck, in our career/vocation.

There is no more important life work, than where our Passion meets our Mission, where Reproduction meets Humanity. That is in the raising of our children. Any animal can reproduce offspring. But guiding a helpless baby into self identification, discovering the world outside itself, of teaching, mentoring, and coaching, of molding its spiritual identity, of guiding it to discover their own Raison d'être, this is a most wonderful, passionate mission. When we see our 'child' walk up to the lectern to collect their diploma, or walk down the aisle of marriage, that wonderful parental pride swells up in our heart.

But WOW, when you see your 'baby' bring forth her own baby, the angels sing, now you know your Raison d'être. Let me tell you, when you do it all again with your grandchildren, it is even better.

 
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Q - Question (#AtoZChallenge)

This is by far the most difficult post of the A-to-Z challenge, not just because it is 'Q', the least used letter in English, the death knell for Scrabble players, but I felt I was getting stale. Everything that came to mind seemed to be just rehashing stuff I've written about before. Writing had become Quotidian. My mind was a Quagmire. I was in a Quandary, I felt a Queasy Qualm. Perhaps I was suffering Quarantine fever!

Marie Rebelle's post on 'Never blog for someone else' resonated with me about bloggers' block and had me thinking of Quitting the Challenge. I took Easter Monday off from writing and spent it reading again and got re-inspired.

So as I Quaffed down a mug of strong coffee to Quench my thirst, I turned to my Little Oxford Dictionary; just 4.5 pages of 'Q' words. Being an 'A' to 'Z' challenge, perhaps a Quire (+1 or 2) of Quarto paper was needed? As a sex blogger, I was tempted by Quivering, Quavering and Quakes! Quiff gave me a chuckle thinking of pubic hair. What is the Quintessence of my blog? Some ideas that crossed my mind were Quixotic; what was my Quarry? I don't want to resort to a Quirky Quip, and I don't want to seem Querulous or Quibbling about my Quest. So much Questioning. 

Image by Christian Dorn from Pixabay

What's this? A Quickening? The answer to my Question is staring me in the face, Question!

Questioning, that most human trait, the key to keeping conversation and communication going. I am reminded of the joke "Why do psychiatrists always answer a question with a question?" - the answer "Why not?" - that certainly keeps the conversation flowing. In the business world, the Change Management and Business Analysis specialties have a key mantra, the "Five Whys" (Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?) to help drill down to find the most basic underlying problems. Sounds like any toddler, doesn't it. But it's not a new phenomenon - it goes back at least 2 thousand years to ancient Persia where they had the "Three Whys Men".

The key to good personal and sexual relationships is communication. The way to grow, to expand your experience, to explore, is to ask questions. In the broadest sense, there is the question of consent. It's not just "Would you like some rumpy pumpy tonight?", but questions like "Would you like a neck or back massage?" convey so much more. Questions like "Do you like that there?" and "Can you rub me here?" provide guidance, even learning new things.

In my "Mindfulness" post, I wrote of being an 'observer' of life, but questioning is a critical adjunct to understand what you are observing and to guide you into new observations and insights.

(For the dictionary averse, hover your mouse over any 'Q' word for a definition)

 
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P - Praise (#AtoZChallenge)

Praise, like criticism, is one of those actions that creates an emotional reaction, whether deserved or not.

Many years ago I was on a management development weekend with my employer.  The presenter was explaining the importance of learning to give  advice with out descending into criticism. We then did an exercise in praise. Two people were selected to stand up at the lectern and read out a poem. The audience was instructed to clap and cheer loudly after the first person read their poem. After the second reader, we were instructed to keep very straight faces and make no response. Both readers understood the audience's instructions. After the exercise, both readers were asked to describe their emotional response. Despite both having done identical presentations and both knowing the audience's instructions, still the applauded candidate felt pride and pleasure well up inside him, but the other candidate felt a downer.

The power of praise should never be underestimated.

As parent's we should know that praising a child's achievements will benefit him/her much, much more than criticism or plain obliviousness or worse, disdain.

As a grandparent, I am getting to enjoy again, involvement in the growth of my grandchildren.

As lovers, and/or in your sex life, do you praise your partner enough? When was the last time you told them they were a wonderful lover?

Even in my commercial sexual life, praise and compliments are important. Sure, from the lady's perspective, her job is to make a man feel great - sadly a proportion of their clients have self esteem issues. Praise, however feint, is part of the job. But feint praise gets to be a bit funny after a while, such as "Oooh, You so big" when I know quite well that I am just very average. But sometimes, one gets a nice spontaneous complement - once, the tongue engine had just given this particular lady a big orgasm, and as she came down from the heights, she gasped, "Oh my god! Where did you learn to do that?". At least in that environment, it is quite acceptable to have learnt something from another lady. It's nice to walk out feeling like Don Juan, even for just 5-10 minutes, instead of common old Tom Smith.

I am very lucky to have found some wonderful Ladies Of Pleasure with whom I have had some incredible times. Even though cash has changed hands, I still like to give sincere praise, complements or gifts when warranted.

 
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N.O. - No!!! (#AtoZChallenge)

As sex bloggers, we celebrate "Yes! Yes! Yeeeees!!!!"

In the sub-genre of Kink and BDSM though, "No!" or a 'safe word' is equally important, primarily to avoid injury, but also to communicate a boundary of comfort.

Image from pixabay.com

But in all human relationships, respecting each others boundaries is important. In this time of Corona Virus quarantine and isolation, sadly there has been a rise in family violence. In marriage and committed relationships, there must always be 'give and take', or recognition and respect of each others differing boundaries. Sadly, there are still some men that think "she must give" and "I will take". In my own marriage, I wanted the traditional wording of "taking" each other, to be reversed to "giving" of ourselves to the other.

Unfortunately, the fantasy of romantic love often includes the concepts of being swept off your feet by your knight in shining armour and being taken away to his castle to live happily every after. At the heights of sexual ecstasy, utterances of wanting to be 'taken' or 'possessed' are common. But these are just enjoyable, emotional fantasies of the moment and are not constructive in mundane, day to day life.

In marriage IRL, "No!" means "No!". Sadly, it's only been in the last 30-40 years that "rape in marriage" has finally been recognized and a wife is no longer her husband's chattel, well at least here in Oz and some other countries. Sadly, there are still places and cultures where the male has all the power - please remember to pray for these oppressed women. 

As I moved into the world of transactional sex, enforcement of boundaries is even more important and has a contractual type basis. Sadly, there are still too many men that treat these Ladies of Pleasure as objects for their use and constantly try to push those boundaries. Worse are the creeps that traffic young women into their service where they aren't even permitted to utter the word "No!".

As sex bloggers, we must always remember the fine line we walk between being sex positive and remembering and respecting those who do not have such freedom.

 
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M - Mindfulness (#AtoZChallenge)

Mindfulness is the ability to be fully aware of where we are, what we’re doing and what’s going on around us, without being overly reactive or overwhelmed.

Now I can't claim to be 'mindful' according to most of the modern 'mindfulness' teachings. Popular 'Mindfulness' is not a cure-all panacea. To me, 'mindfulness' doesn't have to be closely related to and involve meditation. Usually, meditation involves emptying the mind, whereas 'mindfulness' fills the mind. Meditation usually implies sitting in one spot, shutting out the world. To me, 'mindfulness' implies awareness, of being out in the world, of being an observer of life, of having an open mind.

 (picture from Padua College - www.padua.vic.edu.au)

I guess I have been an observer all my life. At times I feel I have been an 'outsider' looking in and this is to an extent related to my early lack of social skills. Professionally, it was an obvious step into being a business analyst, being able to observe, seeing the big picture and how processes link together or affect each other.

It's not just in business though, for me, 'mindfulness' includes becoming aware of issues and needs around me that I can contribute to.

So moving into open sexual experiences and 'relationships', being an observer came naturally, and writing a blog an obvious extension. I just hope that some of my observations have contributed to the greater collective knowledge.

 

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L - Linctus (Love Juice) (#AtoZChallenge)

When I started out on this new life, I had never had the pleasure of cunnilingus, of going down on my wife. So when I started to experience these new delights and thought of blogging, my first thought of a blog title included "cunnilingus", but I quickly found that title taken. I was also having some interesting and sometimes funny pillow talk experiences, so I went with a play on words to make "The Cunning Linctus" (some of my posts included "Cunning Conversations").

Now "Linctus" is normally a cough syrup. Because of "Love Juice's" sensual, almost intoxicating taste and smell, "Linctus" seemed a suitable descriptor.

Now a lady's linctus is normally vaginal lubrication, but then I encountered the occasional squirter ("Christmas Drinks at the Y" with Miss R). I thought I had died and gone to heaven, from gulping down mouth fulls, to a warm waterfall flooding down over my loins. Hot damn...

But there is the other "linctus", enjoyed by a few ladies. Miss T was one such lady that seemed like she couldn't get enough of my "Linctus" when she brought me to some explosive orgasms. OMG...

 

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K - Kissing

Kissing is one of those activities that can cover a multitude of situations. There is the simple greeting kiss on the cheek(s), which can be between friends or familial. There is the welcome back/home kiss, intense and longing. There is the goodbye kiss, also often long but sad. A variation of the goodbye kiss, is the chaste goodbye (its over), extra sad. At the other extreme is the Judas kiss.

Coming to romantic kissing, there are the erogenous kisses, caressing and exploring all the various erogenous zones of each other's bodies. Then there is the very special vulva kiss, the "Australian Kiss" or Dining At The 'Y'.

I was reminded of this kissing subject, cooling down after a very hot session with a favourite Lady Of Pleasure and she complimented me on my kissing style. She then made a comment about another client's kissing style (open mouthed) that she found a total turn-off. Thus our conversation turned to various kissing styles that we had encountered, both as client and service provider.

Top (or is that bottom) of my list (of turn-offs), is the "non-kisser" - she thinks it is 'too personal'. OK, I respect her choices but I reserve my choice to not book her. "Too personal"? WTF? She isn't taking me into the bedroom to shake hands after all? This is a warning sign of a possible "star-fish" experience.

Then there is the "tight lipped" kisser. She might as well be a "non-kisser". I expect this sort of kiss from my maiden aunt.

Turning to the slightly quirky, there is the "lip nibbler" (top or bottom) - usually as a way of kissing yet avoiding "the tongue!"

Next is the "open mouther" my friend described. I find it hard to imagine - he "kissed" her with mouth fixed open with no movement of lips or tongue - strange!

The "hot-rod tongue" kisses with his/her tongue held hard and straight into the other's mouth.  When I encounter this type, I am tempted to suck on it like a lollipop. When used in cunnilingus, many ladies find this "tongue fucking" a bit of a turn-off too until she is good and ready.

Then there is the "not after you've been down there" type. OK, I respect her choice. I just wish I knew at the start so we could arrange our "moves" in a more suitable sequence.

Now we come to my type - "French" kissing (or DFK). This kissing is dynamic as lips and tongue caress each other and intertwine.  My best ladies and I find it such a turn-on.

Finally, the converse of the "not after you've been down there" type, you occasionally meet a "snow baller" - after having Cum In her Mouth (CIM) you then share your linctus together. Its not to every-body's taste mind you. Conversely, if I have given her a cream-pie, I am a gentleman and I am more than ready to clean up my mess and share if she likes. My mother always said, "Don't lick the plate!", but I never took any notice of mother.

Have I missed any styles?

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this Wicked Wednesday #458

J - Joie de Vivre (#AtoZChallenge)

I started out on this 'J' post with 'Jugular' about Erotic Asphyxiation, but as I researched and got into that subject, I was overwhelmed with depression, and as I reflected on that I turned to the opposite, "Joy". As I read of the death rate of people who turned to auto asphyxiation, alone, I was saddened that they had missed "the joy of living".

As I sit in my retirement unit in this time of corona pandemic and isolation, I am very fortunate to see from my lounge room, the adjacent golf course, a small lake and our rose garden. It is a joy to watch the variety of birdlife, from swans, ibis and ducks on the lake, to wrens, sparrows and finches, blackbirds and magpies. Then there is the occasional rabbit and rarely a fox. I am reminded of the bible verse, "Are not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows".

I have a wonderful view of every type of weather that rolls in from the west, and of many beautiful sunsets.

As I look to one side, I see the raised vegetable garden that my grandson helped me build. The lettuce have finished and are going to seed - I must pull them out. There are still a good crop of carrots for the next casserole. The parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme scents drift through the door.

But it is not just the wild life. Yesterday, there was a knock on the door. On opening the door, no-one was there, but there was a small posy of gardenias that a neighbour had left.

Yes, even in these times of great potential danger, there is still "joy in living".

Now this is a sex blog after all, and I remind myself often, that sexual pleasure isn't intended as a solitary thing, but should be part of our 'joie de vivre'. Although my personal situation has meant I have resorted to the world of transaction sex, I have been very fortunate to find some ladies with whom it is much more than just a financial transaction. I am reminded of one regular, who on seeing me walk in, ran down the corridor, threw her arms around me and said, "Thank God it's you. I've had a shitty day and need some 'me' time with you". I am thankful of the numerous times of pillow talk with many of my Ladies Of Pleasure as we cool down and chat about life. We've talked about families, relationships, holidays, financial investment advice, health issues, home decorating, and of course humorous stories, you name it.

Most of all, sexual encounters should be fun together. I emphasize both words. 'Joie de vivre', 'joy of living', implies living together, in wider community of human-kind. I am a great follower of the Latin motto, "Vive ut vivas", "live life to the fullest".

 
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I - Isolation (#AtoZChallenge)

With this current viral pandemic, isolation is on everyone's mind.

Humans are social creatures and we need, yeah crave connection with other people. From time immemorial, isolation has been used as a punishment. There is a quaint expression from the English school system of being "sent to Coventry" meaning to be isolated and no-one else was allowed to speak to the outcast. In the prison systems, "solitary confinement" is the worst form of punishment.

But it is not just for punishment. From ancient time, quarantine has been used to stop the spread of disease from the sick to the wider community.

But there is a different type of self isolation of groups of people from others. This has been used for separation of races and religions, maintenance of secret societies, to men-only clubs, a whole host of discrimination against women, to the ancient practice of isolation of menstruating women.

But between couples and in families, there is a yet another - you may have heard of the expression of someone "emotionally checking out of a marriage" sort of isolation, not physical, but emotional. I've been rereading M.Scott Peck's "The Road Less Traveled" in my period of isolation, and was reminded of the "Myth of falling in love (lust?)" and "Romantic Love". Real, mature love involves the volitional decision to commit and support each others individual 'spiritual' (not the religious sort though) growth.

There is also a type of isolation inherent in our nature, usually by birth but sometimes learnt. I've been an academic type all my life and have always had great difficulty in social interaction. I am aware of it and have to make strong conscious efforts in certain situations. Even in a simple phone call, I have to try to remember to make some social conversation and not just stick to "just the facts mam".

Finally, there is the isolation one can feel as a carer. For some, it might be caring for a parent with dementia. For me, the physical and psychological conditions have affected our emotional connection. After I have fed and toileted my wife and set her up in her bed, I retire, alone to my bedroom, cocooned in my thoughts and feelings, isolated.

 
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H - Happy, Yay, Hilarious Endings (#AtoZChallenge)

If you have ever looked at a dating web-site, even if you weren't actually actively looking for a date, invariably participants' profiles include "a good sense of humour" as a requirement or as their own personality. There is a very old saying, "Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone".

Laughter releases endorphin, the "feel good" hormone, into the brain. And "feel good" is a major factor in attraction between people. From earliest school age, "acting the fool" or being the "joker", is used to improve one's popularity.

Between adults, humour is an important factor in development of sexual attraction. Functional MRI scans have shown that the areas of the brain responding to humour and sexual arousal, are adjacent and both are involved in the endorphin release. So there is in fact a physiological reason for the relationship between sexual arousal and humour.

Some time ago, I wrote about "Laughter, the Best Aphrodisiac", so I won't repeat most of that, but there is one story worth repeating.

I was visiting a Lady Of Pleasure who had the nick-name of "Fire cracker" among her colleagues, because she was a very loud orgasm-er - I guess in other countries she might be known as the 'Happy Hooker'. Well the Tongue Engine had just given her her first orgasm. As she slid onto me, a second orgasm was building and she started biting her wrist. 

I asked, "Are you OK?";

To which she replied, "I don't want to make a noise; there might be someone in the waiting room next door". 

I came back with, "Well we'll give them some encouragement".

She came back with "I'll have what she's having".

With that, we both cracked up, laughing very loudly and orgasming together.

As I was leaving, the receptionist had a very big grin and asked, "Did you have a good time? Do come again" (which I do, often).

There is an expression in Australia, usually reserved for Massage Parlours that offer illegal 'optional extra service' known as a 'Happy Ending'. Well ours was an 'Hilarious Ending' - highly recommended.

 
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