F - Fingers (#AtoZChallenge)

The sense of touch and especially of the fingers, is core to our primal need for intimacy.

At birth, counting the fingers and toes is a traditional 'test' of normality. The earliest grip of a baby's fingers around a parent's finger establishes that two-way bond. (As the father of a baby born with digital defects, I understand parent's anxiety. A couple of years later, I was counseling a couple with a new baby born with similar issues. The grandparents were effectively accusing their daughter-in-law of having had an affair, because "their son couldn't possibly father a less-than-perfect baby". So sad.)

As a pre-toddler starts to develop its sense of independent identity and discovery of the world outside itself, its reaches for its parent's hands to help it stand and provides the sense of security it needs.

As a toddler running around, running into the outstretched arms of a parent, the security is extending to be a point of stability in exploring this strange new world. But it also where the joy of exploration is shared.

As we go out into the outside world, the held hand is now a source of guidance, teaching, restraint and protection.

In kindergarten and pre-school, we learn that our fingers and hands are tools. Starting with feeding ourselves, use of implements, then extending into play, from painting, drawing to digging. We also start to see initial humbling attempts at doing up shoe laces and use of buttons and dressing themselves.

This is also the age when a child starts to develop a sense of others in a wider social world. It starts to learn the use of hands is social interactions, of hugs and handshakes.

Moving to pre-school and school age, fingers are the starting point for development of the sense of number and counting. After speech, writing and drawing are key forms of communication.

As motor skills improve, we are delighted to see skilled fingering of musical instruments, from the early recorder, to piano and violin.

By age 11 or 12, their independence goes into overdrive. We feel hurt when our pre-teen no longer wants to hold our hand. Hand-holding switches from parents to school friends, and discovery of the wonderful differences between the sexes starts to blossom.

As initial fumbling exploration of inter-sexual relationships start in mid-teens, fingers and hands are important implements in caressing, cuddling and hand-holding. As more serious relationships develop and pairing starts, fingers are again to the fore in those sexual explorations before going 'all the way'. From fumbling with bodices, unclipping bra straps and sliding zippers, to exploration of each others anatomy, fingers lead the way. As sexual desire intensifies, digital stimulation in mutual masturbation provides pleasure and release in a safe way.

Moving into adulthood, and decisions about relationship commitment are made, fingers are again to the fore wearing each others rings as symbols of commitment.

Sadly, after the honeymoon phase passes and couples' sexual relationship becomes routine, men especially seem to forget the magic of fingers and wonder why their wife is losing interest. In my next post, I will discuss the wonder of the 'G-spot', best stimulated by, yes you guessed it, fingers.

One of the most amazing use of fingers is in sign-language. With daily media appearances by each state's and national officials, the sign-language translators are always by their side, communicating the message to the hearing impaired.

Moving forward to silvery hair, we find one partner in a hospital bed. He/she asks, "Sit with me and hold my hand". It seems as if the circle has closed as fingers grip the finger of their partner. Eyes droop, breathing becomes shallow, the grip on the finger relaxes, a kiss on the forehead sends the loved-one on to eternity.

 

Click to see who else is taking the challenge.