With this current viral pandemic, isolation is on everyone's mind.
Humans are social creatures and we need, yeah crave connection with other people. From time immemorial, isolation has been used as a punishment. There is a quaint expression from the English school system of being "sent to Coventry" meaning to be isolated and no-one else was allowed to speak to the outcast. In the prison systems, "solitary confinement" is the worst form of punishment.
But it is not just for punishment. From ancient time, quarantine has been used to stop the spread of disease from the sick to the wider community.
But there is a different type of self isolation of groups of people from others. This has been used for separation of races and religions, maintenance of secret societies, to men-only clubs, a whole host of discrimination against women, to the ancient practice of isolation of menstruating women.
Humans are social creatures and we need, yeah crave connection with other people. From time immemorial, isolation has been used as a punishment. There is a quaint expression from the English school system of being "sent to Coventry" meaning to be isolated and no-one else was allowed to speak to the outcast. In the prison systems, "solitary confinement" is the worst form of punishment.
But it is not just for punishment. From ancient time, quarantine has been used to stop the spread of disease from the sick to the wider community.
But there is a different type of self isolation of groups of people from others. This has been used for separation of races and religions, maintenance of secret societies, to men-only clubs, a whole host of discrimination against women, to the ancient practice of isolation of menstruating women.
But between couples and in families, there is a yet another - you may have heard of the expression of someone "emotionally checking out of a marriage" sort of isolation, not physical, but emotional. I've been rereading M.Scott Peck's "The Road Less Traveled" in my period of isolation, and was reminded of the "Myth of falling in love (lust?)" and "Romantic Love". Real, mature love involves the volitional decision to commit and support each others individual 'spiritual' (not the religious sort though) growth.
There is also a type of isolation inherent in our nature, usually by birth but sometimes learnt. I've been an academic type all my life and have always had great difficulty in social interaction. I am aware of it and have to make strong conscious efforts in certain situations. Even in a simple phone call, I have to try to remember to make some social conversation and not just stick to "just the facts mam".
Finally, there is the isolation one can feel as a carer. For some, it might be caring for a parent with dementia. For me, the physical and psychological conditions have affected our emotional connection. After I have fed and toileted my wife and set her up in her bed, I retire, alone to my bedroom, cocooned in my thoughts and feelings, isolated.
Caregiving is a difficult and often thankless job, and the switch to the *role* of caregiver often has an impact on other facets of a couple's relationship. It's a difficult road to navigate.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Feve, it's a difficult road to navigate. In the past years my husband has leaned on my harder than before, but the care I give him is in no way as intensive as the care you give your wife. I can only imagine how lonely and isolated you must feel. Who cares for the carer?
ReplyDeleteRebel xox