Lustless Relationship Survivors Memorial

Survivors

I've just been watching on TV, the US National Covid-19 Memorial service and was moved to write this post. First, can I reach out in love and compassion to fellow bloggers that have family that have had or are currently going through Covid-19 illness. Receive our virtual hugs from near (appropriately socially distanced) and far.

The second trigger was a survey on twitter that I saw yesterday, about frequency of sex in a relationship, showed that 30% of respondents  said "What sex?".

Memorial - Sharing Pain

So I just want to reach out to fellow sufferers/survivors of lustless relationships, to let you know you are not alone, that by sharing our experiences in our blogs that we are supporting each other. Frankly, when I read posts of wonderful sex between couples, I sometimes have my eyes well up a little, not exactly in jealousy, but a with twinge of pain.

But let's also remember and reach out to our partners that have lost or never had libido. In neurophysiological literature, like this, we see the multi-faceted parts of the brain involved in sexual arousal. In our current context, it is important to note the functions of the 'prefrontal cortex' and 'cingulate cortex' in blunting or suppressing sexual response and processing conflicting responses. 

• There are small numbers whose brain fails to develop certain parts (nature). 
• Then there are those whose nurture has trained their brains with so much negativity to human sexuality, that those blunting, suppression circuits over-ride sexual stimulation. The 'training' doesn't have to be explicitly sex-negative - growing up under an abusive parent can leave an indelible scar of negative feelings about that gender in general.
  
• Even a simple fall off a bicycle by a child, can cause Acquired Brain Trauma which can damage those delicate libido circuits. 
• Lets remember especially, those girls that through cultural norms, have had their genitals mutilated to deliberately deny them sexual pleasure.
• Lets remember couples who's relationship has broken down in the broadest sense, that withdrawal of sexual relations comes out of anger and punishment.
• Now we come to the later-life loss of libido, that once was present, but lost due to accident, disease, aging or high pressures of life. Aging libido is often just  slowing of response and lack of spontaneous response. The other side of that coin is organic disease where despite libido desire, the body doesn't respond - the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. Some diseases, say like testicular cancer, so mess with a man's self-image, that their libido is irreparably psychologically damaged. I've heard similar stores about women after a mastectomy. After aging, the largest numbers would be car accident victims, whether ABT or paraplegia.
  

The Other Half

So how do we, the other half of the situation, cope with endless 'head-aches', 'sympathy fucks' ("Oh, alright if you must. Hurry up, hop on and get it over with"), to outright withdrawal of intimacy - 'don't touch me', to separate bedrooms? There are three responses needed:-

• Where libido is simply diminished or slow to respond, we the other party, must never pressure, but work to remove external pressure, make special times together and enjoy what you can achieve together.
  
• Relationship repair and nurture. Note however, that many of the above causes can't be 'fixed' with counseling of psychology. It is mostly a matter of making the most of what you do have, non-sexually. But if there is broad relationship breakdown, perhaps the best solution is to sever the relationship sooner than later.
  
• The other is recognizing your own needs for happiness, to Love Yourself. Hopefully, you can get your partner to at least understand, agree with or go along with your solution. It might be having your partner assist you in relieving your ache. At the other extreme you might need to pay for transactional relief.
  

God Given Sex

Finally, in response to the religious sex-negative types. Sex and libido are God given parts of our lives. I would venture to say that they are the most God-like parts of our being, in that they are the core of the creation of life. Couples that enjoy great sex, often say that there is a spiritual component to that part of their life. In the Christian bible, in the book of Genesis 1:27-28, God commands, "Go forth and have sex (multiply)", so who are we to disobey God's command.

"Love Your Partner As Yourself"

 

The Penis Pandemic

Penises (or should that be penii?) rule the world it seems. Well not the organ itself, but rather the flood of hormones and emotions behind it. I can still (just) remember my youth, of wet dreams and the urge a couple of times a day. But 30 years later, when I had to resort to paying for some relief, although I aimed for monthly, that all consuming urge hit around the 2-3 week mark.

In this age of corona virus, we hear of blue-balls and quarantine cock. Time and again we find horny 20 somethings, believing that their 'right' to male-female social interaction over-rides any public health concerns. Hotels are being fined for not enforcing social distancing, of opening dance floors. South Korea had a similar issue with a chain of night clubs that triggered their 2nd wave of infection.

We were very lucking in Australia with the 1st wave of the Covid19 pandemic. We closed international flights from China in late Jan. to early Feb. even before WHO declared it a pandemic. With no land borders, all international arrivals came through controlled air and sea ports. As travel from all other countries was restricted or closed, within weeks all international arrivals were put into hotel quarantine for 14 days. So Covid was effectively kept out of the country.

The 1st big mistake was the Ruby Princess cruise ship, which had sailed from Sydney, around New Zealand ports and back to Sydney. With falsified medical reports on board, and a rushed turn-around of the ship by the operators, all passengers were let off without testing or quarantine. Several hundred cases and a couple of dozen deaths ensued, probably from one infected waiter.

The state of New South Wales was worst affected and three other states put in hard border restrictions. Over about 4 months, the Australia wide infection rate was very low, with deaths under 30 (in a population of 25 million). And so lockdown restrictions started to be eased.

But then back in June, the state of Victoria started to see a number of outbreak clusters. Without going into lots of detail, it has been discovered that some dysfunctional security firms, were hired to provide guards to staff the quarantine hotels in the state, filled with returned overseas travelers. What has since transpired, is that via a series of sub-contractors, they hired very inexperienced 'guards', even some university students. There was no interviewing, selection or any training or provision of Personal Protective Equipment. They were simply told to bring there own mask. These guys thought it was a piece of cake. One even took advantage of an offer-too-good-to-refuse from a returning sex worker in quarantine.

 Mask up, Percy!

Needless to say, she had brought the virus home from her holiday and passed it on. He went home and passed it on to a range of family members, who in turn spread it to schools and other work sites. So before we knew it, half of the city of Melbourne, of 6 million, had covid clusters popping up everywhere. Next thing we find some aged-care workers had contracted it and it spread like wild-fire through a couple of dozen aged-care homes with dozens of deaths.

Here we are, 8 weeks later with around 700 new cases per day and 4-7 deaths per day. DNA analysis of all these covid cases have identified them as all having derived from that stupid prick of a guard that couldn't keep Percy in his pants. This 2nd wave is now all about community transmission, not international travelers returning, like the 1st wave. As a result, we have just been put into stage 4 lock-down restrictions under a "state of disaster".

Now the northern state of Queensland has been jealousy guarding its almost virus-free status, with stringent checks on all border crossings. But just last week, a couple of young women were picked up for falsifying their declaration at Sydney airport before flying home to Queensland. They failed to declare that they had in fact been in Melbourne, Victoria. Further, their tests showed them as covid positive. They had been out in society about a week since their return. An aged-care nurse that had dined in the same cafe as these ladies on the same day, now tested positive and had worked in the aged-care home one day. When confronted, the ladies admitted to having gone to a party in Melbourne. Mild panic set in.

But back here in Melbourne, a couple of guys on an 'underground' sex-worker clients network, identified these ladies' photographs on an escorts web-site. What's more, among their services they advertised group activities. So the suspicion now is that they were in fact in Melbourne at a Swinger's Party. How many horny men were there? Who infected who? Such a party contravened a number of state covid restriction rules!

So come on guys, I know it's hard, but for the sake of your own health, your loved ones and the general public, you can't afford to let Percy's little head over-rule your big logical head.

 

PS. It has been confirmed that the Queensland girls threw a party at their AirBnB in Melbourne, hosting over 30 men. Police were called after complaints of noise, and fines were issued for breach of Covid gathering size. The girls are also under investigation about involvement with a crime syndicate involved in the theft and transport of luxury items, such as hand-bags, between states. It is believed that it was at the syndicate's direction that documents were falsified in Sydney and their mobile phones destroyed to eliminate incriminating evidence.

Coitus Interruptus - ED in Isolation

My post prostate cancer radiotherapy ED saga continues.

When I last posted on the subject, my self-treatment had finally got me to a usable erection that I took for a test drive. Whilst coitus was successful, feelings were minimal and orgasm not coming. With that encouraging encounter, I had planned on a second test drive, but Corona Virus intervened.

With sex workers my only option, this virus lockdown has put the kibosh to that idea for the foreseeable future - it could be another 6 months yet. But even then, I imagine some bureaucrat will insist on face masks and 'social distancing'. Its 55 years since I could shoot 1.5 metres!

Meanwhile, back at isolation central, I've stopped the daily Viagra and libido has just about gone back to zero. I have tried on occasions a maximum dose and the vacuum pump for some self-pleasure, just. Hardly worth the effort.

So as far as 'healing' the ED, I would have to say that my treatment regime has not worked. But the daily Viagra plus a super-maximum dose as needed did get me to a workable condition

So the title says it all - Covid-19 isolation 1, Libido 0.

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