The Penis Conspiracy! Who Cums First?

I've just been compiling a Table of Contents and I noticed that although I have written about Female Orgasms and pleasuring ladies with Cunnilingus, I have never written about the male side of things, although I did touch on some aspects writing about ED and Prostate Cancer. The other trigger for this post, has been the knowledge gaps and misunderstanding I hear from Working Ladies (of Pleasure) about their clients (as related to me in our pillow chats).

The Penis Conspiracy and the Mythology of Sex!

The biggest mistake of classical Sex Education, is treating sex as primarily anatomical. They teach about the basic mechanics of genitals and processes of reproduction. But they fail to say that the largest sex organ in the body is the one between our ears. And its not just the brain's involvement in arousal, sensory feelings and hormonal responses, but interpersonal attitudes affect how sexual relationships will play out.

"I think Walt Disney creates a lot of mythology," says Seth Prosterman, PhD, (a clinical sexologist and licensed marriage and family therapist). "In Disney movies, people fall in love and walk into the sunset, and you get this myth that intimacy is a given once you fall in love, and sexuality is natural and follows that." (ref.) In reality, says Prosterman, "Sex is something that we learn throughout a lifetime."

Unfortunately, all men start their sexual life DIY which is entirely penis focused on the man achieving an erection and orgasm. Sadly, many men carry this into their sexual relationship with a partner through their entire adult life, never growing 'up', leaving their partner high and dry, unfulfilled. Then these men wonder why their marital sex life slowly dries up.

A lot of sexual language is male oriented. Fucking is something the male 'does' to a women. He 'gives' her an orgasm or 'gives' her a baby. As a sex positive blogger I have to be very careful about the words I write and the underlying message of what my words are conveying.

Men are generally NOT taught that men's and women's arousal processes are different. Men's primary stimulation is visual and fast, whereas women's primary stimulation is emotional (romantic) and tactile and builds gently. Further, women's arousal focus is NOT vagina centric, but clitoral centric from the head/glans, behind the labia to the 'G' spot (see below).

She Cums First

As a boy, I was brought up with manners and respect - one held a door open for a lady to let her go first - a bit 'sexist' the feminists will claim. But as I've aged and grown sexually, my mantra for good sex is "She cums first!".

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Even in the transactional sex world I am relegated to, with the wonderful ladies I have built a FWB relationship with, the same still applies. Sure, as a broad principle, sex work is male centric (he is paying after all) and many ladies deliberately don't want to have any sexual response of their own, but when played like a lover, their body can't help but respond. I remember one lady I saw just 2 days into her SW experience - I had gone down her and the old Tongue Engine had elicited a strong orgasm. When she recovered, she was quite shocked and said, "Oooh!!! Am I allowed to do that?". 

Many ladies go into SW after a broken relationship, hoping to satisfy their own sexual needs and earn some money at the same time - but mostly they are disappointed - 90% of the guys just want to 'get their rocks off', some don't even talk to them. But there is that 10% with whom they might find pleasure of their own if they haven't become too jaded yet. I've quoted one lady in a number of posts - running down the corridor when she sees me come in, throws her arms around me and says "Thank God its you. I've had a shitty day and I need some me time!".

Delayed Gratification and a Pleasure Shared

Men have to learn the importance of 'delayed gratification'. By focusing on your lady's arousal and pleasure first, at her peak she will be anxious to pleasure you to a mutual climactic completion. "A pleasure shared is a pleasure doubled, not halved!".

If my BLOG readership is any gauge, the message is getting out and many men are wanting to learn how to pleasure their partner with cunnilingus, the dos, the don'ts and expectations. Those posts, approximately 2% of all my posts, attract around 10% of all views.

This post is focused on traditional cis-gender hetero relationships. LGBQT, D/S and many kink activities have already addressed this issue.

Conclusion

So I hope I have given my male readers something to think about, good sex starts in the brain after all. And to my lady readers, I hope you understand now the 'penis conspiracy' you are up against and you have found some encouragement in how to guide and teach your man to find pleasure together.

 

A Buddy to Remember

One of the beauties of aging, is that you have more memories to reminisce over.

The period I am writing about was 9 years ago and there are contemporaneous blog posts that I will refer to. Whilst this reminiscence might seem to be through rose coloured glasses, they are not artificially tinted.

I first met TM in a brothel. We hit it off immediately and over a number of regular visits and frequent pillow talks, got to know a bit about each other. She had married very young, with no career, but eventually the marriage went bad. She turned to sex work as a convenient, easy way to make sufficient money to survive. Now she enjoyed sex and had a good temperament for this work. Her philosophy was to make her clients feel that they were 'making love' with her, what is sometimes called a 'girl friend experience'.

We exchanged telephone numbers to keep in touch about our availability. Well one day, she rang to say that due to a change in circumstances, she was leaving the brothel work, but would I like to continue seeing her privately. She lived in a rental cottage at the sea-side, a good hour out of my normal travel, but I said I would love to continue seeing her.

It took some surreptitious juggling of times between home and work, but we did get to spend some wonderful times together. I was her only 'partner' over this time. It wasn't really a 'client' relationship, although I did assist her financially. It wasn't regular enough in visits or payments to make it a 'sugar daddy' relationship. Perhaps 'Booty Buddy' or 'Friends With Benefits' would better describe what we had. TM summed it up best, describing us as a 'couple of survivors comforting each other'.

Being out of work, the government dole payment required her to undertake some occupational training. She signed up for an Aged Care Attendant certificate, but didn't really find it suited her temperament. She was a good photographer, particularly seascapes, and we talked about how she might turn this into some sort of career option, say in framed photographs in a tourist spot.

A few months in, she mentioned that she had met someone that had asked her on a date. I told her that if it became serious, and our friendship was inappropriate, to tell me and I would step aside. I never saw her for a few months, what with her going overseas for a friend's funeral, then her own family issues.

It was in the December; I had received a large Christmas hamper bonus from work, so I packaged up some of my largess for a hamper for TM.  I slipped out of work early and headed on down to visit. TM was home and pleased to see me, but greeted me with a chaste kiss. I knew immediately that my time had come.

We settled on the front veranda with chai lattes to catch up. The sun was coming down in the west, a warm sea breeze wafted across the fragrant cottage garden, as our conversation covered the mundane (her purchase and restoration of some old furniture), to deeply personal (her struggles with a change in her contraceptive; her boyfriend leaving his wife and asking her to move in with him and the pros and cons of whether she should), to my home-life issues with my wife's health. She inquired whether the 'girls' back at the brothel were looking after me (I hadn't been back since seeing TM at home).

The sun was about to kiss the horizon and it was time for me to go. With a warm cuddle, wishing each other well and a peck on the cheek, I headed off into the twilight.

Nine years on, I still have warm, fond memories of those days. I did see her FB page once (I wouldn't contact her tho) and saw that that relationship back then had not survived. She went back to college in a course that tapped her creative side but in a very practical hospitality role, in which she now works. A new relationship with a biker seems to be going well, and suits the wild streak in her personality.

Bon voyage through the rest of your life buddy. We survived!

N.O. - No!!! (#AtoZChallenge)

As sex bloggers, we celebrate "Yes! Yes! Yeeeees!!!!"

In the sub-genre of Kink and BDSM though, "No!" or a 'safe word' is equally important, primarily to avoid injury, but also to communicate a boundary of comfort.

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But in all human relationships, respecting each others boundaries is important. In this time of Corona Virus quarantine and isolation, sadly there has been a rise in family violence. In marriage and committed relationships, there must always be 'give and take', or recognition and respect of each others differing boundaries. Sadly, there are still some men that think "she must give" and "I will take". In my own marriage, I wanted the traditional wording of "taking" each other, to be reversed to "giving" of ourselves to the other.

Unfortunately, the fantasy of romantic love often includes the concepts of being swept off your feet by your knight in shining armour and being taken away to his castle to live happily every after. At the heights of sexual ecstasy, utterances of wanting to be 'taken' or 'possessed' are common. But these are just enjoyable, emotional fantasies of the moment and are not constructive in mundane, day to day life.

In marriage IRL, "No!" means "No!". Sadly, it's only been in the last 30-40 years that "rape in marriage" has finally been recognized and a wife is no longer her husband's chattel, well at least here in Oz and some other countries. Sadly, there are still places and cultures where the male has all the power - please remember to pray for these oppressed women. 

As I moved into the world of transactional sex, enforcement of boundaries is even more important and has a contractual type basis. Sadly, there are still too many men that treat these Ladies of Pleasure as objects for their use and constantly try to push those boundaries. Worse are the creeps that traffic young women into their service where they aren't even permitted to utter the word "No!".

As sex bloggers, we must always remember the fine line we walk between being sex positive and remembering and respecting those who do not have such freedom.

 
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K - Kissing

Kissing is one of those activities that can cover a multitude of situations. There is the simple greeting kiss on the cheek(s), which can be between friends or familial. There is the welcome back/home kiss, intense and longing. There is the goodbye kiss, also often long but sad. A variation of the goodbye kiss, is the chaste goodbye (its over), extra sad. At the other extreme is the Judas kiss.

Coming to romantic kissing, there are the erogenous kisses, caressing and exploring all the various erogenous zones of each other's bodies. Then there is the very special vulva kiss, the "Australian Kiss" or Dining At The 'Y'.

I was reminded of this kissing subject, cooling down after a very hot session with a favourite Lady Of Pleasure and she complimented me on my kissing style. She then made a comment about another client's kissing style (open mouthed) that she found a total turn-off. Thus our conversation turned to various kissing styles that we had encountered, both as client and service provider.

Top (or is that bottom) of my list (of turn-offs), is the "non-kisser" - she thinks it is 'too personal'. OK, I respect her choices but I reserve my choice to not book her. "Too personal"? WTF? She isn't taking me into the bedroom to shake hands after all? This is a warning sign of a possible "star-fish" experience.

Then there is the "tight lipped" kisser. She might as well be a "non-kisser". I expect this sort of kiss from my maiden aunt.

Turning to the slightly quirky, there is the "lip nibbler" (top or bottom) - usually as a way of kissing yet avoiding "the tongue!"

Next is the "open mouther" my friend described. I find it hard to imagine - he "kissed" her with mouth fixed open with no movement of lips or tongue - strange!

The "hot-rod tongue" kisses with his/her tongue held hard and straight into the other's mouth.  When I encounter this type, I am tempted to suck on it like a lollipop. When used in cunnilingus, many ladies find this "tongue fucking" a bit of a turn-off too until she is good and ready.

Then there is the "not after you've been down there" type. OK, I respect her choice. I just wish I knew at the start so we could arrange our "moves" in a more suitable sequence.

Now we come to my type - "French" kissing (or DFK). This kissing is dynamic as lips and tongue caress each other and intertwine.  My best ladies and I find it such a turn-on.

Finally, the converse of the "not after you've been down there" type, you occasionally meet a "snow baller" - after having Cum In her Mouth (CIM) you then share your linctus together. Its not to every-body's taste mind you. Conversely, if I have given her a cream-pie, I am a gentleman and I am more than ready to clean up my mess and share if she likes. My mother always said, "Don't lick the plate!", but I never took any notice of mother.

Have I missed any styles?

Click to see who else is Mouthing off

this Wicked Wednesday #458

H - Happy, Yay, Hilarious Endings (#AtoZChallenge)

If you have ever looked at a dating web-site, even if you weren't actually actively looking for a date, invariably participants' profiles include "a good sense of humour" as a requirement or as their own personality. There is a very old saying, "Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone".

Laughter releases endorphin, the "feel good" hormone, into the brain. And "feel good" is a major factor in attraction between people. From earliest school age, "acting the fool" or being the "joker", is used to improve one's popularity.

Between adults, humour is an important factor in development of sexual attraction. Functional MRI scans have shown that the areas of the brain responding to humour and sexual arousal, are adjacent and both are involved in the endorphin release. So there is in fact a physiological reason for the relationship between sexual arousal and humour.

Some time ago, I wrote about "Laughter, the Best Aphrodisiac", so I won't repeat most of that, but there is one story worth repeating.

I was visiting a Lady Of Pleasure who had the nick-name of "Fire cracker" among her colleagues, because she was a very loud orgasm-er - I guess in other countries she might be known as the 'Happy Hooker'. Well the Tongue Engine had just given her her first orgasm. As she slid onto me, a second orgasm was building and she started biting her wrist. 

I asked, "Are you OK?";

To which she replied, "I don't want to make a noise; there might be someone in the waiting room next door". 

I came back with, "Well we'll give them some encouragement".

She came back with "I'll have what she's having".

With that, we both cracked up, laughing very loudly and orgasming together.

As I was leaving, the receptionist had a very big grin and asked, "Did you have a good time? Do come again" (which I do, often).

There is an expression in Australia, usually reserved for Massage Parlours that offer illegal 'optional extra service' known as a 'Happy Ending'. Well ours was an 'Hilarious Ending' - highly recommended.

 
Click to see who else is taking the challenge. 

There's Many A Slip Twixt.....

I was reading an old post recently, "That Smile" and was reminded of D's welcoming words, "Thank God its you. I've had a shitty day and need some Me time". Now in the commercial sex world, one doesn't expect a "relationship" and a "Girl Friend Experience" is just a marketing ploy. But just occasionally, one comes across a gem who loves the sex even more than (well at least as much as) the money. Then as we see each other more regularly, a sort of a sex-buddy 'relationship' develops. D's words above, reminded me of a more recent warm, nay hot, welcome.

I've been seeing Miss R for over a year now. This day, I had rung and made a booking, but it seems the receptionist doesn't tell the ladies the name of who a booking is with. When I arrived, Miss R was delayed, so I was shown to the bedroom to wait. I showered and was lying on the bed at attention, waiting.

R opened the door, resplendent in black G string and negligee. The moment she saw it was me, she rushed to the bed and immediately jumped my bones. 

Without a word, she had my head in her hands and tongue down my throat. Little Tom was enjoying a lovely 'panty slide'. I slipped my hands inside her negligee top to squeeze her breasts and my thumbs massaged her very prominent brown nipples. I swear, R's nipples must be wired directly to her clit, because there is an immediate reaction inside the sheer material sliding over my cock. Her body jumps into high gear. Our kissing becomes intensely passionate and our pubes are grinding ever harder. Her panties are slick in less than a minute and I am sliding in the groove of a wonderful 'camel-toe'.

God, its amazing how a piece of clothing can be so erotically alluring, how a piece of silk can promise so much, but not just yet. Delayed gratification intensifies the desire.

Our grinding is now round and round, up and down, side to side. I can  feel the hem edging. Little Tom is edging. There's many a slip twixt the cock and the slit! (cf.  George Pettie in Petite Palace, "Many things happens betweene the cup and the lip, many thinges chaunce betweene the bourde and the bed". ref. wikipedia)

We roll apart whilst I remove her negligee and soaking panties. We roll together for a cuddle. I look into her eyes and say "Well, hello to you too!"

The Goodbye Kiss

If there is one thing I have learned from my punting time, it is that open, sexual relationships, whether 'commercial', buddies, casual, poly-amorous or anything else, must be unselfish.  To be open enough to enter into a close intimate ‘relationship/friendship’ of this sort, we must be equally open enough to let each other move on when the time comes.

I have written about my relationship with T before in "Booty Buddies?".

During some of our pillow talks, she mentioned that she had started dating someone and I said that she just had to ‘say the word’ and I would step aside.

Well a couple of months passed where for various reasons we did not see each other. Then I dropped in to her home just before Christmas with a hamper of goodies.  She welcomed me with a chaste kiss, and I knew instantly that my time had come.  We spent the rest of the afternoon sipping chai lates, sitting in recliners on her front porch overlooking her cottage garden and the sun slowly sinking over the bay.  We talked very opening about our relationship (she always said that we were a pair of survivors), the good times we had had.  We talked about her recent loss of her mother, her health issues, looking for a new career, the side effects of contraceptive implants, my own home life issues, and their future plans together.

As the sun touched the horizon, I collected my few belongings stashed in her bedroom. She expressed the hope that the ‘girls’ back at the parlour would ‘look after me’.  We hugged farewell at my car and with a final peck on the cheek I drove home in the sunset.

Bon Voyage through the rest of your life T with your new man.

Why Doesn't She Respond to Cunnilingus?

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Cunnilingus Don'ts

With the popularity of my "Cunnilingus 101" post, and after discussing it with my buddy, Oh Gracious One (OGO), and she telling me of some of her turn-offs, I thought it time I wrote about the "Don'ts" of cunnilingus.

No Means No!

Even in a "commercial" arrangement, this still applies - this is a negotiable option only.  And it doesn't just mean a verbal "No"!  If your lady pushes you away or expresses discomfort or dislike, that's still "No!".  Proceeding with unwanted cunnilingus is "Rape" in some jurisdictions, or at least "Sexual assault".  Reread my original post  and RESPECT your ladies wishes.

Don't Bite

I could hardly believe OGO when she said that she had men bite her lady bits. Firm nibbling with your lips perhaps if she agrees, but biting - ouch. How would you like it if she sunk her teeth into the tip if your cock? Oh, you do?  Its all about preferences - respect each others.

Beware Stubble Rash

Facial hair, like public hair, is a choice and acquired taste.  The two-day-old stubble might look "manly" but even 5-o'clock shadow can be quite irritating on a ladies sensitive bits. I always try and have a fresh shave before visiting my ladies. I did forget once and my lady told me it was rough - so I placed my hands on her inner thighs so my stubbly cheeks don't touch her skin and a wonderful time was had by all.

Don't be a Pussy

OGO told me that one of her pet peeves is the man that lightly flicks his tongue on her bits.  She likes her cunnilingus full on, like Deep French Kissing on the mouth.  Again, find out what each individual lady likes.

Oral Hygeine

No-one like kissing anyone with halitosis. But with cunnilingus, the risk of infection is higher. So gum disease, bleeding gums or cold sores on the lips means cunnilingus is off the menu, just like if she has her period. But kissing of her erogenous zones, ears, neck breasts, inner thighs or mons can be a real turn-on.

Long Nails are Not In

If you plan on searching for her "G" spot, your finger nails had better be clipped and filed.

Your "Visiting Kit"

When visiting my ladies, I have my own "visiting kit" - razor, tooth brush, mouth wash, deodorant, nail clippers, massage oil and condoms.  Be a good scout and Be Prepared, and you will be hearing "Don't stop!", instead of "DON'T!".

Lucky Tom Dedicates His Song

"To all the girls I've loved beforeWho travelled in and out my doorI'm glad they came alongI dedicate this songTo all the girls I've loved before."

My local bordello has a weekly Lucky Door Prize raffle draw and this week my number came up - first prize a free session with the lady of my choice.  It was only the previous Monday that I had seen my current regular, G, and here it was just 7 days later, I was having an awesome time with G again.  I got thinking about my "luck" and the great times I have with G, then of all the other great times with all my other great ladies, that made me think of the above song - thanks Willie Nelson for expressing so beautifully, my gratitude.

Sadly, it wasn't always so.  It wasn't until my late 50's that I came to my senses. I was getting quite depressed, but it was a lady at work that opened my mind. She was a single mother, coping with a teenage son, she had managed the construction of her own house - a real "go getter".  I learned from her that one has to take responsibility for your own happiness.  Sure, there were reasons for my wife's zero libido - abusive father, injury, illness, medication, etc.  But whether I let life's misfortune make me unhappy, or whether I made my own happiness, was my choice. As the old saying goes, "When life dishes up lemons, make lemonade".

And so it was that I took the plunge with the oldest professional help. There was a lot of misapprehension and soul searching, having all the misinformed view of prostitution promulgated by the do-gooder press. I was so lucky with my first Lady Of Pleasure - I could not have met a nicer lady that put all my misconceptions to rest.

And the rest is history, so to say. I have had good times, great times and some awesome times - "so this is what marriage was supposed to have been like?".  My ladies have taught me a lot.  The greatest driver of great sex is what goes on between the ears. Its about R.E.S.P.E.C.T.  Its about compatible senses of humour. Its about unselfishness, of wanting to please/pleasure each other. With ongoing times together comes communication and trust.

So here is to:- 

• G (Amazing Grace with the luscious labia to dream of), 
• D ("The Body" builder with an occasional bad habit and my first GILF),  
• V ("11"), C (the Maltese terrier), 
• A (too much of a nympho for my own good),   
• T/M (booty buddy),  
• C1 (the Wicked Wench - wild, but once was enough) and 
• K (Special Krazy).  

And to all the others - thank you.

-----

OMG  The news of the Boston bombing just flashed across my screen!  When will the world ever learn to "make love, not war"!

Au Naturale? Oui? Non?

Let me say right up front, that this post is not meant to be "preachy".  Whilst I normally practice "safe sex", there have been the occasional times with one or two of my very special regular ladies, when we have got a bit "carried away" in the passion of the moment, and I have no regrets about that.

But I do want to high-light the realities of STDs, but in a balanced "risk" based assessment.

An Historical Perspective

First up, STD are not a new thing (though the deadly HIV virus is relatively new). During the two world-wars, military hospitals treated more VD (as it was known then) cases than battle injuries.  In OZ immediately after WW-I there was an epidemic of syphilis.  Returned servicemen picked up the "clap" in the brothels of Egypt, Palestine and France, returned home and infected their wives and subsequently their new-born children.  It is estimated that around 1920, 10% of Australian babies were born with syphilitic conditions.  This STD epidemic did not get publicity because, (a) such things were not discussed, and (b) it was over-shadowed by the influenza pandemic.

WW-II brought penicillin and other antibiotics and VD became a "mild", treatable annoyance.

Now I won't pursue the historical line, but rather I want to focus on the epidemiology of the situation.  We are talking about contagious diseases spread through inter-personal (sexual) contact.

WHO - The Risk Network

Epidemiologists talk about the "Risk Network" of who has had contact with who. In this case, who have your partners had sex with and who have your partner's partners had sex with, etc.  It is the "six degrees of separation" scenario.  The following diagram from the California Department of Health Services maps the sexual inter-relationship network at a college in Colorado Springs where an outbreak of gonorrhea occurred in the 1980s'.

The majority of students only had 1 or 2 partners, but you can clearly see that there are about 5 individuals who were highly sexually active and most students were only 2 or 3 couplings away from these focii of infection.

HOW - Mechanisms of Contagion

The next aspect of epidemiology is the mechanism of infection.  With STDs, we are talking about blood-born viruses so infection is essentially through blood-blood contact.  Thus shared syringes and open wounds are the highest risks.  But the lining of the vagina, penis and urethra have millions of blood capillaries very close to the surface of the skin and trans-cutaneous (through the skin) infection is highly likely.  The viral load in saliva is effectively non-existent - the chief risk of oral infection is via cold-sores, ulcers, etc.

RISK MITIGATION

Barriers to the "How"

The condom is still the most effective method of avoiding contagion.  With the range of thicknesses and sizes (girth), with some experimentation, you should be able to minimise any discomfort and loss of sensitivity.  But correct use is still essential (fitting it on and withdrawal immediately on completion to avoid slipping off).

The question of barriers for oral (condoms for fellatio and dams for cunnilingus) is open to debate.  The medics at my STD clinic tell me the risks from uncovered oral are minimal when there are no skin lesions on either partner.

Minimise Contagion "Entry Points"

In mentioning lesions, remember that contagious transfer can still occur in the uncovered pubic areas if there are warts, pimples, cuts, etc.  Similarly with lip and mouth ulcers, cold sours etc.  At home, we avoid kissing if either of us have a cold.  Show the same respect to your sexual partners.  In sport we now have the "blood rule".  Apply the same rule to your sexual activity - if you (or your partner) have any open sores, then avoid intimate contact.

This is probably a good place to recommend you discover, explore and enjoy the full gamut of intimate interactions.  A guy is much more likely to "get into trouble" if he is only focused on the one outcome, of "getting his rocks off" as quickly as possible.  Also, having sex when drunk is also dangerous.  A little liquor might help relax you, but with too much you quickly loose inhibition required for rational choice and risk minimization.

Choice of Partner - the "Who"

This very much falls into the risk minimization category rather than prevention.  Historically, prostitutes have been the principal source of infection.  But in recent decades, especially in countries like Australia with regulated prostitution, this situation has completely reversed.  Recent surveys (in OZ) have shown that regulated prostitutes have the lowest incident of STD of any sexually active demographic.  In STD clinics, infected men are 5 times more likely to have caught it from a casual encounter (pickup at the pub/club?) than from a prostitute.  Since regulation, there have been zero cases in HIV identified among regulated/tested prostitutes.  As one wag put it, professional electricians rarely get electrocuted - it is the weekend amateur that is in greatest risk.  As I have written elsewhere, under Australian regulations, prostitutes are required to always practice "safe sex" (I would guess that we have better than 95% compliance) and must have monthly STD health checks (as good as 100% compliance with brothels records checked at random).  Most perform a visual check of potential clients and any suspect conditions will have you turned away.

In whatever sort of "relationship", the key is communication and trust.  And that is two way.  Its not just "Can I trust her?", but "Can she trust me?".  I mentioned health checks above - you do have checkups yourself I hope. Take your share of the responsibility.

Early Detection and Treatment

Generally, men are not good at caring about their own health. Surely your sexual health is as important or more-so than your general health. Get to know your own body - yes self examination applies to men too. In OZ we have free, anonymous sexual health clinics - use them. If we expect our Ladies of Pleasure to have monthly check-ups, we should show them the courtesy of having ourselves checked as well, say 6 or 12 monthly.

Like most diseases, the earlier anything is detected, the sooner treatment can start and the quicker you will recover.

The Bottom Line - Risk, the Numbers "Game"

Now I'm no professional in this area and I can't put numeric probabilities on various aspects of risk and mitigation. All of life is risky. Just keep things in proportion in your mind. There is no point in being paranoid about contracting HIV from a drop of semen on the skin when the risk of being run-over by a car when crossing the road outside is a ten thousand times higher.

Outside of a monogamous or closed polygamous relationship, I don't advocate 'au naturale' as your normal 'modus operandi'. But having followed all the above risk mitigations, I am comfortable in taking the risk of an occasional "in flagrante delicto".

Be Informed

A short post like this can't possibly cover all aspects of this topic. So read up further. If in any doubt, talk to a medical practitioner (use one of the free anonymous services). And feel free to add your informative comments, though I do have the power of moderation.

Cunnilingus 101

Since "Cunning Linctus" is the result of good cunnilingus, I thought the time was long overdue for a "Cunnilingus 101" post.  Now don't get me wrong, I am not professing to be an expert, though many of my ladies have made very complimentary noises ("Oh my God, don't stop!").  I have learnt by trial and error (fortunately not too much of the later).  And I am writing as a male, so you should also get some female perspectives.

From the start, you need to understand that it is not just about technique, but like all good sex, is very much about attitude, mood and personal "connectedness".  So if you have come together with mutual 'joie de vivre' and desire for mutual pleasure, then you have started off on the right foot.  

Invitation to Dine At The “Y”?

Now it might seem trite and obvious, but ensure beforehand that the lady will be receptive, either by explicit or implicit Q&A in the introduction (whether face-to-face, by phone or e-mail).  Remember, that in the commercial environment, not all ladies are willing to provide this level of service (see my "Respecting Personal Preferences and Space" post). Some ladies don't like it on a first visit - wait until you have got to know each other a bit.  Also, time-of-day and time-of-month come into play.  I have had some ladies turn down an offer because she has had “too many clients just trying to make me come”!  Personally, I find ladies most receptive in their first booking of the day/week, or last booking of the day when they are ready for some “me time”.

Preparation

Again, it might seem trite and obvious, but it still needs to be stated - make sure you have prepared yourself physically before your encounter - freshly smooth shaved, showered, deodorized, nails closely trimmed, teeth brushed and gargled, and of course you won't be punting if you have mouth ulcers, cracked lips or cold-sores (you don't want to be giving or receiving anything except pleasure)!

Warming Up

So, now you're in the bedroom.  Sure, the punting situation is time-constrained, but the "warm-up" and "get-to-know" phases are still important.  Don't just dive straight in - there will be carressing, kissing, and discovering erogenous zones, neck, ear-lobes, breasts, nipples.  Slowly work your way down her body with light kissing and licking, perhaps down one leg, up the inner thighs, across her pubes, then the other leg and back up, circling in on her sweet spot.

Anatomy 101

Lets pause at this point to ensure you have a working knowledge of the female genital anatomy - the outer and inner lips (labia), the location of the clitoris and urethra (advanced Linguists will also need to know the location of the "G-spot").  Internet photos and video will help in understanding the enormous variety, but only with experience can you appreciate the variety of "innies", "outies" and "flaps", prominent and embedded clits, not to mention artificial adornments.

Technique - More Lips, Less Tongue

In terms of technique, I can't go much better than the phrase from fellow dearly departed blogger ‘The Barreness’ - "More lips, less tongue" (and definitely no teeth!).  Cunnilingus is much more akin to kissing than intercourse, and should not be seen as an opportunity to fuck your lady with your tongue (or finger), though digital stimulation of her G-spot may be used by experience practitioners once she is fully excited, if agreeable.

Its not a good idea to home straight in on her clit. Perhaps kiss your way up her inner thigh, circle the outer labia. Gently lick across the inner labia, very gently sucking each lip in turn. Lick up and down her slit, from her clit to gently parting her lips with your tongue. Well, you can work out the rest...

Be Sensitive to Feedback

Be guided by your lady’s responses.  If in doubt ask her if she likes something.  If she puts her hands on your head and pulls you hard into her or wraps her legs around you in a neck lock, then you know you are doing something right - just beware the orgasmic pelvic 'punch in the nose'.  Be aware that she will get super-sensitive and that you then need to pull back or stop (unless of course she screams “No! No! NO!!! DON’T STOP!!!”.

Also be aware of the variety or intensity and frequency of female orgasm.  Some ladies will not come easily.  Others only come once.  There is a plateau state where a lady will shudder on the brink for some time.  Mostly you will encounter clitoral orgasms, but deep vaginal orgasm typically from G-spot stimulation is something different.  It wasn’t until I triggered one once that I now understand the difference - “My god.  I haven’t had one of those for months!” was her response.

Know When to Back Off

As part of your feedback, be sensitive about when it isn't working and when you need to back off. In your early attempts, don't be discouraged if you just can't make it work for your lady. Or it simply just might not be her day. Be respectful, and don't overstay your welcome.

Give Her Time To Recover

Be aware of her sensitivity afterwards.  She might not be ready to progress straight into intercourse.

Post DATY Benefits

If you have pleasured your lady well, she will very likely be highly desirous to have her fill of you.  There is just nothing as good as a very horny lady grinding her pubes against you till you both come together.

Feedback Your Experiences

I would love to hear of your experiences (and I’m sure other readers would too).  Do you have any tips to add or question to put out there?  I know this post had only skimmed to topic, so perhaps there might be an “Advanced Cunnilingus” somewhere in the future.

Respecting Personal Preferences & Space

The big lie of the anti-prostitution lobby (and Hollywood) is the "straw-man" argument that generalizes all "working" ladies as down-and-out drug addicts controlled and abused by their "pimps".  Of course, nothing could be further from the truth.

However, as punters it is also easy for us to fall into the trap of expecting all "services" to be the same just because we are paying for them.  But these ladies are individuals with their own preferences and prejudices, feelings and foibles, from the same gamut of backgrounds and relationships as we of the punter population, and deserve to be shown the same respect as anyone else.

Because the service she is selling is such a personal service, unlike any other service or goods for sale, it is imperative that the buyer and the seller should come to an understand at the very beginning of what the ground-rules, preferences and boundaries are. (However, what I am not particularly happy with are the artificial boundaries some ladies put up simply to extract extra cash).

For example, anyone who has 'known' a number of ladies quickly discovers that there is a wide range of natural kissing styles, just as I am sure the ladies will say the same about the gentlemen they see.  But what we are discussing here is when a lady finds passionate kissing too "personal" for her liking - perhaps she has a special friend or partner for whom she wants to reserve that right.  Respect her choice.

If a lady is not comfortable with something you are asking for, then don't make the booking.  If she is offering services beyond your comfort zone, then draw your line - if its in the middle of service just say "I'm not comfortable with that, lets not go there".  Respect each others choices.

I have encountered a wide range or ladies' preferences, from the "star fish" that wanted no personal interaction at all and saw her role purely as a "receptical" for her client (never booked her again), to the almost sex-crazed nymphomaniac (a regular I see as often as I can cope with her).

So lets look at some of these personal preferences:-

Kissing restriction on certain erogenous zones (ear lobes, neck, nipples, toes, etc)? Respect her preferences.

Oral on you, yes, no, with or without? (Note in some Australian states, this is now a legal issue though how it can be policed beats me). Respect her preferences.

Blow-job - COF, Spanish, CIM, swallow? Respect her tastes.

Oral on her, yes or no? Respect her preferences.

Fingering - clitoral stimulation only or internal G-spot? Respect her preferences.

Use of toys? On her? On you? Food as toys? Respect each others preferences.

Fantasies and dress-up? Type? 'French Maid' might be OK, but 'baby diaper' might be too far.  Respect her preferences.

'Dirty' talk? Respect her preferences.

Sexual intercourse itself is a given for 'escort' and brothel services, but recognize that ladies that opt for stripper and exotic dancing services are NOT offering full sex.  So don't embarrass yourself and ask or pressure a lady.  Respect her choice.

Then there are services beyond the 'normal' which are more likely to attract an extra charge and are more usually special offerings advertised.

Anal (Greek)?

B&D

Dom/Sub? Pain?

Sex is meant to be an enjoyable activity, so don't spoil it for yourself or your lady by pushing beyond a person's comfort zone.

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