Now I'm not quite sure whether this qualifies as minimalist "lingerie"? But my LOP Buddy loved my jewellery.
She got a real buzz out of masturbating her clit against the 'rabbit ears', the rough knob and the 'bullet' vibrator, all held hard against her by my PIV.
Click to see who else has been wicked this Wednesday!
WARNING:- This post is technical with medical anatomical discussions, but bear with me. Enhanced knowledge will lead to understanding when things don't go quite right (ED).
In my previous Penis Project post, I wrote about the 'Penis Conspiracy' and how what goes on in our brain influences our sex life. This post focuses on the physical side with the brain translating sensory input into arousal initiation, triggering the erection process and central in the genital sensory feedback to flood the body with feel-good hormones and orgasm.
Normal erections generally depend upon 3 processes (ref.):
I've included links to various medical websites for more complete descriptions, I focus mostly on the lesser understood aspects.
From around 2005, understanding of the biochemical processes improved and the inter-relationship of psychological and physiological aspects were better understood. Working backward, the actual erection is caused by inflow of blood into the two 'corpus cavernosa'. This process is triggered by Nitric Oxide (NO), a signalling chemical sent from the nerve endings en-wrapping the cavernosum. (NO is synthesized from L-arginine by NO synthase (NOS)). The NO causes the blood vessel walls to relax encouraging blood inflow. PDe5 inhibitor drugs like Sildenafil (Viagra) work by increasing bio-availability of Nitric Oxide. It is the signalling from the brain, initiated by a range of all sorts of erotic stimuli, touch, sight, smell, sound, that trigger this process. Conversely, inhibitory brain processes like depression, can suppress this triggering process.
Nitric Oxide is an important component in general circulatory health. Certain foods and supplements boost Nitric Oxide levels. Whilst these might not be sufficient for treatment of persistent Erectile Dysfunction (ED), a good exercise regime, healthy eating including the above NO boosters, healthy weight level, controlled blood pressure, minimized alcohol consumption and healthy mind-set, will minimize the chances of developing ED.
Having achieved an erection, a separate process retains the erection. The Corpus Spongiosum runs down the under-side of the penis and is responsible for holding the urethra open and restricting the outflow veins so blood is retained, holding the erection. A different Nitric Oxide process (eNO) is involved in retaining an erection. This is also a signalling chemical from nerve endings, but these are triggered by physiological conditions of the erection, specifically 'hematological shear', which is a function of the actual blood flow affected by the flexibility and smoothness of the blood vessel walls and the viscosity of the blood. So a good psychologically aroused state can initiate a good erection, but aging or damaged blood vessels can limit retention.
Overuse of alcohol affects blood viscosity which can lead to loss of erection, "Brewers Droop", known in Australia as "Fosters Droop". And remember that alcohol shouldn't be taken along with most medications. A little might be fine to relax to start an evening, but too much could deflate not just your ego. And alcohol generally doesn't go well with Viagra leaving you with a pounding headache afterwards.
WARNING:- Viagra was originally developed for treatment of high blood pressure. It works in erection improvement by lowering blood pressure through release of Nitric Oxide. There are medical conditions that contraindicate its use - get a doctor's check before starting its use. Use the smallest dose needed - there is a maximum recommended dose - over-dosing can cause serious problems.
Note that the Corpus Cavernosum are in fact two blood vessels of sponge-like tissue, the length of the penis, that fill with blood to effect an erection. These vessels form in the fetus in the very earliest stages during development of the circulatory system. At the time of gender bifurcation, these vessels form either the penis or the female clitoral structure. It is an important lesson in sexuality for men to understand, that the female clitoral structure extends from the external head (analogous the the male glans) and extends internally with two Corpus Cavernosa, behind the labia, around the urethra and join the top wall of the vagina at the 'G spot'. So the female clitoris undergoes a penis like 'erection', swelling and puffing out the labia.
The whole sexual arousal cycle is a feedback loop between sensory arousal in the brain flooding the body with hormones, and sensations in the genitals feeding signals back into the brain. In one sense, orgasm is arousal reaching a peak with a final 'explosive' flood of senses then 'collapses' into the 'resolution' phase. In females, orgasm triggers rhythmic contractions of muscles. Clitoral orgasms use muscles around the urethra and vaginal openings, the same muscles used in a male orgasm. A vaginal orgasm is contraction of the kegal muscles across the base of the pelvis and contract along the inner length of the vagina. In men, orgasm and ejaculation are in fact separate events.
Ejaculation is controlled by the sympathetic nervous system in the spinal cord.
In men, arousal causes a build up of ejaculate fluid within the 'bulb of the penis' located at the base. An observant woman might see the urethra on the underside of the penis, swelling and throbbing. This filling up leads to a special feeling of impending, uncontrollable ejaculation, although with practice, 'edging' allows you to pull back from the 'edge', then build up to almost the point of no return again, then pull back again.
With age, erection can in fact inhibit orgasm and ejaculation, with effectively numbing sensations. As the erection starts to deflate, ejaculation might then occur - warning: this condition can lead to condom slippage.
While men experience pelvic contractions, not unlike the female, they are not central to the male orgasm and ejaculation. Pelvic contractions can best be felt during prostate massage. Rhythmic ejaculation contractions primarily are caused by muscles at the base of the penis, rather than pelvic floor, although they are connected.
Probably the biggest misconception, is the origin of ejaculate. Sperm is generated in the testicles and passes up the Vas (a Vasectomy cuts this Vas as a permanent contraceptive measure). The sperm mixes with fluid from the Seminal Vesicle and from the Prostate - by volume the majority is prostatic fluid. The outlet from the prostate joins the urethra through a valve and another valve above the junction stops urine mixing during ejaculation, and conversely ejaculate going back into the bladder (retrograde ejaculation).
This misconception is perpetuated by porn talk about "draining balls". If anything, it is the prostate that is being 'drained'.
Ejaculate
from a man who has had a vasectomy contains no sperm and won't have a
milky colour (so technically, no 'cream-pies'). If a man has had
prostatectomy surgery (cutting out the prostate) for Prostate Cancer,
there will be virtually no ejaculate and very poor, if any, orgasms (erection and coitus is still possible with an implant or injection, but sorry, no 'happy ending').
I've just been compiling a Table of Contents and I noticed that although I have written about Female Orgasms and pleasuring ladies with Cunnilingus, I have never written about the male side of things, although I did touch on some aspects writing about ED and Prostate Cancer. The other trigger for this post, has been the knowledge gaps and misunderstanding I hear from Working Ladies (of Pleasure) about their clients (as related to me in our pillow chats).
The
biggest mistake of classical Sex Education, is treating sex as
primarily anatomical. They teach about the basic mechanics of genitals
and processes of reproduction. But they fail to say that the largest sex
organ in the body is the one between our ears. And its not just the
brain's involvement in arousal, sensory feelings and hormonal responses,
but interpersonal attitudes affect how sexual relationships will play
out.
"I think Walt Disney creates a lot of mythology," says Seth Prosterman, PhD, (a clinical sexologist and licensed marriage and family therapist). "In Disney movies, people fall in love and walk into the sunset, and you get this myth that intimacy is a given once you fall in love, and sexuality is natural and follows that." (ref.) In reality, says Prosterman, "Sex is something that we learn throughout a lifetime."
Unfortunately, all men start their sexual life DIY which is entirely penis focused on the man achieving an erection and orgasm. Sadly, many men carry this into their sexual relationship with a partner through their entire adult life, never growing 'up', leaving their partner high and dry, unfulfilled. Then these men wonder why their marital sex life slowly dries up.
A
lot of sexual language is male oriented. Fucking is something the male
'does' to a women. He 'gives' her an orgasm or 'gives' her a baby. As a
sex positive blogger I have to be very careful about the words I write
and the underlying message of what my words are conveying.
Men are generally NOT taught that men's and women's arousal processes are different. Men's primary stimulation is visual and fast, whereas women's primary stimulation is emotional (romantic) and tactile and builds gently. Further, women's arousal focus is NOT vagina centric, but clitoral centric from the head/glans, behind the labia to the 'G' spot (see below).
As a boy, I was brought up with manners and respect - one held a door open for a lady to let her go first - a bit 'sexist' the feminists will claim. But as I've aged and grown sexually, my mantra for good sex is "She cums first!".
Even in the transactional sex world I am relegated to, with the wonderful ladies I have built a FWB relationship with, the same still applies. Sure, as a broad principle, sex work is male centric (he is paying after all) and many ladies deliberately don't want to have any sexual response of their own, but when played like a lover, their body can't help but respond. I remember one lady I saw just 2 days into her SW experience - I had gone down her and the old Tongue Engine had elicited a strong orgasm. When she recovered, she was quite shocked and said, "Oooh!!! Am I allowed to do that?".
Many
ladies go into SW after a broken relationship, hoping to satisfy their
own sexual needs and earn some money at the same time - but mostly they
are disappointed - 90% of the guys just want to 'get their rocks off',
some don't even talk to them. But there is that 10% with whom they might
find pleasure of their own if they haven't become too jaded yet. I've
quoted one lady in a number of posts - running down the corridor when
she sees me come in, throws her arms around me and says "Thank God its you. I've had a shitty day and I need some me time!".
Men have to learn the importance of 'delayed gratification'. By focusing on your lady's arousal and pleasure first, at her peak she will be anxious to pleasure you to a mutual climactic completion. "A pleasure shared is a pleasure doubled, not halved!".
If
my BLOG readership is any gauge, the message is getting out and many
men are wanting to learn how to pleasure their partner with cunnilingus, the dos, the don'ts and expectations. Those posts, approximately 2% of all my posts, attract around 10% of all views.
This post is focused on traditional cis-gender hetero relationships. LGBQT, D/S and many kink activities have already addressed this issue.
So
I hope I have given my male readers something to think about, good sex
starts in the brain after all. And to my lady readers, I hope you
understand now the 'penis conspiracy' you are up against and you have
found some encouragement in how to guide and teach your man to find
pleasure together.
