The Australian Kiss

I was reading a past post of MrsFever's about "Home", that prompted me about other innocuous or pet names or phrases we use. There are some that have become so commonly used with sexual meanings, that they are no longer innocuous, like 'Pussy', 'Kitty' or 'Dining at the Y'. Then of course there are the thousands of euphemism used for sexual organs and acts, that don't have the 'pet name' feeling to them.

I was a little surprised when I found myself asking a LOP, "I think I should 'say hello to the girls'" (kissing her labia - this is known as the 'Australian Kiss' - I do live in the Land Down Under after all)!

 

(Photo from 'me.me', photographer unknown)

Single Belles [#EroticPoetryChallenge]

Jingle Bells Nipple Pasties, from Hurly Burly

Single belles, single belles,

Nubile with desire,

Oh what fun it is to ride

A horny beau on fire!

Dive upon the bed

To a one-zip open fly,

Down into the depths we dive,

Sucking all the way.

Licking round his balls,
Squeezing really tight,
O what fun to fuck and ride

A horny beau tonight!

 

Single belles, single belles,

Nubile with desire,

Oh what fun it is to ride

A horny beau on fire!

Grab him by the head

Push him down below

Pounce upon my tingling clit,

Sucking all the way.

Tongue on labia zing,
Squealing with delight,
O what fun to fuck and ride

A horny beau tonight!

 

Single belles, single belles,

Nubile with desire,

Oh what fun it is to ride

A horny beau on fire!

Riding fast and hard

Big O on its way,

Squirting on his rod,

He is 'bout to blow.

Shaking with desire,
Sky rockets in sight.
O what fun to fuck and ride

A horny beau tonight!

 

 Click to see who else is being
poetically erotic this holiday season.

The Twelve Days of Sexmas [#WickedWednesday, #EroticPoetryChallenge, #4Thoughts_Fiction, #12DaysOfSexmas]

We are well into the first week of December, so it's time to write out my erotically poetic ChristmasSexmas Wish List - it is traditional to have 12 days of wishes. 

Not having a 'True Love' with an ounce of libidinousness in her mind or body to give my wishes to me, I can only hope that Santa remembers that I have been nicely naughty all year long!

On the 1st day of Sexmas, my true wish is for me, a diamond studded gold cock ring.

 

On the 2nd day of Sexmas, my true wish is for you, two silver nipple clamps.

On the 3rd day of Sexmas, my true wish is for me, three penis piercings (the stair-way to heavenly orgasms is a Jacob's Ladder, I am told).

On the 4th day of Sexmas, my true wish is for you, 4 clit rings a'clitering.

 

On the 5th day of Sexmas, my true wish is for you, 5 silver clit bells (you rang?).

On the 6th day of Sexmas, my true wish is for me, 6 lays a'laying.

 

On the 7th day of Sexmas, my true wish is for me, 7 nymphs a'swimming.

On the 8th day of Sexmas, my true wish is for me, 8 maids a'milking.

 

On the 9th day of Sexmas, my true wish is for you, 9 drummers drumming.

 

On the 10th day of Sexmas, my true wish is for me, 10 pipers 'piping'.

 

On the 11th day of Sexmas, my true wish is for me, 11 Ladies dancing.

 

On the 12th day of Sexmas, my true wish is for you, 12 Lords a'leaping.

So dear readers, I hope your True Love gives you your wishes for Christmas/Sexmas, or Santa Claus does at least.

 

 

Click here to see who else has been Wicked!

Click to check out other Erotic Poetry.

Click to see who else is Wanting and Wishing.

Pocket Pussy DIY Surgery

Unfortunately, sex toys for men don't get much press, after all, a man would have to be really desperate to use one of them, wouldn't he? If a man can't get a women and has to resort to a silicone toy or doll - well, it's just not 'manly'!

Now, I've never done a toy review before (and probably won't again). This is not a solicited nor paid review. I'm not reviewing, nor recommending a specific brand, its more a review of the generic type of toy and the 'surgery' required to make it truly usable. I've included pictures of the box of the specific device I used.

With the Covid-19 pandemic lock-down and my specific health situation, desperate times call for desperate measures. In a previous post about recovering from radiotherapy for prostate cancer, I described my use of a penis pump vacuum device (though not a real review as such), which elicited some positive comments. So I was moved to try and now review a silicone vagina device. 

'Pocket pussies' come in a wide range of styles, sizes and prices ('Pocket Pussy' is a colloquial generic name for these types of toys and not a specific toy's name). Some claim to have molded their toy's labia from real life porn stars - a good marketing ploy to ask a higher price, I'm sure. But see my comments below about the comparison of the toy's labia to real women I have licked, sucked and fucked. Probably the best known brand is the Fleshlight range. My review is based on a cheap, generic variety, "Fresh Innocence - Jodie".

First we will look at the claims printed on the box.

• Tight smooth opening, simulates virgin's vagina to give you that fresh and tight sensation every time. Yes, but too tight/small - see comments.
  
• Easy grip. Yes.
  
• Noduled love tunnel has strategically placed nodules for arousal, intensity and pleasure. Yes, but dependent on lube.
• Smooth texture to give you the most realistic and orgasmic sensation. Yes.
  
• Hygienic and easy to clean. Yes.
• Length - 5", 5.5" and 6" available.
• Fabrication material - TPR (Thermo Plastic Rubber -  PVC- and BPA-free)

Initial Trial

The immediate impression is how small the labia and vulva opening are. The opening is about the size of a pencil (OK for 'pencil dicks' I suppose). With copious lube and the flexible stretching of the material, penetration was finally achieved after much manipulation (and my member is only average in length and girth). But if this was a girl IRL, I could be arrested for statutory rape.

It is obvious that these types of toys are NOT suitable for arousal or achieving an erection initially. A good hard erection is essential before attempting penetration.

I found that the amount of lube required to achieve penetration negated the feeling of the internal nodules. IRL, I would class this 1st trial as a 'star fish' experience.

'Surgery' and 2nd Trial

Now I'm not the sort of person to give up easily - I'm a 'Fix It' sort of man. So I got out my sharp pointed craft knife to perform 'surgery' on my toy's vagina opening. Note that TPR cannot be 'sliced', I had to insert the point and pull out to achieve a tear. See before and after photos.

For my 2nd trial, I decided to use saliva as my lube. The Tongue Engine found the experience not unpleasant. Penetration now came more naturally, but by now my erection was loosing hardness, so I never reached the inner sanctum in this trial.

3rd Trial

So I resorted to the good ole regulars of porn, self talk, imagination and hand masturbation. I continued until orgasm was nearing, and then returned to my 'pocket pussy'. Now the noduled love tunnel really lived up to the claim of arousal, intensity and pleasure, bringing me to a quite intense orgasm. Now for someone like me suffering ED that often doesn't climax at all, and if and when, then just a small squirt with little intensity, my PP orgasm was very nice.

General Comments

This particular toy has a bar-bell type shape, so the narrow middle allows a full wrap around hand grip. The outer end has another pencil size hole to prevent any vacuum effect and to facilitate cleaning. In use, whilst thrusting its not unlike hitting the cervix at the end of the vagina.

The material is sufficiently stretchy and strong to allow it to be stretched over a tap head to flush water through it for cleaning. A couple of fingers inserted also facilitate washing around the nodules inside. I found I could work a handkerchief through the device with my fingers to help drying the inside.

Conclusion

Remember that these comments relate to a specific make/model, though I suspect the issues I've raised should be considered whatever brand you buy. 

Further, I am reviewing from the perspective of senior citizen with post prostate cancer ED. But a shy teenager just starting to explore the possibilities of penetrative sex, would find such a toy useful 'training wheels'.

Would I recommend the use of a 'Pocket Pussy'? Considering all the issues described above, it would be a qualified 'yes'. For $30 for an 'entry level' device (excuse the pun), its worth a try, but 'surgery' may be required. But would I pay $100 for a top-of-the line toy or $3000 for doll, no way. When Covid restrictions have eased enough, then my $300/hr Ladies Of Pleasure leave these toys at the bottom of the toy box.

Unlocked at Last

With the Covid-19 pandemic Lock-Down, one of the hardest hit industries has been sex work. Here in Melbourne, Australia, we have been badly effected by a 2nd wave, that now thankfully as been crushed - today we have gone 21 days straight with ZERO new cases and ZERO deaths.

With the general easing of Lock-Down restrictions, at long last at mid-night next Sunday, 22nd Nov. 2020, our brothels can reopen after 8 months of blue balls - Woo! Hoo! party time (though there are still some covid-safe precautions required - limited numbers, covid-tracing registration).

(Original image by 'dreamstime.com')

Just sitting here writing this post, I'm excited, planning next week's catchup with some 'buddies'.

Red is my favourite colour, so I thought red accessories would be appropriate, for the celebration. I really do want to look my best for her/them.

For anyone who enjoys the feel and look of nice under-wear, click the following badge to see what other aficionados are wearing.

 

 

Thank God It's You

This post is a rework of "That Smile" from 2013, to Tell You About ... Desire!

When it comes to 'desire', I have a genetic predisposition - I am a male of a certain age (17-70). The degree of desire does vary with relationship status and age. By my late 50's, being in a sexless marriage and relying on sex workers for my sexual pleasure, I found that I could last 3 weeks before the urges started to build up, but by the 4th week, I had 'blue balls' and the urge became an ache.

Now the average sex worker is in it for the money, not her own sexual desire. But occasionally one meets a gem who enjoys the sex as much as or sometimes more than the money. I immediately put her on my 'regulars' speed dial. Daniella is one such regular.

On the day in question, my ache is bad. My favourite brothel is near my home rail station, so I arrive just after 6pm. I had been seeing Daniella, my Moroccan Maid, regularly for a while. I was her last client for the day. When she saw me come in, she ran down the corridor, threw her arms around me, plants a passionate kiss, and says, "Thank God it's you. I've had a shitty day and I need some 'me' time".

With the preliminaries finished quickly, we welcome each other passionately. I quickly go down on her so the Tongue Engine can start to deliver some 'me' time. Her cunni linctus tastes as sweet as honey and my honey Daniella is really 'buzzing'. Finally, in desperation (?) she jumps me and rides me like a woman possessed, possessed with a need, the desire to be fucked, hard, to be filled, to come and come hard on me.  She twists and grinds on me, working her clit hard against my pubes, until she comes, with that deep down vaginal orgasm, that starts by clenching 'little Tom' tightly, then with spasms that spread to her thighs and legs, squeezing around me, then up her body, tensing, throwing her head back.  With such glorious, intense sensations coursing through my body too, I can't help but come with her.

Then she collapses across my chest.  Her gorgeous breasts crushed between us, her chest heaving in exhaustion, her whole body glowing with the sheen of perspiration. And she looks into my eyes with the most contented, serene smile I have ever seen. It was almost like the Cheshire Cat that got the cream (well it was my cream actually).

We lie together, she on top of me, for a couple of minutes as we catch our breaths, then she rolls off into the crook of me arm, and says, "I'm fucked.  I needed that.  I could just go to sleep in your arms".

Thanks Daniella.  You certainly know how to make a man feel like he is desired as the greatest lover in the world.

That smile?  Eat your heart out Mona Lisa!

(Click to see who else is desirable/desiring!)

Post Script

Seven year later, I am no longer of that 'certain age'. Post prostate radiotherapy, the urges of desire are now but a warm memory.

Further, with Covid-19 pandemic lock-down, all our bordellos have been closed since March 2020 and probably won't open again till about June 2021. The city of Melbourne might have managed to crush its 2nd wave of Covid, but we are still having to live in a Covid safe society. So sex with masks at approved social distance, just doesn't have any appeal.

The Masked Offender Punished

 

The 'Blindfolds  and Masks' theme reminded me of a memorable sexual encounter back in 2013. Then as I started to think about sensual deprivation, I thought of my post 'The Five Senses of Sex'. What happens when one is deprived of one of our five senses?

The LOP in question back in 2013, had an unique play style of teasing a gent, then punishing him for perceived infractions, such as looking up her skirt as she climbed the steep stairs.

My 'punishment' was to be thrown onto the bed, have my arms tied to the bed-head with her stockings and her used knickers placed over my face as a blindfold. She then proceeded to have her way with me.

Of our five senses, sight is probably the strongest. When our sight is taken, all our other senses go on high alert. 

I was immediately aware of the heady aroma of the scent of a woman in her knickers. There is a rustling sound and sense of movement as she climbs onto the bed. My body flinches at the ever so light touch of her fingers caressing up my body. What's this? The touch of fingers is replaced by the warm, moist lick of her tongue on my nipples. I feel the warm softness as her breasts slide up my chest. Her lips and tongue are nibbling my ear now. I can hear and feel the warmth of her breath. She whispers in my ear, 'Do you like it like this?'.

Her body lifts off me and I feel a leg come over mine. Her legs are now straddling my thighs. My heart is pumping harder with the anticipation. She is teasing me, and building up the anticipation for us both. I flinch as I feel a wet warm touch on the tip of my cock. The warmth slowly slides down the back of my shaft. I feel her labia lips spread as she sits on me now with the warmth of the full length of her 'camel toe'. She slowly starts to slide up and down my shaft. I hear little whimpers escape her lips. I feel the knob of her clit as she slides it up and down me, pleasuring herself. Her pace and breathing speeds up. She is quite wet and slick now. As she slides higher, the tip of my glans caresses her inner lips. She lifts slightly, deferring entry, and slides her clit down over me again.

Her pace is building now and she leans forward and pinches my nipples. Her teasing seems to be replaced by an urgency. Her sliding grows faster and wetter, until with the tip of my glans at the gates of heaven, she ever so slightly lifts and slides onto me to the hilt.

And so her way was had. My mask is removed and our hot perspiring bodies cuddle up for a long, deep kiss. My arms are released to encircle her and we relax in the afterglow as our heartbeats subside and breath slowly returns to normal.

As I said at the start, definitely a unique experience, still memorable 7 years later.

Tell Me About … Blindfolds and Masks #45

A Sun Kissed Flower and 'Joie de Vivre'

“Just living is not enough,” said the butterfly, “one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.”

― Hans Christian Anderson

As Australia is coming into springtime, our roses are flowering magnificently.  Coming out of this year of the Covid-19 pandemic, and here in Melbourne we are coming out of 3 months of draconian lockdown that 'flattened the 2nd wave curve' from 700+/day (new cases) to under 5/day, it is a relief to rediscover the 'Joie de Vivre' of nature and her beauty.

To add to H.C.Anderson, in addition to sunshine, refreshing, cleansing rain must also fall.

Dress, Formal

For my Buddy's game night, the invitation said "Dress, Formal".

I'm not overdressed, am I?

"The Games We Play" - click to see who else is playing!

Missed Wicked Wednesday Connection

It was the current Wicked Wednesday prompt "#432 Missed Connections" that reminded me of this incident some 9 years ago. This Reminiscence is a rework of a post of that time.

I first met TM at a Melbourne brothel back in 2010. We hit it off immediately and soon had exchanged phone numbers. A couple of months later, she decided to leave that establishment, and asked if I would like to continue seeing her privately and exclusively.

We had planned a Wicked Wednesday lunch and afternoon of debauchery. But a massive storm blew up Tuesday night and the roof of TM's house sprung a leak. The owner and/or agent were to come to inspect the damage on the Wednesday afternoon, so our little Wicked Wednesday Connection was Missed, and our tête-à-tête was postponed to Thursday.  

So we had a Wicked Thursday, skipping lunch, launching straight into a fucking awesome couple of hours. 

 

We were recovering, reclining in the lounge, sipping hot chai lattes, she in nothing but a bath-robe, and me mostly dressed. Suddenly the dogs started barking outside - TM looked out the window and saw a couple of tradesmen coming to the door.  It appears that they had been sent to prepare a quotation for repairs.  TM was thus tied up showing the workmen the problem, so I surreptitiously finished dressing, quietly said my goodbye and excused myself.

It was the next day that I got a text message from TM saying that she couldn't find my "envelope" and that she thought we had a "business relationship". Oops! Red face!!!  I quickly arranged a wire transfer.

 

Our "relationship" only lasted a couple of more months before we had to say 'Goodbye'.