AKA the cunning linguist; AKA el lingüista astuto; AKA Thomas the Tongue Engine; AKA le linguiste adroit; AKA il linguista abile; AKA the cunning linguist; AKA el lingüista astuto; AKA Thomas the Tongue Engine; AKA le linguiste adroit; AKA il linguista abile;

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Saturday, 22 June 2019

e[lust] 119 - Laughter The Best Aphrodisiac

(This post reproduced per the conditions of acceptance of a post link for publication)

Photo courtesy of Floss Does Life
Welcome to Elust 119-
The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you're looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it'll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #119? Start with the rules, come back June 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Poly wobbles

Friendly Concern

Unmentionable

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Breakthrough

Wait Silently

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Sensual Indulgence, Familiar and New

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Teaching (from) the bottom (part 1)
An Intro to Ethical Cum Tributes
What is Dominance?
Reader Q&A: Femdom Podcast 105 [w transcript]
Unmentionable Lifestyle
In the wild

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Laughter, The Best Aphrodisiac
I Hate Bullies!

Erotic Non-Fiction

Devilish Threesome Fun
Cumming Awake
Flying Chaste

Body Talk and Sexual Health

How Taking Nudes Taught Me To Love Myself
Guest post: Trans access to abortion

Erotic Fiction

Milky Way
More Than Friends Prologue
Desperate
Twisted ~ Into The Woods ~ Lana’s Story
A Gift to the Gods
A New Fetish
Coitus Interruptus Vampyr
Making herself available

Writing About Writing

Smut Marathon - Round 4 Thoughts

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

A True Friend
Trust your landmark and run through the smoke
I’m not interested.

Poetry

-06.06.19_12:20-

Elust

Sunday, 2 June 2019

Laughter, the Best Aphrodisiac

It is a neuro-physiological fact that the pleasure centres in the brain, for humour and sex and adjacent, so there is a good reason why we find people with similar sense of humour, attractive.  In the bedroom, humorous banter can heighten sexual enjoyment.
The following stories, all true, have appeared in this blog at various times in the past, but I thought it might be good to bring them all together under the common theme. 

"I'll Have What She's Having"

A couple of years ago, a lady-of-pleasure I was seeing, had earned the nickname from her co-workers, of "Firecracker" because when she orgasmed, she went "off like a fire-cracker" and she could be heard throughout the building.

Well, one day Sam and I were having a good time and she had had one squealing orgasm with my tongue. Once she had settled down a little, as she was sliding onto me, she had the back of her hand wedged in her mouth.  I asked if there was anything wrong.

"I don't want to make too much noise.  There might be someone in the waiting room (next door to our bedroom" was her reply.

"Don't worry about it" I said, "You might give them some encouragement".

She giggled, and came back with "I'll have what she's having!".

Well we both cracked up laughing.  As I laughed, my cock twitched inside her. This was the last straw for her and she started convulsing on me, laughing, squealing and crying all at the same time.  Needless to say, this tipped me over the edge too.  This wasn't just a 'happy ending', it was a 'hilarious ending'.

Dirty Ditties

When FB Amazing Grace found out that I wrote a BLOG, she admitted to having fun making up rhymes.  So we created a game of 'dirty ditties' and 'fractured fairy tales', taking turns to create a new line starting from an old nursery rhyme, etc.  So "Goldie Locks", "Little Red Riding Hood" et al provided many fun rhymes.  If a particular 'dirty ditty' had suitable actions, these were acted out as we went. I must say her rollicking laughs as she 'rode a cock horse' sent wonderful ripples right through our connection.  Sadly, we have lost contact - I really miss those fun times.  I wish I had had a recorder to capture some of those ditties.  One I remember, went:-

"Georgie Porgie full of fun,
Licked the girls and made them come.
With lady come on his chin,
He said with a grin,
Oh what a good boy am I"

Although I am a DOM now, I am still a kid at heart, and 'play time' is my favourite time.  Which reminds me, we certainly gave "Girls and boys come out to play" a jolly rogering!

So next time someone calls me a 'fuck wit', I will take it as a compliment.

Punishment Play

This isn't humour in the direct laughing sense, but a light-humoured form of role-playing. Miss A uses a game of 'punishing' little infractions. On the way up to the bedroom, she stumbled on the stairs, flashing her knickers, and then said, "Were you peeking up my dress? You will have to be punished for that".   Similarly, there will be 'punishment' for 'touching myself' in the shower, and looking at her boobs as she undresses.  Typical punishment might be to make me stand in the 'naughty corner' whilst she sucks me off.  All just playful fun, no real bondage, although once she did tie my hands to the bed-head with her stockings and draped her fragrant knickers over my face so I couldn't see her 'punish' me by having her way with me.

Role-Play

Another fun-time role-play. although not strictly humour, was with Miss D in a Nun's Habit costume. Rather than reproduce the full story here, visit the post "A Bad Habit".

Unintended Humour

Sometimes, something's said quite innocently, but is quite humorous in the situation.
I was undergoing a period of radiotherapy treatment for prostate cancer. One day, I was lying on the radiotherapy table with my pubes and mid-riff exposed.  The female operator was getting me aligned - I have had target marks tattooed on my mid-riff and thighs and a pair of laser beams show the correct alignment. Her cold hands on my thighs push and roll me a little to get alignment right. At which point she says "Beautiful!". I tell her that "Only special ladies are allowed to say that!". I get a little laugh.

A couple of days later, I have the same operator, and she says the same things. This time, I say "Well, thank you!". She says "Your welcome" and we both laugh.

Pillow Banter

Post coital pillow talk is an obvious time for humorous banter when you are both fully relaxed and bodies flooded with feel-good hormones.

Complementary Employment

Often pillow talk with Ladies of Pleasure, turns to the sort of work we do. I asked one particular lady if she had a second job. She told me that she also worked as a receptionist at a Funeral Parlour. "You have a thing about stiffs, do you?" I answered, which brought loud laughter.

Longevity

In a conversation similar to the above, we were talking about marital status. When I told this lady how long I had been married, she asked, "What's your secret to a long marriage?". My answer, "Don't get caught!"

Guess My Age

On another occasion, we were playing the game of trying to guess each others age. I said to Crystal, "Would you believe 48?", to which she tactfully replied, "I would have put you as early 50's". I replied, "No. I mean 1948". (This was over 10 years ago). Shock flashed across her face, and she started counting on her fingers, working out just how much older than her I was. When she realised what she was doing, we laughed and cuddled.

Irony and Humour


In further chatting with the above Funeral Parlour receptionist, she told me of her new boy-friend of 3 months and her issue with the fact that he has yet to make a move to have sex with her (he doesn't know about her sex work). She asked my advice, "What can I do to get my boyfriend to have sex with me?". We had quite a serious conversation about courting, but I couldn't help but have an inward smile about the irony of a sex working asking her client, how to get her boyfriend to have sex with her.

Saturday, 20 April 2019

e[lust] 117 - The Five Senses of Sex

(This post reproduced per the conditions of acceptance of a post link for publication)


Photo courtesy of Master's Eye


Welcome to Elust 117-

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you're looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it'll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #118? Start with the rules, come back May 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

A dominant presence

He Gripped Her Hand and Centered Her

Being alone together.

 

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

What the fig?

Mind and body

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

O! or, errr… NO!: Orgasm Control in an F/m Dynamic

 

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

 

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Fantasies Never Let You Down
My First Love
New Fun with Old Friends
Sometimes coming joint second
emotional disconnection, sex and loneliness
People Don't Talk about This Sh!t

Erotic Fiction

Waking the Fallen
Daisy
opera seria
Catch the Catcher
Club Dress Extended
Dreams ... (the Second : Arabian Nights)
The orgasmic arch

Erotic Non-Fiction

The Five Senses of Sex
A public beating
Rope Dreams

Poetry

-01.04.19_00:22-

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Primal Regression and Submission
14 Qualities of a "Good" Dominant
Balance in F/m voices

Events

Do I want you to hold my hand?

Body Talk and Sexual Health

Sex in Class
That's My Kink - All Hail The Nipple Clit

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Why I’m not smiling for IWD

 

 

Elust

Sunday, 31 March 2019

The Five Senses Of Sex

A few years ago, I had the great pleasure of a number of 
home visits with a delightful Booty Buddy, TM (a previous Lady Of Pleasure). Now TM had an uncommon taste for ejaculate. Further she was especially turned on by the multi-sensual process.  For the sake of this post, it might be best if I write in the first person from her perspective, based on how she described it to me.

(TM) "Tom had taken a half day off work for a morning visit. I had a nice lie-in in bed awaiting his knock on the door. When he arrived, he had warm, fresh-baked croissants and fresh squeezed orange juice - yum. We quickly slipped back into my still-warm bed to share breakfast, but that was short-lived as we couldn't keep our hands and mouths off each other.

Now I was pretty horny waiting for him, but I was wet and needy now in no time. I love fucking mature experienced gents like Tom - he really knows how to please a women, his touches, his kisses, his mouth, his tongue. For now, he makes it all about me. I lost count of how many times he had me orgasming, but Tom still hadn't come himself (its an age thing he tells me). It must have been almost an hour before we rolled apart, breathless, hot and perspiring.

We must have cuddled together for all of 5 minutes as we cooled a little and caught our breaths. But like Oliver, I wanted MORE, but not just for me this time, but something special for US, together.

I rolled Tom onto his back, and slid down his body, trailing my fingers down his arms and kisses down his chest. As I reached his cock, I flicked the tip of his glans with my tongue, then engulfed his shaft in my mouth. His still semi-erect cock stirred back to life.

But I wasn't after just a common old blow-job - I have something very special in mind. Now we have discussed this once before and Tom had indicated that a DIY hand-job gave him better control and outcome. I signal to him to take hold. I slide down further so I can lick his scrotum and suck his balls. I look up the length of his body and ours eyes meet. His eyes are smiling, his lips are moist and he licks them lightly. The look of his tongue and lips bring back memories of where they were just half an hour ago. I can feel my cunt getting slick and hot with the memory. My gaze caresses his whole body, his shoulders, chest, those abs, the bulging arm muscles as he pumps his cock. I stretch my arms up to surround his hips and my fingers stroke his stomach and I can feel him lifting to meet his down strokes. My head is against his leg and I can hear his pulse starting to race in his arteries. His breath is fast now - the sound of his gasps has my own breaths and heart beating in sync. My nostrils are on fire now as they take in the sent of our earlier sex. I can smell and taste my own cunni-linctus on his thighs and scrotum.

Tom's hand is really pumping now. I can see his engorged purple glans above his fist. His shaft is thick and red and hard now. He lets out a little grunt and his torso lifts and starts to shake a little. He has stopped pumping now and just holding his glans. The thick purple veins are bulging around his dick.The urethra along the underside is bulging now, filling up with his lovely cum. I can see it starting to twitch, then Tom lets go and says "Its your's now"!

I pounce, and clamp my mouth around his glans, clamping my lips tightly so that he has no escape.  I can feel his cum building up in his locked shaft, swelling even more. Tom's body arches and stiffens and a little 'Urgh' slips out in agony, before the ecstasy as I release my grip. Tom erupts like a massive hot geyser blasting his love-juice against the back of my throat. I gulp down the first mouthful. He keeps coming for what seems like ages, but probably only 5-10 seconds. My mouth is full again and his cum is running out the corners down his shaft. As his orgasm subsides, I swirl his load around in my mouth, savouring the taste and texture - not unlike molluscs sauteed in salted butter and cream - just my favourite, although an acquired taste. As I swallow my second mouthful, I lick up and down and round and round his cock, licking up every last drop.

As his deflating cock subsides, I come up his body and we embrace and share a fantastic, salty, Deep French Kiss.

Tom tells me it is the most intense orgasm he has ever had.

Now that's the way to Break Fast!"

Wednesday, 20 March 2019

e[lust] 116

(This post reproduced per the conditions of acceptance of a post link for publication)
Elus6 116 Hyacynth Header
Photo courtesy of A Dissolute Life Means
Welcome to Elust 116-
The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you're looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it'll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #117? Start with the rules, come back April 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 ~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~
The Space Between Us

Language Matters

Extraordinary Hands

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Chips

I believe I can fly.

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

photographie érotique ~ a perspective

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Body Talk and Sexual Health

Love Hurts
Lustless
Parity
Relearning How to Masturbate.
My Cunt is Art
Hormones, Anxiety and Menopause

Erotic Non-Fiction

Watching Their Mouth

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

The night I went to a BDSM club
A higher age of consent for bdsm?
Fear

Erotic Fiction

hands up
Do you Dare? After Party Party
The Waiting Game
Vicki's Dream
The Fear Factor
Bloomed Bright
My legs are longer than my patience.

Erotic Non-Fiction

A couple of couples

Blogging

Amazing Love

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Do you really want to hurt me?

Writing About Writing

The Problem with Perfectionism

Elust

Sunday, 17 February 2019

Lustless

Now I know this post doesn't naturally fit in the normal theme of "The Cunning Linctus", but it is a story that needs to be told. Sexual desire (lust, libido) is the basis for procreation, and is intricately tied to our self-image/identity. There are all sorts of reasons why lust can be stunted, so it is important for 'sex positive' writers to take a step back occasionally and gain some understanding of why some people are 'sex negative' - they are not all just evil religious spoilsports.

So, going back 50 years to the start of my relationship with my wife.

Courting

I guess you couldn’t have found two more neophytes when we started dating. First serious relationship for both of us. No sexual experience. I was from an up-tight religious background, and my girlfriend was from a broken home, living with a protective mother. Add to this her serious medical condition. Our courtship involved a lot of joint volunteering, caring and charity type activities. We were young, optimistic and idealistic. As far fetched as it sounds, we really were 25 year old virgins in the ‘age of Aquarius’ when we married.

Wedding and Honeymoon

A mistake we made with our wedding, was travelling a couple of hours to the honeymoon hotel. Due to a late start, no sex that night - not all that unusual I am told for  a wedding night. This ‘1st’ honeymoon was just a long weekend due to study commitments, so there was just one fumbling sexual encounter.

Back at our new apartment,  between settling in and study, our sexual start to married life was not exactly hot and steamy.

Five weeks later, we had planned a 2 week holiday as our formal ‘honeymoon’. But again we misjudged the situation, and daily travelling and a different bed every night, left our “honeymoon” sexless.

Now I know many men would have walked away from the ‘marriage’ at that point claiming non-consummation, but not us.

The Marital Bed

Our first six months was a very fumbling, intermittent sex life. Between women’s issues and her other health problems 2 or 3 times a month, sex was infrequent and mediocre. I think there was one very good encounter when I took the whole day off and we spent half the day in bed, mostly in fore-play, finally achieving successful coitus. Whilst my wife enjoyed extended foreplay, she was mostly not comfortable going below the waist. In month’s 7 to 12, despite moving into a house from the 1 bedroom apartment, sex virtually ceased, with my wife no longer able to relax enough to allow penetration - vaginismus, ‘frozen vagina’.

Over the next couple of years, the vaginismus subsided, but her health problem meant that we visited hospital ER more often than we had sex (4-5 times per year). As for quality, “Think of England”.

Starting a Family

We had discussed starting a family with a number of my wife’s medical specialists, but none were very supportive of the idea. A new specialist discussed the pros and cons with us and the risks involved - the risks to the pregnancy of her medication vs the risks of not being medicated. But he was encouraging and we set about slowly reducing her medication to about half. To achieve pregnancy as quickly as possible, we used the ‘Billings method’ of temperature monitoring to identify her ovulation days. So we were having the most frequent sex of our married life - once a month whether she liked it or not. Conception occurred soon after.
But the joy of the birth was short-lived on discovery of our baby’s own medical condition that would require serious surgeries over the following several years. Any thoughts of further children were quickly put out our minds, and a vasectomy sealed it.

Post Natal Years

The postnatal hormonal changes and half strength medications caused my wife’s condition to flare up badly, so back onto full strength meds. But breastfeeding was thus out of the question.
Some new medications were coming onto the market, so we went through a series of attempts at new meds, but with numerous side effects, and mostly with no improvement in her condition. The one med that showed promise, caused anaemia and massive weight gain.

So add body-image issues to her medical condition, married life wasn’t a bed of rose petals. The first couple of years post natal, were sexless. I guess conjugal relations were of such a low priority, that the years slipped by. In hindsight,  I estimate that over 20 years, we averaged between 0 and 2 times per year.

Empty Nest - Resuscitation or Expiration?

At around the 30 year mark, we were empty-nesters, mortgage paid and a comfortable career. My wife’s medical condition had settled a little. I started pressing/encouraging increased (resumed?) sexual activity, but with little success. It seemed to be a matter of “Well, if you really must. Hop on and get it over with” - hardly encouraging. I backed off somewhat and tried to get her interested in mutual masturbation, but there was no interest - touching ‘down there’ was off limits, and oral was abhorrent to her.
Eventually, I got her to talk about our situation, but all I got was “I just don’t enjoy sex and never have”. Well, after that smack in the face, I promised that I would never ‘bother’ her about it again, and I haven’t.

Long Overdue Explanations

It was 3-4 years later, that she started to open up a bit more about her childhood. It seems that her introduction to sex was as a pre-teen, hearing her drunken alcoholic father having his way with his wife and hearing her mother pleading to be left alone. Even in the 1960’s, a woman was still her husband’s chattel and conjugal rights were expected. "Rape in marriage" was inconceivable by definition of ‘marriage’.

After a few months, she asked her mother about it, and she had her first ‘lesson’ in sex-ed, including what rape is.
The ancients described this as "The sins of the father will be visited on his children to the 3rd and 4th generation" (Ex.20:5, Num.14:18, Deu.5:9).

A modern brain scan surprised by showing the degree of brain trauma from a simple childhood accident. Mapping the area of trauma with areas of brain function, suggests the possibility of impaired pleasure centres.


Never a truer statement has been made, than "The must important sexual organ is the one between our ears"!

Who Cares For the Carer? Loving Oneself

So that just leaves me. When we vow “For better or worse, in sickness and health”, I guess we all assume that the worse and sickness will only be a small percentage of married life. Our relationship had virtually declined into ‘patient and carer’. I started going through bouts of depression. Who cares for the carer? It was through discussions with a friend at work, that I started to realise that there was no point in just blaming circumstances for one’s unhappiness. I had to take responsibility for my own happiness, thinking outside the square of societal conventions. The Good Book tells us to ‘Love your neighbour as yourself’ - I had been taught the first half all my childhood, but not really much about loving myself - that was always seen as being ‘selfish’.

And so I ‘bit the bullet’ and started taking some occasional ‘me time’ with some ‘ladies of pleasure’, but that’s another story too. When one’s home cooking is all DIY, it’s nice to dine out sometimes.

e[lust] 115

(This post reproduced per the conditions of acceptance of a post link for publication)

Welcome to Elust 115

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #116? Start with the rules, come back March 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!
~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!
Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Erotic Non-Fiction

Erotic Fiction

Poetry

Body Talk and Sexual Health

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Writing About Writing

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor


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