Showing posts with label happy-ending. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happy-ending. Show all posts

Tuesday, 28 December 2021

Merry Kissmas

What with covid lock-down and my post prostate cancer treatment ED, it's been 3 months since my last 'test drive', which whilst nice, didn't reach a 'happy ending'. But with restrictions easing, bordellos reopening and my birthday and Christmas coming up, I felt I needed to see if I could finally reach that 'happy ending'!

With Cialis the night before, Viagra on the morning and an hour free in my carer schedule, I set off to visit a new (for me) establishment that had a couple of well reviewed girls.

Being a Monday, so soon after post restrictions reopening, there were only 2 ladies on roster. I selected Emma who seemed a bit more outgoing and her English was not quite as bad as the other girl.

I was barely undressed when she returned and directed me straight onto the bed.  It was straight into cuddles and nipple licking. She pushed her enhanced boobs in my face and directed her very long erect dark brown nipples to my mouth. Kissing was very 'light', though I later found she has a strange style of putting her tongue out a little to 'kiss'. Later in the heat of passion it was more deep French kissing.

We had a little chat with her poor English. When she discovered that I was twice her age, she said that I looked younger. I explained that whilst my tongue was still young, the 'old fella' was definitely showing his age. Since my prostate cancer treatment, I explained that I had difficulty getting erections and seldom came. Since the vasectomy, 'No babies', and with roast prostate 'No creampies'! I need medication to help get it up and my cock-ring to keep it up once it gets hard.

She obviously took this as a challenge. She immediately swung round to go down on me and threw a leg over pushing her yummy pussy in my face. Well her oral technique was wonderfully effective. Her pussy is to die for. It's orientation was good in that I could alternate between licking and sucking her clit and labia, to deep tongue fucking.

When I looked up, I saw that the manager(?) had attached a piece of mistletoe to the end of the ceiling mounted mirror above us, not that I needed further encouragement in my Australian kissing!


I was getting a good response from her, so after a while I tried some fingering whilst I licked. I found her G-spot and she thrust back on my face and sucked harder like a hoover. I added a little rimming and with FIP and licking and sucking her clit, her body shuddered in orgasm.

Well our 69 must have lasted 15 minutes, when she finally came up asking "We fuck now?". Well we started with missionary with some breast work and more kissing. Whilst we had some good deep groin slapping fun, it wasn't really getting us there. So she swung around to the side so that we were joined in a sort of scissor position (a new one for me). In this position, my cock seemed to stimulate her clit and g-spot better and she said she came again.

She then swung round again to squat on me in the Asian cow-girl position. This really seemed to hit her spot again.

With 5 minutes left and I confirmed that I still hadn't come, she suggested a hand-job finish. I suggested it would be best if I did it myself, so condom off and lubed my hand. She rolled to one side and grabbed my left hand and pushed it under her pussy for some more fingering. I get 2 fingers in and the position is perfect. She leans over me to watch my hand work, then sticks her tongue out to lick my glans. We ended up coming together. She was surprised to see that mine was virtually a 'dry orgasm' with barely a half teaspoon of 'pre-cum' (toast prostate is virtually non-functional).

She claimed she came three times in all, though they were of the quiet gentle type, not body shaking, hip thrusting, nose punching type. But that's OK, I've seen (and tasted) all types (see "OMG, The Female Orgasm").

As I jumped in the shower, she came straight in with me and gave me a good all-over lathering and another little tug.

After we dried off, she proceeded to help me dress, then combed my hair. Nice little touches. As I was leaving, she repeated her name several times to make sure I remembered her (how could I forget a fuck like that). 

Happy birthday to me and Merry Kissmas to you!

mmmMondays

Click the badge to read who else is saying
"MMM" on Mondays!

Sunday, 23 May 2021

Why Can't a Man Love More Like a Woman? The Orgasm Gap

Content Warning: This subject primarily discusses traditional cis heterosexual couples and gender characteristics described are from observational statistical norms only, and should not be interpreted as holding across the sexuality spectrum.

For the '4Thoughts or Fiction' meme prompt #174' 'The Orgasm Gap', guest host Zara Smith quotes from a research study, Studies have consistently found that there is a gendered orgasm gap, with men experiencing orgasm more frequently than women in heterosexual sexual encounters”. The most commonly quoted statistic is that among heterosexual couples, 95% of males had an orgasm during sex (intercourse) and only 65% of females.

Interpreting the Research Data

Frankly, I'm surprised at the 65% - other research reports around 40%. But the critical issue is the restriction to "during sex/intercourse". A sexual encounter is (or should be) much more and longer than just the intercourse. What are the statistics for women's orgasms during fore (or after) play?

One factor not accounted for in this research, is age/experience. With experience, comes better communication and understanding of each other, so hopefully the gap will be less. On the other hand, older women have the issue of menopause and its effect on libido, and older men grapple with ED. The related factor is how long each couple had been in the relationship - hopefully couples in longer term relationships, with more understanding of each other, will be more likely to have a smaller orgasm gap. And what about the 'missing 5%' of males that don't orgasm - is that we septuagenarians with ED?

Other research data sometimes quoted, is the time to reach orgasm - for males it is around 5 mins, but for females it is about 15 mins. On the basis of this statistic, a couple should spend at least 10 minutes in foreplay before penetration. Or to reword an old joke, you should alternate, 10 mins 'Offer' and 5 mins 'Honour'.

Vive la Difference

Frankly, the male and female orgasm are so different, that I don't think it is even valid to compare counts of either.

First and foremost, the male orgasm is the primal response of the urge to procreate. The goal of every sexual penetrative encounter, is ejaculation, and thus orgasm. For the majority of men, ejaculation and orgasm are effectively concurrent. (But with age and especially post prostate cancer radiotherapy ED, I have found that in fact either can occur without the other). Further, my observation is that the male orgasm is primarily the pumping muscles at the base of the penis, which is quite different to female orgasms from the pelvic floor or kegal muscles, not forgetting some full body convulsing. It is only recently that I have experienced minor pelvic-floor leg shaking orgasms (after 50 years) - more of this later.

Female sex on the other hand is primarily for the hormonal responses. Release of Oxytocin during orgasm is associated with pleasure and emotional bonding. Although the vaginal orgasm (as distinct from clitoral orgasms) is also essentially the 'tie' to increase the chance of insemination, where inward sucking orgasmic convulsions hold the ejaculating penis in longer and suck the ejaculate in toward the cervix (we see this in animal servicing - my wife used to breed dogs so I have personal observation experience of 'the tie'). The anecdotal feedback I have received, is that the 'tie' type vaginal orgasm is a very small percentage of all female orgasms.

For simple males, orgasm is a single event. But for women, there is a wide variety of types of orgasm. They are most often not single events. The record I have had the pleasure of observing and being the recipient, was a cluster of several clitoral orgasms, followed by about 8 squirting orgasms (vaginal g-spot), and 1 massive vaginal orgasm (the 'tie' described above), followed by 5 or 6 'after shocks'. How does that count against my measly single 'shot'? For the above 'research', this would count as just '1' during intercourse.

The Loci of Stimulation

The key points of stimulation are the penis and the clitoris. But so many men still don't fully understand the importance of clitoral stimulation toward a woman's orgasm (despite some improvement in Sex Ed curriculum). Further, the majority don't understand the full internal structure of the clitoris, from the visible head, to the 'legs' behind the labia, down to the g-spot on the upper wall of the vagina. The entire structure is sensitive to stimulation and penetrative coitus just doesn't stimulate that very much.

The Road to Arousal

Most commonly, the stimulus for male arousal is physical, visual topping the list, followed by aural and tactile. For females, emotional triggers, romantic gestures, relational closeness, relaxing intimate atmosphere, erogenous touching, etc are more conducive to arousal. Consequently, it is the female arousal that is more easily 'punctured'.

'A woman's sex drive is related to how beautiful you make her feel!' (found on twitter, original source unknown).

Arousal of erogenous zones are understood by most people. But there are variants and nuances that should be learned. But more importantly, there are approaches and touches that are not always received well, typically by the woman. Communication is the key. Men must learn that anything they do is not necessarily OK. They must learn respect, to ask permission, "Is this OK? Do you like that?". Conversely, women must be up-front, though gentle, in saying "I don't like that!" or "Here, do it this way" (show and tell).

The next stage is timing. Men typically don't understand how long it takes for a woman to become aroused. There must be communication to indicate when it is OK to move on to the next level. This applies to all stages, from flirting, initial touching, kissing, caressing, outside clothes, under-clothes, breasts, genitals, and ultimately when she is ready for penetration.

Up to this point, the goal of arousal for both male and female, although reached by different paths, is the same, the sexual desire. For females especially, it is often called a plateau when they fail to move on to orgasm. For it is at this point where the divergence to the orgasm gap starts. Once aroused, orgasm is reached by direct stimulation of the sex organ, the penis or the clitoris - take note males, the primary female sex organ is the clitoris, NOT her vagina. Whilst penetration of the vagina readily stimulates a penis to orgasm, her clitoris is not generally stimulated enough from penetration in the typical 'missionary' position. A knowledgeable male can adjust his thrusting to ensure her g-spot gets some attention, or pubic rubbing of her labia and clitoral head. But much more successful is to use a woman-on-top position, because she knows which angles, twists and pressure points give her the stimulation she seeks. And the best variant is 'outercourse' or the 'pussy slide' where the penis and clitoris stimulate each other directly, and she can readily move on to intercourse if and when she is ready or desires.

But once we shake off the traditional concept that sex=penetration, other forms of genital stimulation of both partners is much more equitable, with hands/fingers, mouth/tongue.

Sex needs to be understood as a joint endeavour. Think of it like mountain climbing. There will be stages where one must help the other up, there will be plateaus, but to reach the summit together, you must climb together. And the  summit is sexual pleasure, not necessarily ejaculation.

Instruments of Arousal to Orgasm

We are all equipped with nature's own instruments of arousal, hands, fingers, mouth, tongue, penis and labia. But skill levels are sometimes appalling, and understanding that a partner may or may not like certain things is often not communicated. I have had the privilege of sharing cunnilingus with numerous ladies and discussed their experiences, and I am amazed at some of the stories they have told me. (I am eternally grateful to these ladies for teaching me acceptable pleasuring techniques, and I obviously learned well, with one dubbing me 'Thomas The Tongue Engine').

Mutual masturbation is an important tool for a couple to move on from initial arousal toward orgasm, together.

Arousal aids (sex toys) are becoming much more common, but again, communication is critical as to when, how and if they can be used on a partner. For females, they have become important instruments in women achieving (perhaps their first) orgasm, probably solo. It reminds me of the story where the husband says to his wife "Why don't you tell me when you orgasm?". She replies, "Because you're not around when I do"!

Perhaps you should consider (together) a 'Toy For Two' like I reviewed a while back, that provides clitoral stimulation during coitus.

"Why Can't A Man Love More Like A Woman?"

As a result of the "Orgasm Gap" and women's understanding of the reasons and their desire to 'have what he's having', I suspect there is an increase in women turning to 'bi' encounters to get the satisfaction they want, from someone that understands what a woman needs to achieve the 'Big O'. In a recent fiction piece I wrote, the key lady laments "Why can't a man love more like a woman?".

Only once men come to understand that sex is not just about their orgasm, and they start to understand how to arouse a woman, that "She comes first" and "The show's not over till the 'fat' lady sings!" will the orgasm gap start to narrow. Sexual pleasure must become the "Land of the we" instead of the "Land of the me!".

A Medical Response

I subscribe the the 'WebMD' mailing list and they regularly post information on sex life.  A recent post relevant to the Orgasm Gap, was "Habits of Couples Who Have Great Sex", summarized as:-

  1. Define sex broadly - it's much more than PIV and (male) ejaculation;
  2. Get educated;
  3. Touch each other - physical contact builds connection and trust;
  4. Confide in each other - communication;
  5. Use therapy - uses resources outside yourselves;
  6. Stay flexible about each others wants/needs;
  7. Make time;
  8. Experiment;
  9. Cater to and care about satisfying your partner;
  10. Seek gratification - practice makes perfect;
  11. Use tools;
  12. Work at it;
  13. Limit porn - porn sets unrealistic expectations of what sex IRL is like;
  14. Don't obsess about orgasm;
  15. Read each other's cues;

Wrap Up

I wouldn't dream of calling this a 'conclusion' or the 'final word'. Many readers from the sex blogging sphere, being 'sex positive' probably don't have this issue, and think my comments all too obvious. But I know I have a lot of young, curious male readers and so I hope the above causes them to think twice about ensuring their partner orgasms as often as they do.

As always, feedback is always appreciated, positive or negative. Being a mere male observer and commentator, I'm sure there will be some females or non-binary readers, that feel I have got something wrong or missed the point, or don't have the right to speak about how a woman feels. That's fine, speak up and have your say. As a writer, I have to grapple with 'audience' issues all the time.

PS. The Modified Male Orgasm

I touched on this above, and want to come back to this subject to finish off. Can a male have a female like orgasm? To some extent, yes! Some men claim that concurrent prostate massage has led to a slight pelvic orgasm at the same time as ejaculation - with my occasional prostate massage, I haven't had this experience. But I have found that constrained ejaculation causing ejaculate to backup in the urethra almost to the bladder, has led to leg shaking pelvic orgasms. In one case, my partner clamped her mouth tightly around my glans during fellatio forcing my ejaculate to backup, then with a massive pelvic orgasm, she released an explosive geyser-like ejaculation. The other situation I am finding since my radiotherapy ED, is the use of a tight cock ring and a tight masturbation sleeve, which holds the ejaculation back from release (despite its very small volume). This 'locked-in' feeling triggers a small pelvic orgasm.

But loving more like a woman? I do my best to put my women's needs on a level footing with my own. I do my best to try and listen and follow their direction/lead. But frankly I'm not naturally a 'romantic', emotive type of bloke. The best I can do is to be aware of our differences, and consciously make adjustments in my behaviour.

4Thoughts

Tuesday, 3 November 2020

Thank God It's You

This post is a rework of "That Smile" from 2013, to Tell You About ... Desire!

When it comes to 'desire', I have a genetic predisposition - I am a male of a certain age (17-70). The degree of desire does vary with relationship status and age. By my late 50's, being in a sexless marriage and relying on sex workers for my sexual pleasure, I found that I could last 3 weeks before the urges started to build up, but by the 4th week, I had 'blue balls' and the urge became an ache.

Now the average sex worker is in it for the money, not her own sexual desire. But occasionally one meets a gem who enjoys the sex as much as or sometimes more than the money. I immediately put her on my 'regulars' speed dial. Daniella is one such regular.

On the day in question, my ache is bad. My favourite brothel is near my home rail station, so I arrive just after 6pm. I had been seeing Daniella, my Moroccan Maid, regularly for a while. I was her last client for the day. When she saw me come in, she ran down the corridor, threw her arms around me, plants a passionate kiss, and says, "Thank God it's you. I've had a shitty day and I need some 'me' time".

With the preliminaries finished quickly, we welcome each other passionately. I quickly go down on her so the Tongue Engine can start to deliver some 'me' time. Her cunni linctus tastes as sweet as honey and my honey Daniella is really 'buzzing'. Finally, in desperation (?) she jumps me and rides me like a woman possessed, possessed with a need, the desire to be fucked, hard, to be filled, to come and come hard on me.  She twists and grinds on me, working her clit hard against my pubes, until she comes, with that deep down vaginal orgasm, that starts by clenching 'little Tom' tightly, then with spasms that spread to her thighs and legs, squeezing around me, then up her body, tensing, throwing her head back.  With such glorious, intense sensations coursing through my body too, I can't help but come with her.

Then she collapses across my chest.  Her gorgeous breasts crushed between us, her chest heaving in exhaustion, her whole body glowing with the sheen of perspiration. And she looks into my eyes with the most contented, serene smile I have ever seen. It was almost like the Cheshire Cat that got the cream (well it was my cream actually).

We lie together, she on top of me, for a couple of minutes as we catch our breaths, then she rolls off into the crook of me arm, and says, "I'm fucked.  I needed that.  I could just go to sleep in your arms".

Thanks Daniella.  You certainly know how to make a man feel like he is desired as the greatest lover in the world.

That smile?  Eat your heart out Mona Lisa!

(Click to see who else is desirable/desiring!)

Post Script

Seven year later, I am no longer of that 'certain age'. Post prostate radiotherapy, the urges of desire are now but a warm memory.

Further, with Covid-19 pandemic lock-down, all our bordellos have been closed since March 2020 and probably won't open again till about June 2021. The city of Melbourne might have managed to crush its 2nd wave of Covid, but we are still having to live in a Covid safe society. So sex with masks at approved social distance, just doesn't have any appeal.

Thursday, 9 April 2020

H - Happy, Yay, Hilarious Endings (#AtoZChallenge)

If you have ever looked at a dating web-site, even if you weren't actually actively looking for a date, invariably participants' profiles include "a good sense of humour" as a requirement or as their own personality. There is a very old saying, "Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone".

Laughter releases endorphin, the "feel good" hormone, into the brain. And "feel good" is a major factor in attraction between people. From earliest school age, "acting the fool" or being the "joker", is used to improve one's popularity.

Between adults, humour is an important factor in development of sexual attraction. Functional MRI scans have shown that the areas of the brain responding to humour and sexual arousal, are adjacent and both are involved in the endorphin release. So there is in fact a physiological reason for the relationship between sexual arousal and humour.

Some time ago, I wrote about "Laughter, the Best Aphrodisiac", so I won't repeat most of that, but there is one story worth repeating.

I was visiting a Lady Of Pleasure who had the nick-name of "Fire cracker" among her colleagues, because she was a very loud orgasm-er - I guess in other countries she might be known as the 'Happy Hooker'. Well the Tongue Engine had just given her her first orgasm. As she slid onto me, a second orgasm was building and she started biting her wrist. 

I asked, "Are you OK?";

To which she replied, "I don't want to make a noise; there might be someone in the waiting room next door". 

I came back with, "Well we'll give them some encouragement".

She came back with "I'll have what she's having".

With that, we both cracked up, laughing very loudly and orgasming together.

As I was leaving, the receptionist had a very big grin and asked, "Did you have a good time? Do come again" (which I do, often).

There is an expression in Australia, usually reserved for Massage Parlours that offer illegal 'optional extra service' known as a 'Happy Ending'. Well ours was an 'Hilarious Ending' - highly recommended.

#AtoZChallenge 2020 badge 
Click to see who else is taking the challenge. 

Sunday, 2 June 2019

Laughter, the Best Aphrodisiac

It is a neuro-physiological fact that the pleasure centres in the brain, for humour and sex are adjacent, so there is a good reason why we find people with similar sense of humour, attractive.  In the bedroom, humorous banter can heighten sexual enjoyment.

The following stories, all true, have appeared in this blog at various times in the past, but I thought it might be good to bring them all together under the common theme. 

"I'll Have What She's Having"

A couple of years ago, a lady-of-pleasure I was seeing, had earned the nickname from her co-workers, of "Firecracker" because when she orgasmed, she went "off like a fire-cracker" and she could be heard throughout the building.

Well, one day Sam and I were having a good time and she had had one squealing orgasm with my tongue. Once she had settled down a little, as she was sliding onto me, she had the back of her hand wedged in her mouth.  I asked if there was anything wrong.

"I don't want to make too much noise.  There might be someone in the waiting room (next door to our bedroom" was her reply.

"Don't worry about it" I said, "You might give them some encouragement".

She giggled, and came back with "I'll have what she's having!".

Well we both cracked up laughing.  As I laughed, my cock twitched inside her. This was the last straw for her and she started convulsing on me, laughing, squealing and crying all at the same time.  Needless to say, this tipped me over the edge too.  This wasn't just a 'happy ending', it was a 'hilarious ending'.

Dirty Ditties

When FB Amazing Grace found out that I wrote a BLOG, she admitted to having fun making up rhymes.  So we created a game of 'dirty ditties' and 'fractured fairy tales', taking turns to create a new line starting from an old nursery rhyme, etc. So "Goldie Locks", "Little Red Riding Hood" et al provided many fun rhymes.  If a particular 'dirty ditty' had suitable actions, these were acted out as we went. I must say her rollicking laughs as she 'rode a cock horse' sent wonderful ripples right through our connection.  Sadly, we have lost contact - I really miss those fun times. I wish I had had a recorder to capture some of those ditties.  One I remember, went:-

"Georgie Porgie full of fun,
Licked the girls and made them come.
With lady come on his chin,
He said with a grin,
Oh what a good boy am I"

Although I am a DOM now, I am still a kid at heart, and 'play time' is my favourite time.  Which reminds me, we certainly gave "Girls and boys come out to play" a jolly rogering!

So next time someone calls me a 'fuck wit', I will take it as a compliment.

Punishment Play

This isn't humour in the direct laughing sense, but a light-humoured form of role-playing. Miss A uses a game of 'punishing' little infractions. On the way up to the bedroom, she stumbled on the stairs, flashing her knickers, and then said, "Were you peeking up my dress? You will have to be punished for that".   Similarly, there will be 'punishment' for 'touching myself' in the shower, and looking at her boobs as she undresses.  Typical punishment might be to make me stand in the 'naughty corner' whilst she sucks me off.  All just playful fun, no real bondage, although once she did tie my hands to the bed-head with her stockings and draped her fragrant knickers over my face so I couldn't see her 'punish' me by having her way with me.

Role-Play

Another fun-time role-play, although not strictly humour, was with Miss D in a Nun's Habit costume. Rather than reproduce the full story here, visit the post "A Bad Habit".

Unintended Humour

Sometimes, something's said quite innocently, but is quite humorous in the situation.

I was undergoing a period of radiotherapy treatment for prostate cancer. One day, I was lying on the radiotherapy table with my pubes and mid-riff exposed.  The female operator was getting me aligned - I have had target marks tattooed on my mid-riff and thighs and a pair of laser beams show the correct alignment. Her cold hands on my thighs push and roll me a little to get alignment right. At which point she says "Beautiful!". I tell her that "Only special ladies are allowed to say that!". I get a little laugh.

A couple of days later, I have the same operator, and she says the same things. This time, I say "Well, thank you!". She says "Your welcome" and we both laugh.

Pillow Banter

Post coital pillow talk is an obvious time for humorous banter when you are both fully relaxed and bodies flooded with feel-good hormones.

Complementary Employment

Often pillow talk with Ladies of Pleasure, turns to the sort of work we do. I asked one particular lady if she had a second job. She told me that she also worked as a receptionist at a Funeral Parlour. "You have a thing about stiffs, do you?" I answered, which brought loud laughter.

Longevity

In a conversation similar to the above, we were talking about marital status. When I told this lady how long I had been married, she asked, "What's your secret to a long marriage?". My answer, "Don't get caught!"

Guess My Age

On another occasion, we were playing the game of trying to guess each others age. I said to Crystal, "Would you believe 48?", to which she tactfully replied, "I would have put you as early 50's". I replied, "No. I mean 1948". (This was over 10 years ago). Shock flashed across her face, and she started counting on her fingers, working out just how much older than her I was. When she realised what she was doing, we laughed and cuddled.

Irony and Humour

In further chatting with the above Funeral Parlour receptionist, she told me of her new boy-friend of 3 months and her issue with the fact that he has yet to make a move to have sex with her (he doesn't know about her sex work). She asked my advice, "What can I do to get my boyfriend to have sex with me?". We had quite a serious conversation about courting, but I couldn't help but have an inward smile about the irony of a sex worker asking her client, how to get her boyfriend to have sex with her.


Wednesday, 10 June 2015

"Port and cigar" finale

This post is addressed to those fellow senior connoisseurs that don’t always achieve a “happy ending”.

Being of an age now where BJs never “Blow” (neither covered or bare-back) and 50% of the time the Main Course is not completely fulfilling either, a special Lady-of-Pleasure introduced me to DIYHJ with CIM&S.
On our 2nd ‘outing’ I discovered she had a real taste for cum. However, I have yet to find a lady that really understands what a man needs in a good HJ, so I suggested I DIY in preparation for her.  
Now, not only does she have a “taste” for it, but is quite turned on watching – the straining arm muscles, bulging veins, the reddening, thickening member, her open mouth hovering over-head, her tongue occasionally flicking out to lick off some pre-cum, the tightening of the scrotum. Then just at the crucial moment, I say, “Its all yours!”, and she pounces. Her suction on my exploding knob is awesome, much better than either DIYHJ or BBBJs individually. And she keeps sucking with every spasm, milking me dry, swallowing every last drop.
So if you find a lady that offers CIM&S, then I highly recommend this finish. Once she has had her quota of O’s and the main course has explored all positions, then this is a magnificent “port and cigar” finale - smokin’.

 

Thursday, 18 September 2014

Cunning Conversations - "I'll Have What She's Having"

Continuing my occasional series of "Cunning Conversations"....

A couple of years ago, a lady-of-pleasure I was seeing, had earned the nickname from her co-workers, of "Firecracker" because when she orgasmed, she went "off like a fire-cracker" and she could be heard throughout the building.

Well, one day we were having a good time and she had had one squealing orgasm with my tongue. Once she had settled down a little, as she was sliding onto me, she had the back of her hand wedged in her mouth.  I asked if there was anything wrong.

"I don't want to make too much noise. There might be someone in the waiting room (next door to our bedroom" was her reply.

"Don't worry about it" I said, "You might give them some encouragement".

She giggled, and came back with "I'll have what she's having!".

Well we both cracked up laughing. As I laughed, my cock twitched inside her. This was the last straw for her and she started convulsing on me, laughing, squealing and crying all at the same time.  Needless to say, this tipped me over the edge too.  This wasn't just a 'happy ending', it was a 'hilarious ending'.

Aside: Viagra works by causing the production of Nitrous Oxide (laughing gas) in the blood stream which cause the peripheral (face, and penis) blood vessels to dilate, thus improving one's erection. So there is in fact a chemical basis for the relationship between good humour and good sex.

Tuesday, 24 July 2012

The Wicked Wench of Wupert Stweet

"There was movement on the forums, for the word had passed around
That the MILF from "Butterflies" had got away,
And had joined the Wild Ladies - she was worth a thousand pound,
So all the cracks had gathered to the fray.
All the tried and noted punters from the brothels near and far
Had mustered at "The G" overnight,
For the punters love hard riding where the Wild Ladies are,
And Sir Thomas snuffs the battle with delight."

(with apologies to ABP)


(Edit Jan.2019 - Since Cristal first inspired the above parody verse, I have finally completed a full length piece, titled The Rider.)
---

From all reports this young blond filly of ample assets with her butter wouldn't melt in her mouth" English Rose looks and seductive accent, continues to seduce the men of Melbtropolis. Despite her "Hot Babe" tag, this is really the "Wicked Wench of Wupert Stweet".  

Its time she got a good licking - this is a job for "Super Tongue" ("I've eaten more pussies than Sunday roasts!").

Meanwhile, in the grey canyons of the business district of Melbtropolis, mild mannered business analyst Sir Thomas, slips out for an early long lunch.  He boards his trusty #109 steed, flashing his Seniors Card at the ticket inspector, and heads on down to "The G".

Cristal ("The Wench") was busy as usual.  ST had rung the day before to ensure he got a lunch-time booking, but only 1:15 was available. But even now, she is running 15 minutes late.  He settles in the waiting room with just women's daytime TV and a NW magazine for company (not even a 'Ralph' - wtf)!

Cristal eventually comes in, cunningly disguised in an all-over tan and skimpy fluoro bikini that barely holds in her newly acquired puppies.

Up in the room, Sir Thomas slips into the shower cubical and steps out as "Super Tongue"!  

On Cristal's return, there is some "dancing" around each other, sizing each-other up - discovering each-other's delectations.  They move into a clinch and Cristal lifts her top and thrust her orbs into his face, "Wrap your tongue around these!" ST thinks, "I'm supposed to be giving her the 'licking'. She shouldn't be demanding it!"

There is writhing and squirming, jockeying for position till Cristal gains the upper hand and is attacking ST with her tongue and mouth. But ST, despite being in the under-dog position pulls her leg over and starts giving that English pussy a good old Aussie licking.

She rolls off and pulls him up to a standing position in front of the mirror, then on her knees, ST meets DT (Deep Throat).  But ST regains the upper hand, and pushes her back onto the bed, head over the edge and continues the face-fuck, then pulls her legs up over his shoulders for more lip-licking 69 (is there even a name for this position?)

But Cristal, showing her amazing flexibility, extricates herself, and standing, still in her stillettos, with one leg shoulder high against the mirror, demands, "Well are you going to fuck this English pussy now?"  What follows, is a series of moves and positions that would do the Australian Ballet justice, before Cristal throws ST to the floor onto a pillow and proceeds to impale herself on him, both forward and reverse cow-girl.

But ST regains control, and has Cristal spread-eagled on her back on the bed.  He crawls up the bed, pausing to apply more oral lubrication, before pinning her under him.  A DFK tongue battle ensures.  She lifts her legs high over his shoulders to achieve maximum penetration, and much pleading to The Almightly can be heard.

As her shudders finally subside, ST rolls off, and she dives on his member to slake her thirst at the fountain of love.

Half exhausted, they both lie back for a cuddle and chat about love and marriage and internet forums.

But its not long before she can feel a nudge in her crotch as ST rises for more. She swings round and licks and sucks some more, and ST gives her the two-finger salute.  Before long she is bucking again and reaches for another rubber and has barely got it on before the buzzer sounds. But do you think a buzzer is going to stop this Wicked Wench when she wants something ("its all about me!"). She is on board now and riding like a woman possessed, until in another body shuddering orgasm, she gets what she wants! Her pussy has clamped tightly around ST who continues pumping as tremors continue to ripple through her body, till he explodes too. (OMG, twice in an hour, its unheard of for the old fella).

Now, totally exhausted, they both fall back to catch their breath. The buzzer goes a second time, and ST slowly gets up then gingerly stands on wobbly legs. He showers and slips back into his disguise as mild-mannered Sir Thomas.


The final score? A 2 all draw!
---

As Sir Thomas settles back in the 109 to catch his breath and wait for some strength to return to his knees, he wonders:

"Who was that woman?  Was that really the 'Wicked Wench', or was it in fact 'Wonder Woman' stripped bare?"

And so Sir Thomas slips back into work a bit after 3pm (it was an extra long "Lunch") - little do the juniors realise that The Old Man (TOM) is in fact the fearless defender of Twuth, Justice and the Punters’ Way!

As TOM settles down at his desk, there is a stirring in his loins - Oh no! Is it the delicious memory, or the remnants of vitamin V, or ... no, it couldn't be ... not "Cristallization"?  He licks his lips and wiggles his tongue - no, thank goodness - "Super Tongue" is safe for another day!
------------------------------------------------------------------
PS. Apart from some literary license, no facts were harmed in the production of this review.  Everything else should be taken with a grain of Cialis and was written with tongue firmly in pussy.  All allusions, alliterations and aspersions are altogether intentional.


Tuesday, 12 June 2012

4 O'Clock in the Morning

(This is a refresh of a post from June 2012 for 'MMMMondays'.)
--xxxXxxx-- 
It’s 4 o’clock in the morning and I wake with the most wonderful hard-on. Its not the “aching to get my rocks off” sort of hard-on.  Rather, I am so warm and comfortable and totally relaxed.  It was just 2 evenings ago that I had an awesome time with “amazing Grace with the luscious labia”!  I am still floating on air and basking in the after-glow.  I read that for men over 60, Viagra is excreted much more slowly, with double the “half-life” of a 40 year-old.  Perhaps that’s helping this morning.
 
I tingle as my finger-tips caress the silky skin of my shaft, just as Grace did.  As I circle the rim of my glans it is just as Grace pleasured her labia and clit with my tip.  I am in total bliss, dreaming and replaying our time together.

I must have drifted off to sleep for a few minutes, because I wake again with a bit of a droop, but as I zone back into “that night”, my hardness is throbbing in no time.  I remember how Grace collapsed across my chest, having come for the umpteenth time, totally relaxed, holding my thickness inside her.  She said she wished she could take “it” home as her personal “toy”.

I can feel her sex engulfing me again. I am ready for more now, so I reach into me bedside drawers for a rubber and roll it on.  My hand and Grace’s pussy merge into one, round and round, up and down, till we come together in a glorious release.  I flop back, totally relaxed and warm in my cocoon.

I think Grace must be awake in her bed this morning as well.  She enjoys pleasuring herself of a morning.  I think we must be “channeling” each other today to our mutual pleasure.

I drift off again, till I am startled awake with the alarm.  Its time to get ready for a new week of work and get Lady Thomas up and dressed and settled for the day - thank goodness we don’t share the same bed anymore.

mmmMondays

Click to see who else's Monday was "MMMMM"!

Wednesday, 8 February 2012

Viagra's Ups and Downs

I have posted previously an anecdotal story of the dangers of Viagra overdose (see "Cunning Conversations - Viagra is Not for Boys" on "TheCunningLinctus.blogspot.com"),  but I now write from personal experience about "normal" use.

Firstly let me reiterate that Viagra and related Cialis are prescription medications, since there are medical conditions that contra-indicate their use (certain heart conditions).  Always have a doctor's consultation first.  These medications are prescribed for Erectile Dysfunction and if you don't suffer from ED, then their use just for the 'high' is unwise.

I was in my late 50's when I first started suffering the embarrassment of 'running out of steam' mid-stream (if you will excuse the mixed metaphors).  My doctor first tried me on one 100mg dose of Viagra with wonderfully hard results (but followed by side effects described below).  I also then realised that the hard coating made the tablet impossible to break in half.  I then tried a 50mg dose with almost as good results and less side-effects.

Considering their cost (around AU$70 for a packet of 4, and 50mg and 100mg sizes are around the same price - but do shop around since the price varies quite a bit between pharmacies) - I opted for the 100mg dose and use a craft knife/saw to cut them in half, thus effectively halving my per dose cost.  I have tried Cialis recently, but they seem to come in only one size which are a lot smaller and cannot be cut - they cost around AU$140 for a pack of 8.  There are also on-line/mail-order suppliers, but I'm suspicious.

"Ups"

The chemical's excretion rate is slower with age, so at 60 one can enjoy the effects for a good 24 hours (remember you need to take your tablet at least 30 minutes before 'required').  It's so nice to wake up the morning after with a hot hard-on - better yet if you have someone to share it with - sigh, no such luck for me.

There is a myth that you end up with a 'permanent' erection (for the duration) - this is false - you will be 'full' but flaccid until 'stimulated'.  You will be slow to come down after ejaculation (so be careful your lady-friend doesn't continue to enjoy herself and end up with a condom slippage).  You will probably also find your self ready for round 2 (or 3) sooner (decreased “refractory” period).

With Erectile Dysfunction, you may also have started losing sensitivity and take longer to come (if at all).  Viagra/Cialis does NOT help this.  So you may find that you can keep going for as long as your lady is up for it - forget the 'happy ending' and enjoy the journey.

"Downs"

Side effects are dose dependant and vary between users - some people claim Cialis has fewer side effects.

The first side-effect is flushing of the skin, particularly of the face - no big deal - but might be a 'give-away' to the wife!

Head-aches are common after 3-4 hours and doubly so with alcohol.

Intestinal gastric effects also occur, being gastric reflux (indigestion) and next day what I call "Teflon bowel".

If you have a predisposition to peripheral capillary bleeds (nose or haemorrhoids) there is a chance you might suffer a minor bleed.

Then there is the chance of condom 'accident' described above.

Summary

Absolutely the best thing ever.  It will keep me going into my 70s for as long as I can afford it (and the ladies).

Wishing you all a very Happy, Hard New Year.

Wikipedia (http://http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sildenafil) has an excellent, full write-up and lots of references for more details).

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Tags

#WBSW (2) #WriteBigSexyWords (2) A-to-Z Challenge (21) aging (23) Altar of Love (1) andropause (6) anger (1) Anniversary (1) arousal (11) au naturale (12) Australian kiss (4) average (1) bare-back (4) begging (2) benefits (5) bereaved (2) bloopers (1) blow job (2) bondage (1) BoobDay (1) breakfast (5) buddy (15) camel_toe (1) carer (6) changing (1) Cherry Lane (2) choices (8) Christmas (3) circle of friends (22) client (13) clothing (1) coitus (3) comforting (2) conference (1) conversation (18) cosplay (2) cream-pie (1) cummsumation (1) cunnilingus (26) DATY (24) deep throat (1) depression (8) Desire (3) DFF (1) DFK (1) double penetration (1) e[lust] (39) ejaculation (7) embarrassment (4) erectile dysfunction (17) erections (3) erotic fiction (29) Exhibitionism (1) facesitting (2) fellatio (5) fiction (3) Food 4 Thought (3) french kiss (3) french-maid (2) friends-with-benefits (1) fuchter-scale (10) fuck-buddy (1) G-spot (1) gang bang (1) goodbye (1) goodbyes (2) grieving (1) hair-trigger (3) happiness (1) happy-ending (14) health (2) health checks (7) help (1) holiday (7) hot wife (1) hot-widow (1) humor (6) insemination (2) intimacy (1) Italian stallion (2) Joie de Vivre (2) kink_of_the_week (1) KinkOfTheWeek (3) lady-of-pleasure (60) laughter (9) legality (2) lesbian sex (1) Libido (4) lichter-scale (6) lifestyle (1) linctus (15) Lingerie is for Everyone (2) listless (1) LOP-Amber (1) LOP-April (6) LOP-Aysha (3) LOP-Bianca (1) LOP-Britney (1) LOP-Chanel (4) LOP-Cristal (6) LOP-Crystal (3) LOP-Daniella (9) LOP-Emma (1) LOP-Firecracker (3) LOP-Grace (6) LOP-Jess (1) LOP-Kaz (5) LOP-Kelly (1) LOP-Kim (1) LOP-Mai (1) LOP-Meghan (12) LOP-Ruby (5) LOP-Samantha (3) LOP-Samma (1) LOP-Vanessa (1) LOP-Veronica (5) LOP-YummyMummy (1) lust (17) lustless (2) make-up artist (1) masturbation (13) matrimony (7) mindfulness (1) Money (1) monochromerotic (1) moroccan (5) multi-orgasmic (9) nipples (2) not cumming (13) observation (3) office (6) orgasmic (26) orgasms (24) orgy (1) paying (12) penetrative sex (7) Photography (5) poetry (5) preferences (9) professional (10) prostate cancer (9) PSE (4) radiotherapy (8) rape-in-marriage (5) raunchy (23) regular (34) reminiscence (11) respect (13) reunion (2) sabbatical (4) satisfaction (1) scissoring (2) scruples (2) seduction (10) senses (1) series of stories (3) sex education (9) sex toys (1) Sexmas (1) sexual health (11) sexucation (3) sexygenarian (11) spit-roast (1) spooning (1) squirting (13) starfish (5) STDs (2) stress (1) surrender (2) sympathy sex (5) taboo (1) tastes (10) three-some (1) TMI (1) tongue-engine (11) toon-sex (1) Top10 (1) uncovered (2) vaginal sex (3) viagra (15) Voyeurism (1) Wealth (1) wedding (1) wedding bed (1) wicked Wednesday (4) Wicked-Wednesday (6) Wisdom (1) Wishes (1) woman-on-woman (6) wombat (1)