Lust Lost and Found

This post is a rework of "Lustless" posted in Feb. 2019.

Can Something You Never Had be LOST?

With my girlfriend at the time, lust wasn't exactly 'lost', rather it never developed. I guess you couldn’t have found two more neophytes as far as sex was concerned, when we started dating. First serious relationship for both of us. No sexual experience. I was from an up-tight religious background, and my girlfriend was from a broken home, living with a protective mother. Add to this her serious medical condition. Our courtship involved a lot of joint volunteering, caring and charity type activities. We were young, optimistic and idealistic. As far fetched as it sounds, we really were 25 year old virgins in the ‘age of Aquarius’ when we married.

Due to poor time planning and travel, the wedding night was sexless (not that unusual apparently). We only had a long-weekend due to study commitments, but a full honeymoon was planned in the semester break. But our sexual initiation this first weekend was very fumbly and definitely less than lustful. 

Back at our new apartment, between settling in and study, our sexual start to married life wasn't improving. Five weeks later, we went on our formal ‘honeymoon’. But daily travelling and a different bed every night, left our “honeymoon” sexless.

Our first six months was a very fumbling, intermittent sex life. Between women’s issues and her other health problems 2 or 3 times a month, sex was infrequent and mediocre. I think there was one very good encounter when I took the whole day off and we spent half the day in bed, mostly in fore-play, finally achieving successful coitus. Whilst my wife enjoyed extended foreplay, she was mostly not comfortable going below the waist. In month’s 7 to 12, despite moving into a house from the 1 bedroom apartment, sex virtually ceased, with my wife no longer able to relax enough to allow penetration - vaginismus, ‘frozen vagina’.

Over the next couple of years, the vaginismus subsided, but her health problem meant that we visited hospital ER more often than we had sex (4-5 times per year). As for quality, “Think of England”.

We finally found a medical specialist that was somewhat supportive of us starting a family by carefully reducing medication by half and closely monitoring my wife's medical condition. It was a matter of treading the fine line between the congenital danger of high dose meds. and the dangers of a low dosed medical condition. Using the Billings method, conception was achieved in 3 months. Wow, sex, whether she wanted to or not, once a month for 3 months - the most frequent sex in our married life before (or since). The 9 months of pregnancy went smoothly health-wise, though sex was off. Then life was hit for a six when our child was born with multiple congenital conditions requiring immediate life-saving surgery, then full repair and follow-up surgeries over the next 5 years.

The first couple of years post natal, were sexless. I guess conjugal relations were of such a low priority, that the years slipped by. In hindsight,  I estimate that over 20 years, we averaged between 0 and 2 times per year.

At around the 30 year mark, we were empty-nesters, mortgage paid and a comfortable career. My wife’s medical condition had settled a little. I started pressing/encouraging increased (resumed?) sexual activity, but with little success. It seemed to be a matter of “Well, if you really must. Hop on and get it over with” - hardly encouraging - 'sympathy sex' at best. I backed off somewhat and tried to get her interested in mutual masturbation, but there was no interest - touching ‘down there’ was off limits, and oral was abhorrent to her.

Eventually, I got her to talk about our situation, but all I got was “I just don’t enjoy sex and never have”. Well, after that smack in the face, I promised that I would never ‘bother’ her about it again, and I haven’t.

It was 3-4 years later, that she started to open up a bit more about her childhood. It seems that her introduction to sex was as a pre-teen, hearing her drunken alcoholic father having his way with his wife and hearing her mother pleading to be left alone. Even in the 1960’s, a woman was still her husband’s chattel and conjugal rights were expected. "Rape in marriage" was inconceivable by definition of ‘marriage’.

After a few months, she asked her mother about it, and she had her first ‘lesson’ in sex-ed, including rape. The ancients described this as "The sins of the father will be visited on his children to the 3rd and 4th generation" (Ex.20:5, Num.14:18, Deu.5:9).

Never a truer statement has been made, than "The must important sexual organ is the one between our ears"!

So that just leaves me. When we vow “For better or worse, in sickness and health”, I guess we all assume that the worse and sickness will only be a small percentage of married life. How one deals with and transcends the "worse" is a measure of your character and depth of love. Our relationship had virtually declined into ‘patient and carer’. Any hope of 'normal' marital sex was totally LOST! I started going through bouts of depression. Who cares for the carer? It was through discussions with a friend at work, that I started to realise that there was no point in just blaming circumstances for one’s unhappiness. I had to take responsibility for my own happiness, thinking outside the square of societal conventions. The Good Book tells us to ‘Love your neighbour as yourself’ - I had been taught the first half all my childhood, but not really much about loving myself - that was always seen as being ‘selfish’.

And so I ‘bit the bullet’ and started taking some occasional ‘me time’ with some ‘Ladies Of Pleasure’. I had tried once before on a business trip, but it was over in a couple of minutes and I remember thinking "Is that all there is!". But this time, I was lucky to find a kind, more mature lady, that was very understanding of my situation and led and guided me through a lovely time.

FOUND

And so it was that in my mid-50s, I FOUND what I had never had. Through a forum of men in situations like myself, I learned about brothels and private sex workers, of the wide range of services available and of all the different types ladies, from 'star-fish' to nymphos. With some delightful ladies, I discovered/learned about the differences between women and men's arousal patterns, of pleasuring a woman, how mutual enjoyment can be far better than individual pleasure, that love and sex can coexist separately. I learned the difference between love-sex and fun-sex. I learned how humor and laughter can enhance the sexual experience. I learned to give and receive oral for the first time - I've had some wonderful teachers. I've learned about Booty Buddies, Friends With Benefits and Sugar Daddys. OMG I feel so embarrassed to be confessing my sexually deprived upbringing.

In the anonymity and privacy of brothel pillow talk, I have had ladies confide things they might not even share with a BFF, of their likes and dislikes as far as client behaviour is concerned, and I've learned a lot about fellow men's lack of sexual education, experience and confidence - just like me. So I set about to write a BLOG about what I was learning, of personal experiences and educational essays, then later fictional pieces.

For others in situations like mine, I wrote "A Lustless Relationship Survivors Memorial".

I've found fulfillment in my writing, of bringing pleasure and sex-positive knowledge to a wider community. And I've found a wonderful community of fellow writers, that support and encourage.

Losing IT Again

But with age, I discovered declining libido, of Erectile Dis-function. Then we add on prostate cancer and the impact of roast prostate by radiotherapy and how that leads to further ED, lower libido, loss of ejaculation ability and lowered tactile sensation.

But I'm working on IT. With regular ED meds. and regular self-love and trial 'test drives', all is not completely lost, if not totally re-found! Never is there a truer saying than "Use it or lose it!".

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who else has Lost and/or Found
Wicked things on Wednesday!

Masturbation - Self Love, Desperation or Just Loneliness?

I must admit that masturbation hasn't been high on my blogging topic list since I started. I guess for most guys, once we became fully sexually active, masturbation was just the fall-back mode between in-depth encounters (if you'll excuse the pun).

Sadly for me, our marital sex life turned out to be pretty 'lustless'. With my wife's almost zero libido, I doubt she ever masturbated herself in her entire life, and she definitely wasn't interested in masturbating me when she wasn't up for full sex. So masturbation turned out to be my normal modus operandi for over 30 years of married life.

But once my wife finally declared that she didn't enjoy sex, never had and had no interest for any future activity, I plucked up the courage to find sexual relief in the transactional sex world. With more regular sex, in the early days, my urges sky-rocketed, so masturbation provided daily relief until I had the time and readies for my next sex worker encounter.

But with age, my sex drive was declining so it became 3-4 weeks after an encounter before the urge built up again. Then the unthinkable happened, erection loss mid coitus. Age related ED had arrived.

I'll fast-forward over the next 10 years, including prostate cancer, radiotherapy and struggling with major ED and COVID isolation, which are covered in other posts.

With Viagra, cock-rings and regular masturbation with a pump and a sleeve, I can achieve usable erections and have gone for some 'test drives' with some age-friendly SWs. But regular sex has not been particularly successful with low feeling sensation and generally zero orgasms - paying for not much more than just a kiss-and-cuddle session isn't very enticing. Even with masturbation, with prostate radiotherapy and vasectomy, ejaculation volume is quite small.

With OK results from my first 'pocket pussy', I thought I would try up-market with a Fleshlight with built in vibrations. But frankly, it was a waste of money. I find the Fleshlight sleeve far too soft, almost squishy and the vibrations through the sleeve were minimal. So I have persisted with my original masturbation sleeve and find it's firmness in conjunction with a tight cock-ring, much more enjoyable.

Now with radiotherapy a few years behind me and after regular DIY therapy, I find with just a half dose (50mg) of Viagra, some good porn and self-talk and good lube, I am enjoying fucking my pocket-pussy more. After 5-10 minutes if I have not achieved orgasm and my erection is flagging, I resort to my penis-pump to get some erection back. I am now enjoying masturbation orgasms 2-3 times per week now. I've even enjoyed a 2nd 'shot' in one day, something that I haven't done for 15 years or more.

The most interesting and enjoyable change I find, is that with a tight cock-ring and the tightness of my pocket-pussy, I find my ejaculation is held in whilst I orgasm and I find my orgasms are pelvis and leg stiffening and shaking, not unlike some women's orgasms. The nearest like this that I've enjoyed was a lady who clamped her mouth around my glans restraining the ejaculation during orgasm, then an intense explosive finale. Definitely a first for me. Male orgasms are usually just the pumping sensation from the base of the cock only.

My masturbation orgasms are now sufficiently enjoyable, that my desire to go and find a suitable SW has declined, especially with the 'retirement' of my super-nympho best buddy. Further with my full-time home-care role for my semi-disabled wife, finding just a spare hour to get out for some 'me-time' is increasingly difficult.

So I wish all my readers a Happy Masturbation Month (of May and June and July and August ... and, well all year round).

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Masturbating this May.

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in May

Misconceptions About Erections, Orgasms and Ejaculation!

WARNING:- This post is technical with medical anatomical discussions, but bear with me. Enhanced knowledge will lead to understanding when things don't go quite right (ED).

In my previous Penis Project post, I wrote about the 'Penis Conspiracy' and how what goes on in our brain influences our sex life. This post focuses on the physical side with the brain translating sensory input into arousal initiation, triggering the erection process and central in the genital sensory feedback to flood the body with feel-good hormones and orgasm.

The Three Stage Process of Erection

Normal erections generally depend upon 3 processes (ref.): 

1. increased arterial blood flow into the penis by neurological initiation, 
2. cavernosal smooth muscle relaxation, 
3. restriction of venous blood outflow from the penis.

I've included links to various medical websites for more complete descriptions, I focus mostly on the lesser understood aspects.

 (Click for the WebMD article)

From around 2005, understanding of the biochemical processes improved and the inter-relationship of psychological and physiological aspects were better understood. Working backward, the actual erection is caused by inflow of blood into the two 'corpus cavernosa'. This process is triggered by Nitric Oxide (NO), a signalling chemical sent from the nerve endings en-wrapping the cavernosum. (NO is synthesized from L-arginine by NO synthase (NOS)). The NO causes the blood vessel walls to relax encouraging blood inflow.  PDe5 inhibitor drugs like Sildenafil (Viagra) work by increasing bio-availability of Nitric Oxide. It is the signalling from the brain, initiated by a range of all sorts of erotic stimuli, touch, sight, smell, sound, that trigger this process. Conversely, inhibitory brain processes like depression, can suppress this triggering process.

Nitric Oxide is an important  component in general circulatory health. Certain foods and supplements boost Nitric Oxide levels. Whilst these might not be sufficient for treatment of persistent Erectile Dysfunction (ED), a good exercise regime, healthy eating including the above NO boosters, healthy weight level, controlled blood pressure, minimized alcohol consumption and healthy mind-set, will minimize the chances of developing ED.

Having achieved an erection, a separate process retains the erection. The Corpus Spongiosum runs down the under-side of the penis and is responsible for holding the urethra open and restricting the outflow veins so blood is retained, holding the erection. A different Nitric Oxide process (eNO) is involved in retaining an erection. This is also a signalling chemical from nerve endings, but these are triggered by physiological conditions of the erection, specifically 'hematological shear', which is a function of the actual blood flow affected by the flexibility and smoothness of the blood vessel walls and the viscosity of the blood. So a good psychologically aroused state can initiate a good erection, but aging or damaged blood vessels can limit retention. 

Overuse of alcohol affects blood viscosity which can lead to loss of erection, "Brewers Droop", known in Australia as "Fosters Droop". And remember that alcohol shouldn't be taken along with most medications. A little might be fine to relax to start an evening, but too much could deflate not just your ego. And alcohol generally doesn't go well with Viagra leaving you with a pounding headache afterwards.

WARNING:-  Viagra was originally developed for treatment of high blood pressure. It works in erection improvement by lowering blood pressure through release of Nitric Oxide. There are medical conditions that contraindicate its use - get a doctor's check before starting its use. Use the smallest dose needed - there is a maximum recommended dose - over-dosing can cause serious problems.

The Corpus Cavernosum Vessels

Note that the Corpus Cavernosum are in fact two blood vessels of sponge-like tissue, the length of the penis, that fill with blood to effect an erection. These vessels form in the fetus in the very earliest stages during development of the circulatory system. At the time of gender bifurcation, these vessels form either the penis or the female clitoral structure. It is an important lesson in sexuality for men to understand, that the female clitoral structure extends from the external head (analogous the the male glans) and extends internally with two Corpus Cavernosa, behind the labia, around the urethra and join the top wall of the vagina at the 'G spot'. So the female clitoris undergoes a penis like 'erection', swelling and puffing out the labia.

Understanding Orgasms and Ejaculation

The whole sexual arousal cycle is a feedback loop between sensory arousal in the brain flooding the body with hormones, and sensations in the genitals feeding signals back into the brain. In one sense, orgasm is arousal reaching a peak with a final 'explosive' flood of senses then 'collapses' into the 'resolution' phase. In females, orgasm triggers rhythmic contractions of muscles. Clitoral orgasms use muscles around the urethra and vaginal openings, the same muscles used in a male orgasm. A vaginal orgasm is contraction of the kegal muscles across the base of the pelvis and contract along the inner length of the vagina. In men, orgasm and ejaculation are in fact separate events.

Ejaculation is controlled by the sympathetic nervous system in the spinal cord.

In men, arousal causes a build up of ejaculate fluid within the 'bulb of the penis' located at the base. An observant woman might see the urethra on the underside of the penis, swelling and throbbing. This filling up leads to a special feeling of impending, uncontrollable ejaculation, although with practice, 'edging' allows you to pull back from the 'edge', then build up to almost the point of no return again, then pull back again.

With age, erection can in fact inhibit orgasm and ejaculation, with effectively numbing sensations. As the erection starts to deflate, ejaculation might then occur - warning: this condition can lead to condom slippage.

While men experience pelvic contractions, not unlike the female, they are not central to the male orgasm and ejaculation. Pelvic contractions can best be felt during prostate massage. Rhythmic ejaculation contractions primarily are caused by muscles at the base of the penis, rather than pelvic floor, although they are connected.

Origin and Composition of Ejaculate

Probably the biggest misconception, is the origin of ejaculate. Sperm is generated in the testicles and passes up the Vas (a Vasectomy cuts this Vas as a permanent contraceptive measure). The sperm mixes with fluid from the Seminal Vesicle and from the Prostate - by volume the majority is prostatic fluid. The outlet from the prostate joins the urethra through a valve and another valve above the junction stops urine mixing during ejaculation, and conversely ejaculate going back into the bladder (retrograde ejaculation). 

This misconception is perpetuated by porn talk about "draining balls". If anything, it is the prostate that is being 'drained'. 

Ejaculate from a man who has had a vasectomy contains no sperm and won't have a milky colour (so technically, no 'cream-pies'). If a man has had prostatectomy surgery (cutting out the prostate) for Prostate Cancer, there will be virtually no ejaculate and very poor, if any, orgasms (erection and coitus is still possible with an implant or injection, but sorry, no 'happy ending').

Pocket Pussy DIY Surgery

Unfortunately, sex toys for men don't get much press, after all, a man would have to be really desperate to use one of them, wouldn't he? If a man can't get a women and has to resort to a silicone toy or doll - well, it's just not 'manly'!

Now, I've never done a toy review before (and probably won't again). This is not a solicited nor paid review. I'm not reviewing, nor recommending a specific brand, its more a review of the generic type of toy and the 'surgery' required to make it truly usable. I've included pictures of the box of the specific device I used.

With the Covid-19 pandemic lock-down and my specific health situation, desperate times call for desperate measures. In a previous post about recovering from radiotherapy for prostate cancer, I described my use of a penis pump vacuum device (though not a real review as such), which elicited some positive comments. So I was moved to try and now review a silicone vagina device. 

'Pocket pussies' come in a wide range of styles, sizes and prices ('Pocket Pussy' is a colloquial generic name for these types of toys and not a specific toy's name). Some claim to have molded their toy's labia from real life porn stars - a good marketing ploy to ask a higher price, I'm sure. But see my comments below about the comparison of the toy's labia to real women I have licked, sucked and fucked. Probably the best known brand is the Fleshlight range. My review is based on a cheap, generic variety, "Fresh Innocence - Jodie".

First we will look at the claims printed on the box.

• Tight smooth opening, simulates virgin's vagina to give you that fresh and tight sensation every time. Yes, but too tight/small - see comments.
  
• Easy grip. Yes.
  
• Noduled love tunnel has strategically placed nodules for arousal, intensity and pleasure. Yes, but dependent on lube.
• Smooth texture to give you the most realistic and orgasmic sensation. Yes.
  
• Hygienic and easy to clean. Yes.
• Length - 5", 5.5" and 6" available.
• Fabrication material - TPR (Thermo Plastic Rubber -  PVC- and BPA-free)

Initial Trial

The immediate impression is how small the labia and vulva opening are. The opening is about the size of a pencil (OK for 'pencil dicks' I suppose). With copious lube and the flexible stretching of the material, penetration was finally achieved after much manipulation (and my member is only average in length and girth). But if this was a girl IRL, I could be arrested for statutory rape.

It is obvious that these types of toys are NOT suitable for arousal or achieving an erection initially. A good hard erection is essential before attempting penetration.

I found that the amount of lube required to achieve penetration negated the feeling of the internal nodules. IRL, I would class this 1st trial as a 'star fish' experience.

'Surgery' and 2nd Trial

Now I'm not the sort of person to give up easily - I'm a 'Fix It' sort of man. So I got out my sharp pointed craft knife to perform 'surgery' on my toy's vagina opening. Note that TPR cannot be 'sliced', I had to insert the point and pull out to achieve a tear. See before and after photos.

For my 2nd trial, I decided to use saliva as my lube. The Tongue Engine found the experience not unpleasant. Penetration now came more naturally, but by now my erection was loosing hardness, so I never reached the inner sanctum in this trial.

3rd Trial

So I resorted to the good ole regulars of porn, self talk, imagination and hand masturbation. I continued until orgasm was nearing, and then returned to my 'pocket pussy'. Now the noduled love tunnel really lived up to the claim of arousal, intensity and pleasure, bringing me to a quite intense orgasm. Now for someone like me suffering ED that often doesn't climax at all, and if and when, then just a small squirt with little intensity, my PP orgasm was very nice.

General Comments

This particular toy has a bar-bell type shape, so the narrow middle allows a full wrap around hand grip. The outer end has another pencil size hole to prevent any vacuum effect and to facilitate cleaning. In use, whilst thrusting its not unlike hitting the cervix at the end of the vagina.

The material is sufficiently stretchy and strong to allow it to be stretched over a tap head to flush water through it for cleaning. A couple of fingers inserted also facilitate washing around the nodules inside. I found I could work a handkerchief through the device with my fingers to help drying the inside.

Conclusion

Remember that these comments relate to a specific make/model, though I suspect the issues I've raised should be considered whatever brand you buy. 

Further, I am reviewing from the perspective of senior citizen with post prostate cancer ED. But a shy teenager just starting to explore the possibilities of penetrative sex, would find such a toy useful 'training wheels'.

Would I recommend the use of a 'Pocket Pussy'? Considering all the issues described above, it would be a qualified 'yes'. For $30 for an 'entry level' device (excuse the pun), its worth a try, but 'surgery' may be required. But would I pay $100 for a top-of-the line toy or $3000 for doll, no way. When Covid restrictions have eased enough, then my $300/hr Ladies Of Pleasure leave these toys at the bottom of the toy box.

Lust Through the Years

Dear Diary,

I know its been quite some time since we communicated, but with this pandemic virus and isolation, the possibilities for intimate socializing have been zero. Sure, I wrote last year, "Vale Sir Lust", but the demise of my lust is slightly exaggerated. Whilst my "get up and go" has not entirely "got up and gone", with chemical assistance and a lot of effort, I can "get it up" occasionally, but the "go" is only a trickle. But worse, the lustful urges are just a slightly sad, warm memory.

At least, one of the benefits of aging, is time and history for introspection and reminiscence. One of those observations, is the way lust changes through the years. Briget Delaney asked for Erotic Journals about being "Lustful" - I cover the range of lust here, but I don't think there's too much erotica in it.

Pubescent Lust - Learning, Dreaming, Wishing, Waiting, Discovery

As a pre-teen boy, from those earliest stirring in the loins, you knew that you were at the start of something wonderful, of manhood. There was the discovery that rubbing and friction produced a wonderful feeling, and then the magic of an erection - was "Jack and the beanstalk" really a youngster's erotic tale? 

Then came the obligatory "sex education" talk - what a waste of an hour - just medical talk about sperm, follopian tubes, eggs and the uterus; all about reproduction and absolutely nothing useful about "sex". Real sex-ed occurred in the school yard, especially from boys who had older brothers, where we learnt about sticking your 'willy' into something called a 'cunt'. But it was the secrecy of something illicit that stirred the excitement. Then occasionally there were the crumpled "dirty pictures" that surreptitiously got passed around.

This was the beginning of "lust". The stories, pictures and imaginings warmed the loins and triggered erections - oooh, the pleasure. From rubbing against playground equipment and shimmying up poles to get an erection, we graduated to masturbation and the wonder of ejaculation. Sexual thoughts and dreams seemed to consume the whole day. Sexual dreams were so intense, you could wake up with a very hard erection and pajamas wet with ejaculate, or more embarrassing, wets sheets and the worry that mum might find them.

Lust on the Doorstep of Adulthood

In the late teens, we discovered "lads mags" and saw the naked female form in all its voluptuous beauty, for the first time. For most guys, this was the time of dates, of dances, of sexual exploration, fumbling gropes in the back row of the picture theatre. Some even progressed "all the way".

But for me, growing up in a straight-laced religious family, where dancing was almost evil, and rock music the call of the devil, head-lined by that hip-swivelling  personification of evil, Elvis Presley, that was leading the youth of the world down the path to eternal damnation. The growth of my sexual life was stunted to say the least, though lust persisted. But how could something so natural for all men (I had still to learn about women's lust), be considered the source of temptation to sin?

Eventually, I left home in my tertiary years and my first serious female relationship developed. We progressed through snogging, to gropes, but never "down there".

Lust in Marriage - For Better or Worse

I quickly discovered that my marriage was not going to be "lust-full" - there were all sorts of emotional, medical and sexual baggage. But we stuck it out and 90% of the time I had to DIY. Lust was different now - it was an aching longing for what should be but I didn't have. Despite ongoing serious medical issues, a child was eventually planned and conceived, thanks to the Billings method and coitus once a month whether she wanted to or not - the most frequent sex we had in our entire married life.

With 18 years of further medical issues with our child, on top of aggravated medical problems for my wife, sex took a very distant back seat, from zero to once a year, a "sympathy" fuck at best. 

Work took me away interstate at times for up to a week, so there were many lonely nights with daily porn and masturbation for my unsated lust.

Post Middle Age Liberated Lust

With the mortgage paid off, the family left home and medical condition much settled, I thought we might have a second chance to develop a sex life. But it wasn't to be. She finally got up the courage to tell me that she didn't enjoy sex and never had and would rather not have any ever again.

Well that was a kick in the guts. I was a faithful husband, had a beautiful family, a good career, but my identity as a "man" was in doubt. My painful lust descended into depression. It was a woman at work, divorced and in a new relationship, that opened my eyes to understand that I had to take responsibility for my own happiness, in spite of circumstances. And so I decided to take the plunge into paying for sexual satisfaction.

Well that was probably the best thing I could have done. Depression lifted, I was coping at home as a carer better. There was so much I was learning about women's sexuality, pleasuring each other, and the whole package of close intimate 'relationships' (I guess I was very lucky in my selection of my ladies-of-pleasure way above the average sex-worker).

Lust was quite different now. After each encounter, the euphoria lasted over a week. Around the 3 week mark (I was in my late 50s after all), the wonderful lustful urge became almost all consuming, so I just slipped out for another "long lunch" or left work a little early for a stop-off on my way home, to catch up with one of my wonderful ladies. Lust was moving on from just wanting/needing to "get my rocks off", to desire for the the full intimate encounter.

Sexygenarian Lust as One Ages

One day I was seeing a new lady, that wasn't quite up to my usual level of excitement, when lo and behold, I lost my erection mid-coitus. Aging erectile dysfunction had arrived. My doctor prescribed Viagra and everything was wonderful again. Erections were harder and lasted longer. But as a few more years passed, despite a good hard erection, I found it harder to orgasm at all.

The lustful urges were becoming less frequent, and focused on the totality, and I was settling down to a handful of very special regular ladies rather than going on the prowl for a conquests.

Prostate Cancer, Radiotherapy, Declining Lust and the Future

I've covered this topic extensively in recent posts, which brings me back to my introduction at the top of the page. I'm at the point now where I'm wondering if, when I become widowed, whether there will be a last, if somewhat short chance at some intimate sexuality. There are at least two couples in our retirement village that have hooked up or married since coming here. I read about octogenarians fathering children, and one or two of my LOPs have told me of 80+ year old clients coming in for some relief comfort on the way home from visiting their dying wife in hospital. So you never know.

So dear diary, there is one constant throughout life, and that is sexual lust. I have posted some years ago, "I Lust, Therefore I am", our "ID" as defined by Sigmund Freud. We are human sexual beings after all. The most important thing in life, is how we harness our lust to fit in with all the other aspects of life.

"Lustful"

Coitus Interruptus - ED in Isolation

My post prostate cancer radiotherapy ED saga continues.

When I last posted on the subject, my self-treatment had finally got me to a usable erection that I took for a test drive. Whilst coitus was successful, feelings were minimal and orgasm not coming. With that encouraging encounter, I had planned on a second test drive, but Corona Virus intervened.

With sex workers my only option, this virus lockdown has put the kibosh to that idea for the foreseeable future - it could be another 6 months yet. But even then, I imagine some bureaucrat will insist on face masks and 'social distancing'. Its 55 years since I could shoot 1.5 metres!

Meanwhile, back at isolation central, I've stopped the daily Viagra and libido has just about gone back to zero. I have tried on occasions a maximum dose and the vacuum pump for some self-pleasure, just. Hardly worth the effort.

So as far as 'healing' the ED, I would have to say that my treatment regime has not worked. But the daily Viagra plus a super-maximum dose as needed did get me to a workable condition

So the title says it all - Covid-19 isolation 1, Libido 0.

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D.E. - Dysfunctional Erections (#AtoZChallenge)

Erectile Dysfunction (ED) is one of those conditions that will effect all men as they age, but sexual performance is so deeply ingrained in the male psyche, that ED is often hidden, denied or just not spoken about.

LADIES: Please don't shut off here thinking this is a male topic. This affects couples, and men suffering this need the support, love and encouragement of their partners to work through it. You will probably have to learn together to modify your intimate relationships to allow for these changes.

I see I have covered this subject 10 times over the last 10 years, so I'll try not to cover too much old ground. Follow links for further reading.

I was in my late 50's when it first hit me, losing my erection mid-coitus. A quick visit to my doctor, and a Viagra prescription got me up and going again, but there are side effects. Over time, I started to realise there are multiple facets to this condition. First there is the lack of or loss of erection itself, then there is the decreased sensation/feeling, this in turn leads to inability to orgasm or ejaculate. 

But in this last year, post prostate cancer radiotherapy treatment, I hit rock bottom. Everything was gone, and I wrote "Paradise Lost, Vale Sir Lust".

In researching my ED, I discovered that erection comes in two stages, the initial achievement of erection and secondly maintaining an erection. These stages are driven by different bio-chemical processes, which is why in early cases, erection can be attained but not maintained. Further I found that orgasm and ejaculation are not necessarily correlated. Did you know there is a medical journal, the "International Journal of Impotence Research", dedicated to understanding the underlying processes, the pathologies that leads to dysfunction and the search for medications and methods to counteract such dysfunction?

As I started to read learned research articles (not easy since my doctorate is in computer science and data analysis, not biochemical processes, but my university organic chemistry studies 50 years ago have helped), I started to get a new perspective of the problem and some promising hints into how I might regain some function.

Let me try and describe the erection process in lay terms, stripped of too much biochemical detail. Medical thinking about the causes/processes of ED flipped back and forth over 20 years or more. The thinking was that there were psychological and physiological causes separately. In younger men, psychological causes were considered principle and treatment was around relationships. In older men, physiological causes were prominent, namely ageing of blood vessels causing thickening and decreased flexibility of blood vessels. 

From around 2005, understanding of the biochemical processes improved and the inter-relationship of psychological and physiological aspects were better understood. Working backward, the actual erection is caused by inflow of blood into the two 'corpus cavernosum'. This process is triggered by Nitric Oxide (NO), a signalling chemical sent from the nerve endings enwrapping the cavernosum. (NO is synthesized from L-arginine by NO synthase (NOS)). The NO causes the blood vessel walls to relax encouraging blood inflow.  PDe5 inhibitor drugs like Sildenafil (Viagra) work by increasing bio-availability of NO. It is the signalling from the brain, initiated by a range of all sorts of erotic stimuli, touch, sight, smell, sound, that trigger this process. Conversely, inhibitory brain processes like depression, can disable this triggering process.

The cavernosum run down either side of the penis. The corpus spongiosum runs down the under-side of the penis and is responsible for holding the urethra open and restricting the outflow veins so blood is retained, holding the erection. A different Nitric Oxide process (eNO) is involved in retaining an erection. This is also a signalling chemical from nerve endings, but these are triggered by physiological conditions of the erection, specifically 'hematologial shear', which is a function of the actual blood flow affected by the flexibility and smoothness of the blood vessel walls and the viscosity of the blood. So a good psychologically aroused state can initiate a good erection, but aging or damaged blood vessels can limit retention.

Nerves are involved in both stages and sensory nerves provide feeling/touch sensations back to the brain, so nerve damage (surgical or radiotherapy) or peripheral neuropathy (eg. from diabetes), can also affect various aspects of ED.

Finally, there is the issue of treatment. It is best to take a holistic view, psychologically as well as physiologically. Physiological conditions can be permanent or temporary (eg.alcohol) and the best you can hope for is to moderate underlying conditions eg. diabetes, arteriosclerosis, hypertension etc. As has been mentioned, PDe5 inhibitors have proved generally beneficial in the absence of any other underlying pathology. To improve 'hematologial shear', keep well hydrated. Low testosterone has been linked to lower libido (psychological), but there is no evidence that testosterone supplements improve ED. Similarly, L-arginine supplements are promoted in men's 'health supplements', but a placebo-controlled, crossover comparison found no difference in ED improvement between oral L-arginine and placebo.

In the specific case of ED due to radiotherapy, some general healing of damaged tissue, both cavernosum and nerves, has been achieved with daily low doses of PDe5 inhibitors. Extra high doses of PDe5 inhibitors can also improve erection response and retention, if side effects can be tolerated. EG. Viagra is normally only recommended up to 100mg, but controlled experiments with 150mg and 200mg doses have had some success. The author seems to be having success with 150mg and plans to go for another 'test drive' once his Lady Of Pleasure is out of COVID19 self isolation. The other factor in ED 'recovery' noted in some studies, is frequency of use, even if it is DIY ('Use It Or Lose It' will be addressed in a coming post). 

 
Click to see who else is taking the challenge. 

ED Recovery? The Test Drive

 #F4TFriday

The time has come.

I've been trying a non-invasive method to treat my Erectile Dysfunction (2 year post prostate cancer radiotherapy treatment) for 3 months. As I wrote a couple of weeks ago, there has been a modicum of success with Viagra and cock-ring producing erections that just might be sufficient for coitus. So its time to try it out.

My lustless wife has had no desire for any form of intimacy for decades, so this is not for her. As for me, the days of aching urgent needs, dwindled over the years from daily, to weekly to monthly and the intensity subsided. But now there is no feeling of 'need' any more, just memories of 'that would be nice to have again'. As I face the possibility of widowhood in the next few years, it would be nice to know that I might have something to offer any future partner. Regrets? Sure, I've had a few!

But for now, all I have are some LOP 'buddies', that are understanding, willing and warm and intimate. My carer duties have become almost full time, so the best I can manage is to extend a shopping trip by an hour.

I finally manage to arrange a time. Miss C welcomes me warmly, despite it being 12 months since our last encounter. She reassures me that my situation is not uncommon. Being a middle aged SW, she has quite a number of older clients with post-prostate treatment conditions, including implanted pumps, rods, cock-rings and caverject injections.

As we snuggle up for a kiss and cuddle, a relaxing warmth enfolds me. How nice is that primal need for the intimate touch of another human body. C wriggles in closer, worming her cleft over my modest erection. She assures me that it is stiff enough and its hotness is as good as ever. I don't feel anything especially arousing, just part of the overall warmth of intimacy. I do however feel C's wetness and her own increasing need as she works her clit over me.

Its time I satisfied her needs. I slide down her body and let the old tongue-engine loose on her lady bits. Well at least my tongue is still in excellent working order and all the old sensations are still good.

After she had come down from her orgasm, she asks if I am ready to enter her. She tells me she needs to feel filled. I warn her that condoms decrease sensitivity even more and I'm not sure I can even penetrate. She suggests we try a super-thin non-latex condom and give it a go.

As I slide in, there is relief that my erection has passed the test. Even though there is no feeling of arousal, it is warm and nice to feel the ultimate of human intimacy. But orgasm for me just isn't on the radar.

Sadly our time all too soon comes to an end. As we chat, shower and dress, I tell C that I came expecting that this might be my last time. But I thank her that she has reassured me that there is some sort of future for limited intimacy.

Thank God for these wonderful Ladies Of Pleasure that give men like me, some warmth and intimacy in the autumn of our life.

PS. My visit to Miss C used my last Viagra script, and its still a month or so to the Dr's appointment. So its been a couple of weeks with no daily Viagra. Sadly, even with cock-ring, there is no hint of erection and zero sensation. So whilst my 'treatment' has enabled an erection sufficient for coitus as needed, there appears to have been no  'healing' for long-term improvement. However, I shall continue my 'treatment' for another 6 months and see.

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ED Recovery

#MasturbationMonday 

(plus Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday
- Sunday is my day of rest)

 

Well its 3 months since I started my ED Rehab. and I thought it was time to report in.

Just reiterating the background, following radiotherapy for prostate cancer, my libido dropped to zero, erections, sensation, orgasms and ejaculation also zero, in spite of using Viagra. Before pursuing the Urologist's options of implants, I did some research and decide to try DIY non-invasive rehab.

The plan involves daily half dose (50mg) of Viagra, cock ring (to impede blood outflow from any erection), pornographic stimulation, masturbation once or twice a day, aiming for ejaculation as often as possible. All of this is backed up with 'male enhancement' supplements. The aim is with increased blood flow and nutrients to stimulate healing of the prostate, penile, vascular and nerve tissues.

Well after 3 months, I can report a modicum of success. Prostate tissue is functioning again at about half previous volume of ejaculate. Erections are improving, though not 'hard' yet. With 100mg Viagra, erections are just full enough that penetration might be possible. But the main issue is still the lack of sensitivity, especially with a condom. But masturbation to ejaculation causes loss of any erection (duh)!

On rereading one of the ED Rehab. reference articles, I noticed a mention of vacuum devices. Now I've been having sex for 50 years, but have never tried a penis pump before. Time to try this option too. At a cost about the same as a month's supply of Viagra, it seemed like an economic option. I wasn't sure how it would work with a little limp member to start with. But wow, as I start to pump, my cock is sucked in, centimeter by centimeter, as good as some of my buddies. As I continue to pump, my cock expands and stretches almost the full length of the tube. OMG, its as hard and aching like the first time I tried Viagra 10 years ago. 

At maximum suction my cock is stinging - now I understand the warning on the package that persons with certain conditions should not use the pump at danger of injury to the penis. When I release the vacuum and pull my cock out, it drops limp - well it might give an erection in a 'bottle' but doesn't provide a continuing usable erection for ED sufferers. I try again with a cock ring, but even that doesn't help retain an erection. Oh well. At least it gives some nice sensations. If I leave it on for 10 minutes at medium suction, it should at least provide some needed increase in blood flow for the healing process.

It is nice though to wake in the morning with some sense of warmth and fullness, but not 'morning wood' yet, but enough to encourage me to undertake another round of 'therapy'.

I think I've reached the point where it is time to take a test drive, to suck it and see, you might say. Its time to look up one of my understanding, accommodating Ladies Of Pleasure.

Stay tuned for the next report... 

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ED Rehab. - The Journey Commences

I posted recently ("Paradise Lost - Vale Sir Lust") about my impotency issues, 2 years post radiotherapy for prostate cancer. In hind-sight, it was a rather depressing post, written in resignation. But I'm not the sort of person to give up without a fight.

I knew that impotence was a possibility with radical prostatectomy, but had had no warning of the likely-hood of similar effects from radiotherapy. Further, I was a bit disappointed with my urologists' response to my current condition, of only suggesting a penile implant. I wasn't ready to give up on sex completely. I wanted to know more about what medical experts had to say about ED after prostate cancer treatment. So I turned to Dr Google - a number of on-line papers on the subject are listed in the foot-notes, and sections quoted here-in.

Statistics

In summary, between 50% and 85% of patients will suffer ED after treatment within 3-5 years. "The major predictors of recovery are:-

1. age at the time of radiation: the younger the man is, the better erectile function at the time of treatment and the better the long-term function is going to be;
2. erectile function at or before the time of radiation;
3. type of radiotherapy causing less nerve damage of the prostate and the less amount of surrounding tissues exposed to radiation, the better the outcome;
4. the health of erectile tissues."

"Normal erections generally depend upon 3 processes: 

1. increased arterial blood flow into the penis by neurological initiation, 
2. cavernosal smooth muscle relaxation,
3. restriction of venous blood outflow from the penis.

Impairment of any of these processes can lead to ED". (Viagra works via the first two of these processes).

"If your sexual function's not what it used to be a year or two after prostate surgery, hang in there. Men who are having trouble achieving erections after prostatectomy for prostate cancer can achieve improvement in function that's sufficient for sexual intercourse more than two years later, researchers say.

"The message to patients who have erectile dysfunction -- even those who have failed to have erections after surgery -- is that improvement does occur in a substantial number of men," says researcher Jeffrey Schiff, MD, a resident in urology at the State University of New York Downstate Medical Center in Brooklyn, New York.

Overall, one-third of men with marginal erectile function and one-fourth of men with serious erectile dysfunction 24 months after surgery continue to have improvement in erectile function on follow-up visits, he tells WebMD.

The findings were reported here at the 105th annual meeting of the American Urological Association (AUA)".

Radiation Injury

Radiation affects the erectile processes via damage/injury of the nerves and erectile tissues. The ability to recover depends on the type and degree of damage. A key factor in the healing process is increased blood flow.

Recovery Factors

Major recovery factors include:-

1. condition of ED prior to treatment;
2. age of patient - the younger, the better recovery chance;
3. non-smoker;
4. non-drinker;
5. no diabetes or obesity;
6. controlled blood pressure and cholesterol;

Well, 5 out of 6 gives me hope.

Finally, the age of one's partner is a major factor. +1 for me - all my "buddies" are 20-30 years my junior and all with high sex-drive.

Proactive recovery recommends daily low-dose use of Sildenafil ('Viagra', a PDE5-inhibitor), use of a "cock-ring" to limit venous blood out-flow and regular ejaculations. Improvement will take from 6-24 months.

On to Rehab.

So here I am, starting rehab. I will report and track my progress on this blog conversation, monthly in 6 months. Is recovery more psychological or is physical healing the principal improvement? Let's find out. Please follow and comment if you have a similar situation or concerns.

Footnotes :-

Radiation-induced erectile dysfunction: Recent advances and future directions

ED Can Improve Years After Prostate Surgery

Treating erectile dysfunction after radical radiotherapy and androgen deprivation therapy for prostate cancer