The Pool Party

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Why Can't a Man Love More Like a Woman? The Orgasm Gap

Photo by Julianna Crozier, The State Press, 
published Monday, April 24, 2017.

Content Warning: This subject primarily discusses traditional cis heterosexual couples and gender characteristics described are from observational statistical norms only, and should not be interpreted as holding across the sexuality spectrum.

For the '4Thoughts or Fiction' meme prompt #174' 'The Orgasm Gap', guest host Zara Smith quotes from a research study, “Studies have consistently found that there is a gendered orgasm gap, with men experiencing orgasm more frequently than women in heterosexual sexual encounters”. The most commonly quoted statistic is that among heterosexual couples, 95% of males had an orgasm during sex (intercourse) and only 65% of females.

Interpreting the Research Data

Frankly, I'm surprised at the 65% - other research reports around 40%. But the critical issue is the restriction to "during sex/intercourse". A sexual encounter is (or should be) much more and longer than just the intercourse. What are the statistics for women's orgasms during fore (or after) play?

One factor not accounted for in this research, is age/experience. With experience, comes better communication and understanding of each other, so hopefully the gap will be less. On the other hand, older women have the issue of menopause and its effect on libido, and older men grapple with ED. The related factor is how long each couple had been in the relationship - hopefully couples in longer term relationships, with more understanding of each other, will be more likely to have a smaller orgasm gap. And what about the 'missing 5%' of males that don't orgasm - is that we septuagenarians with ED?

Other research data sometimes quoted, is the time to reach orgasm - for males it is around 5 mins, but for females it is about 15 mins. On the basis of this statistic, a couple should spend at least 10 minutes in foreplay before penetration. Or to reword an old joke, you should alternate, 10 mins 'Offer' and 5 mins 'Honour'.

Vive la Difference

Frankly, the male and female orgasm are so different, that I don't think it is even valid to compare counts of either.

First and foremost, the male orgasm is the primal response of the urge to procreate. The goal of every sexual penetrative encounter, is ejaculation, and thus orgasm. For the majority of men, ejaculation and orgasm are effectively concurrent. (But with age and especially post prostate cancer radiotherapy ED, I have found that in fact either can occur without the other). Further, my observation is that the male orgasm is primarily the pumping muscles at the base of the penis, which is quite different to female orgasms from the pelvic floor or kegal muscles, not forgetting some full body convulsing. It is only recently that I have experienced minor pelvic-floor leg shaking orgasms (after 50 years) - more of this later.

Female sex on the other hand is primarily for the hormonal responses. Release of Oxytocin during orgasm is associated with pleasure and emotional bonding. Although the vaginal orgasm (as distinct from clitoral orgasms) is also essentially the 'tie' to increase the chance of insemination, where inward sucking orgasmic convulsions hold the ejaculating penis in longer and suck the ejaculate in toward the cervix (we see this in animal servicing - my wife used to breed dogs so I have personal observation experience of 'the tie'). The anecdotal feedback I have received, is that the 'tie' type vaginal orgasm is a very small percentage of all female orgasms.

For simple males, orgasm is a single event. But for women, there is a wide variety of types of orgasm. They are most often not single events. The record I have had the pleasure of observing and being the recipient, was a cluster of several clitoral orgasms, followed by about 8 squirting orgasms (vaginal g-spot), and 1 massive vaginal orgasm (the 'tie' described above), followed by 5 or 6 'after shocks'. How does that count against my measly single 'shot'? For the above 'research', this would count as just '1' during intercourse.

The Loci of Stimulation

The key points of stimulation are the penis and the clitoris. But so many men still don't fully understand the importance of clitoral stimulation toward a woman's orgasm (despite some improvement in Sex Ed curriculum). Further, the majority don't understand the full internal structure of the clitoris, from the visible head, to the 'legs' behind the labia, down to the g-spot on the upper wall of the vagina. The entire structure is sensitive to stimulation and penetrative coitus just doesn't stimulate that very much.

The Road to Arousal

Most commonly, the stimulus for male arousal is physical, visual topping the list, followed by aural and tactile. For females, emotional triggers, romantic gestures, relational closeness, relaxing intimate atmosphere, erogenous touching, etc are more conducive to arousal. Consequently, it is the female arousal that is more easily 'punctured'.

'A woman's sex drive is related to how beautiful you make her feel!' (found on twitter, original source unknown).

Arousal of erogenous zones are understood by most people. But there are variants and nuances that should be learned. But more importantly, there are approaches and touches that are not always received well, typically by the woman. Communication is the key. Men must learn that anything they do is not necessarily OK. They must learn respect, to ask permission, "Is this OK? Do you like that?". Conversely, women must be up-front, though gentle, in saying "I don't like that!" or "Here, do it this way" (show and tell).

The next stage is timing. Men typically don't understand how long it takes for a woman to become aroused. There must be communication to indicate when it is OK to move on to the next level. This applies to all stages, from flirting, initial touching, kissing, caressing, outside clothes, under-clothes, breasts, genitals, and ultimately when she is ready for penetration.

Up to this point, the goal of arousal for both male and female, although reached by different paths, is the same, the sexual desire. For females especially, it is often called a plateau when they fail to move on to orgasm. For it is at this point where the divergence to the orgasm gap starts. Once aroused, orgasm is reached by direct stimulation of the sex organ, the penis or the clitoris - take note males, the primary female sex organ is the clitoris, NOT her vagina. Whilst penetration of the vagina readily stimulates a penis to orgasm, her clitoris is not generally stimulated enough from penetration in the typical 'missionary' position. A knowledgeable male can adjust his thrusting to ensure her g-spot gets some attention, or pubic rubbing of her labia and clitoral head. But much more successful is to use a woman-on-top position, because she knows which angles, twists and pressure points give her the stimulation she seeks. And the best variant is 'outercourse' or the 'pussy slide' where the penis and clitoris stimulate each other directly, and she can readily move on to intercourse if and when she is ready or desires.

But once we shake off the traditional concept that sex=penetration, other forms of genital stimulation of both partners is much more equitable, with hands/fingers, mouth/tongue.

Sex needs to be understood as a joint endeavour. Think of it like mountain climbing. There will be stages where one must help the other up, there will be plateaus, but to reach the summit together, you must climb together. And the  summit is sexual pleasure, not necessarily ejaculation.

Instruments of Arousal to Orgasm

We are all equipped with nature's own instruments of arousal, hands, fingers, mouth, tongue, penis and labia. But skill levels are sometimes appalling, and understanding that a partner may or may not like certain things is often not communicated. I have had the privilege of sharing cunnilingus with numerous ladies and discussed their experiences, and I am amazed at some of the stories they have told me. (I am eternally grateful to these ladies for teaching me acceptable pleasuring techniques, and I obviously learned well, with one dubbing me 'Thomas The Tongue Engine').

Mutual masturbation is an important tool for a couple to move on from initial arousal toward orgasm, together.

Arousal aids (sex toys) are becoming much more common, but again, communication is critical as to when, how and if they can be used on a partner. For females, they have become important instruments in women achieving (perhaps their first) orgasm, probably solo. It reminds me of the story where the husband says to his wife "Why don't you tell me when you orgasm?". She replies, "Because you're not around when I do"!

Perhaps you should consider (together) a 'Toy For Two' like I reviewed a while back, that provides clitoral stimulation during coitus.

"Why Can't A Man Love More Like A Woman?"

As a result of the "Orgasm Gap" and women's understanding of the reasons and their desire to 'have what he's having', I suspect there is an increase in women turning to 'bi' encounters to get the satisfaction they want, from someone that understands what a woman needs to achieve the 'Big O'. In a recent fiction piece I wrote, the key lady laments "Why can't a man love more like a woman?".

Only once men come to understand that sex is not just about their orgasm, and they start to understand how to arouse a woman, that "She comes first" and "The show's not over till the 'fat' lady sings!" will the orgasm gap start to narrow. Sexual pleasure must become the "Land of the we" instead of the "Land of the me!".

A Medical Response

I subscribe the the 'WebMD' mailing list and they regularly post information on sex life.  A recent post relevant to the Orgasm Gap, was "Habits of Couples Who Have Great Sex", summarized as:-

1. Define sex broadly - it's much more than PIV and (male) ejaculation;
2. Get educated;
3. Touch each other - physical contact builds connection and trust;
4. Confide in each other - communication;
5. Use therapy - uses resources outside yourselves;
6. Stay flexible about each others wants/needs;
7. Make time;
8. Experiment;
9. Cater to and care about satisfying your partner;
10. Seek gratification - practice makes perfect;
11. Use tools;
12. Work at it;
13. Limit porn - porn sets unrealistic expectations of what sex IRL is like;
14. Don't obsess about orgasm;
15. Read each other's cues;

Wrap Up

I wouldn't dream of calling this a 'conclusion' or the 'final word'. Many readers from the sex blogging sphere, being 'sex positive' probably don't have this issue, and think my comments all too obvious. But I know I have a lot of young, curious male readers and so I hope the above causes them to think twice about ensuring their partner orgasms as often as they do.

As always, feedback is always appreciated, positive or negative. Being a mere male observer and commentator, I'm sure there will be some females or non-binary readers, that feel I have got something wrong or missed the point, or don't have the right to speak about how a woman feels. That's fine, speak up and have your say. As a writer, I have to grapple with 'audience' issues all the time.

PS. The Modified Male Orgasm

I touched on this above, and want to come back to this subject to finish off. Can a male have a female like orgasm? To some extent, yes! Some men claim that concurrent prostate massage has led to a slight pelvic orgasm at the same time as ejaculation - with my occasional prostate massage, I haven't had this experience. But I have found that constrained ejaculation causing ejaculate to backup in the urethra almost to the bladder, has led to leg shaking pelvic orgasms. In one case, my partner clamped her mouth tightly around my glans during fellatio forcing my ejaculate to backup, then with a massive pelvic orgasm, she released an explosive geyser-like ejaculation. The other situation I am finding since my radiotherapy ED, is the use of a tight cock ring and a tight masturbation sleeve, which holds the ejaculation back from release (despite its very small volume). This 'locked-in' feeling triggers a small pelvic orgasm.

But loving more like a woman? I do my best to put my women's needs on a level footing with my own. I do my best to try and listen and follow their direction/lead. But frankly I'm not naturally a 'romantic', emotive type of bloke. The best I can do is to be aware of our differences, and consciously make adjustments in my behaviour.

Click to read other's Thoughts on the "Orgasm Gap"

How Many Angels Can Dance on the Head of a Pin?

It had been a stressful Monday at work and as I finally got away after 6, I really felt I needed some stress-relief before I went home to goodness-knows what, so I stopped off at a brothel I drove past every night.

I selected a perky cutie calling herself Vanessa, and we headed off to the bedroom. As I came out of the shower and she walked back in, she stared at me saying "Oh, my God. Its so big".

I ignored her comment, helped her out of her skimpy g-string and top, and we retired to the bed.

But despite passionate kissing and cuddling and a nice hand-job, she still insisted that she didn't think she would be able to take me, since she was relatively new to the job.

I told her to relax and told her the story of "How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?". (It dates back to the 13th century, to Thomas Aquinas, as an illustration of pointless arguments.)

Image from Pinterest, originally from ck12.org.

"So how about we dance?

I held my erect pin vertically and directed her to squat over it, then to perform a little dance on the head of my pin.

Well, she definitely was tight. (Sadly, it reminded me of my wife's vaginismus, frozen vagina, years ago). But as Vanessa twisted and 'danced', she giggled, but I did feel her wetness developing. She didn't exactly inch on to me, it was more millimetre by millimetre. By the time her tight pussy had taken in my glans, her giggles had turned to moans, and her little pirouettes had become a vigorous twist.

Her love juices were running down my root now, and with released passion and enthusiasm, she lifted up then thrust down on me, again, and again and again. She leaned over me, took my head in her hands and kissed me passionately, saying "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You're so thick, but Oh so nice! I should be paying you." (which she didn't).

Needless to say, I didn't last long, though she didn't orgasm herself.

I got an extra big kiss and cuddle as I was leaving and she said "Do cum again. I'll know what to do next time" with a giggle.

As I drove home, greatly de-stressed, I congratulated myself for my part in initiating this pretty little thing angel into the work of pleasuring gentle-men of all sizes.

PS. The above is a slightly embellished IRL encounter from about 15 years ago - I'm not really that big, though she did think so.

Click to see who else is saying "MMMM!" this Monday!

The Play Date

"Why can't a man love more like a woman?"

                                                          Sir Thomas, Ph.D, BSc(hons), TTE, DOM.

Part 5 of Jack and Emily's journey of sexual renewal. Catch up at:-

1. Masturbatorium - Jack's sperm donations;
2. Inseminatorium - a 'natural' service business;
3. Out of Office Service - Sandy's lust sated;
4. The Sex Counselor's Class

It was just a couple of weeks after Emily and Jack had gone to the Sex Counselor's 'class', when on Monday morning, Emily got a call from her BFF Teressa asking if she would like to come over for a 'play date'. Now their children often got together after school for 'play dates'. Emily apologized, saying "Sorry, we can't make it this afternoon. Jack junior has football practice after school".

"No, not a play date for the kids. Just you and I for lunch" replies Teressa. "Just come casual. We'll have lunch 'in' today".

"Oh, OK. See you at 12?" replies Emily. "I wonder why she doesn't want to lunch out at our usual eaterie?" thought Emily. "Just time to put dinner in the crock-pot and set it to cook at 2 o'clock, then a shower".

After her shower, Emily walked through to the bedroom, nude. Since their 'sex relationship class', she had become much more comfortable about her body, and didn't feel she had to cover-up in an empty house just to go from the bathroom to the bedroom. She went to her lingerie drawer and selected a pretty lacy sexy set. This was something else she did for herself now in the day-time. Even if she was wearing simple day clothes, she felt sexy knowing what she had on underneath. As she slipped into her underwear, she ran her hand over her breasts and the other caressed her womanhood. She paused to enjoy her touch. It wasn't a sexual thing, necessarily, although she did feel a little tingle run through her thighs and her clit did perk up. No, it was just nice to celebrate being a whole woman. She wasn't vanilla anymore - she was strawberries and cream! At the thought, she couldn't help but run her fingers across her mons and slide them across her lace covered slit, just for an extra moment of womanly pleasure.

She selects a simple cotton frock; the weather is mild to warm, and sets off for Teressa's home.

Teressa meets Emily at the door, dressed in a black satin 'brunch coat', not much more than a chemise. "Wow. Is that what she meant by 'casual' dress" thinks Emily. "That's more appropriate for the bedroom". But Teressa wasn't just out of bed. Her hair was immaculately coiffured, as usual. Her fingers and toe nails were painted, she had a hint of pale lipstick on, and the clean hint of shower gel fragrance wafted to greet her. Yes, Teressa was beautifully elegant, even in a simple housecoat. She had an inner beauty that shone from her face and in her poise - she didn't need garish lipstick or $1000 clothes to speak for her. But Emily, didn't feel she was the poor cousin anymore, despite her simple cotton frock. She had a new found inner beauty of her own in her revitalized womanhood. And her beautiful, slinky, sexy lingerie, shouted "You are beautiful" to the person that mattered, herself.

But Teressa was a little different today, more 'intimate' and touchy as she guided Emily to the lounge-room. A bottle of savignon-blanc was open and glasses placed on the 'coffee' table. Teressa returned with a couple of plates of savouries for lunch. "Well it is after twelve" thought Emily, "So I guess wine is OK with lunch".

As they chatted and sipped their wine, Emily senses Tess sitting a little closer than normal. Occasionally their knees touch. Tess flicks her hair and touches Emily's arm when she speaks to emphasize a point. "Oh my God!" thinks Emily. "Is Tess really flirting with me? .... But it is rather nice."

A memory from Sandy's sex party flutters across her mind. Sandy had just licked Emily to a wonderful orgasm, and had said "It's important that you learn to enjoy this yourself, because then you are better prepared to satisfy a partner". "A female partner?" thought Emily and the image of Teressa had flashed across her mind.

Emily was suddenly aware of a dampening warmth in her loins and a flutter across her clit. Their eyes locked in a smile and Emily's lips parted slightly as she lightly moistened them with her tongue.

Emily breaks the moment, saying "O, by the way, thank you so much for the referral to Sandy. Her class party was a real eye opener. It has really revitalised our sex life".

"And I bet it was a leg opener too" came back Tess with a grin. They both chuckled. "I knew it would help you like it did for Tim and I. And it has opened us both up to exploring play dates with others".

"OMG, Is that what she meant asking me on a 'play date'" thought Emily, blushing. "I have a confession" said Emily. "After Sandy and I had had sex, and she explained about pleasuring and being pleasured by other partners; it was an image of you that flashed across my mind. I'm sorry. The thought came out of nowhere".

"Don't worry about it. To be honest, the same thing happened to me and it was you I thought of" replied Tess. "In fact, I asked you on this 'play date' to sound you out, whether you had had similar thoughts".

Tess reached over and lightly caressed the side of Emily's face. Their mouths were just inches apart. Emily wasn't ready to kiss, but reached over and hugged Tess, saying, "I think it would be nice to explore that idea".

Tess reaches over behind the sofa and turns on the CD player which had some soft dance music playing. She takes Emily by the hand and starts dancing with her. Emily has never danced up close with another woman before. It was quite different to being with a man, soft and sensual. They press in close to each other, leaning their heads on each other's shoulders, and their breasts are deliciously warm and soft as they press into each other. Tess is in fact bra-less under her robe, and Emily is wearing 'nude feel' shear satin material with no under-wire.

Image from Pinterest

Tess nuzzles into Emily's neck and nibbles her, while her hand gently reaches around to softly rub Em's butt, pulling her lower body against her own. Emily is melting. With Jack, sex starts where romance finishes, but with a women, Emily is discovering that making love with another woman is an entirely new dimension. Romance and sensuality blend and bring a different slow arousal.

As they dance so closely, Tess gently presses a knee between Em's and Em finds herself pushing back, each with a thigh rubbing the other's groin. Em, emboldened, takes Tess's head in her hands and tentatively kisses her BFF. Tess responds passionately. Now closely embracing, kissing and pleasuring their intimate parts against each other, Emily's rising arousal flushes her whole body.

Whilst Emily's new found non-vanilla sex with Jack was great, and the feeling of his thick hot cock filling her, thrusting and filling her was incredible, this feeling of all over arousal, slowly building up with Tess, was at a totally different level. "Why can't a man love like a woman?" thought Emily.

As they continue to dance, Teressa gently leads Emily to the bedroom and as they sit on the edge of the bed, still entwined, they fall back, side by side. From cuddling, their hands move to caressing each other's bodies. From Tess's neck, Emily's hand slides across her shoulder and slips the coat off her shoulder and breast. Emily instinctively trails her tongue across Tess's breast to her nipple and her tongue swirls around that small swelling erection, then gently sucks it in. Momentarily, Emily's mind comes out of her reverie that had overwhelmed her, when she realises that this was the first time she had ever touched another woman's breast, let alone kissed and suckled it. But somehow it seemed right, because it was something she enjoyed having done to herself too.

Meanwhile, Teressa is returning the caresses, kissing Em's neck and reaching around to undo the zip on the back of Em's frock and sliding it down enough to expose her lacy bra. She cups one breast in her hand, savouring the feeling of her sexy bra, then gently pushes the edge aside to reveal a nipple which she proceeds to lick and suckle.

As their arousal is rising, hands start caressing whole bodies and first Tess's chemise slides off revealing her waiting nakedness. It takes a bit more effort but Tess's hands never leaves Em's body as she finally slides the frock off. A deft hand around the back quickly has Em's bra follow the frock.

Tess swings around, kissing and licking her way down Em's body with a 'Bain de Chat', till she reaches her sexy lacy panties. The scent of Em's sex signals her arousal. Gently pulling the pantie leg to one side, Tess laves Em's labia and she sucks on her clit causing Em to lift her hips to greet her then a little shudder runs through Em's body.

At the other end, Emily pulls Tess's legs toward her, then she stops to admire Tess's pubes. Now Emily kept her's lightly trimmed and because of her blonde hair her pubes were barely visible. At Sandy's party she had seen for the first time, women with completely bare shaved pubes. But Tess, a black haired woman, had her pubes sculpted into a 'heart' with just a little tuft at the tip above her clit. "How sweet" thinks Emily.

Then Emily notices something else. Now Emily always thought she had a very 'normal' looking pussy, just like she saw at Sandy's, with all her 'bits' neatly tucked inside her labia, set very low down almost under her pelvis. But Tess's were more 'out there'. Her labia and clit seemed to be more to the front, and her labia had large inner 'lips' poking out. Tess sensed Emily's pause, and stopping what she was doing, saying to Emily, "I've got what's called an 'outie', compared to your 'innie'. There are all sorts of different looking vulvas you know. I must take you to the 'Vagina Museum' one day to expand your sex education".

"There's such a thing as a 'Vagina Museum'" says Emily with surprise.

Tess is the first to insert a finger into Em and massage her g-spot. Emily follows suit, and very quickly, both women are shuddering to their first orgasms, almost simultaneously.

As they rest and come down from their orgasms, Tess comes round to kiss and cuddle. After a few minutes, Tess says to Emily, "Are you ready for something new?", "OK" replies Em.

Tess swings round again, but further down the bed. With one foot, she lifts Em's leg, then slides up between her legs till their vulvas 'kiss'. "OMG" thinks Emily, "Kissing and licking another woman's pussy is one thing, but pussy to pussy?".  Despite her intellectual reservations, Emily's body has a mind of it's own.

"This is called scissoring" says Tess. "I enjoy this with all my girl friends".

"How many 'girls friends' do you have?" asks Emily, slightly shocked.

"Well Tim and I have two or three couples we met at Sandy's class, that we get together with sometimes. Obviously, Tim can't pleasure me like this, but it's something I enjoy with the girls. We had a sort of orgy party once with the eight of us. Do you think Jack would be interested in joining us?"

Emily's mind is in a whirl, trying to take it all in. But her body is flushed with arousal, her clit is tingling where Tess is rubbing against her and her cunt is flooding. Tess reaches between their bodies and starts rubbing her clit. With Emily's clit right next to her, Tess's knuckles are rubbing Em's clit at the same time. Their body's shift up a notch, writhing and grinding their vulvas together.

Tess's breathing is faster and moans and "Arghs" escape her lips. Her grinding is harder and faster, till with an almighty thrust of her hips and her torso lifting off the bed, she releases a massive squirt into their union. Emily's orgasm follows in only seconds, sans squirt.

"OMG! You're a squirter too" exclaims Emily. "You must teach me how one day. But not just now. I'm buggered".

The girls giggle and snuggle together to kiss and cuddle in the afterglow of their sex.

Suddenly Tess's phone alarm goes off. "Sorry darling" says Tess, "Time to collect the kids from school". Reluctantly, they get up and go the the shower - fortunately, Tim and Tess have a double shower, so Tess and Emily enjoying soaping and cleaning each other, especially the private bits.

As they walk out to their cars together, Tess asks "Do you think Jack might be interested in a double 'play date?"

Click to see who else has been posting Erotic Fiction.

Click to see who else is saying "MMM!" this Monday!

Tenting [#MonochromErotic Photography]

A FWB suggested we go tenting this weekend. Can't wait!

Click to see who else has been taking

Monochromatic Erotic Photographs

e[lust] 137 - Goldilocks and the Three Bares

(This post reproduced per the conditions of acceptance of a post link for publication)

Image courtesy of The Barefoot Sub.

Welcome to Elust 137.

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #138? Start with the rules, come back June 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

Erotic Non-Fiction

MFM Duo with Curvaceous Companion, Olivia

A Celebration of a Memory

Rush Poppers Inhaler Mask

Erotic Fiction

Goldilocks and the Three Bares

Good Girl Deep Throat

Tabitha’s Musings

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Body Talk and Sexual Health

Late

Which Lube to Include?

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Creating a D/s Training Wheel

Yoga Bondage At Yellowmead

Books and Movies

Review: BDSM Community, by Stein

The Sex Counselor's Class

Part 4 of Jack and Emily's journey of sexual renewal. Catch up at:-

1. Masturbatorium - Jack's sperm donations;
2. Inseminatorium - a 'natural' service business;
3. Out of Office Service - Sandy's lust sated;

Since the birth of their last child, Jack's wife, Emily, could barely manage a fortnightly 'date night' with pretty simple vanilla sex. It was she who suggested Jack start sperm donation as a way to get some profitable relief of his sexual tension.

But as the children grew, Emily was getting more sleep and the youngest was going to kinder, Emily started to have time for herself. She also started feeling dissatisfied with their fortnightly date-nights, which she started to realise were rather vanilla, kissing, cuddling, Jack jumps on and does his thing and they roll over to sleep in barely 10 minutes. Emily felt there should be more, but she wasn't quite sure what 'more' should be. 

In hind sight, in their entire married life, their sex had always been vanilla. She had heard about women having amazing body shaking orgasms, but although she had had some orgasms in their 10 years married, she couldn't say they were mind blowing, earth moving orgasms. She felt embarrassed to talk to Jack about it - she loved him and didn't want him to feel she was criticizing him. So she turned to her BFF Teressa with whom she could talk about anything. Teressa was a few years older and more worldly. When Emily told her about her feelings of missing something in her life, Teressa confessed the she and her husband had gone through a similar dry patch and had consulted a sex relationship counselor with great results.

So Emily wrote down the counselor's name and number and rang and made an appointment. It was a Wednesday afternoon, and when Emily arrived, the sign on the door read "Ms Sondra Baiseur, Registered Sexologist and Counselor". She went in and introduced herself to the receptionist, who said "Ms Baiseur is waiting for you" and showed Emily straight in.

Ms Baiseur was an attractive woman only a couple of years older than Emily. She shook Emily's hand and said "Just call me Sandra or Sandy. Baiseur is my French husband's name and most people can't pronounce it".

Seeing as it was late afternoon, Sandra offered Emily a glass of wine to help her relax and poured a glass for herself also. After some introductory chit-chat and mention of Teressa's recommendation, Emily started to relax and pour out her issues about her vanilla sex life.

Finally, Sandra interrupted Emily at a suitable point and explained that she really preferred to talk to couples together. "Sexual pleasure isn't just about penis in vagina, or a husband and wife having a bit of ruppy pumpy in bed. Think of 'intercourse' as social communication and interaction between various people. And 'sexual intercourse' just extends that interaction to include communication and interaction with a sexually arousing aspect. I could give you books or videos, but this is something that is best learned together and from and with others on the same path."

"Look, I've got a small social get-together 'class' at my house tonight. Why don't you and your husband come along. It will give you a chance to talk with other couples that are dealing with similar sexual growth issues as your selves. Now it is a 'free' night so you might see people enjoying different sorts of play-time together. Some people call it 'swinging' or a 'sex club', but I prefer to simply say it is a class or party where adults can interact, relax and feel free to learn about and explore adult issues and enjoy new experiences. There will be people at all different stages, from those starting out like you, those discovering new aspects of sexuality for the first time, to those that are quite liberated. Listen, talk and watch. Please don't feel pressured to join in. You are sophomores in this school of sexual pleasures." Emily called Jack at work to tell him about their invitation and he promised to get home early.

Arriving at Sandra's house, there is a sign next to the door, "Recontrer les Biaseurs". The door is answered by a very handsome man "Bienvenue chez les Baiseurs. Je m'appelle Pierre!" The party is already underway. They were a little surprised to see the crowd were very ordinary looking people, many a bit older than Emily and Jack. These weren't the sort of people Emily expected to see at a 'sex' party. Sandra came over to greet them, and surprised, said "Well hello Jack. So you're the lucky man married to Emily. Emily, you wouldn't have credited it, but I went to school with Jack". She led them into the lounge and introduced them to another newbie couple and signaled to a young girl acting as waitress, to bring them drinks.

Emily was into her 2nd drink and starting to feel relaxed and comfortable. Jack had wandered off and Sandy came over, stroked her arm, then caressed her hair and neck, and coming in intimately close, said "Are you enjoying yourself? Are you getting the feeling of opening up to new experiences? Let me show you around". Sandy put her arm around her and Emily noticed her large soft breasts, unencumbered by a bra, pressing into her as they walk around.

For the first time, Emily notices one group of four playing cards, but from their stages of undress, she realises they were playing 'strip poker'. She notices Jack to one side leaning in very close to another woman in a see-through red-lacy dress. Sandy said, "I see Jack has found another old school friend, Jacqueline".

Sandy guided Emily down a corridor past some bed-rooms. A naked couple were on a bed with the woman kneeling between his legs sucking his cock. Her arse was in the air facing the door with a pretty 'chatte rose' gaping for voyeurs to see. Sandy walked in with Emily still in hand, and said "Emily, this is Jane and Bill. Having a good time you two?"

"Oh yeah!" said the Bill. "Umm Ugh" grunted Jane with a mouth full.

Sandy knelt behind Jane and leaned in to lick her already wet pussy. Emily was fascinated. She had read about women together but had never seen it up close. With one hand on Sandy's back and her other on Jane's thigh, she leaned in to observe Sandy's action. Jane was moaning and pushing her vulva back into Sandy's face.

"Do you want to try?" Sandy asked Emily. Feeling a little tipsy now and her original reticence almost dissipated, Emily said, "I'd love to. Nothing ventured, nothing gained!"

Sandy moved her head to one side and with her fingers, spread Jane's labia. She pointed out Jane's clitoris and said to Emily, "The clit is a woman's most sensitive spot. This is what most men get wrong. They think sex is all about them getting their cock in your cunt and having their own orgasm. A woman's arousal starts up here. Here, twirl your tongue lightly around Jane's nub. Now very gently suck. Now start licking up and down her labia, both sides, then across her urethra and lick up to her clit again." Jane is responding again, squirming her vulva against Emily's mouth. Sandy directs, "Now spread your mouth over her vulva whilst licking. Its quite like Deep French Kissing. Now work your mouth and tongue up and down and round and round, coming down to probe your tongue into her cunt". Jane is starting to buck - an orgasm is building up.

Sandra continues her instruction. "Now there is one more very important and very sensitive place in a woman, and that is her 'G-spot'. Here, give me a couple of fingers. Suck them to get them a little wet. Now slide them into Jane's pussy, with their tips facing upward. Oh my God, she is so wet already! Now, can you feel along the inside top of her vagina, a spongy nobbly patch? Now gently caress this spot, curling your fingers in a 'come here' sort of motion."

Jane's thrusting becomes an almighty orgasm and she arches her back in a pelvic thrust, then her whole body starts shuddering. With an "Urg! OOOH my God!", Emily's fingers are suddenly squeezed out and a fountain of liquid sprays across Emily's face.

Emily jumps back and says "What the f**k was that?". "That my sweetie, is a woman's intense squirting orgasm. It's not that uncommon for women that have grown up sexually and broken out of the 'vanilla sex trap'" explained her teacher.

"I want to learn more and 'grow up'" said Emily.

"Well come with me to the next class-room" says Sandra. "Have fun you two" she says to Bill and Jane. "We've got her warmed up for you Bill. it's time you two took it to the next level".

In the corridor, Sandy and Emily looked around and found one of the five bedrooms empty. Emily's eyes were popping as she saw groups of two, three or four in all sort of positions in 3 other rooms. It was only now that she noticed the heat and wetness in her own panties since being so up close and personal with Jane.

Sandy guided Emily into the vacant room and onto the bed, slipped her own dress off revealing her gorgeous golden orbs and the tiniest black thong, which soon joined the dress on the floor. She knelt on the bed and reached around Emily to unzip her dress. Her beautiful boobs were swaying just centimetres from Emily's face and the musky perfume on them was intoxicating. 

Just a couple of hours ago, Emily would have been shocked to have another woman undressing her and about to have sex with her, but she was now swept up into this unreal world of sensuality.

Sandy slid the dress off Emily, unclipped her bra releasing a pair of very nice D cups, gently cupping them in her hands and flicking the nipples with her tongue. It felt like a little electric shock to Emily and she could swear they hardened and popped up. Sandy slid her hands down Emily's thighs  taking her knickers off. Emily felt a little embarrassed now that she had only worn very plain knickers and bra instead of something sexy.

Sandy climbed onto the bed, lying with her legs up beside Emily. "Now you lie on me and come down and practice what you learned on Jane, on me. This is what is called 'soizant neuf' or '69'". As Emily tentatively went down on Sandy, Sandy was pulling Emily's leg over herself and burying her face into Emily's pussy. Lifting her off for a minute, Sandy said, "It's important that you learn to enjoy this yourself, because then you are better prepared to satisfy a partner". "A female partner?" thought Emily and the image of Teressa flashed across her mind. "OMG" thought Emily as her own cunt was flooding and the initial tingling of her clit built and she pushed her vulva up for Sandy to eat, just as Sandy her-self was thrusting up into Emily's face.

"So this is what Sandy meant when she said that good sex is so much more than just a penis and vagina" thought Emily.

After 2 or 3 orgasms each, there is a tap on the door and there is Jack and Jaqueline. "Do you mind if we join you" says Jack. "This looks like the graduation class".

Well we needn't go into all the details of their 'menage a quatre', suffice to say that every combination of cock, cunt and mouth were explored.

As the party/class finally wound down in the wee hours of the morning, Sandy and Pierre farewelled their last guests. "Congratulations on graduating top of the class. Do cum again!" said Sandy with a wink. "Reviens" said Pierre.

But Jack and Emily just never seemed to find the time. Sandy had unleashed a cougar and Emily was jumping Jack morning and night, ensuring she got her share of her own orgasms before jumping Jack's cock. No more vanilla 'date night' once a fortnight.

Consequently, Jack gave up sperm donation - he was always too drained. But Jacky was invited to join Sandy and Pierre in the sex education 'classes' once a fortnight.

Vanilla is definitely 'off the menu'!

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My Hand, Her Mouth

With May being 'Masturbation Month', the Oral Sex Project has decided to prompt us for posts that combine masturbation AND oral sex. This post is extracted from 'The Five Senses of Sex' originally posted in March 2019. It is written in the first person from my buddy's perspective, based on how she described it to me.

(TM) "Tom had taken a half day off work for a morning visit. I had a nice lie-in in bed awaiting his knock on the door. When he arrived, he had warm, fresh-baked croissants and fresh squeezed orange juice - yum. We quickly slipped back into my still-warm bed to share breakfast, but that was short-lived as we couldn't keep our hands and mouths off each other.

Now I was pretty horny waiting for him, but I was wet and needy now in no time. I love fucking mature experienced gents like Tom - he really knows how to please a women, his touches, his kisses, his mouth, his tongue. For now, he makes it all about me. I lost count of how many times he had me orgasming, but Tom still hadn't come himself (its an age thing he tells me). It must have been almost an hour before we rolled apart, breathless, hot and perspiring.

We must have cuddled together for all of 5 minutes as we cooled a little and caught our breaths. But like Oliver, I wanted MORE, but not just for me this time, but something special for US, together.

I rolled Tom onto his back, and slid down his body, trailing my fingers down his arms and kisses down his chest. As I reached his cock, I flicked the tip of his glans with my tongue, then engulfed his shaft in my mouth. His still semi-erect cock stirred back to life.

But I wasn't after just a common old blow-job - I have something very special in mind. Now we have discussed this once before and Tom had indicated that a DIY hand-job gave him better control and outcome. I signal to him to take hold. I slide down further so I can lick his scrotum and suck his balls. I look up the length of his body and ours eyes meet. His eyes are smiling, his lips are moist and he licks them lightly. The look of his tongue and lips bring back memories of where they were just half an hour ago. I can feel my cunt getting slick and hot with the memory. My gaze caresses his whole body, his shoulders, chest, those abs, the bulging arm muscles as he pumps his cock. I stretch my arms up to surround his hips and my fingers stroke his stomach and I can feel him lifting to meet his down strokes. My head is against his leg and I can hear his pulse starting to race in his arteries. His breath is fast now - the sound of his gasps has my own breaths and heart beating in sync. My nostrils are on fire now as they take in the sent of our earlier sex. I can smell and taste my own cunni-linctus on his thighs and scrotum.

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Tom's hand is really pumping now. I can see his engorged purple glans above his fist. His shaft is thick and red and hard now. He lets out a little grunt and his torso lifts and starts to shake a little. He has stopped pumping now and just holding his glans. The thick purple veins are bulging around his dick the urethra along the underside is bulging now, filling up with his lovely cum. I can see it starting to twitch, then Tom lets go and says "Its your's now"!

I pounce, and clamp my mouth around his glans, clamping my lips tightly so that he has no escape.  I can feel his cum building up in his locked shaft, swelling even more. Tom's body arches and stiffens and a little 'Urgh' slips out in agony, before the ecstasy as I release my grip. Tom erupts like a massive hot geyser blasting his love-juice against the back of my throat. I gulp down the first mouthful. He keeps coming for what seems like ages, but probably only 5-10 seconds. My mouth is full again and his cum is running out the corners down his shaft. As his orgasm subsides, I swirl his load around in my mouth, savouring the taste and texture - not unlike molluscs sauteed in salted butter and cream - just my favourite, although an acquired taste. As I swallow my second mouthful, I lick up and down and round and round his cock, licking up every last drop.

As his deflating cock subsides, I come up his body and we embrace and share a fantastic, salty, Deep French Kiss.

Tom tells me it is the most intense orgasm he has ever had.

Now that's the way to Break Fast!"

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