The Penis Conspiracy! Who Cums First?

I've just been compiling a Table of Contents and I noticed that although I have written about Female Orgasms and pleasuring ladies with Cunnilingus, I have never written about the male side of things, although I did touch on some aspects writing about ED and Prostate Cancer. The other trigger for this post, has been the knowledge gaps and misunderstanding I hear from Working Ladies (of Pleasure) about their clients (as related to me in our pillow chats).

The Penis Conspiracy and the Mythology of Sex!

The biggest mistake of classical Sex Education, is treating sex as primarily anatomical. They teach about the basic mechanics of genitals and processes of reproduction. But they fail to say that the largest sex organ in the body is the one between our ears. And its not just the brain's involvement in arousal, sensory feelings and hormonal responses, but interpersonal attitudes affect how sexual relationships will play out.

"I think Walt Disney creates a lot of mythology," says Seth Prosterman, PhD, (a clinical sexologist and licensed marriage and family therapist). "In Disney movies, people fall in love and walk into the sunset, and you get this myth that intimacy is a given once you fall in love, and sexuality is natural and follows that." (ref.) In reality, says Prosterman, "Sex is something that we learn throughout a lifetime."

Unfortunately, all men start their sexual life DIY which is entirely penis focused on the man achieving an erection and orgasm. Sadly, many men carry this into their sexual relationship with a partner through their entire adult life, never growing 'up', leaving their partner high and dry, unfulfilled. Then these men wonder why their marital sex life slowly dries up.

A lot of sexual language is male oriented. Fucking is something the male 'does' to a women. He 'gives' her an orgasm or 'gives' her a baby. As a sex positive blogger I have to be very careful about the words I write and the underlying message of what my words are conveying.

Men are generally NOT taught that men's and women's arousal processes are different. Men's primary stimulation is visual and fast, whereas women's primary stimulation is emotional (romantic) and tactile and builds gently. Further, women's arousal focus is NOT vagina centric, but clitoral centric from the head/glans, behind the labia to the 'G' spot (see below).

She Cums First

As a boy, I was brought up with manners and respect - one held a door open for a lady to let her go first - a bit 'sexist' the feminists will claim. But as I've aged and grown sexually, my mantra for good sex is "She cums first!".

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Even in the transactional sex world I am relegated to, with the wonderful ladies I have built a FWB relationship with, the same still applies. Sure, as a broad principle, sex work is male centric (he is paying after all) and many ladies deliberately don't want to have any sexual response of their own, but when played like a lover, their body can't help but respond. I remember one lady I saw just 2 days into her SW experience - I had gone down her and the old Tongue Engine had elicited a strong orgasm. When she recovered, she was quite shocked and said, "Oooh!!! Am I allowed to do that?". 

Many ladies go into SW after a broken relationship, hoping to satisfy their own sexual needs and earn some money at the same time - but mostly they are disappointed - 90% of the guys just want to 'get their rocks off', some don't even talk to them. But there is that 10% with whom they might find pleasure of their own if they haven't become too jaded yet. I've quoted one lady in a number of posts - running down the corridor when she sees me come in, throws her arms around me and says "Thank God its you. I've had a shitty day and I need some me time!".

Delayed Gratification and a Pleasure Shared

Men have to learn the importance of 'delayed gratification'. By focusing on your lady's arousal and pleasure first, at her peak she will be anxious to pleasure you to a mutual climactic completion. "A pleasure shared is a pleasure doubled, not halved!".

If my BLOG readership is any gauge, the message is getting out and many men are wanting to learn how to pleasure their partner with cunnilingus, the dos, the don'ts and expectations. Those posts, approximately 2% of all my posts, attract around 10% of all views.

This post is focused on traditional cis-gender hetero relationships. LGBQT, D/S and many kink activities have already addressed this issue.

Conclusion

So I hope I have given my male readers something to think about, good sex starts in the brain after all. And to my lady readers, I hope you understand now the 'penis conspiracy' you are up against and you have found some encouragement in how to guide and teach your man to find pleasure together.